In 2016 I Purpose to

[47of74]

I purposed to finally get rid of this entire spare set of tires I've been carrying around since childhood and hopefully have surgery this year to help with that - even though it means I'll have to give up the Lord's divine means of consumption of grain, hops, and water known as beer for a long time.

[iweartanktops]

4 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

I find of videos of her talking to herself and taking selfies on my phone all the time. Before that is was an old camcorder I'm keeping it all because it's GOLD.

I'm intrigued. What does she talk about? 

[Mrsaztx]

13 hours ago, DuggarsTheEndIsNear said:

I purpose to see if God has laid it on a good man's heart to court me despite the fact that I cannot give him an intact heart. I also purpose to become a reality tv star so I can make money without leaving my home.

I'm so sorry you're not able to, um, give him, like, your whole self, joyfully, as you walk through this life and these events. Um, I hope God puts it in your heart to seek Him by not being such a wonton harlot in giving, like, your heart away to those who are not worthy. 

[Swamptribe]

One has to wonder if the whole fundie 'purpose' thing was because of an misunderstanding of how the word 'propose' is used; or pronounced.   In other words, they were just being ignorant, and it caught on.

[Mrsaztx]

I also thought this was "I propose" and was wondering why it was being snarked on so heavily. Curse my illiteracy for not letting me in on the joke sooner! Onward with my purposes!

I purpose to not allow cakes to build a fortress around my heart or around my thighs and ass (the Christmas cookies have already laid siege to my muffin top, I fear the battle is nearly lost!)

I purpose to attempt to defraud my husband more frequently

I purpose to joyfully seek out Nike-chic outfits in which to swaddle myself (I'm not too old to swaddle, right?)

in Santa's name, I pray. Amen. 

ETA: I also purpose to open my heart in hopes that God will call me to grift enough money to buy all new underwear. This joyfully folding laundry has me depressed. 

[Grimalkin]

2 hours ago, iweartanktops6 said:

 I'm intrigued. What does she talk about? 

      Sometimes she talks in silly voices and makes faces. Sometimes she pretends she is being interviewed- like after she became famous, she might pretend to be different characters she made up, and she LOVES to sing. It's funny, my mom has Alzheimer's and whenever she asks me about the kids we go down the line and when she gets to Daughter #3 she giggles before saying her name and always says "she is such a character".

4 hours ago, Catey said:

I prayed on it and I will purpose to follow the path that the Lord has set for me.

He has laid on my heart to be a collector of pieces. broken heart piece that is. I will collect them all then weave them into a fabric of warning that will be taken to various fundamentalist homeschool conventions to display to show the many blessing the dangers of front hugs and failed courtships.

The quilt of broken heart pieces will weep.

I will totally need to be funded, but what is money compared to keeping your young ones sweet and holy.

Donations can be made at thekingscryingquilt/fundmygriftingass.com

You must have a private jet for your mission!

[CyborgKin]

I purpose to stop making a nuisance of myself by pretending to take everything too literally.

[Timetostoplurking]

I purpose to be a better helpmeet for my sweet headship.

 

( in plain English......I'm cleaning out his closet, that man has wayyyyyy too many shoes!). 

[Pixiedust1960]

I purpose to find a purpose in life

[RosyDaisy]

I use Purpose face cleanser.....LOL!

[JoyfulSel]

I purpose to save more than the 13k I saved in 2015 with my couponing so I can live like Jim Boobie says we should, debt free!!!1!

[Pandora Spocks]

Well, bless y'alls hearts!

I purpose, with the consent of my headship, to evangelize more along with said headship and my youngest blessing. It has been lain on my heart the need to stop my gluttonous ways and to cook wholesome food such as tater tot hot dish, chickenetti, and turkey bacon. Finally, I would ask all my sisters in FJ fellowship join me in a prayer chain asking jeebus to protect me from the evil worldly defrauders as I walk through this season of life. You are all so precious!

In other words, I plan to travel more with dh and Thing 3, cook more, and see more concerts, plays and such this year. The turkey bacon was a flat out lie because That. Is. Just. Wrong. There now -- I did a sin and will have to flounce myself to the prayer closet.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

10 hours ago, Mrsaztx said:

I'm so sorry you're not able to, um, give him, like, your whole self, joyfully, as you walk through this life and these events. Um, I hope God puts it in your heart to seek Him by not being such a wonton harlot in giving, like, your heart away to those who are not worthy. 

It's so hard not to be a wonton harlot, though. I've been spending a lot of time in the prayer closet and confessing my sins at church. But then I end up on Tinder again.....

[tumblr]

I purpose to complete my schooling and work hard to get into a good, godly college so that I may continue on my god given path to help educate children about his creation. 

I hope that all of you have a wonderful 2016 and that gods grace shines upon you all.

(Did I do it right? I struggled a bit...)

[ljohnson2006]

I purpose to pray about adoption. Even though I know my cult leader would shun me if I adopted.

I purpose to be faithful to my wife. (Already screwed that one up, Eh Smugs?)

[Mrsaztx]

17 hours ago, DuggarsTheEndIsNear said:

It's so hard not to be a wonton harlot, though. I've been spending a lot of time in the prayer closet and confessing my sins at church. But then I end up on Tinder again.....

Just be sure you don't end up playing seven minutes in heaven in that prayer closet

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

29 minutes ago, Mrsaztx said:

Just be sure you don't end up playing seven minutes in heaven in that prayer closet

It may be a bit late for that warning.........

[Swamptribe]

Well, how about that, it is incorrect modern English, but correct old English.  Straight from the King James Bible.  http://biblehub.com/2_corinthians/1-17.htm

It translates as "I'm gonna do this, but I"m because I'm so holy ( KJV only after all) I'm a gonna do it in a godly manner.  That way everyone can see how godly I am".  Or am I the only one who hadn't figured this out yet?

I purpose to drink more biblical wine.

[older than allosaurs]

1 hour ago, Swamptribe said:

Well, how about that, it is incorrect modern English, but correct old English.  Straight from the King James Bible.  http://biblehub.com/2_corinthians/1-17.htm

 

Well, by golly, I stand corrected. But does that mean that only the fundies whose churches are KJV-only get to purpose, while everyone else is stuck with just making a plan?

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

I purpose to continue to work towards self employment. Many years ago, Stripper Jesus laid it upon my heart to clothe the women of this world in well-fitted vintage-inspired lingerie. I understand that men may be defrauded by the sight of these women, but as this is my Stripper Jesus ordained duty, so I'm sure the Lord will forgive me. Besides, defrauding leads to fornication, which only means more precious blessings in this world. Remember folks, children are like flowers.

I purpose to continue to be a self-sufficent non-stay-at-home daughter, even if that means part-time employment sharing my servant's heart with ladies of the night, or dancing semi-nude on a pole. I also pray that perhaps Stripper Jesus find it in his heart to finally send me a proper homosexual headship. Somebody who can in share my mission of creating beauty, doing acrobatics, and spreading sexiness all around the world. I will maintain my purity by not bringing a u-haul to our second date. When we find one another, I pray we have many canine blessings.

[Gimme a Free RV]

I purpose to wear neck-high, ankle-length, shoulder-covering dresses and spend lots of time on my hair and makeup so that males of all ages will be drawn to my countenance and that my body not disclose any eye traps that would incite desires in men that cannot be righteously fulfilled.

I purpose to memorize the Old Testament geneologies from my KJV Bible so that I might impress and encourage those weaker in the faith than myself.

I purpose to continue learning to play as many musical instruments as I can, without mastering even one.

I purpose to keep my daddy as the headship in my life until that magical second when that headship is transferred by way of my very first virginal kiss at the altar with the man of my daddy's dreams for me and for the furtherance  of my family's popularity and financial gain.

 

[Mothership]

I purpose to have as many blessings as God will give me, except for that little issue of menopause.

I purpose to always obey my headship, except when he's just plain wrong or I don't want to.

I purpose to read by KJV Bible everyday, except when I'm rereading JK Rowling, Jane Austen or something from my heathen book club.

I purpose to keep sweet except when posting on FJ.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

11 minutes ago, Mothership said:

I purpose to have as many blessings as God will give me, except for that little issue of menopause.

I purpose to always obey my headship, except when he's just plain wrong or I don't want to.

I purpose to read by KJV Bible everyday, except when I'm rereading JK Rowling, Jane Austen or something from my heathen book club.

I purpose to keep sweet except when posting on FJ.

Menopause means nothing if you are willing to make sacrifices. Just look at the OT. I'm surprised that JB and Michelle haven't resorted to that yet ;p

[WhiteRun]

I purpose to earnth the doughth to save up for my dream home built PC
I purpose to defraud and court young gentlemen more often (with as few blessings and proposals as possible).
I purpose to ensure men (young and old) will stay interested in my face...by wearing outrageous makeup. 
And finally, I purpose to save enough to send my parents on the European cruise they've always wanted (not snark. This is my legitimate goal of 2016)

[Gimme a Free RV]

I purpose to find every means possible to use "purpose" as a verb in my daily conversation...on purpose.

 

 

(Severely.)