Jana Duggar: Courting or hype?

[foreign fundie]

Thinking about it, by putting his kids on TV for ever, JB has probably severly limited his children's (not just the girls) chances of marrying a mature, stable person who loves them for the right reasons. Almost all mature, stable, thoughtful and sincere people I can imagine would never agree to a reality show courtship. If their insane courtship rules do not put them off, or the intrusive in-laws, surely the cameras will.

I am just thinking of my fantastic husband, who likes his privacy and would not touch a camera with a ten foot pole. Were I a Duggar girl I could never have married him. 

And it isn't like there were a lot of decent potential fundie spouses in their limited circle to start with. No wonder Jana is single.

[ksgranola1]

16 hours ago, Manda said:

If it's what Jana wants, then I hope so.  I'd love to see her out of the house.  I don't trust Jim Bob's approval capabilities though.  I'd rather she talked to Kelly Bates about a potential candidate's suitability. 

Does Gill Bates pick out the girls' suitors? I don't remember seeing him do that, or hearing the girls say,  "Talk to my father." I cannot for the life of me see how JB approved Ben to court Jessa. He was so very much the HS freshman.

[CoveredInBees]

I'd like to see her living independently, working outside the family home. What's the point of not marrying (based on their view of marriage = babies) if all that means is she's stuck at home raising her siblings?

It annoys me that we find ourselves, on here, hoping she is courting as if it's her only escape, when there ARE other options for her. Courting is by far the easiest way as the parents won't object, but it is not the only option.  

 

[ksgranola1]

It is for Jana, tho. If she left to live "independently," she would have scorn & disapproval from her parents, whom she has been raised to believe are second only unto God. She's trapped. And I can't believe that in 25 years, in the quietest moment of her life, she didn't have that thought, too.

[Cleopatra7]

Of all the J'kids, Jana has always seemed the most defeated. The way the molestations were mishandled probably affected her deeply, in addition to having to raise her parents' kids at a young age. She probably feels like she has to stay home until Josie courts, and her views on men and relationships have to be skewed because of the molestations in particular and Gothardite teachings in general. Even if she did get married, the cycle of too many babies would start all over again, and if she stays single, she has to look after her nieces and nephews. I don't think Jana would complain because she's so dutiful, but there really is no way out for her, and I can't see her breaking away or challenging her parents' beliefs.

[bashfulpixie]

@Jingerbread Not gonna lie- I'm super curious as to who your friend is dating!!  LOL.  As for the rest of it, I agree with you- most people wouldn't be willing to completely give up their privacy and have their lives run by a TV network.  Especially in their case, where you don't really get to know someone until after you're married.

[CoveredInBees]

Just because she's accepted it though, doesn't mean it isn't the only option.  Sure, it's the only option if she wants to stay close to her family (apart from spinsterhood). The parents have trained the girls to be trapped, lack of real education, not integrating into the wider society all leads them to assume that they will be in that house until they marry and start having their own children, and then they'll be trapped in that life unless their 'Headship' decides otherwise.

But she could leave, she could use the married siblings/JD/Amy as a stepping stone to the outside world, and lets face it TLC would probably bend over backwards to have "Jana/Jinger out in the big world" series (think Kardashians but with maxi skirts). She HAS options, she doesn't necessarily know it, but she absolutely does. I do think, however, that she's staying put because she's too responsible to cut and run on the younger siblings.

Sucks though, I wonder if they ever covered feminism at the SOTDRT (hollow laughter).

[Defrauding Feminist ESQ]

Just now, CoveredInBees said:

Just because she's accepted it though, doesn't mean it isn't the only option.  Sure, it's the only option if she wants to stay close to her family (apart from spinsterhood). The parents have trained the girls to be trapped, lack of real education, not integrating into the wider society all leads them to assume that they will be in that house until they marry and start having their own children, and then they'll be trapped in that life unless their 'Headship' decides otherwise.

But she could leave, she could use the married siblings/JD/Amy as a stepping stone to the outside world, and lets face it TLC would probably bend over backwards to have "Jana/Jinger out in the big world" series (think Kardashians but with maxi skirts). She HAS options, she doesn't necessarily know it, but she absolutely does. I do think, however, that she's staying put because she's too responsible to cut and run on the younger siblings.

Sucks though, I wonder if they ever covered feminism at the SOTDRT (hollow laughter).

But Jana may truly feel that it's the only option, and I think that feeling is totally valid.  She has seen how Michelle's sister has been shunned for being a lesbian.  She likely loves her family, and may not be able to imagine being shunned for leaving the Gothard lifestyle.  Obviously we all have choices, but she may not truly view leaving as a "choice"

[HarleyQuinn]

I think it's hype. I don't believe JB will let Jana marry anyone until the lost girls are close to teenagers, because then they won't need as much help around the house. 

[Cleopatra7]

I think Jana and JD are the workhorses of the TTH and have been for quite some time. As I mentioned upthread, I think Jana feels like it is her responsibility to stay at home and help/protect her siblings, an idea that is already present in Gothardism, but must have intensified because of the molestations and how that was mishandled. JD mentioned in one of the "Counting On" specials about how he felt he had to compensate for Josh's misdeeds, which is a feeling that probably didn't just appear with the Ashley Madison scandal. Being a guy, JD has more relative freedom than Jana, but like her, I don't see him leaving, because he seems like the type who would want to be loyal to his parents and family (he also doesn't strike me as a particularly deep thinker, but I'm sure any curiosity was blanket trained out of him 20+ years ago).

[AnnaRuk09]

13 minutes ago, CoveredInBees said:

Just because she's accepted it though, doesn't mean it isn't the only option.  Sure, it's the only option if she wants to stay close to her family (apart from spinsterhood). The parents have trained the girls to be trapped, lack of real education, not integrating into the wider society all leads them to assume that they will be in that house until they marry and start having their own children, and then they'll be trapped in that life unless their 'Headship' decides otherwise.

But she could leave, she could use the married siblings/JD/Amy as a stepping stone to the outside world, and lets face it TLC would probably bend over backwards to have "Jana/Jinger out in the big world" series (think Kardashians but with maxi skirts). She HAS options, she doesn't necessarily know it, but she absolutely does. I do think, however, that she's staying put because she's too responsible to cut and run on the younger siblings.

Sucks though, I wonder if they ever covered feminism at the SOTDRT (hollow laughter).

Out of all the older Duggar girls, I honestly think Jana is probably one who will follow (willingly and gladly) her parents footsteps. I remember in a happy birthday video to Michelle, Jana expressed how she hopes to be like her some day. She has also expressed similar sentiments in the past. The ones I do see breaking somewhat away are Jinger and Joy. And I can't imagine them as being stay at home moms. 

[Artemesia]

I feel very bad for Jana. I know what it's like to be a private person and to have a big mouthed sister who broadcasts her business and everyone else's business to the world. Which is why I limit how much of my business that I share with my oversharing sister. Now here is private Jana having to share her personal business on television. If it were me I would feel like my skin was being peeled off.

[DuggarWatch]

1 hour ago, Cleopatra7 said:

I think Jana and JD are the workhorses of the TTH and have been for quite some time. As I mentioned upthread, I think Jana feels like it is her responsibility to stay at home and help/protect her siblings, an idea that is already present in Gothardism, but must have intensified because of the molestations and how that was mishandled. JD mentioned in one of the "Counting On" specials about how he felt he had to compensate for Josh's misdeeds, which is a feeling that probably didn't just appear with the Ashley Madison scandal. Being a guy, JD has more relative freedom than Jana, but like her, I don't see him leaving, because he seems like the type who would want to be loyal to his parents and family (he also doesn't strike me as a particularly deep thinker, but I'm sure any curiosity was blanket trained out of him 20+ years ago).

John David has already left the compound.  He owns his own home in Rogers, lives there and runs his own business from there.  

[Cleopatra7]

20 minutes ago, DuggarWatch said:

John David has already left the compound.  He owns his own home in Rogers, lives there and runs his own business from there.  

Has it ever been confirmed that JD actually lives there full-time? I have a hard time believing JB and Michelle would let one of their sons live alone, not just because of the "umbrella of protection" nonsense, but especially in the wake of Joshley Madison, which I could see them interpret as a punishment for Josh being too far away from their influence, even if it was only down the road in the case of Grandma Mary's house. Maybe Counting On will shed some light on this, given how eager TLC is to show how "normal" the young adult Duggars are.

[JMO]

No Duggar has ever even hinted that he doesn't live at home.  He owns that house the same way some of the other good fundie single men have, to have for the day that they will pray upon it with their parents and decide that some sweet naive girl looks pretty and godly and needs to be their wife.  I wouldn't be surprised if he rented it out.  Have we ever seen pictures of it?  The episode years ago where they showed him working on the property didn't even show a house. 

[season of life]

In 2013, Michelle said this on TLC's site: "Our son John David has got a job and a home. He's leasing that home out as rental income and putting the money aside."

My guess is he doesn't actually live there on his own because that would mean JB relinquishing control. Josh didn't move out until he got married, same with Jill and Jessa. I bet he only moves into that home when he finds a suitable wife.

[Hera]

15 minutes ago, season of life said:

In 2013, Michelle said this on TLC's site: "Our son John David has got a job and a home. He's leasing that home out as rental income and putting the money aside."

My guess is he doesn't actually live there on his own because that would mean JB relinquishing control. Josh didn't move out until he got married, same with Jill and Jessa. I bet he only moves into that home when he finds a suitable wife.

I really hope that this isn't the case.  I get why you'd want Josh on a tight leash and as I appreciate it, he got married relatively young, but how ridiculous is it for a 26-year old grown man with a job who owns a home to not live in it because his daddy would get his feelings bent out of shape?  

[Furbabies]

Sorry if this has been discussed before, but who is the blonde dude with the goatee in Jessa's clip from this article?

http://www.fashionnstyle.com/articles/76968/20151204/19-kids-and-counting-jana-duggar-courting-whos-the-mystery-blonde-man-in-new-family-video.htm

[DuggarWatch]

36 minutes ago, season of life said:

In 2013, Michelle said this on TLC's site: "Our son John David has got a job and a home. He's leasing that home out as rental income and putting the money aside."

My guess is he doesn't actually live there on his own because that would mean JB relinquishing control. Josh didn't move out until he got married, same with Jill and Jessa. I bet he only moves into that home when he finds a suitable wife.

That quote was from three years ago.  John David's house is 1/2 block down the street from the house Jill and Derick lived in.  One of the TV episodes showed John David clearing some of the trees on his property, etc.  The property also has storage units which he rents out for income.

[Kelsey]

I cannot imagine them letting him live alone. I mean he wasn't even allowed to have his own bedroom!

[karen77]

4 minutes ago, Kelsey said:

I cannot imagine them letting him live alone. I mean he wasn't even allowed to have his own bedroom!

The not having his own bedroom might have been more attributed to the "safeguards" put in place because of Josh. 

[2manyKidzzz]

I wonder if JD gets to keep that income for himself. 

[EmCatlyn]

1 hour ago, Hera said:

I really hope that this isn't the case.  I get why you'd want Josh on a tight leash and as I appreciate it, he got married relatively young, but how ridiculous is it for a 26-year old grown man with a job who owns a home to not live in it because his daddy would get his feelings bent out of shape?  

Different times, different families, different countries BUT:

My father (iin Cuba) lived with his parents until he got married in 1953.  He was 31.  He had a college education and a good job with a multinational accounting firm.  

Flash forward to 1981. My (female) cousin in Miami turns 30 and decides that she wants a home of her own. She puts a down payment on an apartment.  Her father is terribly offended and doesn't speak to her for almost a year.

I refused to come "home" (to Puerto Rico at that point) after earning my master's degree in 1978 and my parents were not pleased.  But I got a job (two jobs, actually) and made noises about research and libraries and so forth and they put a nice face on it.  They preferred to pretend to their friends that I was still a student and living in a dorm, though.  

This is not that odd among Latinos even today.  The son of another cousin --turned 30 last month-- still shares a house with his mom, though they mostly lead separate lives.

Even among Americans, I know a fair number of boomerang kids who spend at least a couple of years after college living with parents.  And there are a few who just like having someone else do their laundry.  

What is odd about JD is that we don't see him have a life without/outside his family.  Maybe he has such a life, but we don't see it on TV.

[Hera]

12 minutes ago, EmCatlyn said:

Different times, different families, different countries BUT:

My father (iin Cuba) lived with his parents until he got married in 1953.  He was 31.  He had a college education and a good job with a multinational accounting firm.  

Flash forward to 1981. My (female) cousin in Miami turns 30 and decides that she wants a home of her own. She puts a down payment on an apartment.  Her father is terribly offended and doesn't speak to her for almost a year.

I refused to come "home" (to Puerto Rico at that point) after earning my master's degree in 1978 and my parents were not pleased.  But I got a job (two jobs, actually) and made noises about research and libraries and so forth and they put a nice face on it.  They preferred to pretend to their friends that I was still a student and living in a dorm, though.  

This is not that odd among Latinos even today.  The son of another cousin --turned 30 last month-- still shares a house with his mom, though they mostly lead separate lives.

Even among Americans, I know a fair number of boomerang kids who spend at least a couple of years after college living with parents.  And there are a few who just like having someone else do their laundry.  

What is odd about JD is that we don't see him have a life without/outside his family.  Maybe he has such a life, but we don't see it on TV.

Do they own their own homes and just not live in them, though?  That's the part I find so bizarre.  

[Coconut Flan]

The Maxhells had a son who bought a house and then didn't move into when his engagement was called off.  It was used as sort of office space for awhile until he got engaged to someone else.  Gothardism doesn't allow anyone out from under the umbrella of protection. 

JD doing maintenance on property he owns is no sign of living there IMO.