Most Rape Accusations Are False, Idaho Sheriff Says

[apandaaries]

23 hours ago, Imrlgoddess said:

 

My personal deamon has always been this question:  at what point does not quite willing equate nonconsent?  

 

In California now, only affirmative consent equals consent (at least theoretically, and now ingrained in the legal system).  One thing they note is that "no means no" wasn't a message that worked, so they are now trying to ensure that people willingly agreed with a "yes means yes" policy.  It's new, but it's a hopeful change.  

Laci Green has a lovely video about consent called Consent 101.  I tried to post a link but wound up with the entire video.  I trust everyone who is curious has youtube access and search capabilities.

Marie's story is truly one of the most repugnant ones out there. That poor girl was violated repeatedly throughout her life, then when it seemed like she was getting an independent start, she was violated even more horrifically and betrayed by again by many loved ones AND the police system which was supposed to protect her.  Abysmal.  

23 hours ago, violynn said:

 There are so many people who go through something like that in their relationships.  But calling that rape becomes problematic for some because then you get into those who say yes immediately to "get it over with" but don't really want to comply...it's a really tough call.  It's so damn sad that those who want to have sex can't simply take no for an answer and be decent about it.  

 

I think the reason they can't take no and be decent is because rape is also about power; it's not just a mere desire for sex.  

I'm dreadfully sorry for all you endured, @violynn.  That's terrible.

[polecat]

To all of you who have experienced anything even remotely unwanted -- I'm so sorry. It wasn't your fault. 

There are so many gray areas when it comes to sexual contact. To me, a yes is a yes. And that's the easiest way to spell out consent. If you're not getting an enthusiastic "yes," then set it aside for another day. It's not worth risking going into that gray area and risking hurting someone else -- even if it's not "technically" or legally rape. 

As for this sheriff -- he's a numbnuts. I'm sure he sees plenty of cases with unreliable victims who tell spacey stories or flake out on him, but that's pretty typical of sexual assault victims. It's too bad he associates that with lying rather than trauma.

 

[Jingerbread]

On 3/18/2016 at 11:38 AM, Imrlgoddess said:

Trigger Warning

 

<cut>That moment either in the middle of the act where you know in you mind you DO NOT want this to continue but you either stay silent and deal or you say it but don't fight if they don't stop.<cut>

 

My personal deamon has always been this question:  at what point does not quite willing equate nonconsent?  

 

First part, I don't know how consenting to start, then changing your mind but saying nothing, barring the situation taking a turn for the dangerous, counts as assault.  If it's safe to say to someone you want to stop, but you choose freely to finish instead, how is the partner who is in the dark doing anything wrong?

If you say no (barring consensual role play) and don't fight when a partner continues, that's assault.  You shouldn't have to fight.

Second part, not quite willing equals non-consent any time you either don't consent at all, or do consent, then change your mind, say to stop, and your partner doesn't.  If you're not quite willing, but freely make the choice, it's not non-consent.  For example, if my partner and I go a few weeks and he's eager for sex and I'm not, sometimes I'll say yes even though I'm not really wanting it.  He doesn't push for it or anything, but I'll do something I'm otherwise not willing to do because I know it's more to him than getting off, and so is something I will do for him.  That's not non-consent.  Not quite willing is non-consent when there's fear of saying no or stopping, when the other person has the power to get you to do what you don't want.

[Toothfairy]

What a piece of shit. 

[Bethella]

Here's a nice little video explaining consent from the Thames Valley Police.

[prayawaythefundie]

Awesome video! The headship sitting at the desk across from me listened while I was watching it and really loved it too.

[bashfulpixie]

@Bethella  I love that video!  Sums it up perfectly.