Joe 'n' Carlin Sittin' in a Tree?

[19 cats and counting]

16 hours ago, singsingsing said:

I'm actually friends with a couple who are living together but not having sex. They're waiting for marriage. The wedding is in the summer and at that point they'll have been living together probably for close to two years. I personally couldn't do it, but apparently it works for them, so hey. More power to them.

 

I used to be acquaintances (friends of a friend) with a couple who lived together before marriage, but they had separate bedrooms (3 BR condo).  Only when they married did they sleep in the same bedroom.  (I didn't know them until about 6 months before their wedding, so I'm unsure how long they did this).

[QuiverDance]

I got married a week before my 29th birthday.  Having grown up in the Deep South, I was feeling intense pressure to be married. 14 years later, I am divorced, and I feel like a bit of an oddity in that way, too.  I have a pretty large family, and out of all of my generation (or any of the generations...) I am the only divorce.  Most of my siblings/cousins got married in their early 20's.  We are not religious at all.  It's so culturally ingrained here.

[Screamapillar]

My mom married my dad when she was 19 and her was 22, right after her freshman year of college. They both graduated, got advance degrees, and didn't have their first child until after their 8th anniversary. I just got married in September at 32 and am currently expecting my first, who is due about a month before our 1st anniversary. (This turn of events has made me even more of a birth control advocate than I already was. 15 years on the pill with nary a pregnancy scare, 2 weeks off of it and knocked up!)

I never felt like an old maid. And I would have been perfectly content to stay single if that's how things would have worked out for me. It was meeting my husband that made me want to get married, not some driving desire that I had to get married. If I could alter history and have met my husband at 18 instead of 28, I don't think I would. My single 20s were great!

[Kelsey]

We were 21/20 when we got married. We were both attending Uni and both graduated. It's almost time to celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary. Our only children have fur.

[UnPitchPerfectViolin]

3 hours ago, Screamapillar said:

*snip*

 I just got married in September at 32 and am currently expecting my first, who is due about a month before our 1st anniversary. (This turn of events has made me even more of a birth control advocate than I already was. 15 years on the pill with nary a pregnancy scare, 2 weeks off of it and knocked up!)

*snip*

 

Just chiming in to say that I second your birth control advocacy! I'm currently pregnant with my first and got pregnant immediately after we stopped birth control. Luckily, my husband and I both knew that we came from very fertile families, so we were always extremely conscious about our birth control, making sure to double it up during a financial rough patch. Still, it shocked both of us that I got pregnant during our very first month of no longer trying to not get pregnant!

[karen77]

1 hour ago, UnPitchPerfectViolin said:

Just chiming in to say that I second your birth control advocacy! I'm currently pregnant with my first and got pregnant immediately after we stopped birth control. Luckily, my husband and I both knew that we came from very fertile families, so we were always extremely conscious about our birth control, making sure to double it up during a financial rough patch. Still, it shocked both of us that I got pregnant during our very first month of no longer trying to not get pregnant!

This happened to us also....but then #2 didn't happen so easily, took 2 years and assistance.

[justoneoftwo]

I will add I love my BC, because when I went off it it took us 18 months to conceive, and during that time there were so many painful symptoms I had forgotten about . . . 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On 1/8/2016 at 3:15 PM, karen77 said:

This happened to us also....but then #2 didn't happen so easily, took 2 years and assistance.

Same with us, got pregnant right away with #1, we didn't need assistance, but it took almost a year to get pregnant with #2.

 

[CherylV]

On 1/6/2016 at 0:11 AM, InThePrayerCloset said:

Agreed, at 31, everyone i know who married before 20 (cough cough christians cough cough) are divorced or "married" but residing in completely different bedrooms with little or no interaction

That was me too. Married as a virgin while still a teen to first real boyfriend after only dating a few months. Was divorced 2 years later.    My parents were happy about the marriage  "one down, 3 to go" to quote my dad. I was oldest  of 4 girls. Once married,  I wasn't his responsibility  anymore.

[Londish]

This discussion is reminding me of an episode of Tiny House Nation. In the episode, a fairly new couple wanted to live together but had the builders put in two "bedrooms" so they could sleep separately. I wonder how it's working out for them..

[VixenToast]

I wish I could have had a planned pregnancy. I guess I envy that. his dad said he was sterile and I was a naive 20 year old. The BD and I tried to be together and just kept failing, culminating in domestic violence in front of a 10 mo old and sexual assault a week later (when baby was sleeping). During my pregnancy I cuddled with Stan the Body Pillow. My roommate left at 930 at night to get me hush puppies from LJS's (it HAD to be hushpuppies).

My son was an accident (never a mistake, there is a difference). I love him to pieces and can't imagine life without him. My sweetie pie will be 5 on Thursday.

[Shadoewolf]

Harder to divorce in some southern states too.  Even in non covenant marriages judges will often order several months of counseling or treatment (for when addiction is an issue) if the couple has been married awhile and has children together.

I used to get pregnant at the drop of a hat, no issues at all. My oldest daughter wasn't planned but she was the first surviving child before we learned about my clotting disorder.  I went on the Depo shot after she was born and it messed me up. Two years of a fertility specialist and lots of drugs later I was getting pregnant again but miscarrying every time. They finally tested me for autoimmune and there was the APA. Took 4 years before my middle bean was born preemie.  After that I had one traumatic miscarriage in the 4 years until my son was born.  My OB couldn't believe it when a pregnancy test came up positive early last year, as I have endo and PCOS so bad I should NOT have been able to get pregnant at all. After another miscarriage that required emergency surgery, she told me she felt with my risks  (APA, history of premature labors, gest diabetes and now advanced maternal age) it was time to call it quits and we agreed it was time for a tubal.   All my friends and family members are pregnant right now, so it makes me a little wistful but I'm good with being done.

[Mrs. Figg]

My grandparents just celebrated their 69th wedding anniversary on New Years Eve. Unfortunately my grandpa passed away the next morning. I can't imagine how my grandma is feeling. She was 18 and he was 19 when they married. My parents were 17 and 19 when they married and will celebrate 44 years this year. I was 25 and my husband 27 when we married almost 12 years ago. Not nearly as young but these are different times. But, I'm very thankful for my family and proud of them.

[Irish13]

On January 7, 2016 at 4:53 PM, sophie10130 said:

 

And my now husband was (still is) in the military.

I see a lot of terrible marriages in the military. Up to a certain point, getting married will literally double your income. And as the military member, you get to live off base. That was enough for many people to get married. And then with every kid you have you get more money to help take care of them.

 

No it doesn't, and no you don't. 

A military member either has dependents or doesn't. When a military member gets married or has a child they receive BAS (Basic Allowance for Subsistence) It does not go up when more dependents are added. At most BAS is $370 a month. The higher in rank one is the lower BAS is. 

 

[Thorns]

Would JB allow one of his kids to date a Bates (esp. one of his boys dating one of the Bates girls?). The Bateses girls seems a little too spunky and outgoing for him to easily lord over. Or maybe this (and Josiah + Marjorie) were all part of a plan to make the Duggars seem more approachable?

[QuiverDance]

On 1/8/2016 at 10:07 AM, Screamapillar said:

My mom married my dad when she was 19 and her was 22, right after her freshman year of college. They both graduated, got advance degrees, and didn't have their first child until after their 8th anniversary. I just got married in September at 32 and am currently expecting my first, who is due about a month before our 1st anniversary. (This turn of events has made me even more of a birth control advocate than I already was. 15 years on the pill with nary a pregnancy scare, 2 weeks off of it and knocked up!)

I never felt like an old maid. And I would have been perfectly content to stay single if that's how things would have worked out for me. It was meeting my husband that made me want to get married, not some driving desire that I had to get married. If I could alter history and have met my husband at 18 instead of 28, I don't think I would. My single 20s were great!

I think the "you're an old maid if you're 25 and single" feeling decreased a ton for girls a decade or so younger than I am, and that is a good thing.  

[quiversR4hunting]

I think Kace Musgraves is the siren of the fundie girls

From "Merry Go Round"  

Quote

If you ain't got two kids by 21, you're probably gonna die alone.
At least that's what tradition told you.

Sad as it is this lyric is the feeling in some fundie (and non-fundie) circles.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZfj2Ir3GgQ

[SportsgalAnnie]

i'm 24 and no where near marriage. I already know people who have been married and divorced and some even have kids in that fray. 

20 minutes ago, quiversR4hunting said:

I think Kace Musgraves is the siren of the fundie girls

From "Merry Go Round"  

Sad as it is this lyric is the feeling in some fundie (and non-fundie) circles.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZfj2Ir3GgQ

Kacey is no where near fundy LOVE HER MUSIC to death.  "Step Off" and "Somebody To Love" describe where I'm at in life right now. 

[quiversR4hunting]

5 minutes ago, SportsgalAnnie said:

.....Kacey is no where near fundy LOVE HER MUSIC to death.  .....

I love her music too. I am going to her concert next month

Agree she is not fundy. Her songs talk of the families being ingrained with the idea of "Mrs degree" or marriage is how you get out of bad situations (like a bad home life, etc). But some of the themes apply to fundie principles too.

[CreationMuseumSeasonPass]

I don't like country music, but I like Kacey Musgraves. Her lyrics warm my liberal-hearted soul. She is not a fundie. Not even close.

[Snarkangel Gabriel]

Oh dear lord. I can honestly and truly say I am happy single at 43. Although I must admit I wouldn't be without my wonderful little boy who is 6. For those over 35 - you may read the horror headlines but please be aware that your age is not a method of BC!

[singsingsing]

I think even the concept of 'the old maid' is dying out, at least in many places. A lot of the time now if people see an 'older' woman who's 'still' single, unless she's always complaining about it, it's assumed that she's single by choice.

And yeah, definitely never assume that you're infertile just because you're over 35. Women have babies at 35, 40-years old all the time. I've traced my family tree extensively and most women continued to have children until they were at least 38-40, provided they and their husband lived that long. A fair number continued up to the age of 45. And this was in the bad old days when nutrition and health care wasn't what it is now. There's a reason 'change of life baby' is a term used by my grandmother's generation. 

[justoneoftwo]

57 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I think even the concept of 'the old maid' is dying out, at least in many places. A lot of the time now if people see an 'older' woman who's 'still' single, unless she's always complaining about it, it's assumed that she's single by choice.

And yeah, definitely never assume that you're infertile just because you're over 35. Women have babies at 35, 40-years old all the time. I've traced my family tree extensively and most women continued to have children until they were at least 38-40, provided they and their husband lived that long. A fair number continued up to the age of 45. And this was in the bad old days when nutrition and health care wasn't what it is now. There's a reason 'change of life baby' is a term used by my grandmother's generation. 

I will add that the studies which show the drop in fertility have largely been shown to have such bad methodology there is no trusting them.    

That being said there is still a feeling of old maid in many places.  I have a cousin who is timing her wedding to be just before her 30th for this reason. 

[fraurosena]

1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

I think even the concept of 'the old maid' is dying out, at least in many places. A lot of the time now if people see an 'older' woman who's 'still' single, unless she's always complaining about it, it's assumed that she's single by choice.

And yeah, definitely never assume that you're infertile just because you're over 35. Women have babies at 35, 40-years old all the time. I've traced my family tree extensively and most women continued to have children until they were at least 38-40, provided they and their husband lived that long. A fair number continued up to the age of 45. And this was in the bad old days when nutrition and health care wasn't what it is now. There's a reason 'change of life baby' is a term used by my grandmother's generation. 

Haha, you can say all you want about 'old maids', but we all know you're just waiting for prince charming! 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

2 hours ago, justoneoftwo said:

I will add that the studies which show the drop in fertility have largely been shown to have such bad methodology there is no trusting them.    

That being said there is still a feeling of old maid in many places.  I have a cousin who is timing her wedding to be just before her 30th for this reason. 

I think the age thing is true for some women, because we are all different.  I have a friend who went into menopause at 30, her mom was 52 and still hadn't gone through it.  At 1st she thought it was stress from her wedding and all the changes, new home new job, new town, new husband.  But after a year when she went back to her gyn they told her the news, she was DEVASTATED as was her husband, well EX husband, he left her because he wanted kids.  She has a younger sister, that went through menopause at 36, they aren't sure why they went so young since their was no real family history of it.  But her sister and her husband rushed to have kids sooner than they planned because of it, and were glad they did because they were going to wait 5 to 8 years and probably would have only had 1 kid instead of 3.  But I also know a lot of women who had kids into their mid 40's with no problems at all.