"Disturbing" Fundie Couple - 11smiths

[VVV]

11 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

I don't mine age gaps in relationships as long as both parties are consenting adults with some life experiences. (IE not 18 year olds dating 40 year olds) and I don't think grey hair automatically = 60 year or older, but the photo of them side by side almost looks predatory. I would never think that if this wasn't a fundie couple, but it gives me creepy "groomed for older dude" vibes.

 

Oh for pete's sake.  I have to say, it is profoundly unsettling to read so many people's opinions, based only on a photograph, that are so far off base from the person I used to work with.  Seriously he is the least likely predator I can imagine.  He was always a nice guy, always awkward, never aggressive or even terribly assertive.  Very religious but never obnoxious about it.  Caspar Milquetoast in the flesh, perhaps, but a very good conscientious colleague.  Granted my memories are almost 30 years old but people generally don't change their spots that much.  And trust me, professional classical music is a very small world and if there had been any scandalous events in the intervening decades since I worked with him, I would most certainly have heard about them.

My best guess is that there is affection between the two, perhaps not passion, but they have each for their own reasons decided that life together is better than life separately.  This is the exact opposite of the fundie couples who barely know each other.

 

Edited December 10, 2015 by VVV
Edited in an attempt to clean up quote.

[sawasdee]

1 minute ago, VVV said:

 

Oh for pete's sake.  I have to say, it is profoundly unsettling to read so many people's opinions, based only on a photograph, that are so far off base from the person I used to work with.  Seriously he is the least likely predator I can imagine.  He was always a nice guy, always awkward, never aggressive or even terribly assertive.  Very religious but never obnoxious about it.  Caspar Milquetoast in the flesh, perhaps, but a very good conscientious colleague.  Granted my memories are almost 30 years old but people generally don't change their spots that much.  And trust me, professional classical music is a very small world and if there had been any scandalous events in the intervening decades since I worked with him, I would most certainly have heard about them.

My best guess is that there is affection between the two, perhaps not passion, but they have each for their own reasons decided that life together is better than life separately.  This is the exact opposite of the fundie couples who barely know each other.

 

Thank you. Judgments should not be made on a photograph, and earlier his 'nicenesss' had been mentioned. The best of all wishes to them!

[HarleyQuinn]

3 minutes ago, VVV said:

 

Oh for pete's sake.  I have to say, it is profoundly unsettling to read so many people's opinions, based only on a photograph, that are so far off base from the person I used to work with.  Seriously he is the least likely predator I can imagine.  He was always a nice guy, always awkward, never aggressive or even terribly assertive.  Very religious but never obnoxious about it.  Caspar Milquetoast in the flesh, perhaps, but a very good conscientious colleague.  Granted my memories are almost 30 years old but people generally don't change their spots that much.  And trust me, professional classical music is a very small world and if there had been any scandalous events in the intervening decades since I worked with him, I would most certainly have heard about them.

My best guess is that there is affection between the two, perhaps not passion, but they have each for their own reasons decided that life together is better than life separately.  This is the exact opposite of the fundie couples who barely know each other.

 

This is a snark site, many opinions are based solely off photographs, blog posts, etc. I'm sorry if you don't agree with what I said about a man you knew decades ago. You're right, I don't know them, but seeing as I'm on FJ and find fundies extremely disturbing, I call it as I see it. I'm sure you understand and know what to expect.

[VVV]

6 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

This is a snark site, many opinions are based solely off photographs, blog posts, etc. I'm sorry if you don't agree with what I said about a man you knew decades ago. You're right, I don't know them, but seeing as I'm on FJ and find fundies extremely disturbing, I call it as I see it. I'm sure you understand and know what to expect.

I know exactly what to expect and I'm not telling you not to post your opinion.  I'm just telling you you're wrong. 

[HarleyQuinn]

5 minutes ago, VVV said:

I know exactly what to expect and I'm not telling you not to post your opinion.  I'm just telling you you're wrong. 

I hope I'm wrong, but seeing as you haven't known this man in 30 years by your own admission, I'm not sure if you know with 100% certainty that this wasn't some weird arrangement either.

 

[VVV]

16 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

I hope I'm wrong, but seeing as you haven't known this man in 30 years by your own admission, I'm not sure if you know with 100% certainty that this wasn't some weird arrangement either.

 

I don't think anyone can know anything about another person with 100% certainty, even those who live in the same house.  But if he had changed significantly from the person I worked with, I am 90% certain that I would have heard about it from mutual acquaintances given how small the professional classical music world is plus the natural human enjoyment of passing along juicy gossip.  (I have heard plenty of juicy gossip about other colleagues from the same place and time over the years.)  Plus he's been on my FB for years.  When I first saw the original post, I went back through several months of his FB page but nope, his FB persona is still in agreement with the person I remember. 

[Queen Of Hearts]

It seems there are some who want to damn this relationship to hell simply because they are fundies.  While I'll snark on fundies as much as the next person, I can also see that some of them are indeed good people.  In this case, the couple shares interests, have known each other (and their families) for quite some time, and are both well past the age of consent.  A 20-something age gap hardly seems 'predatory' when the younger of the two is in her 30s.  Frankly, this relationship seems more normal and better suited than half of them I see coming out of Hollywood.  

Fundie-haters should rejoice at this match - not only do the two seem well suited, they are also both old enough that they likely won't be having a large family.  

I wish them happiness.  

[Hortense Peyrac]

The Smith family published a lot of pics on their blog. So odd... I can't avoid thinking that she married this man to run away from her family. Happily, the newlyweds have a common point: the music. I hope the music will keep them busy, the music and 4 or 5 children, obviously. Perhaps, Amanda no longer plucks chickens !!

[usedbicycle]

Their blog has many photos of the wedding and wedding preparations. Everyone seems pretty happy. Just like any May-December marriage, the generational gap pops out in pictures - you can't help but compare Russel to Deborah's young boyfriend or Anna's husband. But I've been to a couple similar weddings in my family and they made happy marriages.

My heart does sink a little knowing that they had very little to zero physical contact prior to the wedding. I would feel a lot better if their romance had just developed organically and they knew they loved each other physically as well. I do wish them well and hope Amanda is truly happy.

 

[naatashamaru]

these pitures are weird cuz it seems like 20 minutes after the wedding everyone changed into their "regular"clothes and continued on in the day.

[Jana814]

Just looking at the pictures. Does anyone know how old the bride and groom are?  He looks old enough to be her father. 

[season of life]

Jana814, someone said he could be 63. Amanda is somewhere in her early thirties, I think.

[Jana814]

2 hours ago, season of life said:

Jana814, someone said he could be 63. Amanda is somewhere in her early thirties, I think.

Oh my. That is so gross. I'm sure she is going to want to have children. 

[season of life]

3 hours ago, Jana814 said:

Oh my. That is so gross. I'm sure she is going to want to have children. 

Yeah, I can't figure out the attraction. Maybe Amanda just wanted to fly the coop.

[JermajestyDuggar]

4 hours ago, Jana814 said:

Oh my. That is so gross. I'm sure she is going to want to have children. 

She might actually be lucky in that regard. I doubt they will have more than 4 kids if they are that old. And the kids probably won't be close together in age. So she's free of her family, gets to have a couple of kids, and a companion that enjoys music. Yeah he's way older but I suppose she's about as lucky as any other fundie girl marrying in her 30s.

[CrazyCatLady]

She might actually be lucky in that regard. I doubt they will have more than 4 kids if they are that old. And the kids probably won't be close together in age. So she's free of her family, gets to have a couple of kids, and a companion that enjoys music. Yeah he's way older but I suppose she's about as lucky as any other fundie girl marrying in her 30s.

Hope he has a ton of life insurance.

[akinom]

Sometimes you start seeing an old friend differently. Compared to marrying someone who saw you on tv and started sucking up to your father, I think this seems more promising.

 

I skimmed the blog, and this family is disappointingly low on the crazy scale! Not compared to regular people, but to other fundies of course.

[CoveredInBees]

43 minutes ago, akinom said:

Sometimes you start seeing an old friend differently. Compared to marrying someone who saw you on tv and started sucking up to your father, I think this seems more promising.

I agree, I think the more you know someone, the more attractive they become to you (assuming you like them).

 

[VVV]

On 7/27/2016 at 8:41 PM, Jana814 said:

Just looking at the pictures. Does anyone know how old the bride and groom are?  He looks old enough to be her father. 

:::shrug::: My great-grandfather was old enough to be my great-grandmother's father but they had a very happy marriage nonetheless--she was in her late 20s when they married.   I really don't understand the group freakout over a May-December wedding when the bride is in her 30s.  Such marriages happen outside of fundiedom too.

I am pretty sure Russell is late 50s.  I don't think he was more than a few years older than me when we worked together.  He's a good guy if somewhat rigid and I wish them happiness.

[Howl]

Cross threading from another thread: 

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I guess it’s good that Russell seems to old to procreate.

Let me help. They don't have a platonic marriage. 

Men and women in their 70s are still capable of having an active sex life (and even into their 80s if they are so inclined). 

Guys have Viagra and testosterone supplementation; women have hormone replacement options. 

If she's fertile, there will be pregnancies, unless he's been snipped, isn't into raising kids in his 60s (especially if he's already raised one family) or he's shooting blanks.   Can someone refresh me on if Russell had a prior marriage/kids?  

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

18 minutes ago, Howl said:

Cross threading from another thread: 

Let me help. They don't have a platonic marriage. 

Men and women in their 70s are still capable of having an active sex life (and even into their 80s if they are so inclined). 

Guys have Viagra and testosterone supplementation; women have hormone replacement options. 

If she's fertile, there will be pregnancies, unless he's been snipped, isn't into raising kids in his 60s (especially if he's already raised one family) or he's shooting blanks.   Can someone refresh me on if Russell had a prior marriage/kids?  

 

Did you know that women aren’t the only ones who have a decrease in fertility due to age? Unfortunately people like to always blame an older woman for decreased fertility in a couple. But men do have a decrease as they age. And by the time men are in their 60s, they aren’t as fertile as they were in their 20s. It isn’t impossible for this couple to have a child. But if you want to look at fertility statistics on people their age (I believe Amanda is over 35), they have a lower chance of conceiving compared to a couple of 20 year old fundies. 

[Howl]

47 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

But if you want to look at fertility statistics on people their age (I believe Amanda is over 35), they have a lower chance of conceiving compared to a couple of 20 year old fundies. 

Absolutely true and good point that a women's fertility also decreases with age.  

I hope Amanda has babies IF she wants them.  It would be sad if she desperately wanted kids, but hubs is blocking that option. 

The previous posts stopped in 2016.  Did Amanda have a baby?

Edited April 24, 2019 by Howl

[usedbicycle]

1 hour ago, Howl said:

Can someone refresh me on if Russell had a prior marriage/kids?  

34 minutes ago, Howl said:

The previous posts stopped in 2016.  Did Amanda have a baby?

Russell was a lifelong bachelor before marrying Amanda and they haven't announced a pregnancy yet, their latest post on the blog is from February. I agree that medically, nothing would prevent a woman in her late 30's and a man in his 60's to conceive a baby, except for both of their declining fertilities or other reproductive issues. They seem to really love their nieces and nephews so I doubt they're preventing, but you never know. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

23 minutes ago, usedbicycle said:

Russell was a lifelong bachelor before marrying Amanda and they haven't announced a pregnancy yet, their latest post on the blog is from February. I agree that medically, nothing would prevent a woman in her late 30's and a man in his 60's to conceive a baby, except for both of their declining fertilities or other reproductive issues. They seem to really love their nieces and nephews so I doubt they're preventing, but you never know. 

They aren’t preventing. Amanda has said they would happily welcome a blessing from god.

[nausicaa]

6 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

They aren’t preventing. Amanda has said they would happily welcome a blessing from god.

I don't know too much about the Smiths. Does anyone know how medically inclined they are? Would they be okay with Bates-level fertility intervention? Or does Amanda just have to rub some essential oils on her stomach and hope for the best?

And what's the general consensus for Fundies and Viagra?