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Erika Shupe *grim rictus* Large Families on Purpose Part 3


happy atheist

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I don't know what "WKing" means, but of course she can't and in my opinion, shouldn't make different meals all the time. But yes, that *smile* might be the worst part. It's so disingenuous and it honestly sounds like she takes pleasure in not doing anything special for the kids. That makes me very sad for them. 

It means to "white-knight" someone, as in to defend them. I'm not defending Erika, just offering an explanation. And I think helping kids to learn to eat what's in front of them and not have their mum cook multiple meals can be a good thing. It's just that Erika explained it in a horrible-sounding way.

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I don't think she's saying she doesn't cook 9 different meals a night, I think she's saying she doesn't care what meals her kids like at all. She'll make what she wants and it doesn't matter if anyone else likes it. It reads to me like if she found out one of the kids liked, say, lasagna, then she would never make lasagna again because she wouldn't want that kid to feel happy about liking a meal.

I only have two kids, and I didn't cater to their every whim, but I did respect their likes and dislikes. I'll save the mushroom-intensive meals for nights when Kid #2 is going to be elsewhere because I'm not an asshole. Why torture him with stuff he doesn't like?

And I enjoy making meals that my family likes to eat. That's kind of the whole point. They don't all have the same favorite meal, and I certainly don't cook more than one meal a night, but what's the problem with making sausage orecchiette because #2 likes it? or making roast veggie crepes for #1? 

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I wonder if Erika even serves the kids their favorites on their birthday?   Even if you don't cater to favorites, you would think the kids would get one day a year that they get a special meal.  

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When my kids were little...their birthdays were the day they got to pick their favorite meal for dinner. The rest of the time, meal choices boiled down to "take it or leave it". HOWEVER...the meals I cooked were ones I knew the kids liked. Occasionally they'd get squirrely but...I also didn't play that game of making them eat it for the next meal or the next day. IF a child chose not to eat, they didn't eat. They'd get the next meal. I also had plenty of snacks in the house, but rarely bought chips or other "junk foods". There was plenty of fruit, dehydrated fruit chips (I had a dehydrator), cheese, yogurt and stuff like that for them to snack on...but it wasn't a free for all. Too many kids, not enough money.

I sort of understand Erika's limiting things, it can get crazy with lots of kids with different favorites, but rotating favorites worked well. One week I'd buy bananas because one child was crazy about them. The next week was apples, the next grapes and so on. I normally bought two kinds of cereal, one that was "junk" and one that wasn't. Like, froot loops and raisin bran, or frosted flakes and grape nuts. One of my kids LOVED raisin bran and grape nuts (he's still a little odd at 25). In the winter, we'd rotate oatmeal, grits and cream of wheat.

BUT...I never exerted that much control over the kids...I'm not a snacker by nature, but I knew the kids were pretty much always hungry.

 

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When my kids were little...their birthdays were the day they got to pick their favorite meal for dinner. The rest of the time, meal choices boiled down to "take it or leave it". HOWEVER...the meals I cooked were ones I knew the kids liked. Occasionally they'd get squirrely but...I also didn't play that game of making them eat it for the next meal or the next day. IF a child chose not to eat, they didn't eat. They'd get the next meal. I also had plenty of snacks in the house, but rarely bought chips or other "junk foods". There was plenty of fruit, dehydrated fruit chips (I had a dehydrator), cheese, yogurt and stuff like that for them to snack on...but it wasn't a free for all. Too many kids, not enough money.

I sort of understand Erika's limiting things, it can get crazy with lots of kids with different favorites, but rotating favorites worked well. One week I'd buy bananas because one child was crazy about them. The next week was apples, the next grapes and so on. I normally bought two kinds of cereal, one that was "junk" and one that wasn't. Like, froot loops and raisin bran, or frosted flakes and grape nuts. One of my kids LOVED raisin bran and grape nuts (he's still a little odd at 25). In the winter, we'd rotate oatmeal, grits and cream of wheat.

BUT...I never exerted that much control over the kids...I'm not a snacker by nature, but I knew the kids were pretty much always hungry.

 

I don't think your kids sounds odd. I love grape nuts and always have! [emoji76]

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That kid was the one who was the biggest pain in the rear with food. He has sensory issues, ADHD and is on the autism spectrum. At 25 he's better able to deal with his issues...but he's still a strange eater. Tomatoes are off limits because of the texture, he prefers crunchy to "slimy" foods. He won't eat mayonnaise but will almost literally drink ranch dressing out of the bottle. He was always skinny and small, and still is...he maxed out at 5'7" and 135lbs on a good day. Strong as an ox though...can pick up my fat ass like nothing. There's only one of my kids that went apeshit on junk food after they grew up and it might just be because that kid was the one who was ALWAYS hungry...and after 2 tours in Iraq, junk food was comfort food.

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I really don't think Erika likes having kids, and she certainly doesn't enjoy them as people. The little things she does, like taking away decision-making capabilities and any opportunities for expressing likes/dislikes strikes me as a very passive-aggressive way of telling her kids that their very existence is inconvenient to her.

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I don't understand why these women have kids if they don't want them. I love my kids beyond reason but there's a reason I stopped having them. I often joke that I like 'em best between birth and 3 months when they don't move much and after 18 when they're on their own. Now grandchildren...those are the BEST!!!!

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My house was a take it or leave it home when it came to dinner.  But my mom rarely made something I didn't like.  On those rare occasions that she was making a meal she knew I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole there would always be something I could fix myself.  

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My kids were served dinner, and that was it. We all ate the same dinner. If one didn't eat it, or didn't like it, we didn't get into a fight over it, they just didn't have to eat it. But if that kid was hungry later, there were always healthy choices available like cheese, yoghurt, fruit, crackers etc to graze on. And I would mentally note that son #1 or son #2 didn't like whatever the meal was, and would cook it when he wasn't home, like @happy atheist said.

As a parent, you do actually want to cook things your kids like. You want them to eat a healthy nutritious dinner they can tuck into, rather than make them things you know they aren't keen on, and have a standoff, or have someone go hungry. I let my kids graze during the day (within reason), because kids have smaller stomachs etc. They can eat smaller meals and eat more often. Although, son #1 didn't really get that memo, has always and still can still put away food like no ones business and is as thin as a rail at 23. 

Erika just doesn't seem to care what her kids think about anything.

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I don't think she's saying she doesn't cook 9 different meals a night, I think she's saying she doesn't care what meals her kids like at all. She'll make what she wants and it doesn't matter if anyone else likes it. It reads to me like if she found out one of the kids liked, say, lasagna, then she would never make lasagna again because she wouldn't want that kid to feel happy about liking a meal.

I only have two kids, and I didn't cater to their every whim, but I did respect their likes and dislikes. I'll save the mushroom-intensive meals for nights when Kid #2 is going to be elsewhere because I'm not an asshole. Why torture him with stuff he doesn't like?

And I enjoy making meals that my family likes to eat. That's kind of the whole point. They don't all have the same favorite meal, and I certainly don't cook more than one meal a night, but what's the problem with making sausage orecchiette because #2 likes it? or making roast veggie crepes for #1? 

She certainly gives that impression. 

We should also remember that since she didn't like quinoa the one time she prepared it, she took it out of rotation entirely.  She didn't try to cook it other ways; she just alluded to having not tried it again after not liking it the first time she made it.  

Quinoa can be tricky, but damn.  Never making it again, but saying she should in a laughing manner?  Interesting way to model ideal behavior with foods.  

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She certainly gives that impression. 

We should also remember that since she didn't like quinoa the one time she prepared it, she took it out of rotation entirely.  She didn't try to cook it other ways; she just alluded to having not tried it again after not liking it the first time she made it.  

Quinoa can be tricky, but damn.  Never making it again, but saying she should in a laughing manner?  Interesting way to model ideal behavior with foods.  

Exactly. I always think about that when we talk about Erika and food. She requires her children to eat whatever she puts in front of them (to the point where she makes them eat it at the next meal if they haven't finished), yet she doesn't like quinoa the first time she's ever tried it (and probably didn't really have a clue as to how to properly prepare it) and it instantly gets kicked out forever.

Off-topic, but my friend makes a kick-ass salad with quinoa, spinach, either black beans or chickpeas, avocado and tomatos. So yummi, and actually healthy for you, Erika!

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She certainly gives that impression. 

We should also remember that since she didn't like quinoa the one time she prepared it, she took it out of rotation entirely.  She didn't try to cook it other ways; she just alluded to having not tried it again after not liking it the first time she made it.  

Quinoa can be tricky, but damn.  Never making it again, but saying she should in a laughing manner?  Interesting way to model ideal behavior with foods.  

She could add quinoa as an "extra" for the daily lunch salads. Quinoa is great to put in your salad to make it more filling and get some extra protein. I wonder how she served it since she hated it so much that she decided to never make it again.

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Exactly. I always think about that when we talk about Erika and food. She requires her children to eat whatever she puts in front of them (to the point where she makes them eat it at the next meal if they haven't finished), yet she doesn't like quinoa the first time she's ever tried it (and probably didn't really have a clue as to how to properly prepare it) and it instantly gets kicked out forever.

Off-topic, but my friend makes a kick-ass salad with quinoa, spinach, either black beans or chickpeas, avocado and tomatos. So yummi, and actually healthy for you, Erika!

Yep, Erika is massively full of shit. Erika is allowed to think something's gross (like "coco" powder) and avoid it but her kids HAVE to be grateful for everything they eat. They're not allowed to not eat something that is served to them. I wonder how she would feel if someone served her a plate of quinoa and told her that she needs to eat all of it and be grateful. *smile* 

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I don't think she's saying she doesn't cook 9 different meals a night, I think she's saying she doesn't care what meals her kids like at all. She'll make what she wants and it doesn't matter if anyone else likes it. It reads to me like if she found out one of the kids liked, say, lasagna, then she would never make lasagna again because she wouldn't want that kid to feel happy about liking a meal.

I only have two kids, and I didn't cater to their every whim, but I did respect their likes and dislikes. I'll save the mushroom-intensive meals for nights when Kid #2 is going to be elsewhere because I'm not an asshole. Why torture him with stuff he doesn't like?

And I enjoy making meals that my family likes to eat. That's kind of the whole point. They don't all have the same favorite meal, and I certainly don't cook more than one meal a night, but what's the problem with making sausage orecchiette because #2 likes it? or making roast veggie crepes for #1? 

Yikes! According to Erika, that's not the way it works in her house at all. They write down what they want on a list (because of course) on the fridge, and she tries to take that into account. Besides, it makes it easier for her if she makes things they like now and then. Fewer difficulties getting them to eat and all that.

http://www.largefamiliesonpurpose.com/2011/09/large-family-meal-planning-shopping.html

I wonder if Erika even serves the kids their favorites on their birthday?   Even if you don't cater to favorites, you would think the kids would get one day a year that they get a special meal.  

Yes, she does. 

"The birthday person chooses what they’d like to have for dinner, and chooses their dessert.  We’ve had traditional desserts…and not so traditional.  Ha ha."

http://www.largefamiliesonpurpose.com/2011/03/large-family-practical-how-tos-part-1.html

I'm not an Erika-defender by any means, but it sounds like some of you think she actively hates her children. I think in a limited way she does love them, but doesn't have much of a maternal instinct. 

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In my family, my Dad was always watching us to see what foods we were sensitive too. He has a very sensitive stomach so he can't go near certain things without it making him really, really sick and he thought that he might have passed the tendency down. Which of course, he did. So the struggle with my Mom was she grew up in a take it or leave it family and when she would say eat it or you know go to bed hungry; she would get rewarded by one of us being sick all over the kitchen. She had to learn to bend to us because it wasn't our fault and I think that Erika could use a little bend. I'm not saying cook 9 different meals for 9 different children, that's ridiculous but I think she could loosen up on snacking and have something besides a salad every day. Variety is the spice of life after all and she might in the long run be causing them to have a really unhealthy love-hate relationship with food. It should be something that you look forward to, I think we all have those days where food is the comfort that we need. 

Her writing style on the other hand gives me a headache so if I continue to read it; I am going to have an unhealthy relationship with Tylenol! :P 

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I wonder if Erika even serves the kids their favorites on their birthday?   Even if you don't cater to favorites, you would think the kids would get one day a year that they get a special meal.  

They do! *beam*

 

 

The birthday person chooses what they’d like to have for dinner, and chooses their dessert. 

 

 Last year, Anna Marie chose to have root beer floats. They didn't melt, unlike what happened at a certain Duggar wedding... Riley chose donuts for his birthday dessert. 

 

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She could add quinoa as an "extra" for the daily lunch salads. Quinoa is great to put in your salad to make it more filling and get some extra protein. I wonder how she served it since she hated it so much that she decided to never make it again.

I bet she didn't rinse it.

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I bet she didn't rinse it.

I've never gotten the rinsing thing. I've tried rinsing it and not rinsing it. It always tastes the same to me- delicious. Maybe I'm getting it pre-rinsed?

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I've never gotten the rinsing thing. I've tried rinsing it and not rinsing it. It always tastes the same to me- delicious. Maybe I'm getting it pre-rinsed?

Some of it comes that way but not all. If you don't and it's unrinsed, it has this super bitter coating on it which is very overpowering. I always rinse just in case. 

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Some of it comes that way but not all. If you don't and it's unrinsed, it has this super bitter coating on it which is very overpowering. I always rinse just in case. 

Where does Erika mention quinoa?

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I have four kids, not Shupe-worthy, but more than most of my neighbors. I kind of get what Erica is saying...but...when I shop/cook, I keep my kids' preferences in mind.  So, if I'm making fish for dinner, and I know one of the kids hates fish (as do I), I'll have an alternative for both of us.  It may just be a peanut butter sandwich or grilled cheese, but it's something we like.  In general, we expect kids to eat what we serve, but we plan with their likes in mind.  If we know a kid really hates something, in spite of trying it...then they have some options.  Usually it's a bowl of cereal of sandwich. 

I would never give the kids the candy I hated, to hoard it for myself.  Or purposely buy coffee ice cream (my favorite) if I knew everybody hated it.  That I don't get.

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I would never give the kids the candy I hated, to hoard it for myself.  Or purposely buy coffee ice cream (my favorite) if I knew everybody hated it.  That I don't get.

Oh I would totally get something I liked which I knew everyone hated, and put in a shareable area with the knowledge that no one else would touch it.

But I'm sneaky like that.

I would also buy something everyone liked to go with it at the same time, one for me, one for everyone else:my_tongue:

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I have four kids, not Shupe-worthy, but more than most of my neighbors. I kind of get what Erica is saying...but...when I shop/cook, I keep my kids' preferences in mind.  So, if I'm making fish for dinner, and I know one of the kids hates fish (as do I), I'll have an alternative for both of us.  It may just be a peanut butter sandwich or grilled cheese, but it's something we like.  In general, we expect kids to eat what we serve, but we plan with their likes in mind.  If we know a kid really hates something, in spite of trying it...then they have some options.  Usually it's a bowl of cereal of sandwich. 

I would never give the kids the candy I hated, to hoard it for myself.  Or purposely buy coffee ice cream (my favorite) if I knew everybody hated it.  That I don't get.

I bought stuff the rest of folks liked and like but I don't. I can't stand peanut butter or strawberry anything. Everyone else eats it, so I buy it. Now that there's just the two of us I buy a lot more of what I REALLY like...

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