Miss Raquel takes a sabbatical

[acheronbeach]

I cut her slack when we first encountered Raquel. She was a sheltered, egotistical teenager, but so are a lot of teens.

That was five years ago. If anything, she's regressed. No job. Still a bizarre fantasist with respect to the imaginary boyfriend. No homeschooling. Her day seems filled with pouty selfies and Facebook posts. It's more than pathetic... it's sad.

[Terrie]

I don't think she's a bad person, but I wouldn't go as far as calling her a good person. Honestly, she's too immature to be good or bad. That implies more of an impact on the world than she has the capability to make at her developmental level. She just.... exists. Sad is a good word to describe it.

[ari_belle]

I cut her slack when we first encountered Raquel. She was a sheltered, egotistical teenager, but so are a lot of teens.

That was five years ago. If anything, she's regressed. No job. Still a bizarre fantasist with respect to the imaginary boyfriend. No homeschooling. Her day seems filled with pouty selfies and Facebook posts. It's more than pathetic... it's sad.

This.

[Terrie]

Had a conversation with a friend today that reminded me of Raquel. We were talking about levels of personal development and how people do harm. We concluded that people fall into four groups.

So, imagine you're standing in the middle of a half, and someone comes running and has to move past you.

A "self-aware" person will, unless it's an emergency where every split second counts, slow down and move around you, because they notice you and know that their need to get where their going is not more important than you being uninjured.

A "self-centered" person will knock into you as they go past. They don't want to hurt you and will feel bad if they do, but they were too caught up in their own issues to notice you were there.

A "selfish" person will knock into you as they go past, because they noticed you were there, and have no desire to hurt you, but think getting where they need to be is more important than any harm done.

A "sadistic" person will knock into you as they go past because they think seeing you fall down is funny.

Raquel reminds me of someone who was maturing from selfish to self-centered and stalled out in the middle of it. By which I mean, she strikes me as the kind of person who would feel bad if she knew she'd hurt someone, but there are times she deliberately doesn't look too closely, because if she did, she'd feel obligated to do something about it. Sadly, looking is exactly what she needs to do to grow as a person.

[ladyamylynn]

Had a conversation with a friend today that reminded me of Raquel. We were talking about levels of personal development and how people do harm. We concluded that people fall into four groups.

So, imagine you're standing in the middle of a half, and someone comes running and has to move past you.

A "self-aware" person will, unless it's an emergency where every split second counts, slow down and move around you, because they notice you and know that their need to get where their going is not more important than you being uninjured.

A "self-centered" person will knock into you as they go past. They don't want to hurt you and will feel bad if they do, but they were too caught up in their own issues to notice you were there.

A "selfish" person will knock into you as they go past, because they noticed you were there, and have no desire to hurt you, but think getting where they need to be is more important than any harm done.

A "sadistic" person will knock into you as they go past because they think seeing you fall down is funny.

Raquel reminds me of someone who was maturing from selfish to self-centered and stalled out in the middle of it. By which I mean, she strikes me as the kind of person who would feel bad if she knew she'd hurt someone, but there are times she deliberately doesn't look too closely, because if she did, she'd feel obligated to do something about it. Sadly, looking is exactly what she needs to do to grow as a person.

Unless your name is also Raquel and you're blonde and prettier, then she'll probably regress to "sadistic" and knock your ass down.

[xRoo]

Anyone seen her latest? The ex pressured her into things she wasn't comfortable with?

(Hi, I've been lurking the forums a long time now, so I feel like I know you all but you don't know me. In a not-creepy way, of course.)

[AmazonGrace]

Keeping it vague enough to have plausible deniability later. And yeah, if they did something sexual, of course it is his fault for being an abuser.

[xRoo]

His tweets around the time she began "sabattical" add a little to the mix.

"Get control of your bad habits. They all come to bite you in the end. I'm learning that the hard way.

Don't wait till things have to start being taken away, even if it's just for a time. I'm learning that the hard way.

And if you got a woman, I can't stress it enough. Get your crap together. Cuz she won't stick around long if you don't. She deserves better"

@ryan116voorhies on Sept. 12

I'm usually not one to accuse someone of crying wolf with this kind of thing, but with her suddenly changing tunes on promiscuity the minute she gets a boyfriend and the past sexting drama, and the tendency for love stories with sexual angst as an undertone... You have to wonder if this guy and all their friends are reading her blog though. That will cause some drama at church on Sunday.

[formergothardite]

It is so hard to tell with Raquel because her history of making mountains out of mole hills. It could be he had some really bad habits and she needed to leave him because he needed to get his life together. Or it could be that he played a video game when she wanted him to talk to her. Raquel would act like playing video games was on par with doing hard drugs. She had a total meltdown over someone mentioning she had a crush. She made such a huge deal over that accusing the girl of lying when in fact not only did Raquel have a crush at that moment she was sexting three different guys! It isn't like she has ever come back and admitted she was wrong in acting that way and accusing the girl of lying, she was questioned about it on her ask.fm at one point and she still made herself into a victim.

[xRoo]

It is so hard to tell with Raquel because her history of making mountains out of mole hills. It could be he had some really bad habits and she needed to leave him because he needed to get his life together. Or it could be that he played a video game when she wanted him to talk to her. Raquel would act like playing video games was on par with doing hard drugs. She had a total meltdown over someone mentioning she had a crush. She made such a huge deal over that accusing the girl of lying when in fact not only did Raquel have a crush at that moment she was sexting three different guys! It isn't like she has ever come back and admitted she was wrong in acting that way and accusing the girl of lying, she was questioned about it on her ask.fm at one point and she still made herself into a victim.

Can you imagine being in a relationship with her?!

[Georgiana]

The thing with Raquel is that her complete inability to take even the slightest personal responsibility for anything makes her an unreliable narrator. No matter WHAT mistake she makes, even if it is 100% of her own doing, it will be someone else's fault. It is never, ever Raquel's fault. Not even partially.

And because of that, to me, Raquel is the Girl Who Cried Wolf. I no longer believe anything she says when she starts to blame other people, because I KNOW there is a good chance that she is not telling the truth/taking personal responsibility when she should be.

I could have told you when this whole thing began that it would end, according to Raquel, because of things HE did and because of things HE said and she would be 100% innocent and the victim in all this. I'm just not going to buy any story where she dumps the blame onto someone else before she shows me that she will admit to being at fault herself.

[Terrie]

The thing with Raquel is that her complete inability to take even the slightest personal responsibility for anything makes her an unreliable narrator. No matter WHAT mistake she makes, even if it is 100% of her own doing, it will be someone else's fault. It is never, ever Raquel's fault. Not even partially.

And because of that, to me, Raquel is the Girl Who Cried Wolf. I no longer believe anything she says when she starts to blame other people, because I KNOW there is a good chance that she is not telling the truth/taking personal responsibility when she should be.

I could have told you when this whole thing began that it would end, according to Raquel, because of things HE did and because of things HE said and she would be 100% innocent and the victim in all this. I'm just not going to buy any story where she dumps the blame onto someone else before she shows me that she will admit to being at fault herself.

When two good friends got divorced, the husband talked about what the wife had done "wrong," and the wife talked about what she wished she had done differently. Really, they just got married young and grew to be different people. At one point, I was equally good friends with both, but guess which one I stayed friends with?

I'm betting both Raquel and the guy played a role in the fall out, but I side with the one willing to own his behavior, because that's the one that will grow from this.

[formergothardite]

Raquel's latest post is about love and basically why her ex-boyfriend didn't give her the love she deserves. Like mentioned before, Raquel will never accept any blame when things go wrong. She will never stop and look at her own behavior to see if she did something to contribute to the relationship failing. She is always going to blame the other person, because in her mind she does nothing wrong.

The love in our hearts should be - deserves to be! - returned with the same kind of love. Right?

But is Raquel loving others back with the love they deserve? Or is she creating, unrealistic lists of requirements and then getting upset when people don't live up to that list? That is the question she needs to be asking.

Sometimes we choose people to love. And by doing so, we think that if we love them, they will love us and everything will work out just fine and dandy. But when that love isn't reciprocated, we feel discouraged

.

Raquel has always had an unrealistic view of love and relationships. She still seems to be living under the delusion that if you fall in love everything becomes perfect and the person never annoys you, but that is not reality.

We think that by accepting their demeaning behavior towards us, yet still doing what's right, then it's okay to take their blows. We think that if we keep loving and forgiving them like Jesus does, then their behavior towards us will just magically change.

No, people shouldn't accept demeaning behavior(and she is totally throwing the ex-boyfriend under the bus at this point), but what Raquel considers demeaning behavior is what most people consider just having a different opinion. And from some of the things Raquel has written about her own actions it seems like she is the one with the problem of treating others in a demeaning fashion.

Regardless of how we try to show our heart's love to others and they don't understand and see it, God does. He knows all the love that we have for others. And all the love that we've given. He has every bit of it measured and poured into a treasure chest. Your treasure chest - in heaven! And in due time, you will reap what you have sown. Those who have done wrong against you, or hated you instead of loved you, will receive what they deserve as well

.

It sounds like Raquel can't wait to see God punish all the people who haven't loved her in the way she thinks she should be loved. No one is going to love Raquel the way she wants to be loved because what she is expecting isn't really love. Someone who truly loves her is going to point out her harmful and self-destructive behavior, but Raquel won't see that as love and she will cut them out of her life. Raquel needs a lot of help and I really hope that one day she is able to get it. I'm not sure that there is anyone in her life who is going to push her into getting help, though.

itsjustraquel.com/

[bertnee]

I had a list like Racquel...of course, I was 13! And what is this: "12. Act like sex is gross."? What does that even mean??

[Georgiana]

I had a list like Racquel...of course, I was 13! And what is this: "12. Act like sex is gross."? What does that even mean??

I agree! Everything Raquel ever writes about relationships sounds like the stuff I would write/say when I was 13 and marriage and grown up relationships were more of a fairy tale than a real thing I knew about. Honestly, the girl might as well add "Must ride in on a rainbow unicorn" to her list of demands, because she is completely lost in a juvenile fantasy.

Normally, I would say that people who have never HAD adult romantic relationships should not be the experts on them, but Raquel isn't out of line there. All the fundie "maidenhood" experts are girls who have never dated/courted before...but they are seen as knowledgeable sources on the topic :?

It would actually be a step up if the Bates women were to write a book on courtship and marriage. Erin could write about her struggles transitioning to married life, Alyssa could write about changing values/finding your own values with your spouse, Whit could offer perspective on adjusting to a family with different values than your own, Michael/Alyssa could write about moving away after marriage, and Michael could write about what to do if you wait longer for God to bring "the one" into your life. In a normal situation, I'd say they don't have long enough marriages to be giving advice, but at least they have SOME. It would be better than Raquel and the Botkinettes, at least.

[xRoo]

Really sad because it sounds like the guy was fairly in love with her. Not sure how. Sad, nonetheless.

[kb2]

I don't think Raquel is a bad person either, she has just been emotionally crippled and childish, selfish behavior has been encouraged. Her parents have failed her big time. It sounds like she pretty much got to decide what she wanted and didn't want to study in highschool. She used to brag about how she never had to take a pesky subject like literature because she was homeschooled and reading a book is the same as taking a literature class. :angry-banghead: I honestly think that the reason she is totally against the idea of taking any college classes is because she is afraid of finding out that perhaps her education wasn't as wonderful as she has been claiming.

I agree. I also think her parents probably don't encourage her to go to college because they don't want their poor homeschooling to be highlighted.

[xRoo]

She can't seem to stop blogging about now ex-non-boyfriend. By the sound of "choose who to love," you would think he was straight up abusive. Now her newest, he *gasp* doesn't love God as much as her!!!

[xRoo]

"And as difficult as this sounds, you want a man who will pursue God so fully and so whole-heartedly that if he is distracted from His Savior or his calling in life, and you are that distraction, he may need to put you to the side for a bit. He will choose to loosen his grip on the woman he loves for the God he loves. If you are a woman after God's own heart and want a man who pursues the same, you will honor and love this characteristic of him."

The poor blessing is so wonderful she was distracting him from God.

[formergothardite]

So basically she was too godly for him? And she is also so amazing that he couldn't focus on God because he had to focus on her? She thinks very highly of herself. Her ex-boyfriend dodged a bullet when she dumped him.

[xRoo]

So basically she was too godly for him? And she is also so amazing that he couldn't focus on God because he had to focus on her? She thinks very highly of herself. Her ex-boyfriend dodged a bullet when she dumped him.

Amen!

[kpmom]

Yeah, good luck keeping Miss Raquel off social media. Is she really not working or going to school? What does she do with herself all day?

Oh, and I did get a laugh out of one of the things she claims a godly man will not do;

"He will not seek to pleasure himself."

I wonder how she means that?

[Emme]

So basically she was too godly for him? And she is also so amazing that he couldn't focus on God because he had to focus on her? She thinks very highly of herself. Her ex-boyfriend dodged a bullet when she dumped him.

Has he confirmed she dumped him? I feel like perhaps Miss Raquel isn't the most accurate reporter.. And yes, she is special. So special god gave her a horse!

[AmazonGrace]

And as difficult as this sounds, you want a man who will pursue God so fully and so whole-heartedly that if he is distracted from His Savior or his calling in life, and you are that distraction, he may need to put you to the side for a bit. He will choose to loosen his grip on the woman he loves for the God he loves.

What? she wants a man who will blame God when he dumps her? Sorry hun, you stay here and tend to our dozen children, God told me to to put you to the side for a bit while I go seek my calling in life.

[xRoo]

The break is confirmed on a blog a bit further back.