People are putting balls of herbs into their vaginas to ‘detox’ their wombs

[dpndetfarm]

OK, those photos made me gag and I'm not even wquite sure what they actually were.  Perhaps part of the womb foyer sloughing off?

 

Anyway I am going to have to start allotting a bit more time to my lady bits.  Already I must bleach my anus, steam clean my clit, and iron my labia*, and now I have to make womb tea?  Who has time for this?

 

 

*OK I made this up after hearing about Gwyneth Paltrow and her steam cleaning of the whole Brazilian area.  It seemed to make sense.

[bea]

And here we have another example of idiots who think "natural" and "safe" are synonyms. Never realizing, apparently, that the natural world is full of things that kill, injure, and debilitate.

There's a current trend that involves putting essential oils on a tampon and inserting it. That way, the oil is absorbed into the mucous membranes. GENIUS! Except for the fact that essential oils are not supposed to be taken internally and they need to be diluted to something like 1:10 or 1:20 to be safely used on the skin AND you're supposed to stay well away from mucous membranes. That, I find stupid. This is sickening. Someone is going to get very, very sick.

[Artemesia]

I think I read somewhere and could be wrong that douching with Lysol was meant to be a form of birth control back when there was less access, no bc pills and bc certainly couldn't be advertised.

[desertvixen]

9 minutes ago, Artemesia said:

I think I read somewhere and could be wrong that douching with Lysol was meant to be a form of birth control back when there was less access, no bc pills and bc certainly couldn't be advertised.

That was part of it, yes.

[Gimme a Free RV]

So, with the uterine lining sloughing off once a month, does the herb-ball guru not think that act alone cleanses the uterus and allows for a new membrane to grow in its place, only to be sloughed off in this cycle?

And Lysol as a douche.  I'm sure the "come hither" aroma was enough to drive any man wild. 

Now, excuse me while I go stuff some Clorox cleaning wipes inside myself so I can become dainty. 

[Criscat]

H-e-double hockey sticks to the no. Toxic shock syndrome anyone? Yuck.

[Chelio93]

Just imagine if Colonel Sanders would have went into another line of work. People are still looking for his secret recipe.

[Marian the Librarian]

This thread really should have come with a "Don't read this at work, your colleagues will think you've lost your mind" warning. I was laughing so hard I had to lock myself in the restroom so they wouldn't call 911.

[Mecca]

3 hours ago, Mrsaztx said:

Show of hands: who thinks this came about when some clueless, self-styled guru was gifted a sachet and misunderstood the "you put it in your drawers, it will make your underthings smell lovely" instructions?

I laughed so hard at this comment that my Herbal Womb Detox Pearls shot across the room. Be careful ladies. These things can put an eye out if you get a bad case of the giggles. 

[Tarantula_Mom]

2 hours ago, Mrsaztx said:

Sounds like a good moniker to me. After all, mine is rather fond of a particular Python, and has a favorite wand

Plus, when random guys hit on you, you can tell them their ordinary wand lacks the power your Vagimort requires.

(As a lesbian, I'm finding the idea of saying this entirely too funny. In fact, this entire thread is making me really glad I work from home, where no one can hear me going back and forth between crazy laughter and shouting 'EWWWWW'.)

2 hours ago, bea said:

And here we have another example of idiots who think "natural" and "safe" are synonyms. Never realizing, apparently, that the natural world is full of things that kill, injure, and debilitate.

There's a current trend that involves putting essential oils on a tampon and inserting it. That way, the oil is absorbed into the mucous membranes. GENIUS! Except for the fact that essential oils are not supposed to be taken internally and they need to be diluted to something like 1:10 or 1:20 to be safely used on the skin AND you're supposed to stay well away from mucous membranes. That, I find stupid. This is sickening. Someone is going to get very, very sick.

Yeah. I spilled an essential oil on my hands once and it tingled and burned.* I do, at least, suspect this is a stupid trend which won't last long, though I can see the lawsuits dragging out for years...

*I don't have essential oils for "healing" like the crazy fundies you snark on. I just use them in pagan ceremonies, lol.

[TeaGrannie]

I can't believe anyone would think this is a good idea!

However this thread is hilarious. Tears are running down my face from laughing, my family thinks I've lost my mind and I am so glad I wasn't drinking anything. 

[bea]

Yeah. I spilled an essential oil on my hands once and it tingled and burned.* I do, at least, suspect this is a stupid trend which won't last long, though I can see the lawsuits dragging out for years...

*I don't have essential oils for "healing" like the crazy fundies you snark on. I just use them in pagan ceremonies, lol.

Amusingly enough, my business is a tiny rirual/magical oil company. And the number of times I've had to say "yes, I know you're used to ritual baths, but Red Fast Luck has CINNAMON OIL in it, please rethink your plan" approaches a thousand or more.

I don't think anyone had ever tried to drink the oils. They're diluted enough that they probably wouldn't cause too much harm, but if I heard about someone drinking one of my oils, I might refund their money and have them ship the oil back simply because they're too stupid to own it.

[adidas]

I don't know if I should admit to this.

I was about 19, broke and sick with a throat infection. It was before I had the Internet, so I looked up natural therapies in my herbal medicine book. The suggestion was to mix lemon essential oil in milk then gargle with it. I had lemon essential oil, and figured I had nothing to lose.

Except I lost my voice.

Ended up being chastised by the dr and had to take a double course of antibiotics (my parents gave me money the instant they found out I was sick, bless them).

It's over 20 years ago but I'm still embarrassed.

[DaisyD]

I think people mix up essential oils and tinctures. Tinctures are for oral consumption, essential oils aren't. I'm not entirely sure why one would put a tincture in their snatch instead of their tea, but then I don't totally get why some people put vodka soaked tampons in their asses, so maybe I'm boring...

[Tarantula_Mom]

43 minutes ago, daisyd681 said:

I think people mix up essential oils and tinctures. Tinctures are for oral consumption, essential oils aren't. I'm not entirely sure why one would put a tincture in their snatch instead of their tea, but then I don't totally get why some people put vodka soaked tampons in their asses, so maybe I'm boring...

Supposedly putting alcohol up your ass gets you much drunker off much less booze (better absorption). No, I do not know if this is true and definitely don't intend to try it, but it's more logical than herbs up your vagimort. Then again, it would be really hard to come up with something LESS logical than this...

[RosyDaisy]

See, this why I steer clear of homeopathic, holistic, and alternative medicine. I'm a firm believer in modern medicine.

[nastyhobbitses]

Someone needs to rework that PSA about kids trying to eat poisonous/toxic things in the house.

Don't you put it in your vag (don't you put it in your vag)

Don't stuff it in your cooch (don't stuff it in your cooch)

Though it might smell awful nice

Though you'd really like a douche

You could get sick! (Ick!)

Real quick!

[Kittikatz]

I went trawling through the interests and found this little gem: 

http://www.mum.org/olnws257.htm#anchor834713

Now 89, she started douching with Lysol when she was 17!

Good morning,

I happened to be checking the 'Net just to see if good old Lysol would be safe to use on some new Pergo floors my hubby recently installed in a couple of rooms.

I'm going on 89 years YOUNG . . . LOL . . . and was very amused by the Lysol douche ad. I don't know if I'm "still the girl my husband married" as I have pretty bad osteoarthritis (could it have been the Lysol?), but used Lysol as a douche and contraceptive ever since I married at age 17!! I had two children, both sons who turned out very well, in spite of the Lysol!! LOL

It's rather funny as I used it every day for many, many years because back in the early days, we didn't have the "Pill" and Lysol was used after "the act" to prevent unwanted pregnancies by just about every lady I knew, including my mother and grandmother who had just ONE child each.

Oh, well, we must have been TOUGH as I don't recall any problems!! LOL. Just thought I'd drop a line as I got a big kick out of your site and the old info.

Sincerely,

****

It also seems that it was supposed to be diluted pretty significantly, but some did not know the ratio and apparently died of Lysol poisoning. I love modern medicine.... Can't imagine having to rely on something that dangerous to avoid conception.

[medimus]

On the one hand this is hillariously stupid.

On the other, it makes me incredibly angry. Medicine has to be proven and tested and tried out for years and years fro very good reason (see the recent disaster in France). But any idiot can sell random 'natural' stuff to eat or drink or, apparently, stick up your vagina and they don't have to show any working at all. People get rich off of selling this kind of thing. This example seems silly and stupid, but sometimes it stops people going to actual medical proffesionals, sometimes it stops them taking actual medicine, sometimes it kills people (and not just those making the choice to not get proper help). And the bastards seliing the stuff make money off of this. It infuriates me. 

I really wish pharmaceuticals were all non profit, that would help stop some of the corruption (and I know it's hardly a perfec industry), and might stop people running off to this random 'natural' crap, because doctor's have somthing to sell (as if 'natural' products are all non profit).

My favourite quote about this is 'Do you know what they call alternative medicine that has been proven to work? Medicine'

 

Rant over.

[Mrsaztx]

Oh Jesus! I just looked at the photos of what these things are doing! No no no no no no no! That "discharge" looks like it could be from a particularly nasty abscess. I can't even imagine the smell that must be happening there. I legitimately wonder if these women are able to go to work because the smell must be so terribly off putting to those around them. And the price! It's several hundred dollars to render yourself sterile and infected. This is so horrifying.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I will never forget those pictures, ew. Especially the one of yellowy discharge that is dripping from a carpet of hairy pubes. The gross stuff on a pad was bad enough.

[elliha]

While the "balls" are certainly not healty I am still in shock about the discharge. I am pregnant and it was pretty close that I puked. I mean, I almost puked when reheating food today, what on earth was I thinking visiting that page? The discharge running out the vagina as the picture was taken was probably one of the more distasteful things I have ever seen.

[dpndetfarm]

I Have Something in My Hoohaw
 By Dontneedno Gynecologist

I have something in my hoohaw
It belongs perhaps in tea,
And if it stays there long enough
It just might bury me.

I'm sure you couldn't guess it,
If you smelled it you would hurl.
So I'll pull it out, let the puss slime sprout.
It's an herbal detox pearl!

 

      Obviously the tune is borrowed from "I have Something in My Pocket"

[Mrsaztx]

@dpndetfarm that was fantastic and hilarious and I wish I hadn't read it because it's the most disgusting thing ever. It was simply masterful

[FundieFarmer]

what the actual fuck. Yall please don't stick herbs in your vaginas

I absolutely cannot believe this was a sentence that needed to be said at all [emoji23]

Wtf, world.