Joe 'n' Carlin Sittin' in a Tree?

[justoneoftwo]

1 minute ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I think the age thing is true for some women, because we are all different.  I have a friend who went into menopause at 30, her mom was 52 and still hadn't gone through it.  At 1st she thought it was stress from her wedding and all the changes, new home new job, new town, new husband.  But after a year when she went back to her gyn they told her the news, she was DEVASTATED as was her husband, well EX husband, he left her because he wanted kids.  She has a younger sister, that went through menopause at 36, they aren't sure why they went so young since their was no real family history of it.  But her sister and her husband rushed to have kids sooner than they planned because of it, and were glad they did because they were going to wait 5 to 8 years and probably would have only had 1 kid instead of 3.  But I also know a lot of women who had kids into their mid 40's with no problems at all. 

I didn't mean to imply that it wasn't true for some people, only that the overall stats are not true.  Obviously some individuals will have issues, some will not.  But when planning your life the threat of the horrible age of 35 is not as true as we were lead to believe.  

[GloryB]

9 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I think even the concept of 'the old maid' is dying out, at least in many places. A lot of the time now if people see an 'older' woman who's 'still' single, unless she's always complaining about it, it's assumed that she's single by choice.

And yeah, definitely never assume that you're infertile just because you're over 35. Women have babies at 35, 40-years old all the time. I've traced my family tree extensively and most women continued to have children until they were at least 38-40, provided they and their husband lived that long. A fair number continued up to the age of 45. And this was in the bad old days when nutrition and health care wasn't what it is now. There's a reason 'change of life baby' is a term used by my grandmother's generation. 

My dad (youngest of eleven) is a change of life baby.  My grandma was really surprised.  She and my grandpa married at 14 or 15 and 19 in the early 1920s.  They were together for 72 years when death parted them.  The last thing my grandpa said was "are you coming with me?" And she said "after a while". She died 6 weeks later. 

[CharlieInCharge]

I'm in the under 35 demo and I can honestly say I've never heard/felt/perceived any 'old maid' stuff growing up.

[Bad Wolf]

My mother had me at 43. Surprise. I was born at home, but with a midwife and doctor in attendance. Of course, this was back in the dark ages.

[maple802]

My paternal grandmother was 41 or 42 when she had my father, an only child. As for my Mom's side of the family, my great-grandmother was pregnant for most of her adult life and had twins on the last round for a total of 11 kids.

[kjmackin]

I grew up in Southeast Michigan very close to Ohio and I would say probably under 70% of my high school class is married and with probably 36% of those who are married have a college degree. I also think about 40-45% of those married have kids or actively trying. Personally a fair amount of old friends I keep some what an eye on are either married or at least engaged with maybe 10-15 are single.

While with my college friends most are suripsly married although only 2 I can think of are pregnant or just had a baby. One thing about most of my college friends over 90% hold a degree in the STEM field and are actively using it. 

The area I relocated after college most people my age I come across got married right out of high school never been to college and have somewhere between 2-6 kids already. Although the ones I choose to activly spend time with in social environment are not married besides me and my husband. Only 2 are in relationships with one having been in a relationship for a year & half but probably won't move in together for a while and the other been in a relationship four months and already thinking about living together.

 

I got married at 23 just a week before my husband turned 24. Before we got married we were together since 9/2009 and got engaged on valentine day in 2013 two months before we finished undergrad. Although we got married in 07/2013, earlier than planned at one of those cheesy Elopment chapels it was due to insurance purposes with a plan to do a fancier wedding later but realized it wasn't wise money wise. Looking at our family history with age of getting married on my side it's about par with grand parents age and just 2 years younger then my parents when they got married. But with my cousins I'm the only one married and age wise I'm in the middle with having one eight years older and the other eight years younger. In relation to when my husband parents got married we did it on the young side since his parents were between ages 30-40 when they married. 

[Ralar]

I was chatting with a fundy light or conservative Christian friend a few days ago. Her younger son is deciding which college to attend. His first choice school is one of those Christian colleges with curfew, anti-LGBT pledge, etc. At least it is accredited.  His second choice school is a run of the mill Christian college, much more liberal, and in their hometown, although he would live in the dorms. The reason his top two choices are close to home: so he can continue dating his girlfriend of one year. I can't say much about him dating other people, since my friend married her high school sweetheart (after they both graduated from college) and she could see the girlfriend as an eventual family member.

I nearly forgot, if he attends the college in their hometown, he would take some classes at a local art institute (he is a very talented artist and wants to study some area of video graphics). He's not interested in attending the art institute full time because he doesn't fit in with "they type of students they attract." That statement reminded me of Erin Bates' fear of sitting near a green-haired student at a real college.

[paulypepper]

On 1/13/2016 at 0:24 AM, Bad Wolf said:

My mother had me at 43. Surprise. I was born at home, but with a midwife and doctor in attendance. Of course, this was back in the dark ages.

My mom had me in her mid forties even after being in a car wreck in which the driver was killed.Needless to say I have lived an unusual life and I'm happy I'm still here.

[Mrs. Figg]

https://instagram.com/p/BAk2nnGMbif/

Carlin wearing a Duggar Studios tshirt. What does it meannnnn?!?

[calimojo]

Josie is fast becoming the prettiest of the Bates Girls.  And the girls really do have some varied looks.  Seeing her next to Carlin, they don't look anything alike to me. 

[Ofglen]

11 minutes ago, calimojo said:

Josie is fast becoming the prettiest of the Bates Girls.  And the girls really do have some varied looks.  Seeing her next to Carlin, they don't look anything alike to me. 

Josie is really looking like Erin lately. That said, comments like "the prettiest of the Bates girls" kind of squick me out...

I don't think it's appropriate to discuss which is the prettiest. I'm not doing a great job of clarifying why right now, but comparing which one is the prettiest feels degrading, of the adult children and children children, but especially of the children children such as Josie. 

[calimojo]

Well, they are all pretty girls.  And they seem to be spunky and personable too.  Despite the crazy beliefs of Kelly and Gil, they seem to have had some success at letting develop their own personalities.

 

 

[missegeno]

And yeah, definitely never assume that you're infertile just because you're over 35.

Yup. A few years back I remember hearing a statistic that most abortions in the us are now performed on middle aged married women (a far cry from the lost teen stereotype), with a majority of them reporting having unprotected sex because they thought they couldn't get pregnant anymore. /facepalm

[actuallyjessica]

2 hours ago, calimojo said:

Josie is fast becoming the prettiest of the Bates Girls.  And the girls really do have some varied looks.  Seeing her next to Carlin, they don't look anything alike to me. 

i was thinking the same thing. josie has gotten very pretty. she reminds me of a cross between alyssa and erin.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On 1/12/2016 at 5:46 PM, justoneoftwo said:

I didn't mean to imply that it wasn't true for some people, only that the overall stats are not true.  Obviously some individuals will have issues, some will not.  But when planning your life the threat of the horrible age of 35 is not as true as we were lead to believe.  

You didn't imply, I think I confused the situation talking about 2 women going into menopause so young.  What I was trying to get across (and failing miserably at) is that women's fertility isn't text book. 

[Fundie Bunny]

9 hours ago, Mrs. Figg said:

https://instagram.com/p/BAk2nnGMbif/

Carlin wearing a Duggar Studios tshirt. What does it meannnnn?!?

That they are the only two families that have 19 kids and crazy beliefs? It's not like it is josiah's shirt wich she kinda stole after a hook up

[InThePrayerCloset]

11 hours ago, missegeno said:

Yup. A few years back I remember hearing a statistic that most abortions in the us are now performed on middle aged married women (a far cry from the lost teen stereotype), with a majority of them reporting having unprotected sex because they thought they couldn't get pregnant anymore. /facepalm

That statistic is certainly the case in Australia - vast majority of abortions are performed on married women who already have children at home. as you say, it certainly challenges the stereotype. 

my friends dad was born to a 48 yr old holocaust survivor who thought she couldn't get pregnant after the starvation and medical experiments done on her. Poor guy was an orphan by 18. 

[Elvis Presby]

:raises hand as a person who thought she was too old to get pregnant, but actually wasn't:

[Mrs. Figg]

4 hours ago, Fundie Bunny said:

That they are the only two families that have 19 kids and crazy beliefs? It's not like it is josiah's shirt wich she kinda stole after a hook up

That must be it.  You're so right!

[HarleyQuinn]

Is that a courtship benefit? Free overpriced t-shirt? 

[elliha]

On 2016-01-16 at 2:39 AM, missegeno said:

Yup. A few years back I remember hearing a statistic that most abortions in the us are now performed on middle aged married women (a far cry from the lost teen stereotype), with a majority of them reporting having unprotected sex because they thought they couldn't get pregnant anymore. /facepalm

 

You can definitely get pregnant past 35, my mom had me as an oops baby at 37 and my sister had her youngest at 38. She was conceived more or less directly after she got off birth control. My mom had herself checked and was still having ovulations at 56. That doesn't mean that her eggs were good enough to lead to a live birth but the chance was still there and the doctor said she should not have unprotected sex. I know several moms who had a baby at 40-43 and who didn't struggle to get pregnant or had any complications with their pregnancy. Only one I know who was an older mother had a child with down syndrome, I know two who have children with DS who were under 35 when they had their babies. While we shouldn't believe we have all the time in the world to have babies we cannot discount getting pregnant and having healthy children after 35 or even 40. After 45 most women suffer from much lower fertility but unless periods have stopped you can still get pregnant.

[justmy2cents]

36 minutes ago, elliha said:

 

You can definitely get pregnant past 35, my mom had me as an oops baby at 37 and my sister had her youngest at 38. She was conceived more or less directly after she got off birth control. My mom had herself checked and was still having ovulations at 56. That doesn't mean that her eggs were good enough to lead to a live birth but the chance was still there and the doctor said she should not have unprotected sex. I know several moms who had a baby at 40-43 and who didn't struggle to get pregnant or had any complications with their pregnancy. Only one I know who was an older mother had a child with down syndrome, I know two who have children with DS who were under 35 when they had their babies. While we shouldn't believe we have all the time in the world to have babies we cannot discount getting pregnant and having healthy children after 35 or even 40. After 45 most women suffer from much lower fertility but unless periods have stopped you can still get pregnant.

I don't think Doctors are saying that women can't get pregnant past 35, just that the average woman's fertility begins to decline at that age.  It doesn't take a cliff dive, just starts to decrease.  I read a while ago some study that showed that about 80% of women in the 38/39 year age group can still get pregnant within a year without medical intervention.  Around age 40 those numbers really fall off and by 42/43 it's only about 10% with a rate of 3% making it to live birth. No one should have a baby before they're ready but waiting past 40, which is what I did, may not be a great idea.  It's not always easy to tell which side of statistics you'll end up on.   I really lucked out in the end.  I have several friends who became pregnant easily in their mid-late 30's and weren't able to have a 2nd when they tried again after 40. Luckily for me after 2 years of medical intervention I ended up on the right side of statistics but I do wish I had tried 5 years earlier but then I wouldn't have ended up with my girl who I can't imagine my life without.

[elliha]

2 minutes ago, justmy2cents said:

I don't think Doctors are saying that women can't get pregnant past 35, just that the average woman's fertility begins to decline at that age.  It doesn't take a cliff dive, just starts to decrease.  I read a while ago some study that showed that about 80% of women in the 38/39 year age group can still get pregnant within a year without medical intervention.  Around age 40 those numbers really fall off and by 42/43 it's only about 10% with a rate of 3% making it to live birth. No one should have a baby before they're ready but waiting past 40, which is what I did, may not be a great idea.  It's not always easy to tell which side of statistics you'll end up on.   I really lucked out in the end.  I have several friends who became pregnant easily in their mid-late 30's and weren't able to have a 2nd when they tried again after 40. Luckily for me after 2 years of medical intervention I ended up on the right side of statistics but I do wish I had tried 5 years earlier but then I wouldn't have ended up with my girl who I can't imagine my life without.

Yes, I don't advocate waiting too long either but I also think that it goes too far in warnings sometimes too. I am not past 35 yet, I had a baby the day before I turned 30 and am pregnant now and 33 and will give birth around my 34th birthday if everything goes well. I still had so many people tell me I was an old mother at 30 and that we needed to speed up and have another one soon because I was so old. We cannot go too far in warnings about fertility so that women of 35 think they are already without a chance but still not go to the extent that everyone waits until they are 45 and most need fertility treatment. There has to be some balance. 

[tumblr]

My mom was told to give up once she turned 35 with 12 years of trying and 0 successful pregnancies. I was born 6 months after she turned 36 and once she had already started applying to go back to school having completely lost hope. 

Sometimes not trying is what works.

[justmy2cents]

4 minutes ago, elliha said:

Yes, I don't advocate waiting too long either but I also think that it goes too far in warnings sometimes too. I am not past 35 yet, I had a baby the day before I turned 30 and am pregnant now and 33 and will give birth around my 34th birthday if everything goes well. I still had so many people tell me I was an old mother at 30 and that we needed to speed up and have another one soon because I was so old. We cannot go too far in warnings about fertility so that women of 35 think they are already without a chance but still not go to the extent that everyone waits until they are 45 and most need fertility treatment. There has to be some balance.  

I agree with you that women in their mid 30's are generally still quite fertile but I would say that having a baby by 40 should be the goal.  Most clinics won't take on women past 43/44 because by that age women's chances of conceiving are about the same with treatment as without.  While I don't think women need to have any pressure put on them to conceive by a certain age I do think we need to have realistic expectations and accurate information to make an informed decision.  Hope you have an easy and uneventful pregnancy.