Bin Seewald

[socalrules]

word!! - for years I worked for my dad - in apartment rentals (property management)  - while I worked - LEARNED the trade - bought the trade - made money - it's honorable - it's just different with Ben somehow - I get that - he won't be the lawn boy forever - he might become his dream - but he will always be remembered as a lawn boy 

There is nothing wrong with working for your dad or in-laws. No one is saying that. The issue is that most of us don't believe that Ben is actually working 8 hours a day for Jim Bob to earn a paycheck. Most likely, he is doing little to no work. Ben working for Jim Bob was obviously meant to be a storyline on the show before it was cancelled. I am sure they had episodes of this planned out in advance. I don't think he is actually working at all for Jim Bob and likely never was. He likely was never paid by Jim Bob for work and everything he received was based on the Income from the shoe. 

Jim Bob doesn't have a business where you clock in everyday and actually do work. You aren't going to learn a trade from him. I also don't see Jim Bon doling out a check every week to Ben or even one of his kids. Why would Jim Bon pay Ben to do work he can make his kids do for free? He is a tightwad. 

[JoyfullyUnavailable]

what makes you think he is sexually repressed? because of all the sin talk and the i am saved crap ?

that picture of them in the hospital bed seemed like the most natural thing in the world. 

I think he will be shocked that he can only have sex again in January after the two of them just went willy nilly for months without a care in the world - now it won't only be about him - 

I am assuming he was raised with similar if not the same values as the Duggar's and therefore had no healthy way to explore his sexuality. Even thinking unpure thoughts and being defrauded by a girl with a low top or tank top, NIKE, sounds repressing to me. Of course there would be absolutely no exploring his own body and functions either. First kiss after marriage... Come on! Sounds repressing to me. Now he is probably making up for all that lost time. No wonder Fundies are obsessed with sex.

 

[EmmieJ]

I was not pregnant at 23, however, I had bbeen to college, self supporting since 18, I was working full time and had moved in to my parents home, not to be supported by them, because my father was dying of pancreatic cancer, and my mom did not work out side the home, but to financially support them and help with my father's care. It was the best time of my life, because I grew up, changed careers, (went into nursing after having been a music major) and was able to have a real relationship , for the first time, with my dying father. 23 is not too young to grow up a bit when you are faced with real challenge.

I'm glad you had the chance to develop a real relationship with your father and help your parents in their time of need.

By the time my dad was 24, he had served two one-year tours in Korea, completed his four-year college degree, married my mom, and had his first job based on his college degree.  One year later, he and my mom were parents to a newborn.  He did not take time off from work to "prepare" for being a father, because he was busy earning an income to "prepare" to support his wife and child.  Bin is a man-child, play-acting at being grown up.  Maybe some day he'll realize that if he wants his own children to respect him, he can't be collecting Duggar welfare.

[nst]

I am assuming he was raised with similar if not the same values as the Duggar's and therefore had no healthy way to explore his sexuality. Even thinking unpure thoughts and being defrauded by a girl with a low top or tank top, NIKE, sounds repressing to me. Of course there would be absolutely no exploring his own body and functions either. First kiss after marriage... Come on! Sounds repressing to me. Now he is probably making up for all that lost time. No wonder Fundies are obsessed with sex.

 

yet his sister Jessica purely states on her instagram - how she doesn't do the same things her brother does (ie courtships - has a boyfriend etc) - do you think she did this because she moved away from folks? yet Ben moved into a situation where it is forced upon him to a sense - so it's not HIS parents - yet at the same time - it was his girlfriends parents and the lifestyle he wanted ??  so he can choose - and he chose differently than his younger sister? all to be claim to fame - which now his siblings want to a certain degree....and do hang on too.

I think his sister saw how he handled things and just went the other way regardless of the parents because obviously they can't control any of their children

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

I think his sister saw how he handled things and just went the other way regardless of the parents because obviously they can't control any of their children. 

I hope that parents of adult children may try to influence or advise their kids. If the Seewalds don't control their kids over 18, well good. That's more like the mainstream and what we might wish for them, yes? (But maybe I misunderstood you?)

[cheshire cat]

Sadly, you don't need to imagine it--you'll get to see it.  I think you just spelled out the Benessa story beats for the special.  And it won't be a quick montage... we won't get off that easy.  

 

 In that case, I think I deserve a writer/ director credit then. 

[nst]

I hope that parents of adult children may try to influence or advise their kids. If the Seewalds don't control their kids over 18, well good. That's more like the mainstream and what we might wish for them, yes? (But maybe I misunderstood you?)

but ben wasn't an adult - when he pursued Jessa (he was 17) - and I think and  I could be wrong - that Jessica was not an adult when she pursued her boyfriend (16-17) - so clearly the family has different techniques for the girls vs the boys 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

but ben wasn't an adult - when he pursued Jessa (he was 17) - and I think and  I could be wrong - that Jessica was not an adult when she pursued her boyfriend (16-17) - so clearly the family has different techniques for the girls vs the boys 

Good point about the age. 16-17 olds may be more responsible for their own actions than little kids, but their parents still need to rein them in for their own good sometimes. (At least I know mine did.) I don't know enough about the Seewalds to say if they have an obvious double standard for sons vs. daughters, but a gender based double standard always drives me bonkers! Sure, each kid is different. Some are more responsible and careful earlier than their siblings. But base your differing rules on their strengths and weaknesses, not their genitalia. 

[Pretzel]

Hope I'll get some answers here: The Smug Seewalds' in-laws, i.e. the original Seewalds Guinn and whatever her husband's name is, and their children, HOW FUNDY are they again? Because JessICa Seewald's instagram doesn't at all look fundy, apart from a few Bible Quotes. She's got a boyfriend (not a *special friend*), uses words like boyfriend and sexy, and wears quite pretty, non-frumperous clothes that the average American teen would also wear. So where are they on the fundie spectrum. They also "only" have 8 (?) kids even though Guinn is young enough to have more, right? But Binboob's dad really put his foot in it with the Josh Scandal #1 (as per Zsu), which puts them more to the right on the "hypocritical fundies" scale, right? 

[VixenToast]

It makes me feel like Binny really wanted to be with Jessa, no matter what her family did or said. Or his, for that matter. To him, she was worth jumping through all those hoops for. Like My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  It's sweet in a way, until we remember he's only 20, doesn't work, and doesn't know how to think for himself. And also that he is besmirched with the taint of fundamentalism. 

 

Do do I think he loves her? Yes, I do. And I don't hold that against them. Do I wish them harm? Never. But do I think the views they hold are dangerous? Oh my fuck, YES!!!

[Lewy]

There is a big difference between working for a parent/in law that owns a legitimate business where you do genuine work. While I was at University, I worked for a family member as a receptionist in their accounting business. It was a genuine job where I was on the books (so tax/benefits all above board) and did actual work. I know a guy whose Dad is a mechanic and he learned the trade "on the job" and now does bona fide work for his dad. 

I don't think Bin is doing anything like that.

[lascuba]

It makes me feel like Binny really wanted to be with Jessa, no matter what her family did or said. Or his, for that matter. To him, she was worth jumping through all those hoops for. Like My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  It's sweet in a way, until we remember he's only 20, doesn't work, and doesn't know how to think for himself. And also that he is besmirched with the taint of fundamentalism. 

 

Do do I think he loves her? Yes, I do. And I don't hold that against them. Do I wish them harm? Never. But do I think the views they hold are dangerous? Oh my fuck, YES!!!

Exactly. It will never not be creepy to me that he pushed his father to contact Jim Bob for permission to attend their church, and then proceeded to travel 4 hours to attend, all so he could meet Jessa, someone he only "knew" from watching tv. How does a parent get such a request from their teen son and not only fail to put a stop to that train of thought, but actively enable him? It would have been one thing if he just went to a book signing or a talk or something like a regular fanboy, but to pursue Jessa in her own space? That is reason #1 that Ben immediately pinged my controlling creep radar. And the worse of it is that he's been rewarded for his behavior--he got exactly what he wanted (minus the trainwreck of the scandals). 

[Pretzel]

FWIW, Jessa could have put a stop to it by saying she didn't want to pursue any contact. As creepy as JB is, I don't think he'd push a guy on his daughter if she wasn't interested. 

I'm pretty sure Jessa knew what she was doing. She's a very strong-willed and opinionated young woman (on top of being vain and smug), whose soul would die a slow death from having to stick with some dominant asshole like Peter Bradrick et al. I think Bin kisses the ground Jessa walks on and she knows it. More power to her if it means one less fundie girl in an abusive marriage with an asshole. 

[lascuba]

FWIW, Jessa could have put a stop to it by saying she didn't want to pursue any contact. As creepy as JB is, I don't think he'd push a guy on his daughter if she wasn't interested. 

I'm pretty sure Jessa knew what she was doing. She's a very strong-willed and opinionated young woman (on top of being vain and smug), whose soul would die a slow death from having to stick with some dominant asshole like Peter Bradrick et al. I think Bin kisses the ground Jessa walks on and she knows it. More power to her if it means one less fundie girl in an abusive marriage with an asshole. 

I don't at all think Jessa was forced or cajoled to court Ben...I think it says a lot about the type of boys pursuing the Duggar girls that Ben seemed like an attractive option.

I think Jessa thought she knew what she was doing, and it looks like they're still in the honeymoon phase so it all still seems great to her. Ben comes across as a domineering asshole to me (him tagging along with her on her speeches and singing pictures of Jessa for her fans is so telling), and the only reason he might be kissing the ground Jessa walks on for the moment is because she has yet to challenge him on anything, because she's still the perfect wife he wanted. If/when that changes, I see things getting really ugly. 

[nokidsmom]

I don't at all think Jessa was forced or cajoled to court Ben...I think it says a lot about the type of boys pursuing the Duggar girls that Ben seemed like an attractive option.

I think Jessa thought she knew what she was doing, and it looks like they're still in the honeymoon phase so it all still seems great to her. Ben comes across as a domineering asshole to me (him tagging along with her on her speeches and singing pictures of Jessa for her fans is so telling), and the only reason he might be kissing the ground Jessa walks on for the moment is because she has yet to challenge him on anything, because she's still the perfect wife he wanted. If/when that changes, I see things getting really ugly. 

I bet the Duggar girls got all sort of fanboy creeps wanting to court them.  The downside of fame.    Another downside of fame: other fundie guys who might otherwise be genuinely interested in them are scared off because of the fame and the inability to provide anything close to the TLC money those girls are used to.  

I think it says something that guys like Ben and Derrick ended up marrying into the family.  Neither came from hardcore fundie families, in fact both had fairly mainstream albeit conservative upbringings.  So neither might have had any real idea of what the family was about behind the nice, Christian family veneer.   I think both have made a devil's bargain marrying into the family.   Ben doesn't seem to have gotten it yet, but I suspect that Derrick might by now.  

Back to Ben and Jessa, they are indeed in the honeymoon phase.   Ben is very besotted by Jessa but she's a very strong personality and it's only a matter of time that clashes are going to occur.  I don't see Jessa as being the subservient fundie wife long term at all. 

[ksgranola1]

You don't think the long delay in naming their baby was a red flag? I think ben exercised his "headship" for that.

[nokidsmom]

You don't think the long delay in naming their baby was a red flag? I think ben exercised his "headship" for that.

Considering the name that was chosen, I can see why the long delay now and that name has "Ben picked the name" written all over it.  I don't see Jessa even thinking of something like Spurgeon, she wouldn't have even known who the namesake was.

[VixenToast]

Hence why she is calling him Quincy, I betcha. Its her FUCK YOU Bin!

[SassyPants]

Considering the name that was chosen, I can see why the long delay now and that name has "Ben picked the name" written all over it.  I don't see Jessa even thinking of something like Spurgeon, she wouldn't have even known who the namesake was.

Correct. How would she have even known who this man was? She never attended a real church and books other than the Bible and Waiting for Prince Charming were banned in the Duggar home. The Duggars are not Calvinists.

I agree that Jessa did not have any clue who this man was before Ben sprung the name on her.

[princessmahina]

I don't think Jessa wanted the name Spurgeon (who in their right mind would?), but I think she knew what she was getting into with Ben. They said themselves they connected over theology- she knew he was a hardliner. I do think he pulled the headship card on the baby name- she might not have realized he was going to be so stubborn over that. 

[Karma]

My take on their relationship is that Jessa allowed Ben to court her, despite not really being attracted to him. Maybe to be special, or to get out of chores at home.  Remember the oh my goodness you're stupid looks she gave him when he said dumb things when they were courting? The lack of emotional attachment to him? He was like a puppy, eager to please.  Then, somewhere along the line, she made the decision that he was a ticket out of the TTH and he'd do, and there was a shift in her attitude to him.

Ben, IMHO, was desperate to get into a relationship with her. She's attractive, but also famous and he needed a platform  to launch his religious preaching career.  He grew the beard by his own admission to look older, and therefore more attractive to the older Jessa,  he put in the miles, he gave up the windscreen repair business to clean toilets, and then he got his prize.  

I see major clashes in years to come, because I think they're both stubborn and I don't think Jessa is going to always submit joyfully,

[EmmieJ]

Hence why she is calling him Quincy, I betcha. Its her FUCK YOU Bin!

I think it's possible we have seen an example of how a "submissive wife" like Jessa appears to be conceding to her husband's authority, while at the same time working her way around it to the result she wanted in the first place.  She may have learned this at her mother's knee.  Personally, I prefer a relationship where I don't have to play games and me and my partner discuss our differences and arrive at a solution that we both can live with, and neither one gets to play the "headship" card.

[Eatingintheprayercloset]

When Josh and Anna barely got engaged, Jim bob mentioned he receives  a lot of emails from men who are interested in courting his daughters. Jessahey and Jana said they were "weirdos" and "creeps". So yeah, it's easy for me to imagine Ben was less creepy compared to the average Duggar fanboy. I feel for the remaining unmarried daughters because that I'm sure the courting emails have only gotten creepier as the Duggars platform grew.......poor Jana. 

Ben comes off sweet and a bit of a doormat on the surface, but I peg him just as headstrong as Jessa. You can tell because his is quite the preaching zealot. Also, with Spurge-Bob's name.....I doubt Jessa agreed with it right off the bat. Two headstrong, opinionated people will clash, especially if they are always together. 

[Cerealgirl]

Back to Ben and Jessa, they are indeed in the honeymoon phase.   Ben is very besotted by Jessa but she's a very strong personality and it's only a matter of time that clashes are going to occur.  I don't see Jessa as being the subservient fundie wife long term at all. 

It's funny because my best friend and one of my cousins are both head strong women who married men very "beneath" them in terms of intelligence, looks, and character. Really, two women who should be out of these guys' leagues. And somehow, these loser guys have managed to get these otherwise strong women to cow-tow to their demands using passive aggressiveness and control over their tiniest interactions with others and their families. They start out just like Ben- worshipping them. Then slowly they start controlling minutia of every move they make. Ben seems like a nice, albeit simple guy. I hope he doesn't turn out like that. I could see someone like Jessa who seems tough, having a controlling husband.

[Bad Wolf]

Controlling? I think Spurgeon answers that question. I can't believe that was Jessa's choice.