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No Hustle Russell (formerly Sarah Jane)


Boogalou

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 Russell strikes me as the kind of guy who brightens a room by leaving it. I am sorry for his loss. No matter how old you are, losing your parent hurts like hell.

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I had some time to think about Tammy and Russell Sr's relationship, and how they got back together later in life. I did take a look at Tammy's FB page and she seems to be genuine in her feelings about Russ Sr. It would not be impossible IF Russ Sr "adopted" her as his daughter, as time and growing up has passed, they both made amends of the past. It may not be his bio kid but I know there are some Dads out there with the ex-wives kids would later be their 2nd dads or "adoptive" dads when their bio dads were no where around or found. 

If that is the case, then Tammy and Russ Sr had a relationship from the time they reconcile. But for Russ Jr and Tammy, there were NO love between the two of them. 

AND a sight error on her whereabouts on the newspaper obit, Tammy lives in Galesburg, not Abingdon.

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I find the irony in the situation with Russ's father, the wife who cheated on him and bore a child from the union, a child who's natural father did not bother to establish paternity or parent, to be intriguing.  

I hope one day, that Russ's own daughter, you know...the one born to a married woman he was having an affair with and has not bothered to establish paternity or parent, does not receive the same disdain, resentment and hatred that Russ displays toward Tammy.

I don't know Tammy, or what kind of person she is.  However, she's been forced in some way to pay for the choices of her mother.  Is that what Russ would have for Rose?  Must be.  Or he would look into his heart and see that God is watching his every move and shaking His head in shame.

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Don't/didn't most / many states define the husband as the legal father of any child born during a marriage, unless that is somehow disputed later  It is possible that even if she is not his bio child, she is his legal child.

 

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Not sure how many states still have presumed paternity, but yes, at one point most states did have presumption of paternity laws. Many states still do (mine does). I have had trouble finding when Illinois in particular adopted laws regarding presumption of paternity. Russell states that during the divorce hearing his father was proven to not be the father of Tammy. However, the obituary online was obviously edited to include her name and updated the number of grandchildren from 2 to 3. 

Judging from his facebook page it seems that the funeral went well and was drama free (or Russell at least had the sense to keep it off facebook). Having Lauren send her grandpa a letter by balloon was touching. 

Now that the funeral is over and (presumably) people will be less likely to be generous in their sympathy and condolences and attention on facebook, Russell will face the stark reality of what comes after loosing a loved one. The intial shock will wear off and the flurry and busyness of planning a memorial service will be over. The emptiness of loss won't so easily go away. I really feel bad for him. Or I would, if he hadn't proven himself to be such a jerk. Still, it can't be easy for him at all right now. 

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Interesting, Tammy is now telling a completely different story than Russell, thanking both of her fathers.   The one who made her...DeJaynes, and the one who raised her, someone else altogether.  So you gotta wonder, who is telling the real story?

And I looked up the obit, yes, it claims that Tammy is Russ Sr.'s daughter, and that Russ Sr. had three grandchildren.  There is a good reason that the obituary was able to be changed in Tammy's favor.  A two bit hustler will have a hard time just showing up out of the blue and changing the game at a funeral planned by someone else.  She must have been able to prove paternity by way of a certificate or other paperwork.

I bet if you asked enough people in the know at the time of Russ Sr.'s first marriage, you'd get a different story than what we hear from Russ Jr.  

While I admit there are plenty of women who played around when their husbands were overseas, and Russ's first wife may well have been one, it's also possible that Russ Sr. decided he didn't want to be married anymore when he returned home, nor wanted the responsibility of a child and walked.  There were plenty of guys who did that.

It seems that Russ may have been a tad closer to his dad than his mom, who he seems to show disdain for.  "It has been brought to my attention that today is supposedly my mother's birthday."  Or some similarly worded dismissive comment.  Be interesting to hear more about that relationship, and how it might pertain to his seeming resentment of women in general.

  

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17 minutes ago, ellacinders said:

Interesting, Tammy is now telling a completely different story than Russell, thanking both of her fathers.   The one who made her...DeJaynes, and the one who raised her, someone else altogether.  So you gotta wonder, who is telling the real story?

And I looked up the obit, yes, it claims that Tammy is Russ Sr.'s daughter, and that Russ Sr. had three grandchildren.  There is a good reason that the obituary was able to be changed in Tammy's favor.  A two bit hustler will have a hard time just showing up out of the blue and changing the game at a funeral planned by someone else.  She must have been able to prove paternity by way of a certificate or other paperwork.

I bet if you asked enough people in the know at the time of Russ Sr.'s first marriage, you'd get a different story than what we hear from Russ Jr.  

While I admit there are plenty of women who played around when their husbands were overseas, and Russ's first wife may well have been one, it's also possible that Russ Sr. decided he didn't want to be married anymore when he returned home, nor wanted the responsibility of a child and walked.  There were plenty of guys who did that.

It seems that Russ may have been a tad closer to his dad than his mom, who he seems to show disdain for.  "It has been brought to my attention that today is supposedly my mother's birthday."  Or some similarly worded dismissive comment.  Be interesting to hear more about that relationship, and how it might pertain to his seeming resentment of women in general.

  

I don't know who is telling the truth. But I must say, it could be possible Russell's dad didn't want anything to do with his first wife in the beginning. In one of his comments on FB, Russ says that his dad married Wanda Strickland (mom of Tammy) due to a bet with his cousin or something. So maybe they weren't serious at all and he wasn't ready to be a dad.

Who knows. Who marries someone because of a bet? :shock: 

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Who knows. Who marries someone because of a bet? :shock: 

Apparently poorly thought out choices regarding romantic relationships is genetic?

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As one of our FB friend mentioned "the dueling penises" saga continues can't be further from the truth!

8 hours ago, bea said:

 

Apparently poorly thought out choices regarding romantic relationships is genetic?

 

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Well, more discussion about Tammy and her relationship to Russell's dad on his facebook page. His aunt and brother have joined in, sympathizing with him and his aunt provides more details. It's hard to know what is true. Tammy certainly can't think there is anything financial to be gained by continuing a claim she is his daughter, if she really isn't?

Russell has sure been cleaning up his page lately. He will post something, then delete it a short while later. 

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15 hours ago, MakeitSew said:

I have had trouble finding when Illinois in particular adopted laws regarding presumption of paternity.

Someone very dear to me has been struggling with the Illinois Parentage Act for years.  Versions available right now are brand new; the law was amended significantly last year, and the new statute took effect on 1/1/2016, so most of what you will see online is not what has been in effect for over 30 years..

The prior version of the Parentage Act was adopted in 1984.  THAT version states that the husband of a woman is presumed to be the father of a baby born during the marriage, or during the 300 days following the dissolution of the marriage.  The presumption was rebuttable.  However, the presumption becomes CONCLUSIVE (meaning, there is no way to refute or rebut it AT ALL, despite things like a paternity test and a voluntary acknowledgement of paternity) and actions to declare non-paternity are BARRED two years after the purported father knows or should have known he is not the biological father.  I'm having a heck of a time figuring out what the law was in Illinois before 1984.  The Uniform Parentage Act (written by lawyers from several jurisdictions, designed to be a model for states to encourage uniformity among state parentage laws) wasn't drafted until 1973 (and was probably the inspiration behind Illinois's 1984 Act), so it's harder to figure out exactly what the Illinois law was before 1984.  I've found articles that reference cases from the 1960s that cite a presumption of a husband's paternity when married, and indicate that it was pretty tough to rebut that presumption.  http://via.library.depaul.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2547&context=law-review

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3 hours ago, MakeitSew said:

Well, more discussion about Tammy and her relationship to Russell's dad on his facebook page. His aunt and brother have joined in, sympathizing with him and his aunt provides more details. It's hard to know what is true. Tammy certainly can't think there is anything financial to be gained by continuing a claim she is his daughter, if she really isn't?

Russell has sure been cleaning up his page lately. He will post something, then delete it a short while later. 

I saw that and I was not sure where Tammy fits in all this mess. I am sure Russ SR don't have a darn red cent after his death and Russ Jr is the only one that is holding the expenses of his dad's funeral expenses. 

Honestly I don't think Tammy can get anything now but was there a lawyer's conference for the survivors who gets what or what needing to be done? I doubt that. All Russ said, were the funeral bills. No inheritage, no estate, just nada. 

As for the paternity issues, I am sure SJ and David were still married at the time of the pregnancy. Therefore, Russ has not come forward in "claiming" paternity to R, then David can claim R as his daughter and his income taxes. 

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I can't recall when SJ moved, but generally the law of her new state will apply to any paternity matters once she has lived there for six months.  Russell could have dragged her back into court in Illinois if he'd acted fast enough.  Or acted AT ALL.  Hopefully the laws in that state are favorable to the healthiest possible outcome for the baby.

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Rose was born about seven months after David and Sarah's divorce was finalized. It seems Russell was not very concerned about making sure he would be involved in the life of the baby. By this time, he will have to go to whatever state the baby lives in to take any legal actions. And, unless his lawyer for his custody case with Lauren is also on the bar in Rose's state, he will have to hire a different attorney. 

Whatever current paternity laws are, I am now really curious about the pre-1973 laws. Tammy would have been born in the late 60's. What kind of protection was there for bio fathers who were not married to the mom? What kind of recourse did a man have if his wife had a child not biologically his? Very interesting little rabbit hole to go down. 

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It really varied from state to state.  Some states made it very easy for men to "disprove" paternity, while other states made it very difficult.  Part of the impetus for the Uniform Act in the 70s was to "preserve the predictability of the nuclear family" in the face of states where it was easy for a husband to later prove he was not the father.

My dear one who has been dealing with this shows how terrible the unintended consequences are.  He IS the biological father.  He WANTS paternity, he WANTS to pay child support, and he WANTS to see his child.  The child's mother concealed her from him, and then played nice for a couple of years.  By the time things got ugly, the two years had passed in Illinois, and he now has absolutely no legal right to his daughter at all.  All because of statutes that were designed to keep husbands from disavowing children later, when the biological father was also refusing to pay support or be involved.  This whole area of the law is very, very sad.  I'm betting there are numerous law review articles on it in Lexis Nexis or Westlaw.

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1 hour ago, MakeitSew said:

Rose was born about seven months after David and Sarah's divorce was finalized. It seems Russell was not very concerned about making sure he would be involved in the life of the baby. By this time, he will have to go to whatever state the baby lives in to take any legal actions. And, unless his lawyer for his custody case with Lauren is also on the bar in Rose's state, he will have to hire a different attorney. 

Whatever current paternity laws are, I am now really curious about the pre-1973 laws. Tammy would have been born in the late 60's. What kind of protection was there for bio fathers who were not married to the mom? What kind of recourse did a man have if his wife had a child not biologically his? Very interesting little rabbit hole to go down. 

My mother's mother was institutionalized for this, and stripped of custody which was given to my mother's mother's mother for a few years.  Her biological father fought tooth and nail for even visitation.  But the court recognized no father.  The baby was conceived by an affair, and biology didn't overrule marriage, nor did marriage overrule biology.  The baby just plain got no father, and in a sadder twist, my mother's biological father was barred from even sending money.  My mother told me about how when she was about seven or eight, he sent some money with a note to get her a winter coat one badly cold year, but her mom spent the money on other stuff and her biological dad got in trouble.  My mother grew up without any man claiming her as his daughter.  Her older sister's dad (dad and mom divorced) had a dad  Her eight younger siblings' dads both claimed them.  Her biological father wanted to claim her so bad, but adultery blocked him legally.

She was born in California in 1960.

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That is absolutely horrible @Jingerbread. How devastating for the child, to know her father wanted her and could do nothing for her, and to grow up without a dad. I am so sorry your mom experienced this. Did she connect with him later in life? I can't imagine going through that. How sad and awful. :(

and @NeverAFundie I really hope your friend is able to claim his daughter in some way. I haven't read all the new legislation about paternity in Illinois this year but hopefully it will help him establish some kind of legal relationship with her. It seems laws have come a very long way in helping unwed fathers have claims upon their children. 

I can kind of see the point about presumed paternity. It protected children born of adultery since the child was automatically granted a legal father who was financially responsible for the support of the child.

I have to wonder about Tammy and the feelings she may be dealing with. Whether she is or is not Russell Sr's bio daughter, there obviously was some kind of relationship. It cannot have been easy for her, either. 

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Family dynamics have just changed so much over the last 20-30 years.  What made sense with respect to presumed paternity in the 80s just doesn't always make sense now.  It may still be advisable to presume the husband is the father, but it's clearly way past time to create a way for biological fathers to establish paternity and rebut that presumption.

I agree that this must all be very difficult for Tammy, as well as Russell and his brother.  It's very easy in times of grief to lash out in other ways.  It's just shame that it has to happen on a PUBLIC Facebook page.

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Again, this is Russell redirecting attention away from his own sins.  Just another way of getting attention for himself while trying to make someone else look worse than he is.  Gotta keep the drama coming.  Feel sorry for poor, put upon Russ.  Never once does this guy take the high road.

His comment on "seeing the irony" in his current situation, is ironic indeed in that he is completely blind to it.

Take that stake out of your eye, Russ.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and maybe will one day when Rose is big enough and decides to reconnect with her "fathers" family she won't be shunned, and treated like crap.

If this Tammy is truly a player, then just ignore her.  NO better way to speak volumes to someone than to say nothing.  

God forbid this guy even try to demonstrate an ounce of class or grace.  Or forgiveness and self-reflection.   I feel bad that his dad died at such a young age.  But come on, grow up Russ.  I don't feel sorry for jerks.

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Oh, heavens.  Now Russ is the 'real American Hero.'  AND he's back on the beat.  

Beat it Russ.  Just...beat it.

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Well hate to loan sympathy but IF there is a woman claiming paternity, then it's not just money that is the issue. Everything from burial and cremation to the estate division (stuff must be addressed even when there is no monetary value to it) would fall to the legal next of kin which would be the adult, legal children. A woman who was not his child but got paternity granted could cause a lot of headaches simply by being a PITA to try to address estate issues.

That said, death is messy and people handle it differently. Someone you accepted and loved as a sister might be your enemy when you realize that acceptance granted her full legal rights to shared decision making.

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If there's truly nothing but bills and expenses in terms of his father's "estate," maybe he ought to embrace his 'sister' and let her share the responsibility for the burial costs.

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