Fundie family?

[sawasdee]

1 minute ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

http://5kids6months.blogspot.it/p/faq.html?m=1

http://5kids6months.blogspot.it/p/homeschool.html?m=1

I can't comment. Too much WTFery. I the other thread about them I read that they sold their home  to live...you guessed it, in a RV. I can't find info on the blog so I hope it isn't true.

I think they live on a farm/smallholding in Florida - lots of animals, including  goats and chickens.

[Toothfairy]

20 hours ago, blessalessi said:

It's also not just the age difference per se, but the stage of development they were at when they got together.

Brian was a grown-ass man playing "ask me 3 questions!" with a teenager.  And it seems like it was an effective way to discuss loads of things at a superficial level, without actually getting to know very much at all before moving in together at lightening speed.

I'm also concerned for the emphasis that Shannon places on the fact that Brian is not hot but it doesn't matter. I don't think that was prompted by anything said here.  She seems to be projecting her own anxieties there, perhaps.

It looks to me Brian took advantage of a young clueless teenager. What grown ass man wants a 14yo? Or would marry a 17 yo? A man that has big issues and insecurities.  

12 hours ago, FundieFarmer said:

I struggle with the adoptive moms who write these long, melodramatic tales about their children's lives before New Mommy came into the picture. I was adopted in an age and society where it just wasn't talked about, and I find that much, much easier to deal with than what these kids go through, what with their lives all over social media and family websites and "prayer groups". It wasn't easy either to feel like I could never ask questions about my adoption, but that was more of an internal family issue than anything else. But still, I would take that over being constantly reminded about how my "Forever Family" had "rescued" me from my terrible life and how God had saved me for something greater and all the other baloney some of these adoptive families go on about. 

I had a friend who adopted and was that kind of mom. Among other things, it was a major reason I finally needed space from her. Her savior complex masked with an "It's all God!" attitude literally made me queasy to hear. I just hate that attitude.

Sorry AP who spouts the I saved you theory shouldn't be adopting. You're not saving a child by adopting them. 

15 hours ago, blessalessi said:

Brittney was totally objectified and put out in the press as a "grace and favor" story. I blurred the faces for a little anonymity.

 

This poor girl. She's already lived a life of heartache. Can't believe she's with a family who will do more damage to her. Cps failed these kids big time. Can't believe they passed a home study. 

[Toothfairy]

Shannon stop with the bs. Yes it is creepy for a grown ass man to marry or look at a young teenager.  No grown man whose 25 is seeking a 14yo unless he has issues. 

The real problem is what you're doing to your kids.  Your kids already been through enough trauma. Your kids don't need more trauma.  You're putting your kids faces and stories online for everyone to read and see. This is wrong. You projected your own feelings about infertility onto your daughter as she was grieving. Wearing skirts wasn't your kids idea. Changing names wasn't your kids idea. Publishing your kids stories wasn't their idea. It was all YOURS. Joining ATI is your idea too. People here on Freejinger know what they're talking about. Some lived the ATI lifestyle.  It caused them great harm and damage. We're all telling you to stay away and run from ATI for a reason. It will cause you great harm. As well  as your kids. I suspect Brian is the one pushing  ATI. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

On December 10, 2015 at 8:00 PM, halcionne said:

I don't know for certain, but I suspect that "inactive" is where members get categorized if they don't log in for a long time (like six months or so), to save bandwidth or something along those lines. But I'm not an IT person and really have no idea what I'm talking about.

@Destiny replied to the member thread about this, linking in case you guys don't hit that thread http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24994-member-count/?do=findComment&comment=1079626.

and this was part of a bug that is now fixed and she's active again.

 

[SpoonfulOSugar]

http://5kids6months.blogspot.it/p/homeschool.html?m=1

In 2013, the kids were going to bed by 9:30 and up at 8:45 - almost 12 hours.

That seems incredibly long.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

2 minutes ago, SpoonfulOSugar said:

http://5kids6months.blogspot.it/p/homeschool.html?m=1

In 2013, the kids were going to bed by 9:30 and up at 8:45 - almost 12 hours.

That seems incredibly long.

I focus on the mundane, but I want to know why mom has to wipe down the kitchen counters before breakfast?  If no one had eaten yet why aren't they already clean from cleaning up the night before?

mileage varies on this but this kind of lack of structure wouldn't have worked for us when my kids were small.  If you "do what you want" including shopping and running errands when they would be in school how can they possibly dedicate enough time to academics.  That looks like a high risk for sub-par schooling or even educational neglect to me.

 

[halcionne]

22 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

@Destiny replied to the member thread about this, linking in case you guys don't hit that thread http://www.freejinger.org/topic/24994-member-count/?do=findComment&comment=1079626.

and this was part of a bug that is now fixed and she's active again.

 

Thanks, you two (and other FJ code monkeys), for all of your hard work. I'm curious, though, about the inactive group as it used to function, and/or will function going forward. Old FJ had inactive members that had a sleepy moon avatar whose posts could still be liked. At one point I poked around in the members listing and got the impression that inactive status was automatically triggered after six months of no logging in. Of course my impression could be wrong and it's moot now anyway, since we're on a new platform with different features.

Bottom line for me is 1: I want to be able to like a post, and inactive members' posts aren't (weren't?) able to be upvoted, and 2: helpmeets' jobs should be as easy as possible, and I hope any shitwork you have had to do manually can be done automatically at some point. 3: I am ready, willing, and able to do any manual shitwork that needs done, as long as it doesn't require a CS degree. 

[formergothardite]

I'm surprised that she makes them wait so long to have breakfast. They are not eating till nearly 10:00 when they ate dinner at 5:30 the day before. I'm an adult and would have a hard time going that long without eating. 

[JillyO]

3 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

I'm surprised that she makes them wait so long to have breakfast. They are not eating till nearly 10:00 when they ate dinner at 5:30 the day before. I'm an adult and would have a hard time going that long without eating. 

I was gonna say the exact same thing. They have dinner from 5:30 to 6:00. That seems super-early to me, but anyway. Then they don't eat anything until 9:40 the next morning? That is almost 16 hours without eating. I'm no expert, but that seems waay too long and personally, I would faint doing my morning chores without breakfast (heck, I'd probably wake up because I was starving by 6 am).

[notfundy]

I totally agree on the length of time between last night's dinner and this morning's breakfast.  We have seven year old twin nephews that we have over to our house a lot.  They go to bed at 7:30 - 8pm and get up at 6am like clockwork and they are hungry RIGHT AWAY RIGHT HIS MINUTE OH MY GOD I AM STARVING!    In fact, when they come to our house for the day, their mom often says "they'll be ready for their second breakfast soon" (like, at 8:30 or 9am).  And they are definitely ready.

So many of these families (I'm thinking the Shupes) are so controlling when it comes to their kids' eating.  I am no by means an advocate of letting kids snack all day to to the exclusion of eating at meal time (and snacks should be more or less healthy most of the time) - but this stuff is ridiculous.   

[DaisyD]

Schooling doesn't seem like a priority in their house. The only thing that happens before school here is breakfast. Then everything else waits until school is done for the day, except snacks and lunch. I schedule any shopping or appointments for when we'll likely be done with school. If we aren't done by then, I seriously look at whether or not we can reschedule. If I have enough food for another round of meals shopping gets pushed to the next day. If not I usually run to the store after Mr. D gets home for the few things I need until the next day. If there's something that I want/need to do that would interfere, it waits. I'm not saying my way is the right, or only way, but it's clear to my child that his education is the most important thing we do every day. It's way too easy to let it fall by the wayside otherwise.

 

When we first started, I was terrified that school would end up not getting done. I've relaxed a bit, but it's still always the biggest part of my day. School has to be the priority, if you want them to succeed in the real world. 

[blessalessi]

Yeah, the late start to the day is weird, given the earlyish bedtime.  And going to bed at 8 for a 9.30 lights out seems odd.  It is as if they y wants to have adult time at night, as well as a lie in every morning, and the kids have to go to their rooms a lot to accomodate the parents' needs.

But most weird of all is that there seems to be relatively little schooling, even if they stay in all day.  Given that she says they go out most days, it is hard to see where the schooling fits in.

But any problems arising from this lack of structure and irregular mealtimes is no doubt due to RAD. 

[salex]

On 12/7/2015 at 1:23 PM, imokit said:

She also follows Voddy Buacham - he believes that a 3 year old should be spanked at least 3 times before breakfast and babies are vipers in diapers and full of sin.

 

What an evil bastard Voddy Buacham must be. The only time I ever heard him speak was a tirade on maybe God wants your marriage to be miserable, so just suck it up no matter what, be holy and remember happiness is overrated. 

If people follow him, and don't ever say "WTF is he on about, what nonsense" then I pity them, their spouses and their children, 

 

[Pseudoname]

13 hours ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

http://5kids6months.blogspot.it/p/faq.html?m=1

http://5kids6months.blogspot.it/p/homeschool.html?m=1

I can't comment. Too much WTFery. I the other thread about them I read that they sold their home  to live...you guessed it, in a RV. I can't find info on the blog so I hope it isn't true.

Sadly, true.  Although I think it was a temporary measure until their new home was built?

http://5kids6months.blogspot.com.au/2013_08_01_archive.html

http://5kids6months.blogspot.com.au/2014_01_01_archive.html

[FundieFarmer]

I totally agree on the length of time between last night's dinner and this morning's breakfast.  We have seven year old twin nephews that we have over to our house a lot.  They go to bed at 7:30 - 8pm and get up at 6am like clockwork and they are hungry RIGHT AWAY RIGHT HIS MINUTE OH MY GOD I AM STARVING!    In fact, when they come to our house for the day, their mom often says "they'll be ready for their second breakfast soon" (like, at 8:30 or 9am).  And they are definitely ready.

So many of these families (I'm thinking the Shupes) are so controlling when it comes to their kids' eating.  I am no by means an advocate of letting kids snack all day to to the exclusion of eating at meal time (and snacks should be more or less healthy most of the time) - but this stuff is ridiculous.   

Being super controlling about kids food can give major food issues, too! My mom was like that and I struggle with it now. Foods that were unapproved when I was young are a major fight for me now that I can make my own decisions. It becomes a huge battle! It would suck if these kids developed something like that.

Also, not a parent but confused: if two kids fail their grade level and another is suspended, I would suspect that what you are (not) doing at home is part of the equation. When I didn't do well, we worked extra at home and I was sent to tutors. Why, if that happens to your kids, you'd pull them out entirely and homeschool them yourself when your own system clearly isn't helping is beyond me.

Also, why doesn't mom make her own bed? Why does daughter do it?

[Pseudoname]

We always had dinner around 5:30-6:00pm when I was growing up.  But we also had something called "bed lunch" which was a snack/mini meal before bed, such as a sandwich, a bowl of cereal, fruit and yogurt, crackers and cheese ...).  Once we kids were old enough to get our own foods, we never had a limit on when, what, or how much we wanted for snacks.  I really feel for kids with parents who control food as a means of controlling a child.

i wonder if the kids get their breakfast after chores because otherwise they would dawdle and do a half assed job, whereas doing them before breakfast leaves the option of no food until things are done to mummy's (high) standards?

[desertvixen]

1 hour ago, Pseudoname said:

We always had dinner around 5:30-6:00pm when I was growing up.  But we also had something called "bed lunch" which was a snack/mini meal before bed, such as a sandwich, a bowl of cereal, fruit and yogurt, crackers and cheese ...).  Once we kids were old enough to get our own foods, we never had a limit on when, what, or how much we wanted for snacks.  I really feel for kids with parents who control food as a means of controlling a child.

 

This.  We normally eat later (around 7 or so) but if my kid needs a snack, she gets a snack.  I keep plenty of healthy/mostly healthy options in the house and easily accessible to her.

I get that food costs add up if you let your kids snack a lot, but welcome to parenthood.  Kids shouldn't be hungry just to make it convenient for parents.

[RebelYell]

3 hours ago, FundieFarmer said:

 

Being super controlling about kids food can give major food issues, too! My mom was like that and I struggle with it now. Foods that were unapproved when I was young are a major fight for me now that I can make my own decisions. It becomes a huge battle! It would suck if these kids developed something like that.

Also, not a parent but confused: if two kids fail their grade level and another is suspended, I would suspect that what you are (not) doing at home is part of the equation. When I didn't do well, we worked extra at home and I was sent to tutors. Why, if that happens to your kids, you'd pull them out entirely and homeschool them yourself when your own system clearly isn't helping is beyond me.

Also, why doesn't mom make her own bed? Why does daughter do it?

I would also like to know why mom doesn't make her own bed. I found that bit peculiar. Also agree that Shannon looks fifteen (I mean, hey, she will age well!? Can't hate on her for that!). Seems like they make a lot lot of fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants decisions. They could stay in ATI forever if they are that easily influenced. I hope they wake up!

[EyeQueue]

Wow. I just can't with some of the comments on her Facebook post addressing how FJ was so mean to her about the age gap. See for yourself:

Quote

And quite frankly my dear(s), your age difference isn't that big!!! Lol (and Brian is still SUPER young [).]

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My parents were 9 years apart. My brother and his wife are 13 years apart.

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My darling hubby is 18 yrs my senior and we are as happy and in love as could be and celebrating 8 yrs of marriage soon!

Of course an age gap in and of itself is not snark-worthy. What *is* is the fact that they started getting together when she was 14 and he was 30something.

Which is certainly something squicky.

But, we're only raising this issue because:

Quote

People are just jealous and insecure to make those kinds of comments.

[SpoonfulOSugar]

On 12/9/2015 at 8:15 AM, 5 Kids 6 Months said:

Hello, I'm Shannon from 5 kids 6 months. I would love to ease any of your minds. Please ask me anything! So our blog was never planned to get "big" it was just a little page for our family and church to get an easy update on how quickly life had changed for us. The first year and a half after the kids came was SO HARD I couldn't start a blog even though people kept saying, "oh Shannon, you need to write about that." I told God until I saw and felt some hope I wouldn't write and if I did it would be for one purpose to glorify Him. Well, here we are and way to many people like to actually read my ramblings. The blog, although primarily written by me, is our family blog. The kids are always saying, "mom post this, post that." 

Okay now to two main comments that keep getting brought up. The age gap is weird, I know, but I am posting on it now on our FB page to address that. Also, the name change thing gets brought up a lot on here and on our page. Our kids chose there new names and are super proud of them. If anyone ever compliments their names they instantly light up and tell them the meaning. Our kids came from hard (and I mean HARD places). Being called their name in a certain tone could trigger traumatic memories. We gave the kids a huge baby name book and months of thought and prayer went into those names. They picked up to 3 names and as a family we chose what suited each of them best. Then we left their previous names as middle names giving them the option to be called their previous name until they were ready to transition. All of our kids transitioned super quick, some before they were adopted. It was me that kept calling them their old name and them saying, "moooooommmmmmmmm, I am such and such now!" They owned the names before I did. As for Britt our special girl since she cannot come to that decision to choose a new name we chose hers yet she will go by Brittney for as long as it takes for her to request to be called her new name, which may be never and that is okay. I need to post about that decision, it is one that confuses people.  I am a real, down-to-earth lady, a little too sarcastic yet I do really want to honor God and love people that God puts in my path! 

Oh, well I just noticed that under my name it reads: "You're All Going to Hell" 

Yep, I did not put that. That is cute Admin....

How did you morph from "I want to ease your minds - please ask me anything" to the "we get hate" approach on your FB page?

Seems to me there's a whole heck of a lot of concern being expressed through these posts.  That's a vastly different thing - and the concerns expressed have not been answered.

[formergothardite]

She apparently didn't really mean it when she said "Please ask anything." 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

23 hours ago, desertvixen said:

This.  We normally eat later (around 7 or so) but if my kid needs a snack, she gets a snack.  I keep plenty of healthy/mostly healthy options in the house and easily accessible to her.

I get that food costs add up if you let your kids snack a lot, but welcome to parenthood.  Kids shouldn't be hungry just to make it convenient for parents.

I'm with you.  We usually ate around 5:30-6:00 when my kids were school age but I never made them clean their plate nor denied them access to healthy snacks*.  I thought letting their own appetites dictate was healthier and it worked really well.  When going through a growth spurt thud need more food and sometimes less and as long as they were eating and healthy I didn't want to mess with that.  It worked out really well for them, they are all young adults and no food or weight issues in any of them.

*Im not role model and we were never a junk food free household, but it was limited.  So not like they could skip dinner and fill up on cookies.

 

 

[desertvixen]

@HerNameIsBuffy, I try not to stress cleaning plate or eating things she doesn't like either.  Now she can't have a bunch of snacks if she blew off dinner, but I try to remember that appetite varies.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 minute ago, formergothardite said:

She apparently didn't really mean it when she said "Please ask anything." 

No one ever does.

She doesn't owe us anything of course, but I do hope some of what she's read here sticks in the back of her mind and maybe as things come up she will reevaluate some choices she's making and make some changes in the interests of her kids.  Even if we never hear about it, that doesn't matter...f they benefit that's all that matters.  (And I know you weren't implying otherwise FG, just tacking on a point.)

 

[chaotic life]

Shannon, I totally GET that you have good intentions with those signs on your daughter's wheelchair. I get that you want to make the point that she is loved, she is a daughter and a sister and the term "unadoptable" is disgusting and should never be given to a child.

I get it because my son came from foster care. My son was finally removed not for years of medical neglect but for the fact that his overwhelmed parents finally beat him black and blue and the doctors at the hospital feared for his life. Because being a teen mom to at that time four kids was HARD for his mom but his autism and cystic fibrosis was simply too much. I get that even after TPR occurred, our adoption was held up for 6 months because his birth father appealed the TPR on the grounds my baby was "unadoptable" and I ranted that you cannot call my son that when he's in my arms and my home and I'm waiting for the courts to clear the way so I CAN adopt him.

I get that you mean well by what you did.

Here's the thing. I only share those details about my son because he left us. We lost the fight with CF and we had to let him go and not hurt anymore. Never while he was alive would I have allowed those stories to be discussed. I talk about them now because I do want to stress that every child is precious. But when you stick signs on her and label her with the same words the system gave her, even when you intend to refute those labels you still assign them to her.

Please, quit parading your kids past stories and struggles for your own agenda. Your children have their own unique stories and history. That story belongs exclusively to YOUR CHILDREN, not to you. It needs to be their right to share it or not, not yours.