Lori Alexander - Still Not Learning A Thing, Part 4

[Koala]

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Jeff· 3 hours ago

The question to ask as well is, what does a wife bring to the marriage? Men can do everything in the home a female can. So what does a wife bring?

Lori (whose daughter struggles with infertility according to Ken's comments on Lori's blog) said:

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Yes, Jeff, this is what happens to too many marriages. A wife brings the possibility of bearing children to the marriage...

Yeah, again...nothing about love, connection, friendship.

[Koala]

Also, how is Lori not teaching Rob and Jeff?  I thought she was just teaching women on her blog?

[Curious]

On 12/30/2015 at 9:56 AM, salex said:

Lori is recycling old posts.  The one today is a cut but barely edited version of one she published in August.

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/  Today

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2015/08/she-lost-herself-in-process-of-raising.html   August (last two paragraphs the same as today and Eliot quote) 

Why bother writing new posts when you are just saying the same drek over and over again anyway.

[Curious]

10 hours ago, Koala said:

Interesting...she deleted that bit and replaced it with this:

 

Lori (comments):

  Sex = the only reason a man would want to marry in Lori's mind.

Following that logic, I should be a hair stylist.  All I ever did with dolls was fix their hair.

[Hane]

7 hours ago, Koala said:

Lori (whose daughter struggles with infertility according to Ken's comments on Lori's blog) said:

Yeah, again...nothing about love, connection, friendship.

Yes. I once taught a tween religious instruction class. In one class, the priest came in to discuss marriage, and asked the kids what the Catholic Church's main reason for marriage is. They all exclaimed, "Babies!" and he said no--it was for mutual support and companionship. He cured Scripture which said that it was not good for the man to be alone.

[polecat]

Golly, she's dumb. A reader comments:

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Women truly hold the keys to virtue in any society. When women are virtuous, men will follow. When women are loose and wanton, men will follow their lead. 

And Lori responds:

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Great point, Diana.

Whatever happened to women are never supposed to lead the men??? Where are all the command men?

[ViolaSebastian]

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In seeking to have equality and be like men, we've lost femininity and the romance we all so greatly hunger for.

We all?? Who is this we??  Maybe you, Lori, but I have no "great hunger" for romance.  I mean, I like flowers and I'm a sucker for a good love note, but if it comes down to that or my career, well, you can guess what I'm choosing...

Also, putting the blame on men being frightened of "financial ruin" and "being taken to the cleaners" after a divorce is complete hogwash.  Divorced women are twice as likely to live in poverty as divorced men, and three in four mothers don't receive full child support payments (http://www.divorce.usu.edu/files/uploads/Lesson7.pdf). In fact, men's available income increases by one-third (http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/25/divorce-women-research). So seriously, Lori, spare me your bullshit on this subject.

ETA:

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I didn't have much time "for me" in all those years of raising children and being sick.

Bear with me while I pull a Koala and remind them of this:

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Lucy was a Nanny sent from heaven who never wanted to let Cassi cry, so she held her hours a day.

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All my children had to be in their rooms for two hours a day resting or reading.

Sounds like you had at least two hours a day of "me time," Lori.  And the maid certainly didn't hurt your "me time," either.  

[Koala]

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I wouldn't say my husband is a command man, more of a perfectionist. And I think he can sometimes be quite harsh or say something unreasonable. And I often feel quite hurt or, rather shamefully think to myself, well your just a jerk then aren't you? I don't say it. At least 90% of the time I don't. Is it ok, when he is being harsh for me to say, ' I'm not sure what's bugging you, but it really hurts when you say that'. Although he would likely tell me to suck it up or that I'm a wimp/idiot. 

Being a perfectionist he likes things done a certain way. It's not enough to vacuum around the couch for instance. The couch must be moved and vacuumed under for a room to be properly clean. He also tends to walk around the house on the odd occasion and point out all the things I didn't get done or wasn't done to his satisfaction when the house is cleaned. Rarely compliments or points out what I have done. I like things clean and orderly, but with a large amount of children and now in the early stages of my next pregnancy it is very difficult. And so I cut myself a little slack. I really want to respond in the right way, and I know he is very kind and loving generally. But it's so hard when he gets like that and I just want to cry. Or I'm exhausted. How would you respond TJFW?

It'll be interesting to see how Lori and TJFW advise her.  

[AliceInFundyland]

Lori's one of the ones I can't handle. I don't want to know what she's going to say to that poor woman. I lived with a guy who was half that bad, not fundy..... My father was like that. Even if you believe your husband is your headship, he should still treat you as a queen. This dude is a mentally abusive asshole. That's the only advice she needs.

[Koala]

TJFW answered her:

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Are you sure your husband isnt a Command Man? How you describe him sounds very much like one. Command Men are very particular, often times not very sensitive or tactful by nature, and don't respond well to weakness or sensitivity in others. What you are describing with your husband and the cleaning issue is exactly how my husband is about every area of life. Command Men are highly particular about most things and dont have much tolerance for things not being just so. 

I am in a similar phase of life that you are, it sounds, and, in my experience, if you've mentioned how his response makes you feel a few times in the past and he doesn't respond favorably, I would spend your efforts praying for him instead of articulating your feelings. My husband almost apologizes for being rude or demanding if I've held back from saying anything when he's like that. If I give him resistance or become emotional, it really only frustrates him. One of the best things we can do is to try and become unemotional about their demands, even though we have a lot on our plates already and it can seem impossible to please them at times. When I am in way over my head and my husband is adding to it by being finicky and demanding, I have started saying, "Honey, I hear all that you are saying and want to please you. However, I have a bit of a challenge for you to solve. Right now, I have this, this, this, and this that needs to get done. You have added this new thing to my plate, which I am more than happy to do for you, but I am not able to do that and everything else. Will you please tell me what of those things on my list are most important to you for me to get done in what order? I will write them down and accomplish them in the order you decide. Anything I don't have the time to mark off the list today I will put at the top of the priority list tomorrow." 

Command Men love to be in control and make decisions. If your husband is adding too many things to your list to do, let him be in control of deciding what will be put off until tomorrow. That would be my suggestion from personal experience. :-)

Is Command Man fundie for asshole?

[VodouDoll]

That's an awful lot of words when, "Never speak to me like that again; I'm not your maid or your punching bag and you're being an asshole," and, "If you don't like how I did [chore], then you've just volunteered to do it from now on," would work even better.

[AliceInFundyland]

Yeah, see right there. Normalizing abuser into a specific personality type to be dealt with. The jerk ex I had would pull this thing where if he thought my voice went up in tone slightly he'd go, "I'm not going to talk to you when you're yelling." Indeed, I had to become so unemotional that all the actual love I had for him faded away. FFS. And honestly, this isn't even like a therapy worthy issue for me. But she triggers something. I suppose because she's made it her ministry.

[bean]

1 hour ago, Koala said:

TJFW answered her:

Is Command Man fundie for asshole?

I know it's been said here before, but I just need to say it again: WHY THE HELL WOULD ANYBODY GET MARRIED IF THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE SIGNING UP FOR???? Jimminy Crickets. I'd rather be one of the Botkinettes fetching my dad's slippers than deal with this kind of BS. 

[AmazonGrace]

Ahh I can't handle all the romance...

[usedtobenice]

I think Lori and Ken have affluenza. 

[Koala]

2 minutes ago, usedtobenice said:

I think Lori and Ken have affluenza. 

Too much money, not enough sense.

You win the internet today 

[usedtobenice]

10 minutes ago, Koala said:

Too much money, not enough sense.

You win the internet today 

You've always kicked tail when dealing with these jerks!!! Thank you so much 

Spoiler

 

 

[Sera's Arrow]

The description of a "Command Man" is very similar to what I call a "Joff" in my special sort of nerd slang. After all, King Joffrey is the pinnacle of horrible man-child - spoiled, self-centered, their way is the only way, manipulative, little to no compassion or empathy and whatever they can do, another can do for them. Using the name as an insult is a fitting legacy for the character too.

In practice? I call one of my friend's husbands a "Joff" quite frequently - to his face more than beyond his face. Well, except when he's calling her a controlling cunt for asking him to cut down smoking because she is having problems with asthma again and one of her triggers is secondhand smoke. Then I call him much more colorful things, usually all at once. So does she.

My friend isn't a shrinking violet by any means and I think it would be much worse for her AND her kids if she was. The difficulty level would go all the way to Nightmare if all the advice and support she recieved was "submit more" and "put up with it because Jesus and God and your duty as a good wifey" like the poor women who ask for advice from these bloggers.

[luv2laugh]

Ok, so I have never read about Lori and her blog. Can someone sum it up for me? I'm starting to dig in but all I find is stuff about submission and being "keepers at home".

[Koala]

Reader:

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I find the one paragraph puzzling. She says her husband is a command man. "constantly served" She would rather go to bed exhausted at the end of the day..... What husband in his right mind wants to be constantly served? Maybe she expressed herself wrong, but he sounds like a spoiled brat.

TJFW:

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Maria, 

Only in a feminist society do we look at going to bed exhausted from a day of being diligent with the work God gave us to do -- and doing it with all we have -- as some sort of abuse. The generations of women before us worked much harder than we did, farming, cooking from scratch, making clothes with their hands, tending to sick children without the common medicines we get instant results from today. Women today are very lazy in comparison to women of old and I think that's why so many women are discontent and miserable: they don't keep themselves busy at home so the idle time draws them toward sin. 

I'm quite sure that the Apostle Paul went to bed exhausted, in pain, hungry, and in far worse condition from a day of serving the purposes the Lord called him to. And if you were to ask him back then if he would rather go to bed in that state, knowing he was faithful in his calling, or would rather have gone to bed in comfort but in rebellion to God's will, he would have chosen the fulfilled submissive life every time. He gloried in his trials, earning himself eternal awards, rather than the temporary and meaningless ones so many today acquire through their worship of ease and self-pleasure. Longsuffering is a noble characteristic of love. I don't see selfishness, laziness, or ease listed as Biblical characteristics to aspire to. I'll take the satisfaction of living my life fully in submission to God each day, even if that means that my pillow feels extra welcome at the end of the day.

Notice she didn't address the reader's real concern at all.  No mention of what kind of man expects to be waited on hand an foot like a king (yes, TJFW compared her husband to a king, in constant want of being served).

[AmazonGrace]

And if the man is waited on hand and foot like a king, won't he be idly drawn to sin? I'm sure telling wifey what to do isn't all that damn hard that he'd be tired because of it at the end of the day

[Florita]

Today "Linda" comments:

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Can you imagine making ALL of your family's clothing and washing every item my hand? We are sitting on a lot of creativity designed into our beings by our Creator. Maybe we get frustrated because we are not using our God-given talents but rather, going here and there in an attempt to "find ourselves". I LOVE staying at home with my family and raising my children. I ONLY have 3 left at home. I would really like to add more to what I have accomplished than ever before. We are lonely when we turn our thoughts toward ourselves. If we put others ahead of ourselves as the Scripture instructs us to do, we cannot be "lonely" or "unfulfilled".

 

 

Report

And Lori replies:

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Can you imagine making ALL of your family's clothing and washing every item my hand? We are sitting on a lot of creativity designed into our beings by our Creator. Maybe we get frustrated because we are not using our God-given talents but rather, going here and there in an attempt to "find ourselves". I LOVE staying at home with my family and raising my children. I ONLY have 3 left at home. I would really like to add more to what I have accomplished than ever before. We are lonely when we turn our thoughts toward ourselves. If we put others ahead of ourselves as the Scripture instructs us to do, we cannot be "lonely" or "unfulfilled".

How is that even possible? Why would she cut & paste a comment as a reply? Is "Linda" really Lori feeding herself comments she wants to hear? Bizarre.

[usmcmom]

10 hours ago, Florita said:

Today "Linda" comments:

 

Report

And Lori replies:

How is that even possible? Why would she cut & paste a comment as a reply? Is "Linda" really Lori feeding herself comments she wants to hear? Bizarre.

I saw that repeated comment and had a good laugh about it.  It reminded me of when a snotty little kid starts mocking you and repeating everything you say...just to drive you stark raving crazy.  I could just see Laura bobbing her head back and forth, saying that commenter's words in a squeaky derisive voice, as she typed.

I have no idea why she did it but she, as has been said a gazillion times, she needs to edit and proofread her blog more thoroughly. 

[desertvixen]

On 1/2/2016 at 2:02 PM, luv2laugh said:

Ok, so I have never read about Lori and her blog. Can someone sum it up for me? I'm starting to dig in but all I find is stuff about submission and being "keepers at home".

Lori Alexander claims to be "always learning" but is mostly lecturing women to do stuff that she never had to do because she's always lived a pretty upscale lifestyle (and had a nanny when she was a SAHM after she sabotaged her birth control to get pregnant with a second child).  She claims she used to be a problem wife, but then she learned to submit.  According to her, keeping your husband happy only needs to take 10 minutes and involve lube.  She's also obsessed with talking about sex on the blog and pointing out that her husband seems to be an incredibly bad lay.  She's into alternative health stuff, Big Salads, and being a passive-aggressive queen.

[molecule]

So today Lori tell us that if we are offended by what she writes, the only valid explanation is that we are being convicted of the truth of what she says. Disagreeing with her interpretation of the bible is simply not a possibility.

Does Lori give talks at churches? She said this:

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In fact, I was told at one church that I couldn't teach about being keepers at home because I would offend those women who have careers. At another church, I couldn't teach submission because some women would be offended and "it will lead to abuse." 

It made me wonder what all she's up to besides offending people on her blog.