"Disturbing" Fundie Couple - 11smiths

[Kira]

11smiths.blogspot.com

Amanda Smith is engaged to an older family friend named Russell Lewis

Here's a discussion about the engagement in the "List of Unmarried Fundies" thread:

http://www.freejinger.org/topic/17719-list-of-unmarried-fundies/?page=24

[JillyO]

Here's an old thread on the Smith family for some background: http://www.freejinger.org/topic/20226-meet-the-11smiths-aka-the-11boringfundies/?page=1

[Marshmallow World]

OMGGGGGG How old is that guy? And how old is Amanda? The pics make them look more father/daughter than an engaged couple.

I realize that I have an incredibly immature sense of humor, but my first thought when I read that Amanda "ABHORS Hummers" was to think, "Good, that's not how you can make a baby anyway." 

Check out their political blog too!

Edited December 6, 2015 by Marshmallow World
Fixing quote

[GodsKnickers]

Great at designing patterns. Well that can't be too hard. Frumper dresses look like dead rhesus monkeys could design them.

Emily was once a mouse in a church play! She has also been an angel and a sheep in Christmas plays!

It's sad that this is considered a highlight of her life.

[youthfulclearly]

Well, found an inactive twitter account for him, with a link to a blog that does not work. https://twitter.com/rwl13

Russell Lewis is a pretty common name, so I didn't have much luck finding an age. There is a Russell W Lewis in White Oak, TX that is 63, so that might be him.

[VGL]

He plays/played violin in a string quartet

http://www.longviewstringquartet.com/musician_bios.html

According to page 13 of this PDF, he had 39 years teaching experience in 2011

http://www.mobberly.org/eeupload/MAPA_Handbook_Fall11.pdf

 

[feministxtian]

creepy....

[SolomonFundy]

Hmmm... cloistered, predominantly female family group mainly comprised of unwed sisters ranging in age from 20's- late 30's with non-specific, yet strict religious beliefs, and Catholic roots?

Arndt boys... your penguins have arrived.

[Jingerbread]

Ew.  EW.  Non-fundy people at their ages are usually at different life stages, but it's so much worse when they're fundies.  Was that guy around when she was still in diapers?  Was he side-by-side with her parents watching her be raised and molded into his future wife?

[AliceInFundyland]

Upon seeing that thread title my first thought was, "Is there any other kind?"

[JillyO]

So I came across a blog post from October of this year. They had a family with a bunch of kids visit, the Malletts. The Malletts' kids are called Liberty, Glory, Verity, Mercy, and Merry. No idea who these people are to them, but I just had to share the WTF-ery.

http://11smiths.blogspot.de/2015/10/the-malletts-visit.html

Edited December 7, 2015 by JillyO
Correcting link

[AmazonGrace]

Is Merry adopted?

It's like Matthew, Mark, Luke and Ernie.

 

I hope the happy couple is happy and that they have the foresight to think about the financial future of the wife and eventual offspring, in the unlikely event that he doesn't live forever or gets too fragile to work in the coming years.

Those long skirts don't seem very practical for wading.

Edited December 7, 2015 by AmazonGrace

[prayawaythefundie]

Run Amanda, run! They look so creepy as a couple.

Judging from their family photos they must have gone fundy between 1981 (defrauding dresses exposing the shoulders of 3 little girls,) and 1986 (all girls wear wholesome prairie dresses).

 

ETA: I love how my username is too long and gets shortened to "prayawathefun..."! Very maxhellian

Edited December 7, 2015 by prayawaythefundie

[EmainMacha]

Though I'm not necessarily freaked out by the age difference the fact that he may have known her since she was very young reminds me of some weird Elsie Dinsmore situation playing out in modern times.

[Queen Of Hearts]

Meh.  The age difference doesn't bother me.  It sounds like Amanda is in her mid thirties?  It's not like she is some kid at this point.  The King of Hearts and I have a wonderful 'May to December' romance, which also began when I was in my thirties, so I may be a little biased here.  

[JillyO]

I don't mind bigger age gaps under normal circumstances. But with fundies, I feel very differently. It's not like these SAHD have any other way of getting out of the house but to get married - and at well over thirty, they are bound to get desperate and just accept whoever wants to marry them. Anyway, I really hope that the fiancé having been a family friend for a long time does not mean he knew Amanda as a kid. Because that would be squicky beyond words.

[anjulibai]

Has this guy been married before? I'd find it much weirder if this were his first marriage, seeing as he looks like he's 60 something. 

[singsingsing]

Right, if a 33-year-old woman were dating a 60-year-old man in the secular (i.e. non-fundie) world, I wouldn't think much of it. They're both consenting adults, and a 33-year-old is certainly capable of making that choice. And yeah, sometimes it just is what it is - you fall in love with someone despite certain barriers or what have you. Nothing wrong with that.

But in the fundie world it's different. It doesn't matter how old she is, she's still essentially a girl, kept at home and shielded from the big bad world. What life experience can she possibly have vs. his? I'm not even talking about sex and dating, but everything - education, work experience, making and losing friends, making decisions about her path in life, changing her mind... my guess is that her family has kept her as cloistered and 'innocent' as possible, and now she's going to marry a 60-year-old man. How old is she? 33? 35? 39? It doesn't really matter. She may as well be 17.

[nausicaa]

3 hours ago, anjulibai said:

Has this guy been married before? I'd find it much weirder if this were his first marriage, seeing as he looks like he's 60 something. 

I was wondering the same thing. I'm also more concerned if he's never been married before. 

I wonder if he is super awkward around women and figured he could wait for a Smith daughter to get old enough that she'd be desperate enough to say yes. 

Edited December 7, 2015 by nausicaa25

[Jingerbread]

4 hours ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

Meh.  The age difference doesn't bother me.  It sounds like Amanda is in her mid thirties?  It's not like she is some kid at this point.  The King of Hearts and I have a wonderful 'May to December' romance, which also began when I was in my thirties, so I may be a little biased here.  

Is she that old?  She looks early 20's, if that old, to me.  I think a lot of fundy girls look older than they are because of how they're supposed to dress, so she may be younger.  30's to 60's is at least same or similar life stages.  

[polecat]

In general, May-December relationships don't phase me. A family member in her 20s married a man more than 30 years her senior, and they had a long, happy relationship. Age shouldn't matter either way if a couple is right for one another. But in this case, I'm disquieted. Given how sheltered young women are in the fundamentalist world and given that she may have been essentially forced into this (for lack of other options), I can't help but feel there's a really massive power imbalance that is going to make for an unhealthy situation for her.

[Jingerbread]

2 hours ago, singsingsing said:

Right, if a 33-year-old woman were dating a 60-year-old man in the secular (i.e. non-fundie) world, I wouldn't think much of it. They're both consenting adults, and a 33-year-old is certainly capable of making that choice. And yeah, sometimes it just is what it is - you fall in love with someone despite certain barriers or what have you. Nothing wrong with that.

But in the fundie world it's different. It doesn't matter how old she is, she's still essentially a girl, kept at home and shielded from the big bad world. What life experience can she possibly have vs. his? I'm not even talking about sex and dating, but everything - education, work experience, making and losing friends, making decisions about her path in life, changing her mind... my guess is that her family has kept her as cloistered and 'innocent' as possible, and now she's going to marry a 60-year-old man. How old is she? 33? 35? 39? It doesn't really matter. She may as well be 17.

This.  This is my concern.  By not having similar life experiences, there's a power imbalance that makes this wrong.  No matter what her age, she's mentally stunted as a child because she's been deprived of experiences other women have.  She at 33 isn't going to have any of the experiences of me at 33.  Put her with a man, especially a man old enough to be her father if not grandfather, and her lack of experience and knowing who she is as an individual makes it very easy to take advantage of her and hurt her.  I think Courtney Stoddard had more life experience at 16 than Amanda has had at however old she is.

[Queen Of Hearts]

22 minutes ago, Jingerbread said:

Is she that old?  She looks early 20's, if that old, to me.  I think a lot of fundy girls look older than they are because of how they're supposed to dress, so she may be younger.  30's to 60's is at least same or similar life stages.  

I read in the other thread (unmarried fundies) that she was in her early to mid-thirties.  I think someone figured that out based on the age of some of the other kids, including the youngest son.  After looking at all the pictures of the couple on the blog, I also don't think the groom-to-be looks as old as some think he is.  I'd put him as maybe older 40s or early 50s.  His grey hair and kind of frumpy appearance is making him look older than he is, I think.  

[anjulibai]

7 minutes ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

I read in the other thread (unmarried fundies) that she was in her early to mid-thirties.  I think someone figured that out based on the age of some of the other kids, including the youngest son.  After looking at all the pictures of the couple on the blog, I also don't think the groom-to-be looks as old as some think he is.  I'd put him as maybe older 40s or early 50s.  His grey hair and kind of frumpy appearance is making him look older than he is, I think.  

Except someone posted above that he had 39 years of teaching experience as of 2011. That's not possible for someone in their early 50s. 

I have to say, I do find the age difference even in a secular context creepy. I have a recent example in my family. 

My mom's older brother, who turned 62 in August, just married a woman who is 33. My uncle's older daughter is 35. His younger daughter is 28. So, he's with a woman who is the same generation as his daughters. He and his wife had a baby this fall, so everyone plays nice, but yes, it is squicking family members out. 

[nausicaa]

1 hour ago, Jingerbread said:

Is she that old?  She looks early 20's, if that old, to me.  I think a lot of fundy girls look older than they are because of how they're supposed to dress, so she may be younger.  30's to 60's is at least same or similar life stages.  

(Disclaimer: I feel like I'm following you all over the board disagreeing with you today. We're just on the same threads and keep running into each other.)

I wouldn't say 30s to 60s is a similar life stage (you're making me feel old!). Thirty somethings are typically beginning steady adulthood, having children, buying homes, going into their peak earning years. Sixty somethings are typically thinking of retirement and have children who are grown or close to becoming so.

And one thing to think about is ten, twenty years down the road. Let's say she's 33 and he's 60. Ten years from now, she's an active 43 year old in the prime of life. He's 70 and could very likely have some health issues. Twenty years down the road? She's 53. An age where she very likely is still active and energetic (and probably has a passel of still fairly young kids since they're Fundies). He is 80 and most likely will need quite a bit of care.

I'm not against May-December romances on principle, and I realize I'm generalizing here, I've just known several women who married men much older than them (not Fundies, these were love matches with independent, self-supporting women). While they loved their husbands, many lamented how they hadn't foreseen the amount of work and sacrifice down the road. No traveling in retirement. No taking up new, active interests with their spouse in middle age. Not having as many children as they had originally wanted. A 25 and 50 year old can have similar energy levels and interests. A 45 and 70 year old, not so much. There's a saying that you become the age of the person you marry. 

Edited December 7, 2015 by nausicaa25