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Noah's (Theme P)Ark Opens in July


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Here is a super exciting video of workmen moving a cage into place. They use flatbed trucks and cranes just like Noah did!

I'm irrationally irked that they did not use period building techniques to "prove" that this shit is real.

So is this just going to be a big warehouse full of empty cages? Are they going to use stuffed animals? Animatronics? Or is it going to be the absolute saddest zoo ever?

http://jezebel.com/clear-your-calendars-because-that-noahs-ark-theme-park-1742204553

 

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https://answersingenesis.org/ministry-news/ark-encounter/opening-date-announcement/

Damn you know that UP will be filming a Bates family field trip there!!

 

And I am sure little Spurgeon is looking forward to his first visit.

 

Actually, Lawson & Jinger--please consider having a destination wedding there during the grand opening. It would be soooo precious.

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One in four children in Kentucky lives in poverty, and this is what we get.  The world's biggest fire hazard.

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I would be surprised if real animals were involved in this debacle. Even by the low standards of roadside zoos, the conditions would be horrible. It would be a PETA investigation waiting to happen.

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Reminds me of PraiseLand from the Simpsons. Everyone got high on gas fumes and thought miracles were being performed.  Sounds like a fun theme park. 

image.gif

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Good grief. What will those idiots think of next?

I am putting an atheist theme park in my back yard. Entry fee is $1.00, an apple for one of the horses, and agreeing to pet either one of the dogs or one of the cats.  Anyone willing to pay this entry fee will enter my back yard and be awed .......at my back yard. 

So far construction is on time and under budget.  

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Good grief. What will those idiots think of next?

I am putting an atheist theme park in my back yard. Entry fee is $1.00, an apple for one of the horses, and agreeing to pet either one of the dogs or one of the cats.  Anyone willing to pay this entry fee will enter my back yard and be awed .......at my back yard. 

So far construction is on time and under budget.  

You have horses, dogs AND cats? Quick, where are you located, I want tickets!

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Good grief. What will those idiots think of next?

I am putting an atheist theme park in my back yard. Entry fee is $1.00, an apple for one of the horses, and agreeing to pet either one of the dogs or one of the cats.  Anyone willing to pay this entry fee will enter my back yard and be awed .......at my back yard. 

So far construction is on time and under budget.  

My kids and I will be planning a trip soon! Do you have a gift shop? T-shirts? Anything else?

I can't believe they didn't even try to build the ark "God's" way. If God's instructions were good enough for Noah they should have been good enough for these guys. 

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Wake me up when someone takes 120 years to do it like Noah did back in the bible.  

Wait, what? Obviously I've never read the bible, but I was under the impression that he did it in, like, a weekend.

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There is a bit of debate. Genesis 6:3 has God getting mad and saying that humans only have 120 years left to live, but nobody knows how much time takes place between that verse and verse 13 where God tells Noah to build an ark. Answers in Genesis has a confusing method of figuring it out where they say it took Noah about 75 years to build the ark. 

Not only was there no rain before the Flood, people lived for hundreds of years. Noah was 600 years old when the Flood happened. 

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There is a bit of debate. Genesis 6:3 has God getting mad and saying that humans only have 120 years left to live, but nobody knows how much time takes place between that verse and verse 13 where God tells Noah to build an ark. Answers in Genesis has a confusing method of figuring it out where they say it took Noah about 75 years to build the ark. 

Not only was there no rain before the Flood, people lived for hundreds of years. Noah was 600 years old when the Flood happened. 

And people really believe this to be literally true?  No rain, really?  I just could never be a fundie.

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I didn't know about the no rain part. So people didn't die for centuries and animals manage to survive... really? I don't have a fundie mind

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they could

Here is a super exciting video of workmen moving a cage into place. They use flatbed trucks and cranes just like Noah did!

I'm irrationally irked that they did not use period building techniques to "prove" that this shit is real.

So is this just going to be a big warehouse full of empty cages? Are they going to use stuffed animals? Animatronics? Or is it going to be the absolute saddest zoo ever?

http://jezebel.com/clear-your-calendars-because-that-noahs-ark-theme-park-1742204553

 

well they could not build with such old ways because it would not be to code but also it would take far more money and skill and I doubt it would work.

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they could

well they could not build with such old ways because it would not be to code but also it would take far more money and skill and I doubt it would work.

But Jesus.

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Good grief. What will those idiots think of next?

I am putting an atheist theme park in my back yard. Entry fee is $1.00, an apple for one of the horses, and agreeing to pet either one of the dogs or one of the cats.  Anyone willing to pay this entry fee will enter my back yard and be awed .......at my back yard. 

So far construction is on time and under budget.  

I thought we already had an atheist theme park--Las Vegas

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Great idea! Being inspired by those awesome guys I decided to make the Eden theme park. It will be a garden. With a tree.

Have fun!


P.S. Snacks are forbidden. Abuse of this rule will result in immediate and irrevocable expulsion. No money back.

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Everything you need to know about Noah's Ark in a fun kids song. Definitely legit with no plot holes. 

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Ok, I would go see this, if it was close by and I had a free coupon. I am a curious person, though. About 20 minutes from my house there is a house shaped like a giant shoe, very cool, makes me happy to see it. On the way to the beach we pass a giant cowboy that reminds me of Woody from Toy Story, also makes me happy. A big wooden boat full of animatronic animals would check two boxes....giant curiosity AND animals, which also make me happy.  

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I live dangerously close to this "attraction." My headship asked me yesterday if I would ever visit it, if they let me in for free.

Um, no. No I wouldn't. I'd rather have brain surgery while awake, which is what I believe their preachin' at this fuck-ark will be like.

That said, one time in high school I went to haunted hayride where there was no hayride, you just walked through the woods/attractions. At the end, they corralled us all in a small tent and proceeded to start praying over us and telling us that what we just saw was what hell is like and we needed to be saved. Then they passed out mini bibles as we left (I did not take one). Now, THAT was scary as hell!

I triple check all attractions Ive ever visited since then to make sure they aren't religiously based or are put on by some sort of religious organization.

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