Meredith's Husband is at Harvard

[sockinshoe]

This is gonna sound weird, but, as an almost-classics major, what a typical classics major! Steve (I bet he hates being called Steve) is the stereotype of a classics major: stuffy, conservative, and sexist to the bone. (That being said, the classics landscape is changing but there were just enough Steves in my classics department for me to give it a general miss). I feel like he couldn't handle a woman who dared challenge his comparisons of Herodotus and Thuycidides, or question his interpretation of the character of Antigone. While he could handle that in a classroom (where the professor is the arbiter, and may tend towards his side), he could never deal with an egalitarian home or a go-getter wife. Don't get me wrong, his resume is impressive, but I feel like it's being ballooned out of proportion by his adoring wife, who is not educated enough to challenge him on his subjects.

It makes me really sad to see. I, too, saw a lot of potential in Meredith. I come from a family where I was pushed, hard, to achieve the maximum. I love university. I love my majors (early modern studies and philosophy), and I debate and discuss them all day with my friends and family if they let me. I'm a little infamous for being exasperated with the key figure of a series my boyfriend enjoys because his character arch is so "unhegelian" (the infamy comes from having several protracted arguments about this-- on the bus, in bookstores, over dinner, at pubs, etc.). That kind of wholehearted investment in something for its own sake is so rewarding and gratifying. I would have loved to see Meredith (and SAHDs in general) get the opportunity to explore a variety of things and really pursue what interests them, whether that's philosophy or welding or jam-making. But I don't get the sense that she ever got to explore her options the way Steve did, and I think he likes having something she doesn't; he likes being more educated and he likes having opportunities that make him special. If they really had met at Oxford, Steve would no longer be special as his wife would be just as overachieving and high-flying. Gross.

[Hisey]

  From her blog   " I hope to continue to buy and sell properties when I am married, but I plan to be very careful as to not allow my real estate pursuits to undermine my husband’s financial leadership..."

Because we simply cannot have a mere woman trump her husband's fragile Harvard-educated ego.

 

What the hell is "financial leadership"? Where in the Bible does it say a man has to make more than his wife? Meredith, stop twisting things! 

Or perhaps it's her way of saying, "I liked buying and selling properties because it was challenging and fun. And I made money. I hope my husband lets me continue. But I'll be careful not to sell too many, because I don't want my husband to feel like a wimpy wuss. Any husband whose wife outearns him is going to feel like a wimpy wuss. Because men have to be the ones to make the real money, I can only make pocket money. So I'll sell only 5 properties even if I could actually sell 10 to preserve Steven's ego."

There. A bit more honest, I think.

[KnittingOwl]

I think it's telling that Meredith isn't in either her profile picture or her cover photo on Facebook. She's interchangeable to Steven. She could be any fundie wife that met his criteria. As long as she helps create the picture of the perfect conservative family. 

[Jecca]

Perhaps Stephen could run against Chelsea Clinton?

[BiblebeltCath]

Thanks.  He's been planning it for ages then because I remember discussion about it last year.  I see Meredith's FB says they are in Cambridge.  Apartments big enough for a family of 5 in Cambridge are $$$$$.

In the late 90s I visited someone in one of Harvard's apartment complexes for students with families and it was very nice. This person was in one of the poorer graduate schools there. I'm sure Harvard Law is wealthy enough to provide stipends like Harvard Business does, so I'd bet between that and the GI bill that they are not paying for their apartment.

[salex]

I can't help but think his preference for an uneducated home schooled wife is more 50 Shades of Gray and less political strategy, because a quick look at the backgrounds of the spouses of the supreme court justices and the presidential candidates... even when the wives are staying home and having kids, they were educated first. Scalia's wife stayed home ( I think) and raised 9 kids, but that was after she got a degree from Radcliffe. 

http://www.businessinsider.com/spouses-of-the-supreme-court-justices-2012-10#martha-alito-7

http://www.nationaljournal.com/twentysixteen/2015/04/13/meet-spouses-2016-presidential-contenders

Generally, the spouses are educated and many have or have had their own successful careers.

His wording on the "met at Oxford" bit suggests he may have rethought being clear about her lack of education  

 

 

[blessalessi]

Are there any clips anywhere of Stephen speaking in public?  

I don't see him as a very visible politician.  Isn't he the one that a tutor described as "the most intense scholar ever", or something similarly unfortunate and unflattering?

I don't doubt he is calculating and clever, I just don't see the emotional intelligence to make it in politics.  He seems like a clever nerd who, personality-wise, struck lucky with Meredith.

[nelliebelle1197]

This is the first time I've ever disagreed with a @sparkles post. A very weird feeling indeed 

At any rate, while some more extreme Tea Partiers might actually like the story, there are a lot of Tea Partiers who are more on the libertarian, less religious focused side of things. And more importantly, the Tea Party is not a dominant voting bloc in the Republican party yet. Look at how candidates position themselves in the Republican primary debates. Yeah, there's a lot of dumb shit being thrown around, but no one's talking about women not being able to go to college (there's a woman up there for godssakes). The majority of middle class Republican voters don't really truck much with that. Most important, they also have to appeal to centrist voters who are the key to winning. People most certainly would not be falling all over themselves to vote for him. I think we do ourselves a disservice when we group everyone who identifies as a conservative as some fundamentalist, Bible thumping hick from the sticks. 

 I'm not trying to sound like a defender of the GOP over here (shudder), but I live in a town outside of D.C. that is the epicenter of D.C. Republican players. The ones who are serious about political position have wives who are just as serious. That means educations, experience, and some damn good public speaking skills. And behind closed doors, people are much less about hokey downhomeness and more about education and the ability to win. Josh and Anna would have gotten laughed out of parties if he had gotten serious about getting a political career going. 

One's wife is now part of one's campaign team. He has a fundraiser to go to, so she takes the talk with the DAR on the other side of town. One of those uppity Democrats somehow sneaks in and asks a couple of challenging questions? You want a woman who can handle it, at least well enough that her answer doesn't become an Internet meme or appear on the evening news.

Definitely. I think she gets that rap because of the huge age disparity. She was definitely a career woman. I mean, she was 35 when they married, not exactly the sheltered flower that fundamentalists uphold. 

I feel the same way, disagreeing with Sparkles. But I do, in this case, too

[Soulhuntress]

He is totally going into politics, and Meredith is grooming herself to be the perfect politician's wife beside him. She is probably going more for an Ann Romney or Laura Bush type instead of Michelle Obama or Hillary Clinton. I've said before that their situation reminds me a lot of Betty and Dan Broderick where she is supporting his career aspirations while playing the perfect wife and mother with the promise of being rich and successful after he finishes his education. I definitely do not think it will be a tragic ending, but there is the same unequal power in the relationship that is troubling. Stephen just seems so calculating.

All snark and smartassery aside, Betty Broderick is what the couple reminds me of. He is perhaps less burdened by conscience than Dan Broderick ever was and she has little or no familial support if and when things start going bad. 

[desertvixen]

I can't see Meredith doing any of the stuff Betty did after their relationship went south, though.

[Coldwinterskies]

Personally, I don't think that Stephen chose Meredith because of the political aspirations. I agree with those who think that NOWADAYS, the ideal political wife would be educated, accomplished in her own right, and polished, rather than a housewife who thinks of nothing more deep than what to make her husband for dinner. Republicans are not all fundies, and plenty of Republicans expect a woman to be educated. While I expect most people here don't like Sarah Palin or Carly Florina, they are examples of Republican women who have had aspirations and careers beyond being a housewife.  

Based on how his former friend from college described him as being sort of a cocky intellectual type, I think Steve chose an uneducated woman for his wife simply because he seems like a fairly narcissistic person who would not want to be with a woman whose own education or intelligence might pose a threat to his ego. He would never want to be with a woman who could potentially correct him, prove him wrong, or challenge him. I think he loves the fact that Meredith worships him and thinks she doesn't deserve him. THAT'S why he wants to be with her. And, yes, it does sound like he's trying to downplay the fact that she is an uneducated farm girl in that Harvard article, probably because he knows that it may end up being a liability for him in the future. 

[MissBitters]

I can't see Meredith doing any of the stuff Betty did after their relationship went south, though.

I agree Meredith would never to resort to Betty's tactics if she faced the same situation. It's the power dynamic that reminds me most of the Brodericks. I'm not sure if Stephen would dare to have an affair, though. Frankly, he seems a little too cold to engage in a passionate relationship either inside or outside his marriage. Plus, he is too smart to endanger his political aspirations. It would be interesting to see how they interact with one another. I hope he isn't dismissive of Meredith. Smug or not, she doesn't deserve to be treated that way.

[chaotic life]

Oh he is precisely the cocky and arrogant type who WOULD have an affair. He would believe he was entitled and that he would never get caught, and even if he did get caught she wouldn't be free to leave him anyway.

[hoipolloi]

 

Oh he is precisely the cocky and arrogant type who WOULD have an affair. He would believe he was entitled and that he would never get caught, and even if he did get caught she wouldn't be free to leave him anyway.

 

Re bolded: And he would feel totally justified in doing so.

 

[jaelh]

Personally, I don't think that Stephen chose Meredith because of the political aspirations. I agree with those who think that NOWADAYS, the ideal political wife would be educated, accomplished in her own right, and polished, rather than a housewife who thinks of nothing more deep than what to make her husband for dinner. Republicans are not all fundies, and plenty of Republicans expect a woman to be educated. While I expect most people here don't like Sarah Palin or Carly Florina, they are examples of Republican women who have had aspirations and careers beyond being a housewife.  

Based on how his former friend from college described him as being sort of a cocky intellectual type, I think Steve chose an uneducated woman for his wife simply because he seems like a fairly narcissistic person who would not want to be with a woman whose own education or intelligence might pose a threat to his ego. He would never want to be with a woman who could potentially correct him, prove him wrong, or challenge him. I think he loves the fact that Meredith worships him and thinks she doesn't deserve him. THAT'S why he wants to be with her. And, yes, it does sound like he's trying to downplay the fact that she is an uneducated farm girl in that Harvard article, probably because he knows that it may end up being a liability for him in the future. 

I actually am 100% with you on the first paragraph. 

I think the second though is just us attributing our thoughts to Stephen.  Maybe it was because he is cockey.  Or, maybe, he wanted a particular life - a wife that would raise the children and support his career.  All conjecture here, but it's a very particular dynamic, and one that might enable him to pursue his life aspirations. If you find a woman whose aspirations are exactly that - well, that sounds to me like both parties are getting the deal they want.  Mere gets to marry a man who will (unlike so many of the dropkick spouses we read about) have a good chance to supporting his brood financially, and be able to provide for all of them without resort to begging at churches or living in an RV.  He gets the nice house, beautiful wife, well tended kids.  And they both get the religious package. 

On the playing down the relationship - we know that the piece that was written was edited; we have no idea what he actually said about the relationship when he wrote the profile.  Let's not assume what goes to press is necessarily how he would describe how he met his wife.  Maybe it is, but I'm not sure a Harvard-marketing team edited profile is going to want to promote Daughter-at-Home-Fundie matchmaking either.  Not quite the right image for them either. 

I dunno.  I have no problem ascribing ill intent to brainwashing kids; political shenanigans etc..  But our most intimate relationships have dynamics all of their own, that aren't always susceptible to the scrutiny of logic.  Thinking strategically about life partnerships isn't necessarily a bad thing - and it certainly does't suggest that the underlying strength of the relationship (the love, commitment etc) is any the less than in pure "love matches".  

Anyway.  Not trying to white knight for Stephen here.  He gives me the heebie geebies.  But relationship dynamics.  I think they're much more complex than can ever be understood from the outside.  This whole conjecture about motivations etc.. says more about us than it does about the couple.  (though I do understand why we're sceptical, fwiw)

(not having a go at you, coldwinterskies, yours was just the post I hit reply on). 

[delilahdog11]

Havard has offers their students a ton of financial aid packages and gives out a ton of need based scholarships and has even offers students a tuition free option, so he may be paying very little for his education. Eventually the student is expected to pay for their education and also will be required to work for the University. 

[nickelodeon]

This is gonna sound weird, but, as an almost-classics major, what a typical classics major! Steve (I bet he hates being called Steve) is the stereotype of a classics major: stuffy, conservative, and sexist to the bone. (That being said, the classics landscape is changing but there were just enough Steves in my classics department for me to give it a general miss). I feel like he couldn't handle a woman who dared challenge his comparisons of Herodotus and Thuycidides, or question his interpretation of the character of Antigone. While he could handle that in a classroom (where the professor is the arbiter, and may tend towards his side), he could never deal with an egalitarian home or a go-getter wife. Don't get me wrong, his resume is impressive, but I feel like it's being ballooned out of proportion by his adoring wife, who is not educated enough to challenge him on his subjects.

Truuuue. As a Latinist, the number of guys I've seen make really poor relationship choices in the name of ~traditionalism~ (profs marrying their students, etc) is boggling. I've heard Hellenists keep it more real though.

[sockinshoe]

Truuuue. As a Latinist, the number of guys I've seen make really poor relationship choices in the name of ~traditionalism~ (profs marrying their students, etc) is boggling. I've heard Hellenists keep it more real though.

Hellenists are just the most chill in the classics department. They throw standout parties (very Dionysian). I find medievalists to have the least amount of chill. But then again, I'm an early modern (stereotypically a renfaire nerd with severely hedonistic tendencies) and a philosophy major (stereotypically a doom-and-gloom basket case with a penchant for ten dollar words).

[withaj]

Havard has offers their students a ton of financial aid packages and gives out a ton of need based scholarships and has even offers students a tuition free option, so he may be paying very little for his education. Eventually the student is expected to pay for their education and also will be required to work for the University. 

This is true of undergraduate financial aid, but I can't imagine it's as prevalent for the professional degrees, which are rarely covered by aid or funding. PhDs are typically fully funded, of course, but not medical and legal degrees. 

[sockinshoe]

I agree Meredith would never to resort to Betty's tactics if she faced the same situation. It's the power dynamic that reminds me most of the Brodericks. I'm not sure if Stephen would dare to have an affair, though. Frankly, he seems a little too cold to engage in a passionate relationship either inside or outside his marriage. Plus, he is too smart to endanger his political aspirations. It would be interesting to see how they interact with one another. I hope he isn't dismissive of Meredith. Smug or not, she doesn't deserve to be treated that way.

Agree 100% with Stephen being cold. But I think his coldness is just the kind of selfishness that would lead him to not even think of his wife/kids before having some no-strings-attached sex. I don't see him engaging in a "love-based" affair, but I don't doubt that he would be capable of just having sex with another woman. Heck, I could see him rationalizing it: Meredith is always tired after spending all day with the kids/is still sore after giving birth, and I need to go have my fun or I will begin to resent her.

[Gingi1976]

Long time lurker. . . occasional poster.

Given everything that's been said/posted/shared about Stephen, I actually wonder if he's  gay. Politics aside, he's clearly a very smart and ambitious man with some very specifc profesisonal ambitions. And if her were gay, that probably wouldn't jive with the image he is trying to potray of himself and circles he runs in. So he literally finds himself a wife that is beautiful and talented and above all else submissive and (formally) uneduated. She's an accessory. She completes the image he's trying to create. Most of all, she will never question him, his priorities, choices and goals. He will get to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and she will adoringly agree with whatever he says. It's a win-win for Stephen. 

[blessalessi]

I'm not sure there is any evidence at all to suggest he is gay.  But then, I don't think sexuality is usually something that can be surmised from a person's general outward appearance or circumstances. 

I think someone recently bumped an old thread in which it said Stephen had girlfriends before Meredith, so there's that.

Also, I think the Meredith's relatively well-connected fundie family would be a very risky place to seek a "marriage of convenience", for want of a better phrase, for a young gay man, because if the parents found out that their child were married to "an abomination",  as they would view it then his reputation could be over before his career were started.  

Meredith is not formally educated but does not seem totally naive or unintelligent. She grew up running several small businesses that got her out in the community, she worked on a farm, and lived as a confidante through her mother's long struggle with secondary infertility, so would likely have more understanding of both the physical and emotional aspects of sexual and marital relationships than many more sheltered young women.

I could see Meredith's idealism and pride and love of fine things keeping her in a less than emotionally satisfying marriage, but I don't see her as someone who would fail to understand or to keep secret anything as significant as having been deliberately deceived into a sham marriage.

I see Stephen as someone who is "calculating within limits".  I think he thinks he has it all worked out, but that he doesn't quite know what he doesn't know about what it would take to be in a very prominent political role.

 

 

[Gingi1976]

I have no evidence to suggest he's gay. All I'm  saying is that he wouldn't be the first conservative white male with political aspirations to seek out a wife if he were gay. Everything about their meeting, courtship and life is so calculated....it just woukd surprise me if he were in the closet.  

[jaelh]

Most of all, she will never question him, his priorities, choices and goals. He will get to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and she will adoringly agree with whatever he says. 

Really?

Just really?  

You know that's not actually how it works, right?  

[bea]

Huh. Anybody notice that Lina (Paulina) and Meredith are FB friends?