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happy atheist

Anna Duggar and the M Kids - Part 3

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happy atheist

Previously: http://www.freejinger.org/topic/23918-free-anna-duggar-and-the-m-kids-part-2-merge/?page=1

Anna puts in an appearance in the promos for TLC's new specials, so it seems that she, Mack, Mike, Marcus, and wee Meredith are sticking it out in Duggarland, at least for now. Whether that's by choice on Anna's part, or due to pressure or lack of support and options is anyone's guess.

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ljohnson2006

Anna needs to stop thinking about her pig husband and think about her kids.

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Unimpressed
allthegoodnamesrgone

Anna needs to stop thinking about her pig husband and think about her kids.

I believe you mean Anna needs to START thinking, period. 

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AngelGirl8811

Anna needs to do a lot of things but I assume that JB and Michelle are keeping an eye on her and won't let her do anything to hurt the "duggar brand." 

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imokit

Anna may be thinking about her kids.  She may have decided that taking them away is worse for them.  Her kids are currently fed, clothed, provided with toys, and playmates.  She has a support network.

Leaving would mean that she needs to find somewhere to live, move her kids.  She then has to find something to do support them.  This may mean working outside the home, which would mean daycare/school for the kids.  She loses her support network, looses the ability to ask the J'slaves to watch the kids if she needs a break.  The kids loose their instant access to their best friends.  They lose stability.  She loses her support system with no knowledge of how she she's going to form a new one.

We look at their lifestyle and think its toxic and many of us would think that uprooting the kids to get them out of that lifestyle would be worth it.  But Anna shares those values.  She is hurting deeply, but everything we've seen from her shows that she shares the core values & faith of the Duggars.  She may well believe that staying there miserable, but keeping her kids safe, happy, stable & anchored to the values she believes in, is the best thing she can do as a parent.

 

[just to make it clear, I wish she would leave - this is about showing that there are reasons beyond Josh & sanctity of marriage for why she might believe staying is best for her kids (though sanctity of marriage may be the only reason for all we know]

Edited by imokit

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Waffle Time
Mela99

Anna needs to stop thinking about her pig husband and think about her kids.

That's interesting to think about. What do fundies teach about a mother's duty to her children? 

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SportsgalAnnie

That's interesting to think about. What do fundies teach about a mother's duty to her children? 

Instill Discipline then hand off to an older sibling 

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MayMay1123

i have to wonder...when she found out, josh was likely whisked away to "rehab" pretty quickly. Anna didn't have any time to process everything while he was still there with her...no shouting, fighting, or even just talking about it with him. now she's been alone, or at least, without him, for quite a bit of time. she's talked with others, but maybe not to him at all. when he comes back, its all going to come right back to the surface as soon as she sees his face. all that awful hurt...maybe when that happens is when she can perhaps think about the damage he has done to her and her children, maybe then she can think that she *can live without him as long as she has someone's support. otherwise she's just going to live with that deep resentment forever, poor girl

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ClaraOswin

I wish Anna would leave. But I don't think she ever will.

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FrumperSeamstress

If I liked Anna more I would go rescue her and her kids. My heart goes out to her. I can't imagine what's she's going through. 

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pook

Frumper, her own brother tried to do that unfortunately with no success.  I can't imagine what she is going through either.

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JoyfullyUnavailable

Maybe she will re-evaluate her life and beliefs once Josh is "cured" from camp. I just don't see how she will be able to accept Josh back with open arms. I imagine she would want to puke when he touches her again. I wish Anna would see a professional just to talk and heal for either path she chooses in the future. 

Let's be real, Josh is not coming back a changed man. If anything he may be more motivated to keep more secretive. 

Edited by JoyfullyUnavailable
Wanted to add more

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EmCatlyn

I agree with Imokit and others who have said that Anna may see staying in her marriage as the best thing she can do for her kids and I also agree with JoyfullyUnavailable and others who have suggested that Anna may re-evaluate the situation when Josh returns. (I don't think she will leave, but I think she will have a better understanding of what her choice will mean to her.) As someone else pointed out in the other thread, Anna may still be in shock about the Ashley Madison revelations.  It takes time to accept that the man you loved didn't exist.

We have all been waiting in suspense to see what will happen with Josh. I imagine Anna is waiting with greater reason.  For her the suspense is literal. She is suspended between two stages in her life and she doesn't really know what the next stage will be like.

 

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hilee

I do feel bad for Anna, I have a feeling that not only was she left with a newborn and cheating husband who was publicly outted as molesting his sisters. I feel confident she's received no real counseling, she deserves to have thoughts and feelings on these issues of her own. 

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HarleyQuinn

Leaving must seem scary to her, but she needs to think logically about this. Is Josh going to change for good? Probably not. It's more than likely going to happen again and she's been manipulated into thinking it's her fault. If her non Gothard siblings have offered her a support system, she should take it. It won't be easy, she'll have to work hard and may need to be on assistance for awhile, but isn't that better than having Smugger as a husband? Then being someone's sexual play thing and having to wonder in the back of her mind if her daughters are truly safe? 

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Bad Wolf

It takes an abused woman many times before she leaves her abuser for good. ( I worked at a shelter.)  Even the women who came into the shelter would sometimes go back. Leaving takes a great deal of courage and planning. Get all your documentation together, birth certificates, ss cards, etc. Make a plan. Keep safe.

Anna has never had to think independently. She's always been under someone's umbrella. Four kids and limited education and knowledge of how the world works, make it almost impossible to leave. Additionally, we think she's still nursing, and her hormones may not be back to normal.

Yes, Anna can leave, and has supportive siblings, but the time may not be right for her yet.

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ksgranola1

Anna may be thinking about her kids.  She may have decided that taking them away is worse for them.  Her kids are currently fed, clothed, provided with toys, and playmates.  She has a support network.

Leaving would mean that she needs to find somewhere to live, move her kids.  She then has to find something to do support them.  This may mean working outside the home, which would mean daycare/school for the kids.  She loses her support network, looses the ability to ask the J'slaves to watch the kids if she needs a break.  The kids loose their instant access to their best friends.  They lose stability.  She loses her support system with no knowledge of how she she's going to form a new one.

We look at their lifestyle and think its toxic and many of us would think that uprooting the kids to get them out of that lifestyle would be worth it.  But Anna shares those values.  She is hurting deeply, but everything we've seen from her shows that she shares the core values & faith of the Duggars.  She may well believe that staying there miserable, but keeping her kids safe, happy, stable & anchored to the values she believes in, is the best thing she can do as a parent.

 

[just to make it clear, I wish she would leave - this is about showing that there are reasons beyond Josh & sanctity of marriage for why she might believe staying is best for her kids (though sanctity of marriage may be the only reason for all we know]

You are so right, imokit.  We've only been looking at the "josh" element here, but she is thinking about the stability of her children, bless her. My biggest wish for her is that she not have any more. Prob. will, tho. He'll be one horny bastard when he is released.

And it sickens me that she has to do that.

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CorruptionInc.

I'd say she probably wants to remain as "normal" as possible too for the sake of her kids. Kids are cluey and will probably be asking "where's daddy" all the time. Secondly, imagine the other questions she would get- kids are inquisitive and not afraid to ask!

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Drala

It takes an abused woman many times before she leaves her abuser for good. ( I worked at a shelter.)  Even the women who came into the shelter would sometimes go back. Leaving takes a great deal of courage and planning. Get all your documentation together, birth certificates, ss cards, etc. Make a plan. Keep safe.

I have also worked with abused women, and I see Anna's situation as very similar.  We only speculate about the nature of Anna's abuse by Josh, but it is fairly well established that he is abusive to women.  I suspect that, at a minimum, Josh has been very controlling and emotionally abusive. If she's caught up in that kind of emotional dynamic with her husband, it will be all the more difficult for her to leave because her sense of self has been consistently undermined, perhaps even battered.

 

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ksgranola1

Oh, I don't think Josh abuses her. My guess is he saw rough sex on a porn flick & it prob. excited him so he thought he'd try it w/the hooker b/c he knew Anna wouldn't go for it, never mind that she was pregnant. And I think she'd tattle on him to JB.

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luv2laugh

Anna has way too much to lose by leaving, her entire social circle, family, support network, etc and would have to find a job and find someone to care for her kids. She's been raised that fundie wives stick by their husbands.  I agree that she is sacrificing her own happiness to stay and in her mind, give her children stability and parents that are together.  She is miserable but feels she has no other option.  She is going to go on the Duggar show and tearfully announce that she is sticking by Josh.  All we can hope for is that one of her friends or siblings sees how terrible this is and can reach her and help her get out. It might take years, or even decades.

Edited by luv2laugh

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Bad Wolf

There's also emotional and financial abuse. A lot of women find the emotional abuse more devastating than the physical.  Bruises heal in rime.

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MyMilkshake

Anna may not want to stay with Josh. But if the kids are doing okay at this point she may have decided to sacrifice her own happiness for  what she feels is more stability for her kids.

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AngelGirl8811

I feel bad for Anna, she may feel like she has no options. She could have turned to her brother and those who are out of the fundie lifestyle but honestly, this is all she knows. She doesn't have the education or work experience to truly be able to provide for her kids the way that they are now. She would get support from Josh but if he's not making anything and JB is pulling the strings, well he could hold back on the money. It's a tough situation and one that she never saw coming; I can't imagine being blindsided like she was. I hope that she does what is best for her but likely, she's not getting the time to think about that. 

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Toothfairy

Anna has options. Will she take them, probably not.  Girl is too brainwashed. I'm sure Jimchelle are telling her it's her fault or this is God's will. I'm also sure they're putting more bs in her head.

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