Viral Birthday Cake decorated by Autistic Employee

[MatthewDuggar]

http://fox8.com/2015/12/01/birthday-cake-decor-goes-viral-for-surprising-reason/

Super sweet lady!  I can't imagine how most people in the same situation might have reacted.

It makes me stop and think about all the viral humble bragging lately.  There seems to be a huge uptick, at least in my feeds.  I belong to a FB group for my hometown in the midwest US.  It was originally set up for people that had moved away to share their thoughts and remembrances about growing up and living there.  It's sort of now morphed into a community discussion of current events of people living there.  Almost daily there is a share of some random act of kindness.  For example, one man posted selfies of him giving away chicken nuggets to the homeless and continued to humble-brag about other things he does in the comments.  

Don't get me wrong!  I love to hear these stories as it certainly beats the depressing news stories most of the time.   I do think it has a very positive effect on people as well to do good for no specific reason.  But is the reason now to get more "likes" and pats on the back instead of just really trying to be helpful and loving?

 

[AliceInFundyland]

Well, after reading about that horrible selina woman, and not having the energy or desire to click out of that thread I'm glad you posted this here so I could randomly bounce onto it and see something good.

I totally think the internet has led to people becoming overly self-promoting. I think also that it's becoming the social norm. 

At 4am who cares? Sweet lady. No snark.

[blessalessi]

I may be missing something, but I find the cake business weird.  It seems as though thousands of people made the photo go viral by patting themselves on the back over #autismacceptance, without really having much of a sense of what autism means in the context of this woman's life.

The supermarket worker had no business disclosing her colleague's condition to a customer.  None.  We have no certain knowledge that the cake icing was entirely or even partly a result of autism. If I found myself in the position of believing myself tasked with icing a cake, the same result might arise, and I don't have autism.

 Who was supervising the cake department that day? Who was responsible for training the person who has autism and a whole bunch of other aspects to her life of which we are totally ignorant? 

We have no way of knowing the impact that this episode will have on the person with autism, but one consequence will undoubtably be a loss of privacy that she did not choose.

It seems more a case of #autismstereotyping to me.  

 

 

[Closed Womb]

I took an ugly cake one time.  It was late at night, everyone forgot to get a cake for an upcoming birthday, person behind counter had no experience.  The employee wrote "Happy Birthday xxxxx" in a less than competent manner, came back saying, "you don't have to take it", took it because it's CAKE and I needed a cake and who cares...

And never mentioned it again, until this moment.  It's certainly didn't make it so social media (well, except for a pic of my friend holding up her cake on her FB page; I didn't put it online.)

It gets to be too much sometimes, the praise (and self praise) and head pats and everything else.  

On top of that, when we're getting head pats for tolerating (possibly) autistic folks, it's self aggrandizing and patronizing.  Can't anyone just be a good person anymore without getting a ribbon for it?   

[blessalessi]

In this case, I'm not particularly seeing an act of selflessness or kindness.  The cake buyer clearly saw value in the cake because she expected others to laugh at it.

“I nervously laughed and headed to check out— it didn’t really matter to me that it looked so bad—I thought people would think it was funny. 

As a bonus she got a hug from the inappropriate disclosure lady at the checkout.

To my surprise, after they discussed it, one cashier put her arm on my shoulder and said “the girl who wrote that has Autism. Thank you for smiling and thanking her- even though she’s not supposed to write on cakes, you probably made her day.”

 Then, through the lens of the inappropriate disclosure, cake lady took it upon herself to offer hearty self-congratulations.

So I guess the moral of the story is that kindness is important!

#unimpressed

[LadyCrow1313]

I saw a pic of this cake on Facebook earlier this morning. I liked it. Cake decorating is hard, no matter what mental/physical condition a person is in.

[Whoosh]

I can totally see how various people will have various reactions to this story for a few reasons.  

First, I have a long rambling rant that may make no sense.  There seems to be some kind of divide in American culture between people who seem super invested in or appreciative of everyone trying to present themselves in a ridiculously over the top "positive" light or self congratulatory light vs. people who tend seem more invested in or prone to being negative nellies or whiny dramatists.  I don't know if I am saying that well enough to convey my meaning, but this is something that I have noticed more and more over recent years and I find it bizarre.  Like, for a random and not great example, it seems like if you are 5'10.5" tall, people used to just say "I'm around 5'10" or "I'm around 5'11" and it wasn't a big deal and no one got worked up about anything.  Recently, it seems like people are divided into two camps where one camp thinks everyone should say "I'm blessed/fortunate/awesome enough to be just about 6' tall!!!!!111!!1! Isn't life grand?  Aren't I awesome?" and another camp that thinks everyone should say "SIGH - woe is me cruel world!!!111!1!! Alas, I am a measly 5'10" " Weirder than the fact that it seems these two camps exist, they seem to actively dislike each other.  Has anyone else noticed this or is it just me?  If you have noticed this - am I right that this is a new thing or did I just become aware of it fairly late in life?  If it is a new thing - is it driven by social media or is it something else?  

Anyway, that may not make sense to anyone but me.  The more important issue with this cake story to me is the issue of #autismacceptance.  I agree this whole thing doesn't really strike me as very kind or accepting at all.  I mean sure, it is maybe more heartwarming to read than a news story of some nightmare, insensitive, self-entitled customer becoming enraged and having a fit over the appearance of their cake without even taking a moment to stop and think, but I don't actually really find it to be either acceptance or all that heartwarming.  I think it is great that this lady was OK with accepting a less than ideal cake.  I even think it is OK that she thought people would think that it was funny.  I don't see how this is in any way seen as #autismacceptance, though.  In fact, she didn't know the cake decorator had autism until after all those thoughts and decisions occurred, right?  The self-congratulatory fb post about the whole thing is a bit weird to me and is something that leads me to steer fairly clear of social media, but eh - whatever.  The part of this that really bothers me to no end is the seeming complete and total lack of awareness of what #acceptance really looks like in any meaningful or sustainable way.  Acceptance, in my mind, isn't about deciding not to be a dick.  That's just simply not being a dick.  Acceptance, again in my mind, would be understanding that each individual has unique strengths and weaknesses and then striving to help everyone to succeed to the best of their abilities.  Some people shouldn't be decorating professional cakes.  I am one of them, this person currently appears to be another.  There is nothing realistic or sustainable about suggesting that accepting poor quality products is part of #autismacceptance.

Finally - just an overall WTF?  I hope this cake decorator isn't upset by or otherwise harmed by the sharing of this story.

/rant

[blessalessi]

Agree!

I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying the prospect of a snarky laugh at a random cake wreck.  If the cake lady's original post was meant more in the tone of "Whoops, moral of the story: glad I behaved nice as otherwise I would be feeling like a dick right now. #makenoassumptions", then it would still be a heartwarming (though best kept private) story among friends.

But the leghumpers who immediately saw this as "being Jesus" to the autistic community (my paraphrase) just boggle my mind.

[Firiel]

Agree!

I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying the prospect of a snarky laugh at a random cake wreck.  If the cake lady's original post was meant more in the tone of "Whoops, moral of the story: glad I behaved nice as otherwise I would be feeling like a dick right now. #makenoassumptions", then it would still be a heartwarming (though best kept private) story among friends.

But the leghumpers who immediately saw this as "being Jesus" to the autistic community (my paraphrase) just boggle my mind.

SO MUCH THIS.

She shouldn't be getting head-pats for not throwing a tempter tantrum in the store when things didn't go her way.  I really like the moral you ascribed to the story.  I've had those "I'm so glad I wasn't a dick!" moments when I realize there was more to a situation than I originally assumed.  I'm always just glad that I don't have to spend the rest of the day feeling shitty about it.

[AliceInFundyland]

I just want to clarify that what I think was nice, was taking the messed up cake. At the moment she took it, she did, in my opinion, the right thing, because it doesn't sound as if she had any agenda of altruism..had I witnessed the incident in the store, all of it, I think I would have thought the same thing. I would have done the same thing. I probably would have photographed and eaten the cake. And depending on my needs I might have gotten another cake elsewhere. 

The internet is what messes the story up. The coworker shouldn't have mentioned the autism, but I doubt it was coming from a bad place. I agree with the post above as well. We tell these stories that should probably be kept private without thinking through the consequences. The entire country doesn't need to know about the cake. 

It was still better than that selina woman. (Unfortunately, her, we probably do need to know about) Or the freaking duggars. After the bout of insomnia that ended with the cake I ended up lucid dreaming about the duggar girls. 

[polecat]

I can't understand this. I feel like we're congratulating a woman for not being an asshole. Which ... is weird, to me. That's sort of a given to me, not being an asshole, and if you have to tell people you weren't an asshole to get backpats, then maybe you need to reexamine your life. I dunno. Maybe I'm jaded here and reading too much into it. 

 

ETA: Not to mention, I can't imagine how the young woman who decorated the cake would feel if she happened to come across this story (which is highly likely given how quickly it's spread). 

[Mama Mia]

Personally, if I paid money to get a cake decorated for someone's birthday, I would expect it to look nice. If it didn't, I'd ask for a new cake ( unless I thought the person getting it would love the cake- wreck aspect) . I don't think that's being a dick. That's just wanting to get what I paid for. If I wanted it to look like crap, I'd do it myself, and not spend extra money. 

Now if it was a situation where I knew ahead of time that it might look that way, and why, and chose to buy it, that's different.  If I went to get that cake and someone told me ( wildly inappropriately) that the employee who decorated it had some sot of condition that made it difficult - I'd probably just Discretely ask if I could have another blank cake in addition to the one that was made ( at no charge ) .

 

 

[urban teacher]

I also should never have a job decorating cake. One of my students with autism would out decorate me completely. Another one would be just as bad as me.  So I agree with the people's comments about it not being autism acceptance. And when do we give out medals for not having a temper tantrum?  Can I get one?

[HerNameIsBuffy]

I also should never have a job decorating cake. One of my students with autism would out decorate me completely. Another one would be just as bad as me.  So I agree with the people's comments about it not being autism acceptance. And when do we give out medals for not having a temper tantrum?  Can I get one?

THANK YOU!  I have a kid on the spectrum who is an unbelievably talented artist and that cake...looks like I gave it my best shot.  

Is the moral of this story I'm awesome because I didn't try to get get a person with a presumed disability fired.  Congrats, lady...I've never tried to get a person with a presumed disability fired...where's my cookie?

[blessalessi]

Reading more of the news articles, I think the link with autism is that the woman was not actually based in the cake department but was unable to "read" the context of an unexpected request.  She had been approached while doing other stuff (as customers do) and she went and iced the cake herself because she took very literally the instruction she had been given to "do whatever is necessary to make the customer happy". 

For me that begs all sorts of questions about her job training, and also who the hell was watching the cake department for her to get so involved in a job that was not hers, without someone noticing.

 

[Whoosh]

 

For me that begs all sorts of questions about her job training, and also who the hell was watching the cake department for her to get so involved in a job that was not hers, without someone noticing.

 

Exactly this.  In my opinion, #acceptance has nothing to do with lowering standards for the outcome of job performance.  It is all about realizing that some people might need longer to complete a given job, while others might be able to do part of a job and then someone else would bring the project to completion, and others will need more guidance and support throughout the entire time they are working.  Whether a person is "100% fully typical" or not, hiring someone to do a job they are not qualified for isn't kind or accepting - it's a bad idea.  Hiring a person, "100% typical" or not to do a job they are qualified for IF they are provided the proper support and supervision and then failing to give that necessary support or supervision is similarly not kind or accepting - it is just a bad idea.  

[Rachel333]

I saw this post from someone who didn't really like the story either: http://themighty.com/2015/12/why-im-not-thrilled-about-the-story-behind-th1s-decorated-cake-going-viral/

It does seem self-congratulatory. Do we really need to let everyone know about every time we're nice to someone?

[SoGladIWasCofE]

Yeah, I'm sure it made that girl's day. She was asked to do a job that wasn't hers, did a bad job, has a woman accept it because its so bad its funny, and then one of her co workers outs her to a random person, and then this woman puts her sub standard cake on the Internet to congratulate herself for being a nice person. So everyone who knows her will see her fuck up and know her diagnosis. I'm sure she's delighted. /sarcasm

[blessalessi]

Snopes has a round-up of similar concerns raised around the web: http://www.snopes.com/2015/12/02/meijer-cake-glurge/

Full snark ahead now:  cake-eating lady is annoyed with the criticisms because her kindness came from God!!111!!11!!

(She has apparently been eating said cake for breakfast all week. DID the birthday recipient not get any at all, I wonder?) 

A blogger sums up the difficulties well and nails the "kindness" problem well. 

http://thatcrazycrippledchick.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/why-this-latest-heartwarming-story-isnt.html

The moral of the story is that kindness is important!  The customer wasn't kind.  The customer was polite.  She wanted to laugh at the employee's work.  That's not kind.  But all of a sudden, after it was revealed that the employee was autistic, the idea of "kindness" suddenly occurred to this customer.  The fact that the employee was disabled should not have had any impact on this situation, and yet, after the disability was revealed, the customer suddenly decided that she had been "kind" to the poor disabled employee and decided to go home and post it on social media, without permission from the employee or anyone involved. 

 

This is a prime example of inspiration porn - using and objectifying a disabled person to advance your own purposes and ideas.  The disabled person in this story has no agency or characteristics of her own, besides her disability, which is not even disclosed by her.  She is simply used for a moral lesson about kindness.  Sure, kindness and politeness towards people is important.  But it's important for EVERYONE, not just disabled people.  A normal customer-employee interaction wouldn't have gone viral.  It probably wouldn't have even made it onto social media.  But because the employee was autistic, the customer suddenly thinks she did a good deed by being outwardly nice to the employee.

Brava!  Well worth a click through to read the whole article.  

[blessalessi]

(I am startled by the number of commenters around the place who get really upset by critical thinking and call out to those people to "Stop ruining my feel-good story with your logical reasoning, you nasty cake-hating meanies!") 

[Khan]

Oh, for the love of little apples. This woman didn't even bother to ask the girl if she worked in the bakery. "A bakery looking employee". Wtf, woman. If you ask a random employee to decorate a cake you get what you deserve. You don't get to bitch about it or laugh at the attempt made to assist you. 

This had nothing to do with autism other than the employee giving out personal information to a total stranger.

[blessalessi]

Apparently she is the worship leader of a megachurch.  

Seems she very admirably led her followers to indulge her a season of self-worship. Glory be. 

[Mercer]

This story doesn't sit well with me.

I'm glad the customer was polite to the store employees. (Though it would have been equally fine to politely request a redo since the cake was not up to the reasonably expected standard.) I think it's awful, though, that the woman with autism now has her business plastered all over the internet, and her mess-up with the cake is being used as fodder for an "inspirational" story of how someone else was tolerant of her. That treats her like an object, not a human being. She's not just a bit character in someone else's story, she's a person with a life of her own who is not being respected as such.

The customer should have just taken the cake or not taken it, and either way that should have been the end of it. The other woman's disability is not the customer's business to share, or the other store employee's, and people with autism are not just props to make those who interact with them feel good about themselves. Ugh!

[WhiteRun]

This is like standing on a rock and screaming "I DID SOMETHING NICE! COME HEAR MY STORY OF WHAT A LOVELY PERSON I AM!" 
My biggest problem with this is the reaction to it. Autistic people and any person with a mental/physical illness shouldn't be put on display like this. We aren't put in a fucking zoo for fully able minded/bodied people to gawk at and clap for one another when they do something kind towards us. We're people like you and frankly most people wouldn't even realise when they're dealing with an autistic person in life.