Mom Gets Backlash for 638263848362 Christmas Gifts

[SilverBeach]

On 12/12/2015 at 1:05 AM, mango_fandango said:

That's an average of £5 per gift. Hmmmm. Let's hope they're of a decent quality. And what kind of presents are they at £5 per gift?

Here in the US, we have Dollar Tree, where each item indeed costs just $1 US. It is possible to do volume shopping here for little cash. I don't do this, just one gift card from there for my 87 yr. old aunt, it is her favorite store.

[Gossamer1]

We stopped doing presents for adults years ago. A kid is defined (for the purposes of gift giving) as not having finished your bachelor's degree yet, or the first Christmas you have your own place. Vague criteria, I know. 

I currently have a pile that is almost as big as that present pile of stuff I am getting rid of. I would cringe at that amount of stuff coming into my house. Yikes!

On 12/12/2015 at 10:35 PM, Grimalkin said:

 I want to play with cats as a profession. It's my new calling. (I never had a cat before)

 

Someone I know said the same thing yesterday. She randomly started emailing vets and boarding facilities in her area (Seattle) and tomorrow she has a test day for a job in a cat hotel! 

Yes, you could have found your new profession.

[Jeebusismycopilot]

18 hours ago, Elementally Amy said:

It was just so much fun explaining to a 6 or 7 yr old why Santa liked his friend more.  I personally will not teach my future kids the whole Santa thing, but in this case it was up to my parents and i wasn't going to spoil that for them when he was that young.

 

21 hours ago, ck29_2000 said:

I saved up for the presents, I bought the presents, I wrapped the presents, they are from ME. 

This is precisely why in our school letters to parents we have driven home the message that some children don't have as much as others and it seems unfair that Santa brings and XBox to one child and a pair of mittens to another.  So make the big gifts from you. Take ownership of the big prezzies. But if Santa does visit your house, have him bring the things like warm woolies, a book or puzzle or something of the sort. 

We have had a lot of response from families on this, most of them positive. 

[roddma]

A big round of applause. Im no jealous of such things or care what others do with their money at least 99% of the time. But that doesn't mean others wouldn't feel slighted at such a display. THere's already enough shame and stigma associated with poverty, though it shouldnt be. If I catch the envy trying to boil in me, I give myself a mental slap. I winder if the Kardashians or HIltons have ever seen rela poverty.

I agree with the shaming in this case. What possible reasons could there be for posting that picture other than to brag? Part of why people are tired of the Kardashians is their gross display of wealth that they like to shove in our faces along with their stunts for attention. That blog-mom is doing the same thing. When even first-world countries have so much poverty, it's gross conceit to post a photo like that. At it's most mild, it's proving how bad consumerism (a long-time problem, I know) has become, and at it's worst, it's intended to make people envy her during a time of year when tens of thousands, or hundreds of thousands, of families are struggling to pay increasing heating bills and have aching hearts because they can't spare anything for a single Christmas gift for children who are very aware that Santa always goes to other kids, but will probably forget them again.

[DaffyDill]

On 12 December 2015 at 2:35 PM, Grimalkin said:

I tried to remove the duplicates sorry! Those are just a few of my new friends. See the poor gal with the chopped tail? She is so flipping sweet. They all are. I want to play with cats as a profession. It's my new calling. (I never had a cat before)

I play with cats and kittens as a volunteer at our local shelter where we just adopted our kitten from, as often as I like a week. It's to help socialise them  I think it's to make me happy, so win, win really.

[turquoise]

No way would I want that much stuff in my house, even if I could afford it. When my kids were little, there were a few years when several relatives on both sides of the family really went overboard on gifts, and my kids were just overwhelmed. It was hard for them to focus on anything to play with because there was so much. Some things were nice, but a lot of it was cheap plastic crap.

I tried to put some of it away for later, but we had a small house and limited storage space.  I struggle with organization at the best of times, and with two toddlers it was really hard. And it was a nightmare a few years later when we had to move.

If I ever become a grandmother, I will not do that to my children.

Those pictures make me want a cat too!

 

[Jingerbread]

On 12/12/2015 at 5:55 PM, Pixiedust1960 said:

It was just so much fun explaining to a 6 or 7 yr old why Santa liked his friend more.  I personally will not teach my future kids the whole Santa thing, but in this case it was up to my parents and i wasn't going to spoil that for them when he was that young.

Elementally Amy said that, not Pixiedust. 

This board is so broken.

My reply to the kids in my care who ask about that is that some parents don't think Santa brings enough, so they add more and say they're from Santa.  We feel this preserves belief in Santa, while also explaining what seems to kids like something unjust.  Whether kids are poor or are in families who don't buy as many Santa presents, it seems unfair unless there's a reason they can understand.  So far that reason has worked well.

In my little slice of the world, most of my friends and family buy kids one single gift from Santa, and it's always something modest, to help lessen pressure on poorer parents to have to explain why kids who already have more get more from Santa.  We also do our best to help families we know are struggling.  A family a few doors up had a tragedy this year, and can't afford anything.  We bought each kid a present, and will leave them on the porch with cards from Santa, and a gift card to a place in town we know is open for dinner that night.

We strongly believe Santa gifts should be modest, and extravagance should come from parents with a helping of humility.  It's heartbreaking how many kids will get nothing while spoiled kids will get dozens of presents.  Life's never going to be equal and fair, but kids shouldn't suffer massive injustices that happen every Christmas.

[chaotic life]

Years ago, I knew I wanted a large family so I instituted 3 gifts per child (plus stockings and PJs). Each of the kids gives everyone a present as well so our tree looks ridiculous by the time Christmas Day comes. But a good portion of the sibling gifts are handmade or the kids purchase with their own allowance throughout the year.

I do spend around $2K most years but it's for 8 children, not 3, and that includes stockings which I am notorious for blowing my budget on every year.

Honestly, I think it's every parent's own business how they do Christmas. I suspect she was bragging but probably at her bargain hunting skills and didn't see it as overboard the others did.

[TXGirlInAMaterialWorld]

That pile of gifts is just ridiculous.  Growing up we always got a new Christmas Outfit from my parents and a set of PJ's from my grandparents on Christmas Eve.  Then Santa would bring each child 1 toy (a basketball, a babydoll, etc.) and then our stocking would be filled with fruits and nuts and that was it.  We did not do sibling gifts or anything else.  Once we were out of high school all the gifts stopped except getting PJ's from my grandparents.  

When I was in college and roommates and other friends gave me gifts- I just thought it was a little strange.  My best friend buys an insane amount of Christmas gifts for her kids.  It was overwhelming the one Christmas I spent with her family.  We stayed up until 4 am wrapping gifts because she just had so much junk for everyone.  I know she said one time that her husband wanted her to cap the spending at $500 a kid but she had gone over.  She just says that she LOVES Christmas so much.  She also goes way overboard with back to school shopping and birthdays every year so her kids have mountains of toys and clothes.  

To me- I would much rather spend that money taking the family to a holiday concert, baking cookies or making a kick ass gingerbread house with the kids or something else fun.  To each his own.  My husband's family does a few gifts per person but then spends one holiday a year on a trip together.  They did so many neat trips when he was a kid- Thanksgiving in Williamsburg, VA, Christmas in a caibin in the Smoky Mountains, New Years on a Carribean Cruise, etc.   

 

[louisa05]

28 minutes ago, TXGirlInAMaterialWorld said:

That pile of gifts is just ridiculous.  Growing up we always got a new Christmas Outfit from my parents and a set of PJ's from my grandparents on Christmas Eve.  Then Santa would bring each child 1 toy (a basketball, a babydoll, etc.) and then our stocking would be filled with fruits and nuts and that was it.  We did not do sibling gifts or anything else.  Once we were out of high school all the gifts stopped except getting PJ's from my grandparents.  

When I was in college and roommates and other friends gave me gifts- I just thought it was a little strange.  My best friend buys an insane amount of Christmas gifts for her kids.  It was overwhelming the one Christmas I spent with her family.  We stayed up until 4 am wrapping gifts because she just had so much junk for everyone.  I know she said one time that her husband wanted her to cap the spending at $500 a kid but she had gone over.  She just says that she LOVES Christmas so much.  She also goes way overboard with back to school shopping and birthdays every year so her kids have mountains of toys and clothes.  

To me- I would much rather spend that money taking the family to a holiday concert, baking cookies or making a kick ass gingerbread house with the kids or something else fun.  To each his own.  My husband's family does a few gifts per person but then spends one holiday a year on a trip together.  They did so many neat trips when he was a kid- Thanksgiving in Williamsburg, VA, Christmas in a caibin in the Smoky Mountains, New Years on a Carribean Cruise, etc.   

 

Baking cookies is not expensive. I could bake three kinds (maybe four depending on how much peanut butter is left) right now with ingredients that are always in my cupboard. Not sure how that makes your list of things to replace presents with in terms of cost. 

We got one Santa present each year as children which was left under the tree unwrapped. We got other gifts from our parents. We did sibling gifts and gifts to our parents, too. My parents' take on this was that it taught us to be generous to each other. 

And I really don't get the stopping all gifts after high school or college or whatever age. That seems downright joyless. And what fun to be the oldest child in the family and suddenly be sitting there watching your siblings get gifts and you get nothing. 

My parents emphasized the giving part of Christmas gifts to us. We were taught that it is an expression of generosity. I guess I don't think there is anything wrong with learning that or continuing to express that as adults on any occasion. We had my brother over for dinner Saturday because tomorrow is his birthday. We got him a small gift, too. Not because of duty or obligation but because we wanted to do something nice for him on his birthday. 

If it is a matter of gross expense, then maybe that is what needs to be addressed. Maybe the motives got screwed up when the price tags got too high. I can see that. My nephew's mother's family had that problem. He got gifts totaling in the $1000s at their family Christmas every year. Everyone did. It was basically a contest to see who could spend the most. If that is happening, yes, correct it. (His uncle is in jail now and no one has any money....turns out uncle was financing all their luxury via theft...). 

 

 

[O Latin]

My dad's family likes to have a huge (although not THAT huge) pile of Christmas presents to open (and none of my dad's three siblings have any kids, so their huge piles of presents are all for the adults). My mom, on the other hand, likes to go on long rants about the evils of Christmas consumerism and how everything our relatives send us is crap. I remember one year they got into a disagreement because she wanted to send a fancy food basket sort of thing to be shared between my two aunts, my uncle, his wife, and my grandpa. My dad thought that wasn't enough. 

Now that my siblings and I are grown up and not as excited to have many gifts to unwrap on Christmas morning, we usually each ask for one more expensive thing from our parents (a new computer or phone, running shoes, video game equipment, etc.). And because my dad is who he his, there are usually a few smaller gifts for everyone as well. Every year my mom tries to convince him that the family should not buy any Christmas gifts and should spend the money to rent a cabin in the mountains for a few days instead, but he won't go for it. 

[DaffyDill]

My family doesn't do presents anymore at all, as all us cousins are grown up and married. The individual grandparents of any kids buy them presents, but that's all.

In my husband's family, there are a certain amount of us, all adults, so we do a Kris Kringle to the value of about AU$50 each. Sometimes we buy his parents a present, if we see something just perfect. We all (about 20 - 25) go out to a beautiful restaurant for lunch, where we always have a large room to our selves, and all the ham, turkey, roast veggies, salads, and seafood  (It IS Australia!) you can eat, and any number of desserts, and drinks, without all the dishes. They also have rooms and suites there, so you don't even have to drive home

For me, Christmas is about being with the friends and family you love, not how big the pile of presents under your tree is. Even if I could have afforded that much stuff when my kids were young, I wouldn't have bought it, because how can kids grow up to appreciate the value of gifts, as well as money, when they drown in a pile like that at Christmas?

[TXGirlInAMaterialWorld]

@louisa05 I am not saying that the way my parents did presents was right or better- just a perspective of what my fundie family did.  I really wasn't that disappointed when my 1 outfit and 1 item from Santa stopped when I graduated from high school.  I guess I just took it as a sign that I was now a grown up.  If I have children, I would aim for something in the middle of being the Grinch my parents were and the over abundance of gifts in this news story.  

It really stinks that I am not "allowed" to give the kids on my side of the family any presents at Christmas or their birthday.  That is why I mentioned baking cookies, etc.  I did say cost- but should have said time, money and energy. I can't imagine how long it takes to shop for and wrap that many gifts.  

[Jeebusismycopilot]

We are a small family. My dad didn't reconnect with his side of the family until we were all well into our teens and my mum only has 1 sister and she only has 1 daughter.(and grandparents both died before I was 2) So thankfully, we never really had  piles and piles of people to buy gifts for. My Aunt, Uncle and cousin would receive a gift from each of us, and one from my parents. Then my Great Aunts and Uncles would receive a gift from the entire family. It was usually a subscription to Maclean's for my Uncle and a hat and scarf set, or kitchen stuff etc for my Great Aunts. Our Godparents would get a gift from their respective Godchild (none of us have the same Godparents) and then small gifts for school teachers, piano teachers, sunday school, choir director, Brown owl etc. Usually soap, or a mug or a box of chocolates.  

We no longer exchange gifts with the Godparents. We still buy for my Aunt, my cousin and my Great Aunt. We buy for each other and will continue to do so even when children eventually enter the picture. Some times the gifts are things like "silver" napkin rings that I made for my mother when I was 8. (toilet paper roll cut into thinner rings and silver wrapping paper) She still has them and has actually used them at certain family functions.  Other years, we bought plane tickets for my best friend to come to Florida with us at March Break. Her parents were going through a divorce and my parents knew she needed some fun time (as did her parents) That was also the only year I ever combined her birthday and Christmas gifts (her birthday is the 22nd of December) 

We have never put price limits or guidelines on gifts to each other because it isn't the price that matters but the thought that was put into the gift. We have all been in places in our lives where we can't afford to spend $20 per person much less $100 +. So if we said "limit of $50" then the person who can't afford that much doesn't feel like they still have to get close to that amount. The value of the gift is not in it's cost.  I have had years where I made my family coupons for 1 week of pet sitting, or offers to cook casseroles or dinners etc. because I simply had no money. And in return, I got a computer, or a new coat or a spa day. I know they don't compare cost wise, but no one has ever felt like they were given the short end of the stick. It's the thought that has gone into those gifts. 

 

Sorry for the long reply. I didn't mean to go on quite so long! 

tl:dr - it's the thought that counts!

[sawasdee]

One of the Christmases I remember was when I was in my first year at Uni. No money, and the whole family in the same boat for various reasons. We made presents  - I bought remnants from Laura Ashley of velvet and corduroy to make my sister a bag, she knitted me hats and mittens from remaindered wool, my niece got a home made nurse's uniform, again made from remnants. Mum got a home made formal skirt for the faculty dinner and dance (I wasn't a bad seamstress)  again made from remaindered fabric.

We all remember that Christmas more than any other. Each gift had thought, effort and time - and not a lot of money. My  mum said it was her best Christmas ever.

[Jennifer Hart]

On December 12, 2015 at 10:24 PM, Grimalkin said:

I really couldn't care less. Whatever floats your boat. My kids get things they need mixed with fun things. Some years a kid may get something expensive like concert tickets while another got Legos. Both are super happy. This year we are getting a kitten. I cannot wait! I have been visiting local shelters playing with cats all day like its my job. Not joking. I am torn about which ones to get. 

awwwwww this one

[sawasdee]

And you took the one with the damaged tail - you big softie, you!

[KylieJenner]

My brother and sister in law are doing something new for gift giving this year for my nephews: Something they want, Something they need, something to wear, something to read. It really has simplified the shopping for them, and I think it's brilliant.

[LadyCrow1313]

A few years ago, my family & I started doing Secret Santa w/a set $ amount. It's a fun idea, not to mention less expensive (not that we really minded getting something for everyone, of course, but no one has minded the change). The only semi-aggravating part is that there's 5 of us that draw names, & more often than not we initially draw our own names & have to start the process all over again.

As for the lady w/the bajillion presents, I look @ it the same way as I'm starting to look @ shows like Celebrity Cribs on Mtv. It's their life, their $, & if they want to look foolish w/such extravagance then that's all on them.

This sort of ties in to the coupon clipping shows I've watched, too. I've seen people save $, which is great, & they brag about how many rolls of paper towels they have (ie, enough to last 238472389742893748923 years). I have respect for folks that can save $ & have extra products on hand, but all of the numerous/unnecessary extras drive me batty. Of course, some couponers may have hoarding issues, too (for all that I know). :: shrugs :: What I really like, though, is the couponers that buy a ton o'goods @ low/zero cost & donate them to local charities. THAT is a truly great thing.

:: ending rant before it goes off onto a completely different topic ::

[lawfulevil]

I admit we always end up with a pretty big pile for niece and nephew. In my defense, they're still little, so their presents are really big! That's my excuse, Duplo blocks being huge.

[keen23]

I saw a meme on Facebook that said kids should get four presents:

1. Something they want
2. Something they need
3. Something to wear
4. Something to read

It's a good idea. One I pretty much follow, but double. All of our presents are from Santa. Every kid in the house has an assigned wrapping paper color and there's always the EXACT same amount of presents in the piles. If I get desperate, I'll wrap up batteries to even it out. But the piles aren't huge. Maybe 7 or 8 per kid. Christmas presents growing up were always from Santa, even when we were well past the age of Santa, and my Mom would enlist us to help wrap presents.

 

 

[AlysonRR]

Our kids typically get one biggish gift from us, a gift from each set of our parents, and one from my brother. A gift card from my aunt, perhaps. Some years, my husband and I also give each kid a gift labeled from us individually (from me, a book; from DH, a video game), depending on how expensive the main gift was.

They also get candy and a few small things (tweezers and nail clippers and sushi socks this year) in their stocking, but they're old enough to know that those come from me or my mom (since we're the ones who end up doing the shopping).

I remember when I was younger, celebrating xmas with my cousins (who had more parents and grandparents and cousins than me) and being amazed that they had 15-20 gifts each, and that they counted them and got sulky if one had more than the other. Didn't seem very Christmas-y to me...

Other than an Amazon gc (which we use to buy presents) from his mum and dad, we don't exchange gifts with my husband's family in England. We tried, initially, but it cost us almost as much to send the gift as it did to buy the gift in the first place, so we decided it wasn't worth it. 

I guess I'm all for a fairly minimal xmas, probably because that's how I was raised.

[louisa05]

On 12/16/2015 at 10:16 AM, LadyCrow1313 said:

A few years ago, my family & I started doing Secret Santa w/a set $ amount. It's a fun idea, not to mention less expensive (not that we really minded getting something for everyone, of course, but no one has minded the change). The only semi-aggravating part is that there's 5 of us that draw names, & more often than not we initially draw our own names & have to start the process all over again.

As for the lady w/the bajillion presents, I look @ it the same way as I'm starting to look @ shows like Celebrity Cribs on Mtv. It's their life, their $, & if they want to look foolish w/such extravagance then that's all on them.

This sort of ties in to the coupon clipping shows I've watched, too. I've seen people save $, which is great, & they brag about how many rolls of paper towels they have (ie, enough to last 238472389742893748923 years). I have respect for folks that can save $ & have extra products on hand, but all of the numerous/unnecessary extras drive me batty. Of course, some couponers may have hoarding issues, too (for all that I know). :: shrugs :: What I really like, though, is the couponers that buy a ton o'goods @ low/zero cost & donate them to local charities. THAT is a truly great thing.

:: ending rant before it goes off onto a completely different topic ::

Interesting note in all of this: the woman with the tree buried in presents is apparently an extreme couponer. I assume some of those packages are boxes of tissue and rolls of paper towels and other items no one actually would want as a gift. 

I think you can keep Christmas minimal without having to have rules and formulas (what if your kid wants something that they also need so it would make more sense to get two things they need? What if your kid was me and wanted nothing but books? Does the formula require that kid to have three non-books as it only allows for one book? How about we just don't have a formula and go with common sense?). But it seems rules and formulas and names for things that we used to just do without having to give it a name are very important now. 

[AlysonRR]

In case the above was aimed at me (minimal xmas person), "a book" could mean several books - I was differentiating that my specific gift of choice will always be book(s) and my husband's will be video games.

As a formula, it works for our family because we all know the system. One year, we got a computer for the kids to share, another year a Wii, then a second computer for one kid, then a WiiU for the other, this year a sewing machine for one and a very expensive video design suite for the other. 

Our kids get a fairly substantial allowance and can buy at least a video game or several books per month, if they so choose. We spend our budget at xmas to get something special they want, but not to overwhelm them with gifts like the story posted, which I find obscene in it's excess.

[louisa05]

11 minutes ago, AlysonRR said:

In case the above was aimed at me (minimal xmas person), "a book" could mean several books - I was differentiating that my specific gift of choice will always be book(s) and my husband's will be video games.

As a formula, it works for our family because we all know the system. One year, we got a computer for the kids to share, another year a Wii, then a second computer for one kid, then a WiiU for the other, this year a sewing machine for one and a very expensive video design suite for the other. 

Our kids get a fairly substantial allowance and can buy at least a video game or several books per month, if they so choose. We spend our budget at xmas to get something special they want, but not to overwhelm them with gifts like the story posted, which I find obscene in it's excess.

It was not. It was general. I just find formulas to be unnecessary and often stifling. Common sense works just as well. And circumstances and needs change all the time. Everyone on anyone's Christmas list is different, too.