Bates Family Part 10

[SassyPants]

10 minutes ago, FundieFarmer said:

 

Hell, it's real normal in parts of the South to call somebody anything BUT their actual front name. Tripp, Junior, Bitsy, Dottie, Jack...a rundown of our wedding invitation list is half nicknames or straight up other names people were given in childhood hat they still use into adulthood. It's not that weird around here.

Granted the invitations will go to their full proper names (made up example: Mr. & Mrs. William Alexander Helmuth III), but we'll call him Tripp or Billy if he's not a 3 til the day we put him under. Just the way it goes in my neck of the woods.

I hope Spurgeon gets called another name!!!!

[doubleT]

On ‎2‎/‎27‎/‎2016 at 4:19 PM, Pianokeeper said:

Meaning use birth control? That would be extremely surprising to me. The only thing more surprising to me would be abstinence, which I somehow don't see Michael accepting and then keeping up a facade for the family. 

If she's not pregnant, I think it's just biology -- but whether his/her fertility, etc, is beyond my speculation comfort zone. But I'm always curious when people here say they hope/think/wonder a Duggar or Bates is "holding off" or "spacing out" babies. I don't get how they could (intentionally), within their belief system. At all. 

You quoted me, which didn't show up in my quote but to answer you ... no, I didn't mean by BC.  I meant by just being careful and not actively trying.  Avoiding times of fertility etc.  I don't really know HOW they would go about preventing a pregnancy, I was just wondering if he said he would marry her sooner than he was planning on it if they could try not to have a child right away. 

I was speculating, but I wouldn't speculate on something that I didn't think could be a possibility.   I didn't speculate that by just pulling at empty air.   I took some clues from things that were said on the show and thought this could be a possibility.  Brandon did say that he wanted to get out of school and work for awhile before he got married.  Well, he graduated in Dec '15 and was engaged soon after and married by Aug '16.   By the way it kept coming up on the show if he was ready to get married etc ,  it did make me wonder if an agreement was made between him and Michael. 

I made this speculation fully aware of how these kids were raised and their parents beliefs.  I also know that some of Brandon's siblings march to a different beat. 

[SilverBeach]

5 hours ago, actuallyjessica said:

I wish I could UPVOTE this more than once!

Some posters clearly think a downvote is ammunition or something crazy. It's the internet. I come to realise this after the small spat I had a few pages back, a certain user went through my predating posts and downvoted many, even though they had nothing to do with the issue.

In the spirit of things, my tombstone will read "here lies actuallyjessica, and her neutral reputation on FreeJinger of 772"

It wasn't me! I'm not that petty and have rarely downvote anything. Did you have a disagreement with a different poster?

[anjulibai]

24 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I hope Spurgeon gets called another name!!!!

God yes. It ties with Heistheway as worst fundie name ever. 

[feministxtian]

I'm from Virginia and I have friends, that if someone referred to them by their given name, I'd have NO idea who they were. Corky, Skeeter (my husband's nickname), Beth (not her name), and others. There's an astronaut who's known first name is not his name...Pete Conrad (geek information alert), Buzz Aldrin too...

I don't see why people are clutching their pearls or getting their britches in a knot over Cherin's little one being called Carson. Who the hell cares?? Just because some folks are part of a culture that, on one hand takes family names VERY seriously, but on the other calls the kid something else, doesn't mean they're backwoods, weird, ignorant, or otherwise not PhD material. It's just the way it is in some parts of the country. 

[jcanglin991]

Okay guys, colors_outside15 has apologized very nicely not only in this thread, but also with a longer one in a private message. I appreciated it very much and we are good. I also appreciate the support from my fellow posters.

[HereticHick]

I see that Carlin and Josie are visiting Alyssa in Florida.  Probably both secretly trying on her jeans when mom & dad aren't looking.

Must be nice to be able to travel so much.

[Granwych]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

I hope Spurgeon gets called another name!!!!

I think everyone hopes that the poor little guy gets called another name(read: normal name)

[roddma]

Yea The Bates and Duggars travel quite a bit for people who claim to be frugal or barely scraping by.

ETA True just because you hear a Fundie family or two from a certain part of the U.S.use nicknames doesn't make it backwards. Also, the Jr/Sr .III thing isn't common to one area either,

[elliha]

8 hours ago, doubleT said:

I was speculating, but I wouldn't speculate on something that I didn't think could be a possibility.   I didn't speculate that by just pulling at empty air.   I took some clues from things that were said on the show and thought this could be a possibility.  Brandon did say that he wanted to get out of school and work for awhile before he got married.  Well, he graduated in Dec '15 and was engaged soon after and married by Aug '16.   By the way it kept coming up on the show if he was ready to get married etc ,  it did make me wonder if an agreement was made between him and Michael. 

I made this speculation fully aware of how these kids were raised and their parents beliefs.  I also know that some of Brandon's siblings march to a different beat. 

If they are using birth control they would probably express themselves in ways that make sure that others do not understand that they do. They would say they are sorry that they are not having a baby, they would say it is in god's hands and so on. Of course they would not let on that they are happy with this. I have no idea if they use birth control or not but they probably realize that their best time to do so without raising suspicion is now when there is no proven record of fertility. If they then start having babies and decide to have plenty of them at that time they can always claim that the first pregnancy must have changed her hormones and she has gone from having problems with fertility to normal fertility (it happens for real for some women).

[kjmackin]

I can't decide if it's a good thing that Michael & Brandon don't have a kid on the way or not. Part of me wonder if it because they are trying to some what delay the blessing or if they are having trouble with get pregnant or staying pregnant. If they are delaying it probably related to money, potential move, or waiting for the show.  When I think about them delaying it because Brandon(or maybe Micael) wants to be better prepared. Although my dream would be neither one of them are truly true believers but staying apart of IBF because of family (or Brandon couldn't get a secular job) 

 

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

48 minutes ago, kjmackin said:

I can't decide if it's a good thing that Michael & Brandon don't have a kid on the way or not. Part of me wonder if it because they are trying to some what delay the blessing or if they are having trouble with get pregnant or staying pregnant. If they are delaying it probably related to money, potential move, or waiting for the show.  When I think about them delaying it because Brandon(or maybe Micael) wants to be better prepared. Although my dream would be neither one of them are truly true believers but staying apart of IBF because of family (or Brandon couldn't get a secular job) 

 

 

I don't sit in judgement of other people's reproductive choices, or their reasoning behind them, but I'd hate to think anyone would work their life plans around a reality show. 

I feel for them because it's hard enough outside of that cult to have people feel free to comment on pregnanacy, or lack there of, I can't even imagine what it must be like for them.

When I was first married ex was in the military so we didn't live together for a few months until after we were married and he got housing.  I got pregnant that first week we moved in together and I can't tell you how many people told me I was SO lucky that we had those few months apart so people wouldn't suspect I was pregnant at the wedding.

Those people who like to count backwards when a newly married couple announces a pregnancy need a better hobby.  

I had a son and then a daughter and cannot tell you how many people told me I was so lucky as I can stop now - I have my boy and girl.  Well, kind of love my third kid even if his gender was a repeat.  

People who helpfully advise you to stop, people who helpfully wonder why you're not pregnant again and you're kids are so great why don't you want more?  

And my favorite - second marriage and no kids.  I got pregnant so easily before people would sympathetically wonder if maybe it was him ....he never did have kids in his first marriage...

By all means speculate on the sterility of the man I love when I've never discussed anything personal with you. What do they want?  For me to say, "thanks so much for worrying us!  In fact pull up a chair and I'll tell you all about our sex life, hopes for our family, our sex lives with former spouses and reproductive choices so you can tell us where we're going wrong and what choices we should be making!  Because it totally affects you (insert distant family member, neighbor, acquaintance, etc) just as much as it does us."

People need to follow Miss Manners' advice and remember asking someone "do you have children?" is fine.  Asking why or why not is rude.  Rule of thumb is not to inquire about the past, present, or future contents of someone else's uterus unless they bring it up.

 

[HereticHick]

"Rule of thumb is not to inquire about the past, present, or future contents of someone else's uterus unless they bring it up."

I love this sentence so much

[nokidsmom]

1 hour ago, HereticHick said:

"Rule of thumb is not to inquire about the past, present, or future contents of someone else's uterus unless they bring it up."

I love this sentence so much

I see this sentence as perfect to use on someone who is persistent about those kind of questions.  

[BullyJBG]

2 hours ago, nokidsmom said:

I see this sentence as perfect to use on someone who is persistent about those kind of questions.  

Me too. I just may use it in the future.....but at 44 I think I may not have to anymore, lol. But for others speculating on others I just say "it may be a sensitive subject".

[maple802]

5 hours ago, nokidsmom said:

I see this sentence as perfect to use on someone who is persistent about those kind of questions.  

At my last cleaning, my dental assistant suggested that a reply of "Mind your own uterus." to any persistent questioners, of any gender, served her well.

[punkiepie]

I'm not a big Young House Love fan, but they're from my home town, so I read the blog. Sherri had a placental abruptiom with her first kid and was advised to not have another one for 2 years, at minimum. As soon as those two years were up, the vultures descended, always commenting about a possible baby bump, when was a new baby coming, etc. She wrote a really good post about the state of her uterus and how she would let the public know if she was pregnant, but it only made her self conscious about food babies every time someone thought she was pregnant. I'm not going to link to it, but you can google "YHL state of the uterus" and you will find it.

[nokidsmom]

4 hours ago, BullyJBG said:

Me too. I just may use it in the future.....but at 44 I think I may not have to anymore, lol. But for others speculating on others I just say "it may be a sensitive subject".

 

1 hour ago, maple802 said:

At my last cleaning, my dental assistant suggested that a reply of "Mind your own uterus." to any persistent questioners, of any gender, served her well.

While I am past the age of people asking when I will have a baby, I do get people, after asking if I have children, then asking why not after they get the "no" answer.    Yep, there's people who are nervy enough.

The only person to whom I have given the straight answer was my late best friend who asked after years of knowing me.  

[Fascinated]

12 minutes ago, nokidsmom said:

 

While I am past the age of people asking when I will have a baby, I do get people, after asking if I have children, then asking why not after they get the "no" answer.    Yep, there's people who are nervy enough.

The only person to whom I have given the straight answer was my late best friend who asked after years of knowing me.  

That is unbelievable. Except, unfortunately, it isn't. 

[habert]

48 minutes ago, nokidsmom said:

 

While I am past the age of people asking when I will have a baby, I do get people, after asking if I have children, then asking why not after they get the "no" answer.    Yep, there's people who are nervy enough.

The only person to whom I have given the straight answer was my late best friend who asked after years of knowing me.  

Snarky answer "I'm sorry, did you fail your 7th grade biology class?"

I mean, I don't know your personal history, but I can only presume this will work well in your case. 

[Granwych]

Dh and I married so soon after we met (88 days, to be exact) that I was getting the side-eye and pointed stares at my already-ample, hell, nonexistent waistline.  DD didn't come till nearly our second anniversary.

[actuallyjessica]

At our wedding reception I didn't have any champagne and had someone come up to me and ask in a roundabout way if I was expecting.

Add to that the bunches of family friends who came up to us through out the night asking when we were planning on having children.

Painful, seeing as we have unspoken fertility issues and had been trying for a baby before we'd got married. Sigh.

[Georgiana]

2 hours ago, punkiepie said:

I'm not a big Young House Love fan, but they're from my home town, so I read the blog. Sherri had a placental abruptiom with her first kid and was advised to not have another one for 2 years, at minimum. As soon as those two years were up, the vultures descended, always commenting about a possible baby bump, when was a new baby coming, etc. She wrote a really good post about the state of her uterus and how she would let the public know if she was pregnant, but it only made her self conscious about food babies every time someone thought she was pregnant. I'm not going to link to it, but you can google "YHL state of the uterus" and you will find it.

I remember that post!  I think another good point she made was that when you're small and slight, baby bumps can become visible to attentive eyes quickly.  They may become visible before the couple is ready to tell anyone, which puts them in an awkward position if someone guesses.  They don't want to lie in answering their fans, but at the same time, they want to announce to friends and family first, in person, and when they feel ready.  

That's one of the reasons they decided to stop publicly responding to pregnancy speculation.  They knew that eventually, it would cause a bad situation, so they decided to only discuss it when they had something to say.  I think this would be a good rule for many of the 2nd Generation couples.

[samurai_sarah]

7 minutes ago, actuallyjessica said:

At our wedding reception I didn't have any champagne and had someone come up to me and ask in a roundabout way if I was expecting.

Add to that the bunches of family friends who came up to us through out the night asking when we were planning on having children.

Painful, seeing as we have unspoken fertility issues and had been trying for a baby before we'd got married. Sigh.

Ouch! I'm sorry this happened to you.

Frankly, I'm guilty as charged. In my Catholic region of Germany, the general assumption at a wedding is that the bride is pregnant. It's "wink-wink-nudge-nudge". It never occurred to me that the joke might be painful, because it's such a cliché in my region. Which is stupid, and hurtful, now that you pointed it out. 

I'm sorry to hear that you got hurt, but thank you for sharing and making someone more aware.

[Coconut Flan]

Continued in Part 11: