Ian & Larissa

[bionicmlle]

Ian and Larissa have a new video on OWN's Belief section -- http://www.oprah.com/belief/Ian-and-Larissa-After-Belief?cid=pi_omag_ian_larissa_belief  -- there is text about his leaps in recover but I just don't see it in the video and, as we have all discussed for years, I continue to see her making up for gaps in his cognition.  I continue to be saddened by this story.

 

(If this is covered somewhere else, please delete this post, but it seemed to me the latest thread on them was in archives?? Also... Per new rules there is no breaking links? but this is Oprah, anyway,so... Yay Oprah!  Please come here. I love you.  But this video is sort of WTF, Oprah. )

[blessalessi]

He has regained very limited mobility, and he is able to form very simple sentences.  In themselves they are much more than one might have expected. I just don't get how this constitutes a marriage in which he is her "spiritual leader" though.

[salex]

So, while we know he has taken some steps (and walked up some stairs, etc) we still see him in his good scooter (though, being able to walk a few steps around the house would be valuable). She understands him, so that too is good. The fact they laugh about him yelling at her is charming, especially when we learned in their book that pre-accident Ian was sometimes a bit of a jerk toward her. 

I am glad they are making money, but I will always question her decision to marry him.  

[lilwriter85]

It's been awhile since I've thought about Ian and Larissa. I saw the video on the OWN and did a quick google search. There are several articles on them and a few state they appeared on the Monday episode of Belief.  I think Oprah or someone on her staff might have stumbled onto stuff about Ian and Larissa online. Before Larissa's book came out, that wedding video of them went viral on several sites. Ian and Larissa did some publicity for the book. They appeared on Inside Edition. I don't think they appeared on other national shows.

I still think Larissa was unfairly pressured by Ian's family to marry him. I didn't read Larissa's book, but Mela99 did. Mela99 had a summary/Q&A thread here about the book. She said that Larissa's family wasn't mentioned that much in the book.

[nelliebelle1197]

I thought she was wanting a baby. Or am I confusing our TBI fundies?

[amster]

I thought she was wanting a baby. Or am I confusing our TBI fundies?

I thought the same thing. Then I realised it was Kathleen and Cale(b) that had a baby - adarlingkindoflife.com

[bionicmlle]

Also, Katie and Ben Rye had a baby last year - a boy.  She hasn't posted much since then and I tried to friend her on Insta and she rejected me.     I do wonder about the Darlings often... That seems like a tinderbox. 

 

I think Larissa may have mentioned a baby at some point?  Paging @mela99??   

[DaffyDill]

I'm pretty sure Larissa has mentioned wanting to have children in the past, but because of Ian and his needs, she (they?) decided against it. I know she wanted them, but whether they actually decided against it, or it just hasn't happened, or something else prevents them from having a child - not sure.

Kathleen and Cale from adarlinglindoflife.com had a baby girl who's roughly a year old now, and reading between the lines I think she has had some very difficult times with Cale. And Cale's much more mobile etc than Ian.

 

[jakesykora]

Also, Katie and Ben Rye had a baby last year - a boy.  She hasn't posted much since then and I tried to friend her on Insta and she rejected me.     I do wonder about the Darlings often... That seems like a tinderbox. 

 

I think Larissa may have mentioned a baby at some point?  Paging @mela99??   

Kathleen wrote about three weeks ago now (for the first time in 9ish months and said they're moving to North Carolina very soon.  Nora's 18 months old.  The move sort of seems to have come about suddenly when they were out on their annual trip to NC, but she said now she feels like it's really what needs to happen.

She said Cale obviously always struggles with change of any kind, but that he's mostly excited and looking forward to it and opportunities he'll have there, but sometimes gets emotional (like with everything). She also said she was hoping to get back to blogging but wasn't sure about trying to catch up on the last 9 months too.

It's interesting there are these three young Christian couples that are all close in age and I think even relatively close in time frame in terms of the various origins of their respective husbands (well in Larissa's case obviously only her BF when it happened) TBIs and how they've all stuck with them, even with many people thinking that wasn't the right choice.

Then I think about someone like Joanne at A Simple Wife (I think it is?) who she and her husband were older than these three above, had been married like 15+ years and two tween-ish age girls, and she had a stroke. He stuck with her for awhile (maybe 2 years), but they've been apart the last nearly 2 years or so and she's living with her parents and he has the girls and they sort of moved on without her. It's like he got tired of the slowness of her progression and tired of caring for her and that was that.

In so many ways, especially given the length of their marriage prior and having older kids, etc. that they would be the ones who would stick together and he'd stay with her, and that it'd be the younger ones (particularly Larissa who wasn't even Ian's wife at that point) with less history and no kids at that point and what not that would have left. I suppose that may still happen, but just an interesting contrast having been reading all of them for quite awhile.

[AmazonGrace]

I think it's more often the man who leaves the disabled wife than the woman.

 

 

Men seem to be much more likely than women to leave a relationship when their partner becomes seriously ill, according to research.

A 2009 study of more than 500 married U.S. couples conducted at Washington University, Seattle, found that men are seven times more likely to leave a relationship because of their partner’s serious illness than a woman is.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2076273/The-men-walk-wives-ill.html#ixzz3pP0FqNVx
 

[defraudingjezebel]

I think it's more often the man who leaves the disabled wife than the woman.

 

 

Men seem to be much more likely than women to leave a relationship when their partner becomes seriously ill, according to research.

A 2009 study of more than 500 married U.S. couples conducted at Washington University, Seattle, found that men are seven times more likely to leave a relationship because of their partner’s serious illness than a woman is.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2076273/The-men-walk-wives-ill.html#ixzz3pP0FqNVx
 

Thanks so much for this. As I was reading the thread, I thought, "I wonder if there are any cases like this in fundiedom where the genders are switched and the men stick by the women after a grave injury." Then I (cynically) thought, "Nah, men wouldn't stick around with that." I think its because in society we have conditioned women with the idea that they are the primary caretakers of everyone while men get away scott-free. That study tells me that my cynicism was warranted!

[lilwriter85]

On the old prayforian blog, Larissa mentioned the possibility of adoption. This was maybe three years ago.

I also check out Ben and Katie's blog. Like another poster mentioned she doesn't update much these days since the baby was born. Baby Cruz is very cute. A couple of years before the baby, Katie mentioned Ben wanting a baby and a dog. At the time, she talked about having a full plate. Katie and Ben's situation doesn't seem as difficult as Ian and Larissa. Ben seems a bit better off than Ian. Ben and Katie have a good support system with Katie's side of the family nearby.

I think it's more often the man who leaves the disabled wife than the woman.

 

 

Men seem to be much more likely than women to leave a relationship when their partner becomes seriously ill, according to research.

A 2009 study of more than 500 married U.S. couples conducted at Washington University, Seattle, found that men are seven times more likely to leave a relationship because of their partner’s serious illness than a woman is.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2076273/The-men-walk-wives-ill.html#ixzz3pP0FqNVx
 

Thanks so much for this. As I was reading the thread, I thought, "I wonder if there are any cases like this in fundiedom where the genders are switched and the men stick by the women after a grave injury." Then I (cynically) thought, "Nah, men wouldn't stick around with that." I think its because in society we have conditioned women with the idea that they are the primary caretakers of everyone while men get away scott-free. That study tells me that my cynicism was warranted!

I have wondered about that too. Years ago like early 2000s, I came across a non fundie blog/site that dealt with a husband with a wife with TBI.  The wife was injured in a horseback riding accident. She also had a spinal cord injury and was paralyzed. The husband and wife were in their late 30s when this happened and they didn't have kids. The husband said he was sticking by his wife.  She was speaking, but her speech was slurred. That site/blog disappeared a few months after I found it.

[Pennyrose]

 

Thanks so much for this. As I was reading the thread, I thought, "I wonder if there are any cases like this in fundiedom where the genders are switched and the men stick by the women after a grave injury." Then I (cynically) thought, "Nah, men wouldn't stick around with that." I think its because in society we have conditioned women with the idea that they are the primary caretakers of everyone while men get away scott-free. That study tells me that my cynicism was warranted!

I have wondered about that too. Years ago like early 2000s, I came across a non fundie blog/site that dealt with a husband with a wife with TBI.  The wife was injured in a horseback riding accident. She also had a spinal cord injury and was paralyzed. The husband and wife were in their late 30s when this happened and they didn't have kids. The husband said he was sticking by his wife.  She was speaking, but her speech was slurred. That site/blog disappeared a few months after I found it.

One example of a husband sticking by his wife after a TBI that comes to mind is Gabrielle Giffords. She wasn't impaired to the same degree as Ian and Ben, but she was severely impacted by her injury (gun shot wound to the head from an attempted assassination). Her husband has stayed with her. 

Thinking about Gabrielle reminded me that I hadn't seen her interviews in a while, just some still pictures and non-interview footage, so I looked and found one from 2014 (link below) that was't geo-blocked for me. Gabrielle can walk and communicate, but still has right side partial paralysis and isn't able to express herself as well as she appears to be able to understand. 
As of this interview she had gained more movement in her right arm, which is a great sign. Not a doctor, but I would think that points to her brain compensating for the injury, forming new pathways. Glad to see she is getting some improvements and seems in good spirits. 

http://www.today.com/video/today/54020852

The only fundie example of a woman experiencing a major injury such as paralysis that I can thin of is Jill Rodrigues' sister Amy. So far Amy's husband hasn't left her. 
I think it would be pretty difficult and awkward for a fundie husband to leave. On the one hand he's got zillions of arrowheads left to use and can only let them fly in a righteous manner. But on the other, like Amy's husband, when you've already got a significant number of children you would look like a huge jerk if you left your wife and family. There would probably be a lot of condemnation for failing to stay as the headship of the family unit. Potentially a different story if he kept the kids. Mix of understanding and condemnation in that case. 
I think that if there were no children involved an annulment would probably be arranged.

[Sobeknofret]

 

Thanks so much for this. As I was reading the thread, I thought, "I wonder if there are any cases like this in fundiedom where the genders are switched and the men stick by the women after a grave injury." Then I (cynically) thought, "Nah, men wouldn't stick around with that." I think its because in society we have conditioned women with the idea that they are the primary caretakers of everyone while men get away scott-free. That study tells me that my cynicism was warranted!

I have wondered about that too. Years ago like early 2000s, I came across a non fundie blog/site that dealt with a husband with a wife with TBI.  The wife was injured in a horseback riding accident. She also had a spinal cord injury and was paralyzed. The husband and wife were in their late 30s when this happened and they didn't have kids. The husband said he was sticking by his wife.  She was speaking, but her speech was slurred. That site/blog disappeared a few months after I found it.

One example of a husband sticking by his wife after a TBI that comes to mind is Gabrielle Giffords. She wasn't impaired to the same degree as Ian and Ben, but she was severely impacted by her injury (gun shot wound to the head from an attempted assassination). Her husband has stayed with her. 

Thinking about Gabrielle reminded me that I hadn't seen her interviews in a while, just some still pictures and non-interview footage, so I looked and found one from 2014 (link below) that was't geo-blocked for me. Gabrielle can walk and communicate, but still has right side partial paralysis and isn't able to express herself as well as she appears to be able to understand. 
As of this interview she had gained more movement in her right arm, which is a great sign. Not a doctor, but I would think that points to her brain compensating for the injury, forming new pathways. Glad to see she is getting some improvements and seems in good spirits. 

http://www.today.com/video/today/54020852

The only fundie example of a woman experiencing a major injury such as paralysis that I can thin of is Jill Rodrigues' sister Amy. So far Amy's husband hasn't left her. 
I think it would be pretty difficult and awkward for a fundie husband to leave. On the one hand he's got zillions of arrowheads left to use and can only let them fly in a righteous manner. But on the other, like Amy's husband, when you've already got a significant number of children you would look like a huge jerk if you left your wife and family. There would probably be a lot of condemnation for failing to stay as the headship of the family unit. Potentially a different story if he kept the kids. Mix of understanding and condemnation in that case. 
I think that if there were no children involved an annulment would probably be arranged.

I wonder if this is precisely why Jill is so damn surprised all the time that Kevin Foster *hasn't* left Amy. It seems like the prevailing attitude is "she can't fulfill her role as a Godly helpmeet, so I'm going to move on and find someone who will." Of course in a normal family, we recognize that that's a bunch of hooey. Fundies though have very strict ideas about how the world works, and an incapacitated female spouse is not part of that world any more.

 

[defraudingjezebel]

 

Thanks so much for this. As I was reading the thread, I thought, "I wonder if there are any cases like this in fundiedom where the genders are switched and the men stick by the women after a grave injury." Then I (cynically) thought, "Nah, men wouldn't stick around with that." I think its because in society we have conditioned women with the idea that they are the primary caretakers of everyone while men get away scott-free. That study tells me that my cynicism was warranted!

I have wondered about that too. Years ago like early 2000s, I came across a non fundie blog/site that dealt with a husband with a wife with TBI.  The wife was injured in a horseback riding accident. She also had a spinal cord injury and was paralyzed. The husband and wife were in their late 30s when this happened and they didn't have kids. The husband said he was sticking by his wife.  She was speaking, but her speech was slurred. That site/blog disappeared a few months after I found it.

One example of a husband sticking by his wife after a TBI that comes to mind is Gabrielle Giffords. She wasn't impaired to the same degree as Ian and Ben, but she was severely impacted by her injury (gun shot wound to the head from an attempted assassination). Her husband has stayed with her. 

Thinking about Gabrielle reminded me that I hadn't seen her interviews in a while, just some still pictures and non-interview footage, so I looked and found one from 2014 (link below) that was't geo-blocked for me. Gabrielle can walk and communicate, but still has right side partial paralysis and isn't able to express herself as well as she appears to be able to understand. 
As of this interview she had gained more movement in her right arm, which is a great sign. Not a doctor, but I would think that points to her brain compensating for the injury, forming new pathways. Glad to see she is getting some improvements and seems in good spirits. 

http://www.today.com/video/today/54020852

The only fundie example of a woman experiencing a major injury such as paralysis that I can thin of is Jill Rodrigues' sister Amy. So far Amy's husband hasn't left her. 
I think it would be pretty difficult and awkward for a fundie husband to leave. On the one hand he's got zillions of arrowheads left to use and can only let them fly in a righteous manner. But on the other, like Amy's husband, when you've already got a significant number of children you would look like a huge jerk if you left your wife and family. There would probably be a lot of condemnation for failing to stay as the headship of the family unit. Potentially a different story if he kept the kids. Mix of understanding and condemnation in that case. 
I think that if there were no children involved an annulment would probably be arranged.

I wonder if this is precisely why Jill is so damn surprised all the time that Kevin Foster *hasn't* left Amy. It seems like the prevailing attitude is "she can't fulfill her role as a Godly helpmeet, so I'm going to move on and find someone who will." Of course in a normal family, we recognize that that's a bunch of hooey. Fundies though have very strict ideas about how the world works, and an incapacitated female spouse is not part of that world any more.

 

I agree, though they're caught in a bit of a conundrum since most fundies probably wouldn't allow divorce unless the other spouse has committed adultery (as is prescribed in the New Testament). But at the same time, like you said, she isn't able to be as a wife should (according to them). I have a feeling that if her husband were to leave her, he would probably ease up religiously-speaking. Then again, now that I think about it, I'm not sure if Amy and her husband are fundie in the first place. Perhaps they're just conservative/evangelical? 

[Mela99]

She did mention wanting kids in the book but dismissed it because she didn't know how she could take care of Ian and get up with a baby at night.

I do think he was a jerk to her when they were dating but she learned to take it. 

[Pennyrose]

An article on them showed up Yahoo's news feed via a Bollywood wedding website bollywoodshaadis.com, which seems to have sourced the story from a religious blog, desiringgod.org. 
http://news.yahoo.com/incredible-love-story-couple-show-depth-true-love-195515085.html

[WonderingInWA]

It takes a very special person to stay with someone through a TBI.  I have a friend who is approaching the 2-year post accident mark with her TBI victim/boyfriend and she has been working her butt off pretty much non-stop to help him in his recovery.  I have learned so much from her.  And where she thought they would eventually be married and have a family, TBI ended all of that quite abruptly.  They are both just 33. 

[jakesykora]

An article on them showed up Yahoo's news feed via a Bollywood wedding website bollywoodshaadis.com, which seems to have sourced the story from a religious blog, desiringgod.org. 
http://news.yahoo.com/incredible-love-story-couple-show-depth-true-love-195515085.html

Desiringgod is John Piper's site where much of Ian and Larissa's story is (apart from their blog).

I'm nearly certain that's also where that interview with them that was shortly before their book launch that sort of went viral was at.

So I'm not surprised that's the source of the yahoo thing/update, but strange there's some bollywood thing at all linked. lol

[LolaD]

This thread dragged me out of lurkdom. I heard an interview with Oprah on NPR last week talking about her new Belief series, and she specifically mentioned Ian and Larissa. She had the facts wrong, stating that they were engaged when the accident happened. 

This whole situation makes me really sad. I read her book and it's clear she was pressured into marriage by his family. I'm curious, do we know anything about her family? They weren't mentioned much in the book. If I had been in Larissa's situation, I'd have gone down that aisle over my mother's dead body.