Mortons are back from Paraguay...

[JMO]

I actually wonder if the reason the weddings have gotten more normal is because they aren't S'Morton weddings but a Morton with a previously unrelated family.  Capn Brett had an unnatural influence on the weddings if you asked me.  They needed to be odd to show any personality and spark.  His speech at Kressant's wedding about keeping her pure still echos in my nightmares. 

[LurkerOverThePond]

9 hours ago, SolomonFundy said:

Frankly, if you base judgement off of instagram alone, Martha doesn't really seem to be "all there". Her pictures are odd, badly out of focus much of the time, and seem like strange choices for public social media. Then there's the baby picture captions. The only two choices seem to be "sleepy girl" or "she's so fun", regardless of what that tragically named child is doing at any given time.

As time has gone one, I've come to realize just how different Addie is from the other girls in the family. Dorothy is still kind of an unknown quantity, but both Martha and Katie seem to function at a much simpler level. Addie's vivid and enthusiastic prose over the years has made her sisters seem a lot more vibrant than they possibly are.

Exactly my thoughts as well. Based on Martha's posts she is like a 12 year old girl playing housewife and getting so very excited over a swollen alligator carcass or a slice of pizza. I definitely don't mean to be snarky if she truly is "not all there". IF she is all there then her Daddy Dearest and his helpmeet have done a horrible disservice to their daughters making they stay at home and getting a nonexistent "education". Now that you mention it, Katie seems to be in the same boat with Martha, commenting everyone's posts with "yay!" or "so sweet". Honestly, I don't dare to think that one day in a not so distant future Martha will be homeskooling her brood! Poor lil' Zandry never had a chance, starting with her name...

Too bad we don't hear about Dorothy too much these days. She seemed a bit more private person, like her Farmer-for-God Noah. Addie is, along with Sarah Maxwell, THE fundie daughter who I wish the most would find her true love and someone who would give her real opportunities to cultivate her interests. The girl is smart and would probably love writing courses, reading clubs at a book cafe etc. It makes me angry that Addie is staying at the farm, watching her little brothers get married one by one. Of course she's an adult but we know how things really are with these isolationists. And I think it is actually Jeanine who keeps her daughters in line, reminding them to be content and thankful for their lot in life.

[dramallama]

8 hours ago, ophelia said:

I'm thinking the exact same thing. There was a really bad, depressive time in my past where I watched the WHOLE horrific video of Katie Morton Smith and her Daddy rambling about childbirth, the pain it contains and so on. She appeared a bit "slow" to me. I have the same impression with Martha. You cannot really say much about Dorothy indeed, but I somehow have a feeling that she is just more introvert or shy.

Does anybody have the same presumptions about the boys?

 

AND can anybody provide the link to the above mentioned video? I can't find it on youtube anymore.

My odd fascination with Captain Bret and his insanity has done a number on the videos YouTube recommends for me now.

[picklepizzas]

8 hours ago, JMO said:

I actually wonder if the reason the weddings have gotten more normal is because they aren't S'Morton weddings but a Morton with a previously unrelated family.  Capn Brett had an unnatural influence on the weddings if you asked me.  They needed to be odd to show any personality and spark.  His speech at Kressant's wedding about keeping her pure still echos in my nightmares. 

wasn't bethany smith's wedding super normal too, though? 

[JMO]

Oh man Katie sounds just like Priss! I also bet if Katie wasn't a sleep deprived new mom she'd probably be a little more coherent.

[SolomonFundy]

1 hour ago, JMO said:

Oh man Katie sounds just like Priss! I also bet if Katie wasn't a sleep deprived new mom she'd probably be a little more coherent.

Until Martha got married and finally gained the Relics of Womanhood (her own phone and an instagram account), I truly believed that the infamous Captain Brett Postpartum Show was simply an unflattering view of a very tired, very young, very dazed new mother. However, Martha's foray into a social media presence has given me major doubts. It's not just that Katie and Martha both seem "slow", it's that they seem to be slow in the same ways. 

Ultimately, it doesn't matter much. A uterus is the only skill-set that they need going forward, and motherhood is the only occupation they were ever equipped for. They are both prodigies at prodigy, and that's all that counts at Morton University.

[ladyamylynn]

20 hours ago, JMO said:

Oh man Katie sounds just like Priss! I also bet if Katie wasn't a sleep deprived new mom she'd probably be a little more coherent.

You'd think that, but she sounds the same way in all the videos.

[ophelia]

are there more videos that show Katie? I'm WAY too obsessed with the S'Mortons..

[Jasmar]

That video is so gross.

Katie thinks "ladies" need to practice self-restraint instead of cryin' and hollerin' like they were shin' or something (I.e., vocalize through labor)?

That sick bastard father of hers was there the whole time??!! Nagging her when she was tired and anxious, in her 39.5-hour labor, about trusting the LORD instead of having normal feelings??

Over and over with mom and dad about how "young ladies" need to have better expectations about how long labor takes (it takes til it happens, apparently), instead of considering that interventions are sometimes necessary and life saving, or even just healthier for mama and baby. That jackass father can preach about being patient, quiet, happy, pleasant during labor after he's squeezed a small human out his netherparts after a day and a half of unrelieved labor, with his entire super-mega family in his face the whole damned time. 

At leas ther husband was there participating with her through the whole 39.5 hours.

These folks are dangerous lunatics.

[Pianokeeper]

On 3/30/2016 at 6:40 PM, dramallama said:

My odd fascination with Captain Bret and his insanity has done a number on the videos YouTube recommends for me now.

I can't believe how much of that I watched. The music near the end advertisement is SO CREEPY!  Those ads feel like parodies -- something you'd see in a twisted modern movie, or something out of Punch Drunk Love. Man. 

[dramallama]

9 hours ago, ophelia said:

are there more videos that show Katie? I'm WAY too obsessed with the S'Mortons..

I believe there's one with some footage of her wedding to Alan Smith in which she washes his feet while a recording of her talking about marriage and Jesus or some shit plays loudly in the barn, and Papa Morton talks about how she never learned how to make decisions so he prayed on it and then told her she should marry Alan. I'm at work now but I'll look for it on Captain Brett's channel later this evening if someone else doesn't find it first.

[fundiefan]

I don't really think Katie or Martha are slow in any technical sense of the word. I think they were raised to be exactly what they are. Neither has any real life experience. Neither has any knowledge of what it is like to use their brain and make choices. Neither knows anything other than what they were born and bred for, and both are fulfilling their roles. When your parents are proud of the fact that you don't know how to make decisions, your parents have very clearly created the 'slowness' you experience in the real world.

Martha seems like a 12 year old playing house because mentally, that is exactly what she is. Except the playing part. Sadly, she was born, groomed, raised and praised for doing just that for real...playing doesn't enter their equation.

There was a definite Captain Bret influence on the first three Morton weddings, since they were, of course, S'Morton weddings. Without the S part of that union, some of the less...shall we say...insane...families make choices and have traditions and goals and priorities in the weddings of their children. The S'Morton marriage - literal & figurative - is a dangerous combination of awful religious control. Without each other to feed off of, their offspring got more normal appearing weddings, at least. The Sanders family fed into that early on too with Noah & Dorothy, but clearly, with their daughter's things are entirely different. Hell, Abbi is marrying someone she met while in England, without her family. Not that they aren't still fundie crazy, but they are not quite S'Morton crazy.

[JMO]

If we take out the words: blessing, honored, encouragement, faithfulness and patience we would be left with a fairly empty video.

Also, I want to know what sin she had in her heart.  Wanting to yell and scream?

And Ma has a hardcore hospital hate.  As far as I can tell she hasn't given birth in a hospital. My hospital birth did not include my husband being stuck in a corner.  Things have come a long way since 1980 or whenever Katie was born. 

[fundiefan]

I stupidly watched the video again - with a beer, I'm not a sadist. It kills me that mom Morton says God will direct your body to bring forth the baby, blah, blah, blah.

God didn't do a very good job of that before the last century. What was the mortality rate in the middle ages, for mothers and babies? It was, in fact, expected that a woman would die in child birth. And the number of live births was not even a fraction of the number of stillbirths or deaths within weeks. 

I will never fail to be amazed at how these people credit their god with things he/she has never done and never will do.

[dramallama]

Welp, I'm not finding the other Katie Morton video on YouTube.  It's possible that it was shared elsewhere or that Bret has removed it, or that I just skipped over it - his video preview images and titles are neither clear nor helpful.  Please accept the following offering as my sincerest apology:

 

 

[Mary C Doates]

19 hours ago, dramallama said:

Welp, I'm not finding the other Katie Morton video on YouTube.  It's possible that it was shared elsewhere or that Bret has removed it, or that I just skipped over it - his video preview images and titles are neither clear nor helpful.  Please accept the following offering as my sincerest apology:

 

 

That was just...such a blessing. I have never seen such acting from live people before :p.

[ophelia]

Some more pictures of Alyssa's and Sam's wedding. It looks like a classy and beautiful wedding. Pretty much pinterest inspired.

https://www.facebook.com/PennyLaneWeddings/?pnref=story

I never realized how petite Alyssa is. She is tiny. Or is Sam extremely tall? The Morton boys definitely have a type: brunette ladies. But are Lise, Rachel and Kressant also THIS petite? I know that Kennedy is quite small.

[picklepizzas]

4 hours ago, ophelia said:

Some more pictures of Alyssa's and Sam's wedding. It looks like a classy and beautiful wedding. Pretty much pinterest inspired.

https://www.facebook.com/PennyLaneWeddings/?pnref=story

I never realized how petite Alyssa is. She is tiny. Or is Sam extremely tall? The Morton boys definitely have a type: brunette ladies. But are Lise, Rachel and Kressant also THIS petite? I know that Kennedy is quite small.

wow, so the dress was strapless, then. (and also gorgeous). how worldly of alyssa!

but ditto what @teachergirl said about them all looking SO young - it's especially evident in the bridesmaids/groomsmen photos in that penny lane album. 

[SolomonFundy]

On 4/3/2016 at 5:40 AM, ophelia said:

Some more pictures of Alyssa's and Sam's wedding. It looks like a classy and beautiful wedding. Pretty much pinterest inspired.

https://www.facebook.com/PennyLaneWeddings/?pnref=story

I never realized how petite Alyssa is. She is tiny. Or is Sam extremely tall? The Morton boys definitely have a type: brunette ladies. But are Lise, Rachel and Kressant also THIS petite? I know that Kennedy is quite small.

Those are some seriously gorgeous wedding pictures. Alyssa looks beautiful. 

The Campana girls are all pretty teeny. Gabby posted an instagram pic not too long ago with a young female friend. Her friend dwarfs her. Though it's hard to tell with the younger girls simply because they are still growing, the elder two (Mariah and Alyssa) are almost always the shortest members of any group of their peers.

[ladyamylynn]

On 4/2/2016 at 5:59 PM, dramallama said:

Welp, I'm not finding the other Katie Morton video on YouTube.  It's possible that it was shared elsewhere or that Bret has removed it, or that I just skipped over it - his video preview images and titles are neither clear nor helpful.  Please accept the following offering as my sincerest apology:

 

 

I loooooooooooooove this video. Best viewed after a massive bong rip, or at least a shot or two.

[PsyD2013]

The Golden Rule of dating is priceless! It could be made into a drinking game.

 

I love Capt Bret's Movie Shows-  

I

[picklepizzas]

WOW. way to throw the ultimate shade at your son in law, there, papa morton. you only invited him to court your daughter AFTER he had exhausted his first choice. (ps gross that this was somehow papa morton's choice and not uh...his daughter's??)

ETA: I only skimmed this. but could they make this sound more like they were buying and selling cattle? the use of "negotiations" constantly, papa morton talking about the qualities he wanted when "looking at" different boys and girls for his children to marry, the exchange of money...,

PPS Did cptn bret actually just hand Michael A KEY?!? a physical key?? *flashes of robinhood men in tights* 

[hoipolloi]

Those FB photos of the recent Morton wedding are lovely but how is it that Daddy Morton's head didn't explode all over the wedding party while witnessing it?

What a contrast between Sam & Alyssa's ceremony and the wackadoo Captain Brett shit.

[ophelia]

2 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

Those FB photos of the recent Morton wedding are lovely but how is it that Daddy Morton's head didn't explode all over the wedding party while witnessing it?

What a contrast between Sam & Alyssa's ceremony and the wackadoo Captain Brett shit.

I'm really wondering if the Morton family knew that the Campana's would go for such a wordly wedding ceremony and that Alyssa would even wear a (beautiful!!) strapless gown.

Kennedy's and Andrew's wedding was also pretty normal, although it was held a Calathora. I'd really like to be a fly on the wall in the Morton household, because I can really imagine that Pa Morton gives his sons a speech to remind their wives about submission and modesty. Especially with his daughter-in-law Kennedy, who seems to be quite tomboyish by Morton standards.

[JillyO]

1 hour ago, ophelia said:

I'm really wondering if the Morton family knew that the Campana's would go for such a wordly wedding ceremony and that Alyssa would even wear a (beautiful!!) strapless gown.

Kennedy's and Andrew's wedding was also pretty normal, although it was held a Calathora. I'd really like to be a fly on the wall in the Morton household, because I can really imagine that Pa Morton gives his sons a speech to remind their wives about submission and modesty. Especially with his daughter-in-law Kennedy, who seems to be quite tomboyish by Morton standards.

Well, at least Keni did get pregnant about two-and-a-half seconds after the wedding, so that part hasn't changed one bit.