Mallys and Bright Lights and Weddings

[JermajestyDuggar]

I wonder when Grace is due. It's father death's first grandchild. Will he be disappointed if it's a girl?

[MomKB]

It just hit me that she's 41. 41, and her dad is "in charge" of her. She's almost as old as I am. It's just so messed up. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 minute ago, Triplet3 said:

I will never cease to be amazed by how much men like to pontificate at fundie weddings. I don't know what the norm is at American weddings but in the UK, speeches are done at the reception, not during the marriage service.

I've been to a lot of weddings and it is extremely rare for the fathers of the bride or groom to speak.

[Triplet3]

8 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I've been to a lot of weddings and it is extremely rare for the fathers of the bride or groom to speak.

Oh, ok. It's just a fundie thing then. (By the way, by 'speeches' I didn't mean the minister's address. That's a completely normal thing to have during the service)

Got to say, the pastor seems kinder, more genuine and more jolly than the standard fundie pastor. Kind of makes up for Harold's appalling speech, although of course he's still an apologetic for the fundie view of marriage and the relationship between husbands and wives. Still, as fundie pastors go...he seems better than the norm.

Edited May 2, 2020 by Triplet3

[MomKB]

Many fundie men love to blather on, regardless of giftedness or if they have anything enlightening to say. And the ones who aren't comfortable with public speaking are often pressured into it. (at least in my experience)

Edited May 2, 2020 by MomKB

[JermajestyDuggar]

My husband is a fabulous public speaker. He has a voice that carries and doesn't say ummm or uhh and blather on and on. But he's not a mansplaining fundie. So he didn't speak much during our ceremony. Mostly just "I do." Lol.

Allison singing with some guy. Meh again. I'm quite the critic today. Which is surprising since I suck at singing.

Edited May 2, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[JermajestyDuggar]

Sarah talks like a 21 year old, not a 41 year old. Her voice isn't bad. She just talks in a very young and naive way. Her voice is at least better than Grace's.

[Triplet3]

1 minute ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Sarah talks like a 21 year old, not a 41 year old. Her voice isn't bad. She just talks in a very young and naive way. Her voice is at least better than Grace's.

I was just thinking she seems much younger than she is.

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 minutes ago, Triplet3 said:

I was just thinking she seems much younger than she is.

Most fundie women who are 41 have like 8 kids at least and years of non stop drudgery. That's probably why. And she has been treated like a child by her parents.

At least the kiss wasn't too bad. i had cringed enough already.

Edited May 2, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[Pecansforeveryone]

On no longer Quivering, I am not sure if it was Vickie Garrison who said that in Quiverful circles being a 16 year old is doubling exhausting. In some ways, you are treated like you are 5. In other ways, you are treated like you  are 30. 

[Triplet3]

9 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

At least the kiss wasn't too bad. i had cringed enough already.

I didn't think much of it to be honest - Andrew looked like he kept his mouth open and missed half of her mouth! Maybe he was nervous.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 minute ago, Triplet3 said:

I didn't think much of it to be honest - Andrew looked like he kept his mouth open and missed half of her mouth! Maybe he was nervous.

He looked much more nervous than her. Actually he looked nervous for most of the wedding! Maybe that’s just the way his face looks ?

[thoughtful]

I liked the flowers at that wedding, and the dress was OK. And that's the only good thing I can say.

If I had a father who talked about me that way at my wedding (or at any other time), and an officiant who turned the service into an advertisement for religion, I'd be both heartbroken and angry.

I know, she's used to both of those things, but that makes it even sadder.

All of the crap about how "the World" doesn't have loving non-competitive, supportive marriages is so self-serving, and insulting to anyone outside their little circle. I see lots and lots of them around me, among atheists, Hindus, Catholics, Mormons, Quakers, mainstream Protestants, Jews, and various mixed combinations of the above.

I was raised by two Jewish people in the strongest marriage and best friendship I've ever seen - a Mom who is really involved and a believer, and a Dad who adored her.

I recently realized that I have no idea if my father actually believed in God. But he and my mother really respected and liked one another.

 

[Sops2]

I thought the bridal bouquet was just beautiful and the wedding flowers were lovely- it was very tasteful- come on Jill, get some ideas from this.

The wedding dress was a bit shiny white and I would have preferred sleeves to hide such thin arms, but all in all, not that bad a look.

[nausicaa]

14 hours ago, thoughtful said:

All of the crap about how "the World" doesn't have loving non-competitive, supportive marriages is so self-serving, and insulting to anyone outside their little circle. I see lots and lots of them around me, among atheists, Hindus, Catholics, Mormons, Quakers, mainstream Protestants, Jews, and various mixed combinations of the above.

And how would they even know about the dynamics of the "World's" marriages? They don't have relationships with non-Fundies (evangelizing doesn't count). 

And yeah, there seems to be no clear pattern of religious beliefs or level of devoutness among the strongest marriages I've seen. Of the top of my head, the best marriages in my social circle are a marriage between an atheist and a liberal Episcopalian, two Mormons, two moderate Catholics, and one forty-five year gold standard marriage between an agnostic and his Catholic wife who had a child out of wedlock before meeting him. 

[Rio]

I liked Sarah’s dress and veil and the tiara/headband or whatever that’s called.

Her father was awful, can you imagine trying to function under this guy’s “authority” for 41 years? Couldn’t he just say, “Her mother and I do” when asked who was giving the bride? It was all about him. 

Her mother in the other hand looked like a million bucks. Great dress, and her hair was great too, that must be natural curl and color? 

I am just glad for Sarah to finally be married and out of her parents’ house. What a relief that must be to actually start a semi-normal life.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I liked the purple hues. It was a pretty choice. I wonder if they will have a honeymoon. They could work one out. If they know someone who will lend them a vacation house or cabin that’s not being used. Or they could go camping. Or they could just stay home and wait until later this year. 

[nausicaa]

The bridesmaids dresses are nice, and the bejeweled belt is a creative way to distinguish the maid of honor. Everyone's hair and makeup looks tasteful and well done, and it does really come off like these two really like each other. Sarah gives me a bit of hope that I could wear a traditional wedding dress one day and not look like Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. 

I like the bejeweled headpiece, but not the veil, it gives me anxiety that the comb is going to slide off her head. But I don't like 95% of veils, so this might be a me problem. 

[Palimpsest]

Bride looked very nice, flowers were lovely, groom looked nervous (minor quibble -- his trousers were too short), pastor Doug had a nice speaking voice (but Ephesians 5 in all it's submissive pukitude, ffs!), but in times of COVID-19 not such a bad Fundie wedding.

But STFU, Harold!  That is in my top 10 of worst Father of the Bride pontifications at weddings.  Perhaps even the top 3.  You silly, creepy, self-involved, conceited, insensitive idiot!

I expect Steve Maxwell was watching and taking careful notes.  If his Sarah (let alone poor Anna and Mary) ever gets hitched at such an advanced age it is because they have given their best years to God.  Actually Steve.

It was all God's plan, my friends,

Anyway, I expect Sarah Mally is happy to have had her authority transferred at long last.  I hope the groom wasn't pressured into it.  Something pastor Doug said raised my eyebrows but he looked happy.

And Stephen Mally is probably heaving a huge sign of relief.  If Harold bites the dust he no longer has to assume spiritual authority over his aging unmarried sister(s).   

 

 

Edited May 3, 2020 by Palimpsest

[Maxwell]

On 5/2/2020 at 3:25 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

No wonder they adopted Steven! The only way they would for sure get a boy.

I'm glad he's forgetting his speech. LOL

We adopted a 'boy'.  It was a boy for months, right up until birth... then... SURPRISE!!!  You have a beautiful baby girl.  I was just as thrilled -- we were adopting a beautiful, health baby.  We wanted kids and she filled the bill as much as 'he' would have - still a baby, still ours because a mother chose to carry and adopt rather than abort.

[MomKB]

7 hours ago, Rio said:

Her father was awful, can you imagine trying to function under this guy’s “authority” for 41 years? Couldn’t he just say, “Her mother and I do” when asked who was giving the bride? It was all about him. 

I know, right? He talked for what, 15 minutes? First while giving her away, then he walked around and talked to the groom, then he went up on the stage.? Not to mention all the awful things he said.

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

Oof, Allison B (or twin) on those key changes.

I don't follow the Mallys but man, the dad is cringey. And I haven't even got to the "I wish I had a son" and "LOL singlz foreva" parts.

[Bazinga]

Wow, just wow. I really feel like the dad thought he was being witty with his comments, but they were anything but that. It's one thing to have a funny story like, " we were told it was a boy and had all the boy things ready to go, but then we were so surprised to find our boy was actually a girl!" Ok that can be kind of funny, because ultrasounds aren't always correct. This actually happens.

But this was just plain awful. He was down right disappointed that they had a girl and clearly let her know it. I would be so emotionally hurt to hear my dad say he was upset for weeks after my birth just because I was a girl. 

I hope Sarah has a wonderful life not having to live under her parents authority. While I know her beliefs aren't going to change, I at least hope she finds some new found freedoms for herself. 

I'm also in the camp of that I don't expect many children (given her age).... though adoption wouldn't be out of the question. I assume it's an option given her family adopted, though I could be definitely wrong. Ugh.... I'm still just shuddering over that wedding speech. 

Did the sister have a live stream to at her wedding? If yes, anyone remember if the dad's speech was equally as bad?

[AnnaSofia]

On 2/4/2020 at 9:16 PM, DefraudedByPlaid said:

I know some were wondering if Mr. Mally's wedding message was hurtful to his daughters, particularly his older daughter. While I found what he wrote troubling and ooky, I'm guessing Sarah didn't mind... because according to her (public) FB she is engaged!

Or, ya know, she DID mind, and that's why, after staying single through more than two decades of adulthood, she suddenly had a fiance a few months later, and was married a few months after that.

There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with marrying later (for non-fundies, it's trending that way anyway) or eschewing marriage entirely if that's what you want, but it seemed odd to me that as soon as Sarah was the only one at home with her parents, she got married (the only socially/theologically acceptable way "out" for someone like her) with a quickness. I was honestly hoping that I was just being too cynical, but after hearing Harold Mally's speech at the wedding, I'm not so sure.

That said, Sarah and Andrew do seem to genuinely like each other, and have a lot in common, so I'll keep my fingers crossed for them and wish them all the best.

[Rio]

14 hours ago, nausicaa said:

 

And yeah, there seems to be no clear pattern of religious beliefs or level of devoutness among the strongest marriages I've seen. Of the top of my head, the best marriages in my social circle are a marriage between an atheist and a liberal Episcopalian, two Mormons, two moderate Catholics, and one forty-five year gold standard marriage between an agnostic and his Catholic wife who had a child out of wedlock before meeting him. 

One of the best marriages close to me is my mother and her now wife,  together almost 40 years. They are atheist as far as I can tell and really loving and happy. They got together when I was in my late teens and I remember telling my friends that the main difference between straight or gay parents was that when I called home to borrow money, Mom would say, “OK, let me just check with Ruth.”

.