Mrs. White and "Legitimate" Families

[louisa05]

I enjoyed the advice for marriage where she noted the people who owned the store on The Waltons as having a model marriage because the wife called her husband "Mr. Godsey" rather than using his first name. 

I think I will call the husband "Mr. 05" when he gets home in a bit and see how that goes. I'm guessing he's going to look at me like I've gone batshit crazy. 

After that and that post linked, I decided I don't have time for this rabbit hole today especially because her writing style is not an easy read. 

My boyfriend shares one part of his name with Tom Riddle. In keeping with the spirit of Mrs. White's beliefs, I'll address him as Lord Voldemort and see how that goes. Surely I can't be faulted for addressing him as "Lord," right? That's totally submissive and gentle?  

So I tried it. First I got, "what?" then a "why are you calling me that?". So then I explained that I learned it from a fundie blogger and he started laughing and said "well, that's the stupidest marriage advice I've ever heard". 

And right now, he is going to put gas in my car because it is almost empty and I have to go 40 miles to the doctor tomorrow. He offered because even though I could do it on my way out of town, I kind of feel crappy. I think maybe our marriage is just fine without Mrs. White's advice.

 

[AngelGirl8811]

I enjoyed the advice for marriage where she noted the people who owned the store on The Waltons as having a model marriage because the wife called her husband "Mr. Godsey" rather than using his first name. 

I think I will call the husband "Mr. 05" when he gets home in a bit and see how that goes. I'm guessing he's going to look at me like I've gone batshit crazy. 

After that and that post linked, I decided I don't have time for this rabbit hole today especially because her writing style is not an easy read. 

My boyfriend shares one part of his name with Tom Riddle. In keeping with the spirit of Mrs. White's beliefs, I'll address him as Lord Voldemort and see how that goes. Surely I can't be faulted for addressing him as "Lord," right? That's totally submissive and gentle?  

So I tried it. First I got, "what?" then a "why are you calling me that?". So then I explained that I learned it from a fundie blogger and he started laughing and said "well, that's the stupidest marriage advice I've ever heard". 

And right now, he is going to put gas in my car because it is almost empty and I have to go 40 miles to the doctor tomorrow. He offered because even though I could do it on my way out of town, I kind of feel crappy. I think maybe our marriage is just fine without Mrs. White's advice.

 

Sounds like you got yourself a good husband! No Mrs. White needed  

[JillsFlowerHeadband]

I enjoyed the advice for marriage where she noted the people who owned the store on The Waltons as having a model marriage because the wife called her husband "Mr. Godsey" rather than using his first name. 

I think I will call the husband "Mr. 05" when he gets home in a bit and see how that goes. I'm guessing he's going to look at me like I've gone batshit crazy. 

After that and that post linked, I decided I don't have time for this rabbit hole today especially because her writing style is not an easy read. 

My boyfriend shares one part of his name with Tom Riddle. In keeping with the spirit of Mrs. White's beliefs, I'll address him as Lord Voldemort and see how that goes. Surely I can't be faulted for addressing him as "Lord," right? That's totally submissive and gentle?  

So I tried it. First I got, "what?" then a "why are you calling me that?". So then I explained that I learned it from a fundie blogger and he started laughing and said "well, that's the stupidest marriage advice I've ever heard". 

And right now, he is going to put gas in my car because it is almost empty and I have to go 40 miles to the doctor tomorrow. He offered because even though I could do it on my way out of town, I kind of feel crappy. I think maybe our marriage is just fine without Mrs. White's advice.

 

Sounds like you got yourself a good husband! No Mrs. White needed  

I asked my husband about this and he gave me the same look David Silverman gave Bill O'Reilly... and then he said, "Please don't do that- that's creepy." 

[nelliebelle1197]

i wonder how she would label my child...conceived before marriage, but we'll be married by the time he makes an appearance, so will he be fully legitimate? semi-legitimate?

Legitimate I would think because you were or will be married by the time they make an appearance. 

 

Maybe, bit BCS is big ol' ho! My mom was not married when I was born. Never married the sperm donor, but I am pretty damn awesome. May all the bastard children out there be as awesome as I am!

[browncoatslytherin]

i wonder how she would label my child...conceived before marriage, but we'll be married by the time he makes an appearance, so will he be fully legitimate? semi-legitimate?

Legitimate I would think because you were or will be married by the time they make an appearance. 

 

Maybe, bit BCS is big ol' ho! My mom was not married when I was born. Never married the sperm donor, but I am pretty damn awesome. May all the bastard children out there be as awesome as I am!

well i don't deny that my certificate of whoredom should be in the mail soon, with any luck!

[Guest]

Seriously, I really want to know what a gentle smile is. Are there aggressive smiles?

Hmm, I consider Erika Shupe's smile to be aggressive, ymmv of course. *smile*

Eta:  Oh, and Jill Rodrigues, of course.............smile

Edited October 23, 2015 by AbandonAllHope
forgot jrod

[Crocoduck]

I enjoyed the advice for marriage where she noted the people who owned the store on The Waltons as having a model marriage because the wife called her husband "Mr. Godsey" rather than using his first name. 

I think I will call the husband "Mr. 05" when he gets home in a bit and see how that goes. I'm guessing he's going to look at me like I've gone batshit crazy. 

After that and that post linked, I decided I don't have time for this rabbit hole today especially because her writing style is not an easy read. 

My husband has a PhD, so I think I'll start calling him "Dr." all the time.

[Peas n carrots]

Wha t always blows my mind with fundies is they have such a massively rose tinted view of history. I would love for her to look at her family tree and see how many healthy preemies and babies born a few years before a marriage there are. This was extremely common and not all that rare - was shameful for the woman and baby it was hardly so stigmatized it was uncommon.

I am illegitimate myself, but it hasn't stopped me from becoming a successful professional woman. Then again the fact I'm a working woman that has chosen not to have kids is abhorrent to Mrs. White.

[imokit]

Interesting comments, mostly polite, but quite a few being semi reasonable and speaking of in an ideal world parents would be married but stigma is bad.  Also an interesting comment saying that children out of wedlock = very bad, but the commenter is a firm believer in sex before marriage.  Yet she is commenting on a quiverfull blog where birth control is bad

[GodsKnickers]

She'd probably consider me the Whore of Babylon. A PK, 5 months knocked up at her wedding.

[smittykins]

i wonder how she would label my child...conceived before marriage, but we'll be married by the time he makes an appearance, so will he be fully legitimate? semi-legitimate?

Legitimate I would think because you were or will be married by the time they make an appearance. 

 

Maybe, bit BCS is big ol' ho! My mom was not married when I was born. Never married the sperm donor, but I am pretty damn awesome. May all the bastard children out there be as awesome as I am!

Well, my parents were married when I was conceived, but they split up five weeks after I was born.  The sperm donor died this past February, and I wasn't even listed as a survivor in his obituary(his stepkids were, though).  So being a "legitimate family" ain't all it's cracked up to be.

[lawlifelgbt]

So she's stigmatizing children born to unmarried parents? That's not going to be a problem for me, as my future children will come from two loving, religious, married parents...

Oh wait. We're both women. 

[Lisa]

Seriously, I really want to know what a gentle smile is. Are there aggressive smiles?

My read is that (gentle smile) is used to emphasize that the writer is a sweet, pure, feminine, and an angel among women who deserves so, so much more than she's getting. Here are some examples of ways to use this in real life!

1. My mother-in-law just has so much advice to give me about the kids (gentle smiles).

2. The cold aggravates my arthritis and my dearest husband still hasn't had time to fix the furnace (gentle smile). Oh, well, we'll just pretend we're on the Franklin Expedition and make it a family fun history lesson!

3. I do so love this pink house dress. Well, it used to be pink, but now it's kind of a dishwater grey (gentle smile). I pray to the good lord that one day I'll be able to buy a new pink dress, but am so grateful to have anything at all!

4. With so much company lately, I've had to do a lot of extra work to keep up with meals and chores (gentle smile). Even when my back aches and I grit my teeth to see the food I slaved over growing cold on a paper plate, it's just so wonderful to get together with friends and family.

 

I'm not quite sure that I'm passive aggressive enough here, but you get the general idea.

 

[Sobeknofret]

In 1936, the first law was passed, in the state of Texas, to remove the word "illegitimate" from birth certificates.  There was opposition to this law, arguing that it would destroy the "sanctity of the home." 

Yes.  There's actually a good movie about it (with Greer Garson) called Blossoms in the Dust.  That was an admirable woman, in my books.  (So there's something good from this post.)

While it is true that our society has changed drastically since this time period, there is also some truth to the fact that a "legal" home, or one of Biblical values and morals, is more rare than not.

This whole conflation of "good" and "Christian" with legal is making my head hurt...

There was also the heartbreaking book Bastard out of Carolina about a child whose life is defined by that word on her birth certificate. The movie, directed by Anjelica Huston, is also good, but is *SO* not for sensitive people.

[LadyBlue]

I've been reading "The Girls Who Went Away" which is about the women who were forced into giving up their babies to "good" families because they couldn't (or their parents wouldn't let them) marry the father. There were millions of girls getting pregnant outside of marriage, it's just the ones who couldn't get the father up the aisle who had to bear the stigma of "whore".

Adoption coercion still exists, but I never, ever want to go back to a time when girls and young women were shamed, belittled and forced into giving their babies away just because they *gasp* dared to do what most of their peers were doing and had the misfortune to get "caught".

I'm sure Mrs. White would despise Bastard Nation, an adoptee advocacy group. After all, adoption was supposed to make our "illegitimacy" all better.

[danvillebelle]

I'm not familiar with this holier-than-thou ninny.  I don't think I want to be after reading that post.

Dear Mrs. White,

Who gives a flying fuck what you think?  My niece is a single mother, and a top-notch one at that.  When she became pregnant last year (birth control does fail), and informed the father, he told her he wanted nothing to do with her or the baby, broke up with her and left her high and dry.  Good riddance, said she, and so did all of her supportive VERY LEGITIMATE family.  She has a fabulous full-time job; she was promoted last month.  My SIL cares for her adorable son during the day and is more than happy to do so.  She lives with them currently and pays them rent and other expenses.  She wants her son around his grandparents and the situation is working fine for everyone involved, especially the baby who is as happy as can be.  So take your antiquated legitimate family and blow it out your ass.  

No love, Me 

 

Edited October 25, 2015 by danvillebelle
edited because I use the word "fabulous" too much when talking about my niece

[VodouDoll]

She calls their bedroom "our chambers." How affected.

[sockinshoe]

I want to introduce her to that pretentious "we live like Victorians" couple. They'd get along swimmingly.

Edited March 2, 2017 by choralcrusader8613
tapa sig

[Sobeknofret]

Wait! Something just occurred to me! I may be mistaken, but I think that one of the grandbabies is "illegitimate." Her daughter had a baby out of wedlock, I believe. The daughter seemed like she couldn't have cared less about it, and just went on with her life. I think just about all of her kids have given up on Mrs. White's hyperpiety and strict gender divisions. Does anyone else remember this or is it just a figment of my imagination?

[canbritam]

I'm confused... she said that part of being a legitimate family was that you ran your home based on Biblical principles and took your family to church each week, in addition to being married.  So my kids were born when I was married, but we aren't Christian and therefore no Bible or church attendance involved, and we're now divorced.  So are my children legitimate in her world or not? 

[Crocoduck]

This woman writes as if she's 150 years old. It's like she's doing full-time historical reenactment.

[VodouDoll]

This woman writes as if she's 150 years old. It's like she's doing full-time historical reenactment.

She has her old-timey genteel poverty affect down cold. Lady Lydia only dreams she could write like Mrs White.

[nelliebelle1197]

i wonder how she would label my child...conceived before marriage, but we'll be married by the time he makes an appearance, so will he be fully legitimate? semi-legitimate?

 

Legitimate I would think because you were or will be married by the time they make an appearance. 

 

 

Maybe, bit BCS is big ol' ho! My mom was not married when I was born. Never married the sperm donor, but I am pretty damn awesome. May all the bastard children out there be as awesome as I am!

 

 

well i don't deny that my certificate of whoredom should be in the mail soon, with any luck!

Damn. My Certificate of Whoredom expired after I got married

[Caroline]

I know this topic is ancient, but Mrs. White fascinates me.  I thought from the antiquated ideas and language on her blog that she was at least ten years older than me.  But no!  She has a video series now, and she appears to be much younger than I could have imagined.  I think she wears pretty Jill-esque blue eye shadow too, although the quality of the videos is not great.  She always films in the same dreary dining room, and it could be the set for a horror movie because it's so dark and kind of creepy - with gospel music playing in the background at all times.  I wonder what her kids are like.  It's hard to believe they have much patience for the strange lifestyle of their parents.