There's No Place Like Home

[Queen Of Hearts]

I'm disappointed, but certainly not a bit shocked, that Jean and Jim left their newly rehomed daughter so soon after the disruption so they could go visit their golden child and her new baby.  I wish Jean would be more honest about their situation (i.e., admitting she edited her blog and Joy was, indeed, rehomed; telling why China put the breaks on their adopting; explaining HOW they can travel without the kids all the time/nanny?; etc.).  If they want to advocate for others to follow in their footsteps and adopt special needs kids, they need to be a little more honest about how it all works.  To read her blog, it is all sunshine and roses and very easy.  I fear people will read the blog and want to follow in the Mulvahil's footsteps, not realizing that real life is often much, much harder.  

[Diana]

49 minutes ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

I'm disappointed, but certainly not a bit shocked, that Jean and Jim left their newly rehomed daughter so soon after the disruption so they could go visit their golden child and her new baby.  I wish Jean would be more honest about their situation (i.e., admitting she edited her blog and Joy was, indeed, rehomed; telling why China put the breaks on their adopting; explaining HOW they can travel without the kids all the time/nanny?; etc.).  If they want to advocate for others to follow in their footsteps and adopt special needs kids, they need to be a little more honest about how it all works.  To read her blog, it is all sunshine and roses and very easy.  I fear people will read the blog and want to follow in the Mulvahil's footsteps, not realizing that real life is often much, much harder.  

I dont agree that her blog is all sunshine and roses, maybe recently, but it used to be pretty depressing, with the neighbours insulting the kids in the street, they had to change houses because of this in the end, and the older kids didnt like that they keep adopting, and she also commented on this... and a lot of stuff like that...i dont think she is a blogger that uses a lot of censorship, actually, she is pretty honest, i remember her post talking about all the dificulties she had with Emma at the beginning for example.

And i think the reason they cant no longer adopt from china is simply because they are too old. You cant adopt in china if both parents are older than 55.

 

[Queen Of Hearts]

49 minutes ago, Diana said:

I dont agree that her blog is all sunshine and roses, maybe recently, but it used to be pretty depressing, with the neighbours insulting the kids in the street, they had to change houses because of this in the end, and the older kids didnt like that they keep adopting, and she also commented on this... and a lot of stuff like that...i dont think she is a blogger that uses a lot of censorship, actually, she is pretty honest, i remember her post talking about all the dificulties she had with Emma at the beginning for example.

And i think the reason they cant no longer adopt from china is simply because they are too old. You cant adopt in china if both parents are older than 55.

 

You're right... she did used to be somewhat honest.  I remember a post years ago about her daughter getting unexpectedly drugged at some party, another about her husband getting arrested for a confrontation with a meter reader, and some posts about some difficulties with the children as they adjusted.  And the story about the neighbor harassing them was indeed scary!  But lately everything is so whitewashed and she makes life with so many adopted, special kids look very easy.  And I doubt it really is (real life is never that easy... unless you have a staff helping you out...)

 

 

[accountingstar]

New post up about newest granddaughter if anyone is interested.

http://theresnoplacelikehome-family.blogspot.com.ar/2016/01/nana-and-papa-time.html?m=1

Quote

Alexandra Jean was born on January 4th, 2016!
She was 7 lbs 6 oz!
And yes, I am more than thrilled that my name is her middle name!
Thank you Andrew and Katie!

 Hubby and I were able to spend a couple days with our grand babies!

She doesn't mention who were watching the other children left behind.

[alexandracabot]

19 hours ago, accountingstar said:

New post up about newest granddaughter if anyone is interested.

http://theresnoplacelikehome-family.blogspot.com.ar/2016/01/nana-and-papa-time.html?m=1

She doesn't mention who were watching the other children left behind.

So much detail about their grandchildren, and next-to-nothing about the personality of their newest "child," Joy. She's smart and gets along well with the other kids! What does she like to do? What is she good at? What are her favorite games and toys? Does Jean even know? How could she, with 14 other kids and spending 3 days away from Joy so soon after she got home?

[Queen Of Hearts]

14 hours ago, alexandracabot said:

So much detail about their grandchildren, and next-to-nothing about the personality of their newest "child," Joy. She's smart and gets along well with the other kids! What does she like to do? What is she good at? What are her favorite games and toys? Does Jean even know? How could she, with 14 other kids and spending 3 days away from Joy so soon after she got home?

I have a feeling she didn't expect the even limited pushback Jean got regarding acquiring a rehomed child and is now trying to lay low on the subject, hoping the world will forget and just assume that she did, indeed, get her from China.  

Any older child that is adopted, but especially a rehomed child, is going to have an adjustment period.  This poor child not only had to adjust to a new home, but also had to see one of her new "brothers" (Y) shipped back to China.  I know Y was just sponsored, but do you think a child who is already going through a traumatic experience will realize that? And now Jean and Jim leave the child so they can visit their precious new grand daughter.  Now was not the time to leave Joy... she needs their assurances that they will be there for her!  I just feel it was very, very selfish for the Mulvahil's to do this.  They needed to give Joy a period of time to adjust... the chaotic holidays with a children of all ages coming and going is not a proper adjustment period.  

[SummerRocks]

I have been reading back (far back) on Jeans blog. I think one of the reasons (not that I justify this) Jim and Jean did visit Katie and co is that Jim and Jean promised their older children that there would be plenty of time for grandchildren. Which of course is an easy promise to make when there are no grandchildren yet. 

 

Who am I kidding though - Jean adores Emily and Ali, and she should adore them! Hard to balance with so many young children at home and one new rehired child vs Katie and co living far away from them.

 

Question; Jean used to blog a ton about how she admires Linny Saunders (from a place called simplicity) to a point where her oldest daughter Katie met up with Linny and pictures of this meeting were posted on Jeans blog. Yet in recent years I find nothing written anymore about their friendship, which seems weird considering how often Jean wrote about Linny and her family. Anyone know if anything happened?

[lilwriter85]

1 hour ago, SummerRocks said:

I have been reading back (far back) on Jeans blog. I think one of the reasons (not that I justify this) Jim and Jean did visit Katie and co is that Jim and Jean promised their older children that there would be plenty of time for grandchildren. Which of course is an easy promise to make when there are no grandchildren yet. 

 

Who am I kidding though - Jean adores Emily and Ali, and she should adore them! Hard to balance with so many young children at home and one new rehired child vs Katie and co living far away from them.

 

Question; Jean used to blog a ton about how she admires Linny Saunders (from a place called simplicity) to a point where her oldest daughter Katie met up with Linny and pictures of this meeting were posted on Jeans blog. Yet in recent years I find nothing written anymore about their friendship, which seems weird considering how often Jean wrote about Linny and her family. Anyone know if anything happened?

 

I feel bad for Jean and Jim on that. I think they do their best on trying to balance visiting their older kids and then dealing with the kids at home. I see things getting a bit more difficult in the next several years. If the oldest son and his wife have a family, there will be the posts of them heading to Colorado and then trying to visit where Katie and company may be. One of the younger bio sons got engaged last year.

[Queen Of Hearts]

2 minutes ago, lilwriter85 said:

 

I feel bad for Jean and Jim on that. I think they do their best on trying to balance visiting their older kids and then dealing with the kids at home. I see things getting a bit more difficult in the next several years. If the oldest son and his wife have a family, there will be the posts of them heading to Colorado and then trying to visit where Katie and company may be. One of the younger bio sons got engaged last year.

I don't have such an issue with Jean and Jim traveling to see their older kids, as much as I do with the timing in this particular case.  It's just too soon after making such a major life change - for joy as well as the other kids.  

The son's engagement ended.  Jean wrote about it on her blog, but then deleted that part of the blog entry (you have to be quick to catch Jean's posts before she edits/deletes them, though in this case I will give her the benefit of the doubt that her son may have requested she not publish his business online).  It's a shame as he and his ex has been a couple for a very long time, I believe.

[chaotic life]

Honestly, both my parents and my husband's mother started adopting kids as we hit adulthood. Granted I know collecting new shiny model kids was a way for both mothers to stay attention seeking and excuse themselves from even trying to be grandmothers. But, my father has genuinely tried to be an active and involved grandfather and it's just HARD when he's still raising his own kids.

It's the biggest reason the better half said from early on that we can adopt but his hard limit is he will not adopt or parent children born after he turns 40, as he wants to be able TO be a grandparent in the ways our kids never got to have.

[SummerRocks]

31 minutes ago, chaotic life said:

It's the biggest reason the better half said from early on that we can adopt but his hard limit is he will not adopt or parent children born after he turns 40, as he wants to be able TO be a grandparent in the ways our kids never got to have.

I like your better halfs thinking! Sorry to hear your children missed out on having grandparents due to both sets adopting and raising children.

 

Jean has a new blog post up, 34 years marriage ... yeah yeah you love Jim ... now talk to us about Joy! 

[elliha]

In my country 42 is the cut off age for most adoptions. I think it is a little hard when most people live into their late 70s and that should be sufficient time even if the child is an infant. If you are given permission after that age it is often to adopt teens or children that you have a bond to (for example a grandchild because the parents are dead). International adoption is usually totally out of the question by that age even if one spouse is much younger. I would actually support increasing this to 45-50 at least if you don't have any children of your own by that age.

[Criscat]

I don't have a problem with people adopting into their early 50s. However, after that point it seems cruel to make a young adult ( 18-22) possibly bear the burden of caring for their elderly parents right when they are graduating/figuring out life. My parents had me young, and I am watching my mom taking care of my 90 yr old grandmother and cannot fathom the responsibility right out of high school or college...granted, I don't think people think that far ahead. I can't imagine my mom wanting to start over with an adopted child at this point in her life. She'd probably laugh at the prospect of any baby that isn't a grandchild!

[accountingstar]

It looks like Jim and Jean and the family are heading down to Florida again for the winter. Her anniversary gift was a trailer for their luggage.

Quote

AND
Now that our van is so full with blessings we needed to get
a trailer for our luggage, etc!
Can anyone say
ROAD TRIP!

Only large families would be excited about
getting this bad boy
for their anniversary!
(except ours is single axel)

I don't recall if we ever discussed this family: http://nihaoyall.com

They are adopting their 9th child from China. Her husband is retired military and works for Lifeline. Her children used to go to public school, but they are now all home schooled. The last daughter they adopted has down syndrome and had to undergo a major operation in 2015. They also celebrate Halloween. The wife's name is Stephanie and she also has two children from her first marriage. There's a lot more to say about this family. Just check out their blog.  

[accountingstar]

I thought that maybe Jean adopted Joy from Second Chance Adoptions, but discovered that "The Second Chance program will not place a child into a home where there is already a child within 2 years of the new child’s age."

Shocked at how cheap it is to adopt a second chance child, "Adoption is a legal process so costs for the adoption are $200 application fee, $3500 agency fee, a lawyer in your state for ICPC and finalization ($2000-$3000) and travel to state for a couple days to bring child home."

Here's a link to the children waiting for second chances: http://wiaa.org/2nd-chance-adoption/waiting-children/

Some of them were adopted from the foster care system. The children's stories are extremely sad.

[Queen Of Hearts]

30 minutes ago, accountingstar said:

It looks like Jim and Jean and the family are heading down to Florida again for the winter. Her anniversary gift was a trailer for their luggage.

 

I wonder what they are doing about actual 'transportation.'  When they bought their latest van ("Sylvia" I think they named it) she said that it was completely full, and based on pictures she's posted I believe that is accurate.  Now that they've adopted Joy, I don't think they will all fit in that vehicle.  So I am left wondering if they have somehow modified Sylvia with more seats, bought a new car (bus?), or will just now take two cars everywhere they go if the entire family is traveling together.  

There are so many logistic issues that I am truly interested in with this family!  I wish Jean would write more about that and less about the boring stuff.

And I'm still waiting to hear more about Joy....

[accountingstar]

21 minutes ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

I wonder what they are doing about actual 'transportation.'  When they bought their latest van ("Sylvia" I think they named it) she said that it was completely full, and based on pictures she's posted I believe that is accurate.  Now that they've adopted Joy, I don't think they will all fit in that vehicle.  So I am left wondering if they have somehow modified Sylvia with more seats, bought a new car (bus?), or will just now take two cars everywhere they go if the entire family is traveling together.  

There are so many logistic issues that I am truly interested in with this family!  I wish Jean would write more about that and less about the boring stuff.

And I'm still waiting to hear more about Joy....

I wondered about this myself, but then I remembered that last year that Emma and Ellie were left at home with a caretaker. So Joy could take one of their seats. I was wondering how they fit everyone including Y given that they were out of seats before those two.

They own a Mercedes silver sprinter van and I believe Sylvia is the name of their car because when you google Sylvia nothing comes up.

I saw that Mercedes has a Sprinter Minibus that can hold up to 18. http://www.mbvans.com/sprinter/commercial-vans/minibus

Found more information on the van from Jean's post:

Quote

20 feet long, 10 feet high, 15 seats in her plus space for luggage, groceries, strollers, wheelchairs, you name it!
Hubby is 6'2" and he can stand up in her!

She is fabulous and we are thrilled with her.

Sadly, there are no extra seats for more kiddos…

We had to get this height in order to get the extended version (long enough)to fit our family and then have it modified by a separate company to get 3 more seats in it so it could fit all our children.

http://theresnoplacelikehome-family.blogspot.com.ar/2013/12/goodbye-vanna-and-hello-sylvia.html?m=1

They also own a Yukon.

[chaotic life]

Nope, not gonna have room for more, and 15 passenger is the top limit for the other brands of large vans as well.....unless the new Nissan can will hold more. Iirc, the next step is a bus a la Duggars

Nope, Nissan maxs at 12, Ford at 15 same as their Sprinter.

[Queen Of Hearts]

New post up about celebrating Abby's birthday.  Joy did get a few mentions there.  I am happy to see that it appears they have decided not to change her name, or at least that is how it appears from her writing.  If nothing else, I will say that family knows how to party!

[SummerRocks]

Like someone here predicted ... Jean and Jim went to Colorado to visit their son Matt (new blog post is up) Jean does make a point saying it was a "short visit".

Still no mention of anything meaningful Joy related. Now I wonder why Joy got rehomed?! She surely couldn't have been a difficult child if she can be left alone (well ok not alone - with a ton of new siblings and a babysitter) without her new parents.

[dianapavelovna]

Sooo...back to the Mussers...turns out that, in addition to bringing Josie home right before Christmas, Susanna was pregnant and gave birth to a baby boy, Nathaniel, on January 7.

Susanna, in the comments:

Quote

Although I knew it couldn’t and shouldn’t last indefinitely, I am not sorry we took measures to keep toxic waste out of this pregnancy and am very grateful for the nine months of peace, protection, and privacy baby and I both benefited from. I couldn’t ensure only those who know and love our family would know about our coming baby without also keeping it from many of you kind blog readers who have shown us nothing but love and support. I regret that and hope you understand I would love to have included you in the journey!

[FundieFarmer]

Erm, I suppose we are the toxic waste?

[Toothfairy]

On Wednesday, January 20, 2016 at 10:13 AM, accountingstar said:

It looks like Jim and Jean and the family are heading down to Florida again for the winter. Her anniversary gift was a trailer for their luggage.

I don't recall if we ever discussed this family: http://nihaoyall.com

They are adopting their 9th child from China. Her husband is retired military and works for Lifeline. Her children used to go to public school, but they are now all home schooled. The last daughter they adopted has down syndrome and had to undergo a major operation in 2015. They also celebrate Halloween. The wife's name is Stephanie and she also has two children from her first marriage. There's a lot more to say about this family. Just check out their blog.  

How? My goodness  I dont understand  how they skirt international  laws

On Wednesday, January 20, 2016 at 10:36 AM, accountingstar said:

I thought that maybe Jean adopted Joy from Second Chance Adoptions, but discovered that "The Second Chance program will not place a child into a home where there is already a child within 2 years of the new child’s age."

Shocked at how cheap it is to adopt a second chance child, "Adoption is a legal process so costs for the adoption are $200 application fee, $3500 agency fee, a lawyer in your state for ICPC and finalization ($2000-$3000) and travel to state for a couple days to bring child home."

Here's a link to the children waiting for second chances: http://wiaa.org/2nd-chance-adoption/waiting-children/

Some of them were adopted from the foster care system. The children's stories are extremely sad.

It's sad that there is such thing as second chance adoptions. 

[foreign fundie]

I am not sure if it is the right thread, but I need to voice my frustration somewhere. A lady I know is (well along) in the process of adoption, which has always been her dream. She is in an intercultural marriage and has a bunch of bi-langual kids, so the pre-school child they adopt will have to learn two additional languages to the one it speaks now. In addition, because of the husband's NGO work, the family moves countries several times a year, and they spend most of their time in areas with next to no health care and with very unreliable utilities. This situation is hardly sustainable even for their own kids who are all traumatized to a degree and it has put their marriage under much pressure. The dad works so hard he barely sees the kids. Why would you want to put an already vulnerble adoption child in this mix? I have other friends who also adopted in unstable situations, but this one is just beyond me. It is not like a baby is put on their door step, they actively persue adoption. Why are there no rules against this? Or can you get around them when you live abroad? Still the child has to get a US passport...

It just seems so obvious to me that you would do anything to offer an adopted child the best environment possible for healing and a healthy development... And if you have other priorities, fine, JUST DON'T ADOPT.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

[blessalessi]

1 hour ago, foreign fundie said:

I am not sure if it is the right thread, but I need to voice my frustration somewhere. A lady I know is (well along) in the process of adoption, which has always been her dream. She is in an intercultural marriage and has a bunch of bi-langual kids, so the pre-school child they adopt will have to learn two additional languages to the one it speaks now. In addition, because of the husband's NGO work, the family moves countries several times a year, and they spend most of their time in areas with next to no health care and with very unreliable utilities. This situation is hardly sustainable even for their own kids who are all traumatized to a degree and it has put their marriage under much pressure. The dad works so hard he barely sees the kids. Why would you want to put an already vulnerble adoption child in this mix? I have other friends who also adopted in unstable situations, but this one is just beyond me. It is not like a baby is put on their door step, they actively persue adoption. Why are there no rules against this? Or can you get around them when you live abroad? Still the child has to get a US passport...

It just seems so obvious to me that you would do anything to offer an adopted child the best environment possible for healing and a healthy development... And if you have other priorities, fine, JUST DON'T ADOPT.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

The travel/work situation sounds very difficult for all the children.

On the matter of "intercultural marriage" there is no reason on earth for this to preclude adoption. Mixed-race children are frequently disadvantaged in a social care system that is used by prospective adopters as a clearing house for white babies.  The important thing in any given case is for the parents to have an understanding of, and commitment to serving, the particular social and cultural needs of the individual child.

As to language, pre-school children tend to pick up language very quickly and this can be an advantage in later formal learning situations.  Think of countries like Brussels, which has three official languages. It is quite normal all around the world for some families to use different languages in the home and outside it, especially where English is not the first language.