How to plan holiday meals, Teri Maxwell style

[WonderingInWA]

We must be pigs in my household because a pound of hamburger makes 4 burgers here!  LOL.  The lettuce comment was absurd.  Who grills burgers and doesn't already have lettuce on hand as a condiment?

I can't imagine Teri doesn't fully utilize leftovers, but it's sad to me that she tries to avoid having any.  That turkey/mashed potato/gravy/stuffing sandwich the next day is better than the sit-down formal meal!  And green bean casserole is always better the second day.  I guess she was probably referring more to leftover BBQ foods, and grilled burgers and dogs are harder to use up as leftovers, but still, if you're creative, you can avoid tossing them.  Oh, right, no creativity in Maxhell!

And I must say I look forward to having the same menu each year (with only minor alterations) for T-Day and Christmas so I can't snark on them for that one.

 

[sparkles]

It's not so much that they eat the same things each year—I mean, does anyone really reinvent the wheel for each holiday meal? You've always got your basics with maybe a couple of new things thrown into the mix—it's how they've fetishized the planning and execution in typical Maxwell fashion, sucking the joy and spontaneity out of it. It's not a holiday meal, it's a military exercise with briefings, a strategic playbook, manifests, debriefings… Good grief, they were nearly brought down by lettuce. LETTUCE. It took them years before someone thought to ADD IT TO THE LIST. Did god forget to lay it on their hearts or something? Jebus, any deviation from the script practically throws the earth off its axis. It's just endlessly fascinating to me, in a "what's under that rock?" way, how people can live like this and think it's how their god meant it to be.

[Justme]

this is by far my favorite part of the post, bc it suggests that despite the genius of her meal planning method and afer action reports this mistake was still made SEVERAL TIMES before teri could be bothered to pull up her word document and add "lettuce" to the list hahahaha

 

It also shows that nobody thinks while in the store. Gee, Joe like lettuce, lets throw in a head. Rather, they are mindless little robots filling Teri's list.

[jakesykora]

We pretty much have the same meal every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas: turkey at Thanksgiving, and prime rib and Yorkshire pudding for Christmas, so I can't fault them for that.

<snip>

But I bet you probably vary side dishes at least a bit from time to time, no?

Or if you had guests over or a new family member, have them contribute something that's a traditional component for your holiday table?

I mean, I totally get doing the same main entree and maybe a couple favorite sides, but to never vary any sides - swap green beans for glazed carrots or something - seems far more regimented than most would do where it's down to mathematical computations because must. not. vary. anything.

For Pete's sake they probably would be scandalized if someone added those crispy onion straws to a green bean casserole for a change!

This makes me wonder if Teri is planning on releasing a meal-planning books. 

Oh gosh - we already have Shay Shull (sister of Sean Lowe from the Bachelor) who's got a ridiculous trio of books in the works, with the first two out early next year.

Her entire premise is basically 4 ingredient meals made of already existing products, in most cases, and then an endless series (100) variations on a cake mix bundt cake.

Please no Maxwells also adding to the faux-cookbook collection list!

[jakesykora]

"Track" the menu, save shopping lists, and write down "after-action" reports detailing how many you fed, how much was left over, and what you didn't have enough of.

The Resurrection Sunday meal was also "originated" by Teri's mom. Weird choice of word.

They also have the same meal every Christmas and every Resurrection Sunday by "popular vote". Again, weird phrasing. 

Through reading this post, I can see where Sarah got her odd writing style from... 

You were very charitable in your assessment! Ha.

I had to read it twice because my first run though had me thinking one of the girls was writing - seemingly Sarah (though obviously it's usually Anna doing the meal regimen) as if Teri had handed it all down to her to deal with or something - it was that strangely/poorly written to me!

Anyone remember  celebrate Thanksgiving?

Nothing? Serve somewhere (ha!)? Poor writing?

It just was strange she mentioned Christmas and Easter being the same, and then the three often lesser focused on holidays - Memorial Day, Veteran's Day - but ignored Thanksgiving completely.

[rosalitta]

I'm sure the issues with leftovers is they're never going to come out exactly a full meal for everyone at some point.  Then you'd have a disaster, where some people might be eating turkey and others having to find other food.  Also these (delicious) post-Thanksgiving sandwiches are much too rich and much too open-ended for the Maxwells! Imagine if Mary puts mashed potatoes on hers but Sarah puts stuffing. The horror!

[jerkit]

#teamleftovers

[Shoobydoo]

She was forgetting lettuce because that's a change from years past. "Also a couple of years ago, some began having their hot dog or hamburger in a lettuce wrap." Now I want to know who's low-carbing over there. It has to be one of the marrieds, right? Because bean burritos are the opposite of low carb...

Also, nobody wanted lettuce on their burger until someone decided to ditch the bun???

A Maxwell burger is probably just a a plain, white hamburger bun topped with a plain, unseasoned patty. No condiments on any kind. Condiments could cause flavor, which is an idol. 

We usually make mostly the same thing for Thanksgiving, and vary it up for Christmas. There's only two of us here, so we only make two or three sides, and every year we pick a new side dish to try out. For Christmas we just pick whatever we feel like. Sometimes that's steak. Sometimes that's indian takeout. 

 I will admit there are certain things I do in miniature to avoid leftovers, though. For example, my BF LOVES pumpkin pie, but I can take it or leave it. He has a terrible habit of eating one slice of pie and forgetting about the rest until it goes bad. If I make a tiny pie, at least if I have to throw some out it's only a little.Maybe I'll try making pumpkin pie tarts this year...

 

[Eternalbluepearl]

In a way, Teri Maxwell is the type of mother-in-law I'd like to have. My mother-in-law isn't very warm or involved in our lives. We see her only a handful of times a year and we don't really share life together. I'd love having a mom-type person in my life just down the street who is wanting to help grocery shop for events, discuss organization and go on trips to Costco. And coming over to read to my kids? That's sweet. (I have no kids so it would be my houseplant) but I'm also a very boring person so Teri and I would probably get along well. Steve and I? Not so much. 

[HermioneSparrow]

that's seriously the best part...not having to cook for days afterwards! cold or warmed up, it's allllll good.

 

my personal favourite post-thanksgiving meal is a sandwich of turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce with a little bit of gravy so it isn't too dry. yes i'm weird. no i don't care.

Yum! I don't celebrate thanksgiving but that sounds yummy! I do make my sandwiches with gravy, it's delicious.

The Maxwells are SO boring, it's unreal. I don't think i could get along with Teri, she's dull as f... I can't imagine being a Maxwell, my family is latin/spanish/british, we're loud, jokesters and eat a LOT total opposites.

[BullyJBG]

Leftovers can work with a few people. But in this family there are 7 living there right now. Likely they're had some trial and error with leftovers, that then there wasn't enough for everyone. Or the meal didn't match; like too much meat-stuffs left over and not enough veggies. Or vice versa.

  But yeah; they gotta take into account everything; kids grow from year to year, pregnant DILs, Steve's health problems that caused his to diet, etc. I can understand perfectionism; I struggle with it myself.

  BTW, do you think Steve's reading here during his fast, or is he fasting from us? Every time we have technical problems I wonder if he's specifically praying against FJ.

[Coconut Flan]

Steve may dislike leftovers and want new food for each meal.  Some people are like that so it causes the chief cook to try to minimize the leftovers or keep them to food that can be used in a new dish.  That's all I have for trying to be so exact.  They do have lunches or did on the road where it was kind of every person for themselves so perhaps Terri should schedule lunches like that for a day or two after every holiday pretend celebration.  Someone may have to tell her though if it took her years to get lettuce on the shopping list.  I'm with the who doesn't buy lettuce if they are making hamburgers train.  Her after action reports must be dreadful if the lettuce is a normal situation.

[Palimpsest]

In a way, Teri Maxwell is the type of mother-in-law I'd like to have. My mother-in-law isn't very warm or involved in our lives. We see her only a handful of times a year and we don't really share life together. I'd love having a mom-type person in my life just down the street who is wanting to help grocery shop for events, discuss organization and go on trips to Costco. And coming over to read to my kids? That's sweet. (I have no kids so it would be my houseplant) but I'm also a very boring person so Teri and I would probably get along well. Steve and I? Not so much. 

I thought you were going to say that your mother-in-law was really warm and very over-involved in your lives so you would prefer someone more distant like Teri Maxwell!

Teri is close geographically to her sons and their families.  Emotionally, perhaps not.  She always strikes me as very detached and not at all warm and friendly.  It's her way, or rather Steve's way, or the highway.  I think Steve is the one who insists on family time.  Teri could take it or leave it.  I may be wrong.

[blessalessi]

In a way, Teri Maxwell is the type of mother-in-law I'd like to have. My mother-in-law isn't very warm or involved in our lives. We see her only a handful of times a year and we don't really share life together. I'd love having a mom-type person in my life just down the street who is wanting to help grocery shop for events, discuss organization and go on trips to Costco. And coming over to read to my kids? That's sweet. (I have no kids so it would be my houseplant) but I'm also a very boring person so Teri and I would probably get along well. Steve and I? Not so much. 

Teri spent most of her children's formative years depressed and angry.  Her children have gradually learned how not to piss her off by running around doing all the work and giving her the credit.

She is a passive-agressive bitch to the grandkids, popping over with books as a means of forcing them to "enjoy" her company, because if given the choice they would rather play with their aunties.

The most horrific example of behaviour I can think of off-hand is the blog post where Teri punished a three year old grandchild by taking away the flag she had brought to lay on her baby sister's grave.

[Jana814]

 

The most horrific example of behaviour I can think of off-hand is the blog post where Teri punished a three year old grandchild by taking away the flag she had brought to lay on her baby sister's grave.

really that happened. When was this. 

[princessmahina]

Teri spent most of her children's formative years depressed and angry.  Her children have gradually learned how not to piss her off by running around doing all the work and giving her the credit.

She is a passive-agressive bitch to the grandkids, popping over with books as a means of forcing them to "enjoy" her company, because if given the choice they would rather play with their aunties.

The most horrific example of behaviour I can think of off-hand is the blog post where Teri punished a three year old grandchild by taking away the flag she had brought to lay on her baby sister's grave.

Oh my God, seriously?! Link please!!

[blessalessi]

really that happened. When was this. 

Talitha Cumi reported it as an anecdote shared at a scheduling talk at a Titus2 conference.  Halfway down this page: http://www.freejinger.org/topic/21110-a-saturday-with-the-moodys-maxwells/?page=2

[VodouDoll]

Talitha Cumi wrote about it when she went to their Energize! conference last year.

 

 

You say scheduling is to hard? Let Teri tell you a little story! They went to the cemetery to visit family graves and put flags on them. Bethany picked up a clod of dirt and threw it at Auntie Mary. Teri told her to ask Mary for forgiveness, but Bethany refused, saying it was too hard. Teri warned her that if she didn't ask forgiveness, she wouldn't be allowed to put her flag on Susannah's grave. Noooo, said Bethany, it's too hard! No, what was hard was not getting to put her flag on the grave. For moms, not having a schedule is harder than making one! Here, check out Managers Of Their Homes. Isn't it great? Don't you want this? Of course you do!

 

 

[formergothardite]

What the fuck! What sort of monster doesn't let a child put a flag on her sister's grave? 

I feel like the Maxwells work very hard to over complicate every single thing just to give them something to do. I have a large family and my mom does keep a general list of what most people typically bring,  but it is nothing this complicated. 

[princessmahina]

What a bitch! Those poor girls!

[Tootsie McSassafrass]

 I don't mean to be a pain in the ass, but Y'all are missing a key point here:

Every year we have 3 family barbecues – Memorial Day, July 4th, and Labor Day. We like the same menu that has been fine tuned through the years by popular vote: hamburgers, hot dogs, brats, picnic eggs, baked beans, chips, chip dip, soda, and dessert (that is different each year). How many pounds of ground beef should I buy? How many packages of hot dogs and of brats? What about chips?

 They are allowed to consume SODA (beloved Pepsi?) at least 3, count 'em THREE times in a year. Hold back Teri, she may go hog wild! 

As far as "Picnic Eggs" are concerned, my thought is, they are much like Katy Perry's parents in the OVERTLY Zealous Legalistic Christian Category. I remember watching a documentary about her, before she made it really big, and it explained her overtly strict, zealous upbringing. She has mentioned that the reason she is the way she is now is because she 'sold her soul to the devil' and my theory, she was suppressed so much, she went big, before she goes home, ya know. Anyway...

Most born again Christians,some not all mind you, let us not lump together will substitute phrases or words to avoid using the actual. Example, the phrase oh my heck, as you may have heard the Sister Wives use instead of taking the Lord's name in vain etc..
Katy Perry's parents referred to Deviled Eggs, as 'Angel Eggs' and wouldn't allow the kids to eat Luck Charms (don't believe in luck, only blessing) and not owning a DirtDevil Vacuum. Taking it a bit far, I'd say.
I'm related to a few, so I know first hand. Thankfully, they've sort of mellowed.

[nastyhobbitses]

I see nothing wrong w/ having the same thing for Holiday meals. My mother makes the same thing for Rosh Hashanah & Passover.  

My family does pretty much the same mainstays for the holidays, but one of my aunts used to work for a food magazine, my dad has taken some culinary classes and loves to cook as a hobby, I love to cook because my dad taught me, and my grandma is supreme ruler of the kitchen, so we end up changing things up and playing around with the classics because we get bored otherwise. And we're trying to one-up each other a little, let's be real here. Mainly it's stuff like new techniques for making the main courses, trying out new side dishes, or experimenting with desserts. One year (we can't do it anymore because my aunt moved out of town, leaving us down a kitchen), we had an Iron Chef competition for Christmukkah Day dinner where my mom and I bought two sets of semi-random ingredients, divided the family into Team Our House and Team Aunt's House, and made grandma and the little cousins the judges. To this day it's one of my fondest holiday memories.

[Cartmann99]

When it comes to Thanksgiving, there is no such thing as too much gravy... Or mashed potatoes...

If I end up with more mashed potatoes than anybody wants to eat, I make potato pancakes out of them. As for gravy, I freeze it in small containers and throw some in the pot the next time I make a chicken or turkey soup. 

My family does pretty much the same mainstays for the holidays, but one of my aunts used to work for a food magazine, my dad has taken some culinary classes and loves to cook as a hobby, I love to cook because my dad taught me, and my grandma is supreme ruler of the kitchen, so we end up changing things up and playing around with the classics because we get bored otherwise. And we're trying to one-up each other a little, let's be real here. Mainly it's stuff like new techniques for making the main courses, trying out new side dishes, or experimenting with desserts. One year (we can't do it anymore because my aunt moved out of town, leaving us down a kitchen), we had an Iron Chef competition for Christmukkah Day dinner where my mom and I bought two sets of semi-random ingredients, divided the family into Team Our House and Team Aunt's House, and made grandma and the little cousins the judges. To this day it's one of my fondest holiday memories.

This sounds like so much fun!

When I'm at home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, we have the usual turkey and dressing for dinner. If I go to my Mother's, she asks me to make chicken fried steak with cream gravy. One side of my husband's family does the usual turkey and dressing plus some assorted smoked meats, while the other side does a huge potluck which always includes some red enchiladas and taquitos. 

It's funny how different family traditions get started. 

[Idolatry]

Wow!  You should put lettuce on the list if someone wants to buy it?  Who knew?!

[Handmaiden of Dog]

The lettuce thing really shocked me because it is a staple in our house-- I never run out of lettuce.  This makes me think that no one in their house can just eat a salad if they prefer.  For example if Sarah was feeling hot and didn't have much appetite she might want a salad for lunch instead of a bean burrito.  But I guess she is SOL because the Maxwells don't have lettuce in the house.

It's not so much that they eat the same things each year—I mean, does anyone really reinvent the wheel for each holiday meal? You've always got your basics with maybe a couple of new things thrown into the mix—it's how they've fetishized the planning and execution in typical Maxwell fashion, sucking the joy and spontaneity out of it. It's not a holiday meal, it's a military exercise with briefings, a strategic playbook, manifests, debriefings… Good grief, they were nearly brought down by lettuce. LETTUCE. It took them years before someone thought to ADD IT TO THE LIST. Did god forget to lay it on their hearts or something? Jebus, any deviation from the script practically throws the earth off its axis. It's just endlessly fascinating to me, in a "what's under that rock?" way, how people can live like this and think it's how their god meant it to be.

Sparkles you nailed it perfectly. I have wondered if Teri makes such a big to do about organizing because it makes her more important.  She is the general and the troops must follow orders.  Sure her daughters might do all the cooking but Teri decides what they eat and how much food they are allowed to cook. That's why they all must eat exactly the same thing-- nobody is allowed to eat a salad on General Teri's watch!