Sisterwives Part 2 - Things Get Complicated

[JMO]

In 2009/early 2010 they weren't a family of 21.  They were a family of 16.  4 adults and 12 kids.  Then Truely was born April 2010 and made 13 kids.  Then Robyn married into the family May 2010 and became the 5th adult and brought her 3 kids.  Solomon wasn't born until a year and a half later. 

[Georgiana]

The real difference between the Browns and other (two parent) mega-families is that the Browns are un/less able to use economies of scale. which is definitely something most mega-families depend on.  The Duggars/Bates/Andersons etc. only have to maintain one household, one pantry (that they can stock in bulk), one kitchen, can hand down clothes, etc.  There's a certain amount of overhead for maintaining a home/household that does not increase or decrease exponentially depending on size.  Sure bigger things they might need cost more, but the difference in price is generally less than the price of an additional model.  An industrial oven, for example, is generally less expensive than the 2 or 3 ovens you would need for the same capacity.  

I'm sure some of those happen with the Browns as well, but to a lesser extent.  For the most part, the Browns have always maintained 3 households, which is triple the overhead and (potential) maintenance costs of most mega-families.  That adds up.  3 living room sets, 3 dining room sets, 3 sets of dishes/china, 3 sets of appliances, etc.  It's not cheap.  3 minivans is far more expensive than one mega-van (especially considering that is 2-3x the insurance).

[anjulibai]

They don't have to maintain 3 households. They could, if they wanted, live in one dwelling. The could do without so many vehicles. They could also have less people being SAHPs, or at least have all of the mom's working part time jobs. 

The Browns just make stupid financial decisions, from buying four homes to giving each wife an equal budget despite not having an equal number of children. They choose to have the difficulties they do. 

[seattlechic]

24 minutes ago, anjulibai said:

They don't have to maintain 3 households. They could, if they wanted, live in one dwelling. The could do without so many vehicles. They could also have less people being SAHPs, or at least have all of the mom's working part time jobs. 

The Browns just make stupid financial decisions, from buying four homes to giving each wife an equal budget despite not having an equal number of children. They choose to have the difficulties they do. 

It's all for the Work and the Mission, and the whatnots. And they are pretty stupid. 

 

p.s. Sort of new to the Browns' saga - have seen them over the years in magazines and the like, but not too familiar yet!

[SweetFellowshipper]

2 hours ago, Georgiana said:

This is why, while I don't think polygamy should be criminalized, I also do not support extending marriage benefits to plural marriages.  

The marriage benefits granted by the State are not so much "rights" as they are incentives.  The state offers these incentives to couples because entering into a contractual marriage provides various forms of stability that are beneficial to society as a whole.  This encourages couples to marry as opposed to just live together with no formal arrangement (which can result in one member of the couple getting shafted if the couple dissolves after a long term relationship).  

But I don't think the plural family model does benefit society.  It is just not feasible to support such a large family on partial incomes.  The model almost REQUIRES the state to pick up the slack.  So while I am OK with people entering into plural marriages, I don't think it should be encouraged by the state.   .  

I agree to an extent. I guess I'm adding, though, that the reason people generally think polygamists are "committing welfare fraud" is that they claim to be single moms while actually being married. But that's not actually, in my mind, "lying." They're in the same financial position as a single mother whose baby daddy has two other baby mamas, yet we don't consider it "lying" when they get welfare. 

I agree that it's not an ideal model, but people who don't follow the "ideal" family model have children and get married legally all the time. I do wonder if legal marriage would stop some of the child abuse, welfare fraud, and exploitation by holding the husbands accountable. But I don't know that, just speculating. 

[Georgiana]

45 minutes ago, SweetFellowshipper said:

I agree to an extent. I guess I'm adding, though, that the reason people generally think polygamists are "committing welfare fraud" is that they claim to be single moms while actually being married. But that's not actually, in my mind, "lying." They're in the same financial position as a single mother whose baby daddy has two other baby mamas, yet we don't consider it "lying" when they get welfare. 

I agree that it's not an ideal model, but people who don't follow the "ideal" family model have children and get married legally all the time. I do wonder if legal marriage would stop some of the child abuse, welfare fraud, and exploitation by holding the husbands accountable. But I don't know that, just speculating. 

Well, if the mother DOES end up sticking with the father, and then claimed to be a single mother, that would also be welfare fraud.  Even if she is not legally married, she must declare any child support she receives, and if she knows who/where the father is, she ought to be receiving support.  I do have a friend who is mother #3, and she is still married to the dad.   I guess the difference is to me, that most single mothers with deadbeat baby daddies don't PLAN on being single baby mama #3.  They plan on being with the guy, and while they know that he has other children by other women, they do plan to be his partner.  They plan on his financial support.  Sure, you can basically see coming a mile away that it wont work out, but that's generally not the plan for anyone involved.  And, to be fair, sometimes it does work out.  

Sure there's the myth of the Welfare Queen that just pops out babies with no intention of having the father assist for benefits, but that's not really a real thing, so I wont discuss it.

However, polygamy does come the closest to that model.  They are actively signing up to be single baby mama #3, knowing that all support from the husband will be limited/insufficient. There is no other best case scenario like in the above.  This is it.   And unlike the other case, where they would generally only have one or two kids together before breaking up and moving on, in polygamy each woman usually has a large brood.  I very much doubt Kody or most polygamist men could afford even the minimum state-set child support for all of their children.  They plan to not pay and have the state pick up the slack.  

So while there ARE cases like the football player that has 17 kids with like 10 different women, that's INCREDIBLY rare.  Most men with multiple mothers of their children only end up with a slightly larger than average brood.  To even get to Keller size (7-9 kids) is uncommon enough to make people take notice.  

But in polygamy, massive families like the Browns are pretty much par for the course.  

Then you have bankruptcies, which they love to file.  If it all becomes one marital unit, is it fair to seize assets from one union to pay the debts of another?  On the one hand, why should one wife be forced to liquidate her assets for another?  On the other hand, debt is generally distributed evenly across a marriage, and if you have multiple people in that marriage, all of them should bear some of the debt.  In the end, I think this would end up hurting women and children, as their homes and assets could be legally seized to pay for the favorite wife's spending.  

[gustava]

Polygamy requires submissive women. Religious polygamy says God or Allah or some Supreme Being requires female submission.

 

[seattlechic]

1 hour ago, gustava said:

Polygamy requires submissive women. Religious polygamy says God or Allah or some Supreme Being requires female submission.

 

Yup. I don't buy this "consenting adults" bullshit when it comes to people pushing polyfyuckamy. It is inherently abusive, no matter which way they put lipstick on the pig. 

[ChickenettiLuvr]

Has anyone else caught the new Sister Wives trailer?

I found two things very, very interesting:

1. Mariah seems totally pissed at Meri.  As in not talking to her.  Whoa.  (wonder if she's pissed about the humiliating catfish scenario?  I would be.)

2. Meri is portraying herself to be the innocent victim of the catfish situation.  And says, "S/he decided to mess with the wrong B--- .... Person."  And states that she "did not have an affair."  Um, yeah.  Yes, you did.  Own your crap, wench.


Yeah, Meri.  Let me grab my hankie and tune my violin.  

[Cleopatra7]

49 minutes ago, ChickenettiLuvr said:

Has anyone else caught the new Sister Wives trailer?

I found two things very, very interesting:

1. Mariah seems totally pissed at Meri.  As in not talking to her.  Whoa.  (wonder if she's pissed about the humiliating catfish scenario?  I would be.)

2. Meri is portraying herself to be the innocent victim of the catfish situation.  And says, "S/he decided to mess with the wrong B--- .... Person."  And states that she "did not have an affair."  Um, yeah.  Yes, you did.  Own your crap, wench.


Yeah, Meri.  Let me grab my hankie and tune my violin.  

I think I would have more sympathy for Meri if she would just own up to the fact that she is unhappy as the former legal Mrs. Kody Brown and wants to be in a relationship where she's the only wife. I realize that she is probably convinced that Kody is responsible for her salvation or however they phrase it and is afraid to leave, but given how Meri was ready to run off with some random Internet stranger (and only didn't because it was a catfish situation) that should be a sign that she's over the Brown collective.

[ChickenettiLuvr]

I agree completely, @Cleopatra7.

[FundieFarmer]

I mean, she may not have had a physical affair, but SOMETHING was going on there. I'm not even going to try to speak to the legitimacy of the voicemails or anything else, but we could see some inappropriate exchanges on Twitter. So...she needs to own at least that open flirting, because that was there for the whole world to see.

[Scottie]

I'm totally with you both @ChickenettiLuvr, @Cleopatra7 I find it very hard to find sympathy for Meri in this situation because she hasn't taken any responsibility for what happened. I don't believe she deserved to get catfished, but she is very, very far from innocent in this situation. Though, I can't blame her for not being happy with Kody - yuck. 

 

[theinvisiblegirl]

In preparation for the new season of Sister Wives and brought to me by Xfinity Watchathon Week, I'm rewatching older seasons of Sister Wives all the while thinking "You guys have no idea what you're getting into. Run away from Robyn!"

But by knowing what we all know now, all of the signs of unhappiness are there. I think they were all just too brainwashed to see it.

[Eternalbluepearl]

17 hours ago, Cleopatra7 said:

but given how Meri was ready to run off with some random Internet stranger (and only didn't because it was a catfish situation) that should be a sign that she's over the Brown collective.

Yes! This was so not addressed thoroughly enough last season on the show. It's the elephant in the room really. Meri tried to leave the Brown collective and only didn't because Jackie. 

[Georgiana]

I can see why Mariah would be mad.  In addition to humiliating the family on national TV, Meri also attempted to run away from Mariah's father with another man.  If my mom did that, I would be SO mad at her.  That kind of shady behavior is just wrong.  

You're having problems in a relationship, you discuss them.  You end your relationship.  You don't have an emotional or physical affair and/or just run away with another guy.

I mean, I understand Meri is in a slightly different situation with power dynamics and such, but I am one who does not feel too bad for her.  She did a lot of making her own bed, and she didn't do a lot of mending fences when given the opportunity.  

[SpoonfulOSugar]

Please continue your discussions here: