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Vandenhurks: English missionaries to England! Funded by US churches!


blessalessi

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Yes, the churches even do same-sex marriages so we clearly need to be lectured on hating teh gayz, distrusting teh government, female submission, breeding like rabbits and wearing frumpers. Any American fundie coming here would be as exotic as if an alien landed.

Guess then German protestants need them too, then. We marry gays, condone abortions, don´t care about sex before marriage, have women pastors, are okay with birth control and don´t give a thing about modesty. We are really heathens then, right?

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Yeah, I admit, I checked that on a map because I had not heard of THAT Peterborough. One one webpage, they describe it as Peterborough, Cambridge (not Cambridgeshire).  Since Natalie grew up 45 mins away, it isn't a great recommendation of her own education.  And yet as the godly wife, she will be teaching the women and children.

 

I kind of really want to see them get a cameo role in one of the Channel 4 My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding shows.  

I actually hate exploitative documentary shows but a My Big Fat Gypsy Bible School  (in association with America's Laziest Missionaries) series would persuade me to switch on the telly box for sure! 

Since people from TLC probably lurk here, I half expect this to be a real show by the end of next year. It reminds me of an episode of "The Simpsons" where either Bart or Homer calls in a tacky reality show idea to a Fox hotline and the automated message says, "Your half-baked ideas are all we have."

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Guess then German protestants need them too, then. We marry gays, condone abortions, don´t care about sex before marriage, have women pastors, are okay with birth control and don´t give a thing about modesty. We are really heathens then, right?

I think we have the plot for a new TLC show: Fundies take on Europe! It would be like Borat goes to America, but for real. :my_smile:

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I think we have the plot for a new TLC show: Fundies take on Europe! It would be like Borat goes to America, but for real. :my_smile:

I imagine the whole thing would be just like that scene in 19 Kids and Counting where Jim Bob tried to convert an atheist street performer in Scotland.  

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I imagine the whole thing would be just like that scene in 19 Kids and Counting where Jim Bob tried to convert an atheist street performer in Scotland.  

Do you have a link for that, please? :)

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I think we have the plot for a new TLC show: Fundies take on Europe! It would be like Borat goes to America, but for real. :my_smile:

They already showed something like that with 3 Texan teenagers coming to England to perform exorcisms. It was ...odd.

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They already showed something like that with 3 Texan teenagers coming to England to perform exorcisms. It was ...odd.

What was it called? I want to find it online!

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It was called Teen Exorcists and was on BBC3. Harry Potter has corrupted the world and England is a hotbed of witchcraft were among their main claims I think.

It's kind of laughable except some of the people asking for help obviously have mental health issues and the exorcists seem to work from the 'if you still have problems it's because you don't have enough faith' school of thought.

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It was called Teen Exorcists and was on BBC3. Harry Potter has corrupted the world and England is a hotbed of witchcraft were among their main claims I think.

It's kind of laughable except some of the people asking for help obviously have mental health issues and the exorcists seem to work from the 'if you still have problems it's because you don't have enough faith' school of thought.

Ouch! This is the kind of thing that sometimes makes me think all missionaries should be banned!:angry-banghead::angry-banghead::angry-banghead:

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When you tell fundie missionaries tm  about Perchtenläufe, will that make them come even more faster because they think we are ebil  satanists or make them stay the heck away because they think we are ebil satanists...? Questions over questions with this people ! :kitty-shifty:

 

I really love the "Learn about England" part. Fundie grifters: That´s just the kind  of people I want to learn about England from .  Like learning all about elegant make-up from Jill Rodrigues.

Don't give them ideas! ;)

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Do you have a link for that, please? :)

I can't seem to find a bootleg version of the episode on youtube, but it was during the World Tour: Scotland and Ireland special.  

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England is a popular mission field now?! Why wasn't it back when I was a fundie? I could have gotten people to finance my trip overseas.

How does England feel about being a mission field for America's laziest missionaries? 

England doesn't want John Shrader

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Attention Free Jinger:

It has been strongly laid upon my heart to become a missionary to the unsaved masses among the art and architecture of Rome and Florence, and the wineries of Tuscany. The poor heathens need me. Some serious godly stuff of some sort will happen. Trust me on this. You may begin sending donations for my vacation ministry at your convenience. I will need plenty of money so I can do this tourism evangelism thing right, and I would also like some candy to eat on the plane. TIA!

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Attention Free Jinger:

It has been strongly laid upon my heart to become a missionary to the unsaved masses among the art and architecture of Rome and Florence, and the wineries of Tuscany. The poor heathens need me. Some serious godly stuff of some sort will happen. Trust me on this. You may begin sending donations for my vacation ministry at your convenience. I will need plenty of money so I can do this tourism evangelism thing right, and I would also like some candy to eat on the plane. TIA!

Mercer, you have truly inspired me to make a big announcement: the Lord has laid it on my heart to become a missionary to the benighted heathens in Seville and Barcelona. I will need at least $5000 for the best hotel in town, a museum pass, and all the paella I can shove down my gullet my ministry. Please donate to my GoFundMe. Also, if Barcelona turns out not to be my calling, God has also let me know that I am needed in Bali, Indonesia because a lot of heathens on the beach need to be ministered to.

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As a good Catholic girl, I am willing to go be sent to Italy to teach the people about Jesus. I promise to go to the Vatican and find out if the Pope is the right kind of Catholic. I also promise to gorge myself on every type of food Italy has to offer. 

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That is incredibly creepy and exploitative. It reminds me a bit of what happened to a friend of mine; today he tells it as a funny story, but it's really creepy in retrospect. He was at a fair with his friends one day when he was around 10 years old, when a man invited him into a tent and started asking him a lot of weird questions about death and heaven and stuff like that. He thought it was really weird. Then the man asked if he would like to go to heaven. My friend says yeah sure, and the man started pressuring him to come to his church. My friend backed out with an "uh...I have to go now". Today he laughs about it and says that that's how he accidentally and completely unintentionally became a fundamentalist Christian (he's agnostic), but the fact that a grown man would try to pressure a child he's never met before into converting to a religion is scary and at least 3 kinds of immoral.

 

Do you think that he ran into Steve Maxwell?

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Guess then German protestants need them too, then. We marry gays, condone abortions, don´t care about sex before marriage, have women pastors, are okay with birth control and don´t give a thing about modesty. We are really heathens then, right?

or the fundies are.....

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Ugh.  Missionaries/Christians like this fill my Facebook pages on the reg. One particular couple was begging for money to go to Fiji. FIJI! That's a fucking serious honeymoon vacation, not a missions trip. And not only will the local mega church help you feel good about begging for money to take a tropical vacation, they will also allow you to minister to the poor heathens in: Dearborn, MI, Limerick, Ireland, Costa Rica or the Dominican Republic! Zip lining after morning prayers, laying on the beach after painting a wall or two, site seeing after playing with orphans! Sign me up!

I guess the bright side is most of these people do have jobs and just go for a week. But in that case, use the money from your real job to pay for your glorified vacation like the rest of us! 

ETA: If you were wondering, like me, why Ireland? Here you go...

"Are you ready for a unique cultural challenge? To stretch your thinking and experience how Christ and his Church is being made relevant in a post-christendom, anti-church culture? This mission trip to Limerick is just for you! There you will get to experience how Elevate community Church is countering the cultural trend and reaching people who have completely lost trust in the church and organized religion.

Why Ireland?
Ireland, as with much of Europe, has been known for its religious culture for centuries, however, in the 21st century culture has shifted to post-Christian and sees the church and organized religion as irrelevant and unnecessary. This trend is starting to creep into American society and will be something the church will certainly have to face. This mission trip will challenge participants to access this culture and experience how Elevate Community Church is growing, despite these challenges."

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Now had a chance to look at their website. WTF. For starters they claim Peterborough for the East Midlands when most people round here would say we are in East Anglia. Then they drivel on about how there is little visible poverty in England. OK, it's not the Third World, but they certainly haven't looked very closely at Peterborough if they think that. There are some real social problems in this area, of both urban and rural poverty. Peterborough has a lot of recent immigration, both Asian and Eastern European which has caused issues with overcrowded, poor housing etc. Their church that they attend is in Orton Malborne, which is not exactly the most salubrious area. It was built as part of Peterborough new town in the 60s and has the architecture to match. Going to watch this one closely!

 

It could be the lens these particular people are viewing the poverty situation through. I've been to the US many times and, in some areas at least, there is an astonishing amount of highly visible poverty compared to where I live,  at least to my eyes. If they are used to those sorts of living conditions  being classed as poor, by their fundie brains, they may truly not see poverty as it exists in urban UK...

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Ugh.  Missionaries/Christians like this fill my Facebook pages on the reg. One particular couple was begging for money to go to Fiji. FIJI! That's a fucking serious honeymoon vacation, not a missions trip. And not only will the local mega church help you feel good about begging for money to take a tropical vacation, they will also allow you to minister to the poor heathens in: Dearborn, MI, Limerick, Ireland, Costa Rica or the Dominican Republic! Zip lining after morning prayers, laying on the beach after painting a wall or two, site seeing after playing with orphans! Sign me up!

I guess the bright side is most of these people do have jobs and just go for a week. But in that case, use the money from your real job to pay for your glorified vacation like the rest of us! 

ETA: If you were wondering, like me, why Ireland? Here you go...

"Are you ready for a unique cultural challenge? To stretch your thinking and experience how Christ and his Church is being made relevant in a post-christendom, anti-church culture? This mission trip to Limerick is just for you! There you will get to experience how Elevate community Church is countering the cultural trend and reaching people who have completely lost trust in the church and organized religion.

Why Ireland?
Ireland, as with much of Europe, has been known for its religious culture for centuries, however, in the 21st century culture has shifted to post-Christian and sees the church and organized religion as irrelevant and unnecessary. This trend is starting to creep into American society and will be something the church will certainly have to face. This mission trip will challenge participants to access this culture and experience how Elevate Community Church is growing, despite these challenges."

To be fair, outside of the nice resorts where all the white people go on vacation, Fiji is quite poor and struggles with political instability and lack of jobs for young people (which has led to increases in violent crime).

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They actually bought the REAL ENGLISH TEA BAGS from Cost Plus World Market lol.

 

I agree this is only a way to finance an extended vacation. I need to start working on my mission to Italy...

A pair of my former Christian school students are missionaries in Italy. They write complaints about the popularity of Pope Francis making their job harder. Another has been a missionary in the Netherlands for five years or so now. She mostly walks her dog and hangs out with the other missionaries. She spent a good deal of time "discipling a new Christian", but that turned out to be the teenage daughter of some other missionaries. She also  goes to language class once a week, and goes to missionary conferences in exotic locales four times a year or so. In addition to that, her family and friends frequently visit and they all go explore Europe for 10-14 days every time. 

There was another one raising money to go into the mission field in the UK awhile back. Don't know if she got there or not. 

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They are living in an "up-and-coming" area, which means it is basically an area with a lot of social housing that was sold off by the right wing government in the 80s, but which now will be owned by families who can still afford to buy after the last decade of house price rises.  

They won't be seeing the depths of poverty because they have chosen not go look for it.  Their church  is a small, plain stone building that is quite typical of the little chapels that you will find on urban housing estates. We don't really have megachurches, outside the bigger cities.  A congregation of 50ish is average for a very conservative church, I would say. Some will limp along with 20ish members. Most small congregations are led by part-time volunteers who have paid day jobs, in my experience.

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To be fair, outside of the nice resorts where all the white people go on vacation, Fiji is quite poor and struggles with political instability and lack of jobs for young people (which has led to increases in violent crime).

I'm not saying Fiji doesn't need aid or shouldn't be the focus of humanitarian efforts. But going for a week to evangelize is not going to make a dent in the issues the country faces. Certainly if there is help needed, employing the locals might be a step in the right direction. 

But let's be real, my issue was with them getting other people to pay for their trip to Fiji. Hah. 

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I'm not saying Fiji doesn't need aid or shouldn't be the focus of humanitarian efforts. But going for a week to evangelize is not going to make a dent in the issues the country faces. Certainly if there is help needed, employing the locals might be a step in the right direction. 

But let's be real, my issue was with them getting other people to pay for their trip to Fiji. Hah. 

I agree with you on that front. If they were going to Fiji to provide humanitarian aid or a useful skill/training in a useful skill and asked for help with buying the expensive-as-hell plane tickets, that would be one thing. But a week? And e-begging for a one-week trip? Please.

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