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Bates Family Part 5


happy atheist

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Chad looks always a little bit sick when it´s autumn / winter. I have the same problem, my skin is rather fair and I look very fast very sick. It was helpful in school... :my_cool:

I do too. By mid February, I look somewhere between translucent and slightly blue. I was always jealous of everyone else in my family. They all have darker skintones and could really bronze in the sun. I was the one in the factor 50 with a big hat and long sleeves under the umbrella at the beach. 

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I do too. By mid February, I look somewhere between translucent and slightly blue. I was always jealous of everyone else in my family. They all have darker skintones and could really bronze in the sun. I was the one in the factor 50 with a big hat and long sleeves under the umbrella at the beach. 

Are you my sister? :) In the summer she goes from a sun burn back to white in about 24 hours.

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So today Kelly posted a pic of all 4 married kids with their spouses (as a collage).  Does this mean that she's hinting at Nathan's courtship?

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I can't imagine Michelle ever posting anything that kind or literate about anyone. It doesn't mention reproducing at all.

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:my_rolleyes: Imma calling it - Carson is the friggin cutest baby EVER!

(And I'm not just giving him the prize for cutest Bates baby, but also across the Duggars, Andersens, Maxwells, the whole lot of them!)

Plus they seem to adore every chubby inch of him, which makes me happy and gives me hope... 

Carson is almost the spitting imagine of my baby (same age too). And we get mobbed when we go out and about. I bet it's the same for them. 

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I can't imagine Michelle ever posting anything that kind or literate about anyone. It doesn't mention reproducing at all.

I genuinely believe that unlike Michelle, Kelly sees her girls as real people instead of baby/house/kitchen sitters and future grandchildren incubators.  Thus seeing them in happy relationships, and happy is more important than those Grandbabies they're doing a great job of making on their own.

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I genuinely believe that unlike Michelle, Kelly sees her girls as real people instead of baby/house/kitchen sitters and future grandchildren incubators.  Thus seeing them in happy relationships, and happy is more important than those Grandbabies they're doing a great job of making on their own.

I agree. Kelly and Gil are also way less creepy when their kids are courting.

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Is it just me or does Chad look like Paul Ryan?  In terms of fundie husbands, he's probably the jackpot, but I still can't look beyond him and see Paul Ryan (who I despise).

Awhile back someone said Chad looks like the love child of Paul Ryan and Anthony Weiner. I think of that every time I see him.

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I do too. By mid February, I look somewhere between translucent and slightly blue. I was always jealous of everyone else in my family. They all have darker skintones and could really bronze in the sun. I was the one in the factor 50 with a big hat and long sleeves under the umbrella at the beach. 

Are you my sister? :) In the summer she goes from a sun burn back to white in about 24 hours.

I also am rocking the pale look! I burn and by burn I mean I will blister if I spend too much time in the sun, the only thing I get out of it is more freckles and maybe looking slightly less ghostly than before. It is a problem and I am jealous of those people with their tans, but I will sulk under my big hat. 

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I do too. By mid February, I look somewhere between translucent and slightly blue. I was always jealous of everyone else in my family. They all have darker skintones and could really bronze in the sun. I was the one in the factor 50 with a big hat and long sleeves under the umbrella at the beach. 

Man, I could have written this! I'm pale enough that even high end foundations don't come in a pale enough shade... And both my parents were born in Brazil (I'm first generation American). Though the shape of my features marks me as the genetic offspring of my parents, I'm weirdly pale given the rest of my family's golden glow. 

I've heard "but you don't LOOK Brazilian" hundreds of times. Hundreds, I tell you. 

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It does seem like Kelly is more loving but she's still ATI....

 

In another note, they're fundie but Erin and Chad are SO adorable! I want a Chad without the fundieness!!

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Man, I could have written this! I'm pale enough that even high end foundations don't come in a pale enough shade... And both my parents were born in Brazil (I'm first generation American). Though the shape of my features marks me as the genetic offspring of my parents, I'm weirdly pale given the rest of my family's golden glow. 

I've heard "but you don't LOOK Brazilian" hundreds of times. Hundreds, I tell you. 

I am Swedish and I am not blond, tall or skinny, I am short, with a broad frame and some extra kilos and I have darkish hair. I get the whole "Your not Swedish" all the time. If I show them my passport they say "But your parents/grandparents are immigrants, right?". They are not. 

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I am so pale i am translucid. Thankfully, i don't easily burn. If not, i would look just like every german grandma in a beach of torremolinos.

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I love pale people! All of my exes are super pale... Wish i could be like that! My skin is naturally tanned and it sucks.

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I agree. Kelly and Gil are also way less creepy when their kids are courting.

michelle is insane. Kelly is not. 

Kelly is in a cult but is also a typical old-fashioned mama that wants her children to  find a good husband/wife. And she seems to encourage children to have a job ( some are at college, Lawson had a business, she is proud of Michael working , Erin the pianist and Zach being a policeman). She seems proud of them, Michelle is just proud of herself and her fertility.

Michelle is cold, seems to have no feelings. Probably motherhood has been too hard and she disconected. She and J Bob seem to encourage their sons-in-law to ministry and to not work. And there's no college for their children and not real jobs. They are not thinking in children's future!

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While Kelly and Gil Bates have the same cultic beliefs as the Duggars, they are also more successful as parents. Their children seem to be fairly well educated and able to function in the outside world. Two of the grown kids have careers of their own (Zach and Erin) and Michael and Alyssa seem to be quite happy in their roles as wives, Michael and Alyssa both worked prior to marriage, one as a nanny, the other in a flower shop. The Bates kids don't seem to have been as isolated as the Duggars.

The Duggar kids have no real-world skills. If it wasn't for JBoob bankrolling them, they'd be destitute.

The Bates seem to have a bunch of kids because they enjoy their kids, they seem to be more hands-on parents.

Just some observations...I know the Bates are potentially even more batshit crazy and entrenched in ATI.

 

 

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While Kelly and Gil Bates have the same cultic beliefs as the Duggars, they are also more successful as parents. Their children seem to be fairly well educated and able to function in the outside world. Two of the grown kids have careers of their own (Zach and Erin) and Michael and Alyssa seem to be quite happy in their roles as wives, Michael and Alyssa both worked prior to marriage, one as a nanny, the other in a flower shop. The Bates kids don't seem to have been as isolated as the Duggars.

The Duggar kids have no real-world skills. If it wasn't for JBoob bankrolling them, they'd be destitute.

The Bates seem to have a bunch of kids because they enjoy their kids, they seem to be more hands-on parents.

Just some observations...I know the Bates are potentially even more batshit crazy and entrenched in ATI.

 

 

I agree. The beliefs or faith tenets might be similar, but the tools they have given their children, and the independence they have granted their adult/married offspring are quite different.

There is no independent or individual life granted in the Duggar home, no matter one's chronologic age- No one beyond JD has any freedom at all. And I think JD stays in line d/t to the carrot and the stick being utilized.

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The Bateses seem much more interested in their children's educations than the Duggars, perhaps because they both went to college.  I remember Kelly helping one of her daughters with Chemistry during an episode of Bringing up Bates.  This isn't something I could imagine JB or Michelle being willing or able to do, ever.  Not sure how much of a difference it'll make for kids who remain with ATI...but it should certainly be useful to any who decide to leave.

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Man, I could have written this! I'm pale enough that even high end foundations don't come in a pale enough shade... And both my parents were born in Brazil (I'm first generation American). Though the shape of my features marks me as the genetic offspring of my parents, I'm weirdly pale given the rest of my family's golden glow. 

I've heard "but you don't LOOK Brazilian" hundreds of times. Hundreds, I tell you. 

This made me laugh because I am a blonde and pale British expat living in the south of Brazil. I get mistaken for Brazilian 100% of the time until I open my mouth and they hear my accent. Brazil is really a very mixed bag. Over 50% of the state I live in are of German/Polish ancestry, so of course, there are blonde and pale people here. I even know a few red heads. Brazil has every culture and every skin tone.....just one of the reasons I love it so much!!

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I'm a redhead so being pale comes as part of the territory. It's always slightly worrying when you see those health things that say "People with red hair, pale skin, multiple moles and who've been sunburnt in the past have an increased risk of skin cancer" cos oh fuck do I tick those categories. Of course, it only says "increased risk" and apparently some skin cancers aren't that malignant/deadly, but it's a bit worrying nonetheless. 

And I agree with everyone saying that Kelly seems more human than Meechelle. Of course they're both well entrenched in ATI, but I agree with what everyone else has said... the Bates kids have jobs, even the girls (yeah they're Gothard approved, but still) and they seem to be treated as individuals way more than the Duggars. Johannah turned 10 and all the Duggars said was "happy birthday, we love you sixteenth child" pretty much...

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I've formed the opinion lately that the real difference between the Bates and Duggars is malignant narcissism. Simply put, JB has it and Gil doesn't. Regardless of their beliefs, it is the narcissistic tendencies that are really damaging to children. Without the narcissism, a parent can accept a child that grows up and chooses a different path, but an NPD parent will never, ever accept that. I see scapegoats and golden children all over the Duggar family. I don't see that with the Bates. They are just way more secure people who will accept and love their children no matter what. They are able to accept that this is the lifestyle that THEY chose, but their children may make a different choice, and that's okay. The Duggars (JB specifically) will never be able to accept a child that chooses a different path. It will just hurt his ego too much.

With regards to Michelle, I just can't help but feel sorry for the women. The way I see it, she is just as much of a victim as her children are. Her whole self worth was tied up in baby-making because that is what pleased her narcissistic spouse. She has certainly been emotionally and sexually abused and, who knows, maybe even physically abused. In my opinion, her completely checking out is a coping mechanism to deal with her abusive marriage, and as a result she has been unable to protect her children from her abusive spouse. Yes, she is an adult, and she could have made a different choice, but let's not forget she was only 17 when she married JB, and her family moved out of state at around the same time. 

Here is a website that I find helpful, as an ACoN (adult child of a narcissist) and a survivor of emotional abuse for anyone that is also struggling with this. It can also provide some insight for anyone looking to find out some more about this issue:

https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/

And also an insightful article from Psychology Today for anyone interested in what kind of impact this kind of abuse has on a child:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201405/narcissistic-parents-psychological-effect-their-children

It is very difficult to understand if you have not lived through it yourself. But if you are living with this as your reality, you will know of the hell that it really is, and my thoughts and peaceful wishes are with you.

**DISCLAIMER** I'm well aware that I only see a heavily edited snippet of either family's lives, and I am opened minded enough to change my opinion in the future if need be. However, I do, unfortunately, have some personal experience of just how damaging a malignantly narcissistic parent can be.

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