Miss Raquel takes a sabbatical

[formergothardite]

So apparently Miss Raquel's pastor, who appears to have been counseling her for vague reasons, suggested she stop spending so much time on social media. But before she was totally sure God wanted her do this she gave God a list of very specific requirements. If He let her go to Ross and find a spiral bound day planner with areas big enough that she can write down notes and a Bible verse on the front she would give up the social media for two months. Well she found one so now she has to give up all her social media for two months and instead journal about God. I get the feeling she was hoping there wouldn't be a journal like that available. There has been something going on in the last few months that she doesn't want to share yet but has made her move away from God(new not-boyfriend?). She ended up wandering farther from God than she ever thought she would and God has missed her.

 

I think that getting off social media will do her some good and I hope she has some people who are giving her some good advice about growing up and not acting so self-absorbed. She needs to stop focusing on her "future husband" and living in this dream world where a guy is going to sweep her off her feet and solve all her problems.

 

I think she is still going to blog, so she won't be totally off the internet.

 

itsjustraquel.com/

[sea_gale]

And how many daily planners that you know start in the middle of the year? For example, September.

Quite a lot do, as that is when a big chunk of the world starts the academic year...

Plus, isn't laying fleeces supposed to be bad?

I think this is a good idea for her, and I'm glad she seems to have a pastor who is able to make helpful suggestions. Hopefully it will help her become less air headed instead of adding fuel to her pyre of self righteousness.

[Emme]

Awww, I'm glad we'll still have her blogging antics......

[AnywhereButHere]

Who else thinks that after meeting with Raquel, the pastor pounds his head on the desk and then promptly reaches into his desk drawer for his secret tequila stash. :martini:

I figured she'd mature a little as she got older, but it looks like she's as much herself as she ever was. Maybe next decade. :)

[Grimalkin]

I don't believe she will make it a week. I think she will crack and use an assumed name.

[AmazonGrace]

I take that she hasn't met this future husband person yet and doesn't know who he is?

I'll always remember the moment we met, the way our eyes spoke to each other, and the way our hearts called out saying 'Oh there you are. I've been looking for you...'

How does she even know that their first meeting will be in any way memorable and their hearts knew instantly that this is it?

If I found that my intended has written a letter to a generic lover promising to love that generic lover forever and always show it in their actions I'd find it a little strange.

[formergothardite]

She has whole stacks of letters she has written to a generic lover. She expects her husband will spend their wedding night reading them. :? Her letter to a generic lover is full of promises that are almost impossible to keep.

And she already admitted a couple of years ago she set up anonymous FB/Twitter accounts that a lot of people didn't realize was her. I think she will start using those. No way she is just going give up social media.

[FoxyMoxie]

What's her denomination? I've only heard of people doing fleece prayers in charismatic/pentecostal settings.

[formergothardite]

She is a Calvinist but I don't know about her church. I know her family had a hard time finding a church that shared their beliefs.

[EmiGirl]

I could totally see Raquel catfishing people.

[formergothardite]

It was the boyfriend.

itsjustraquel.com/

But seven and a half months later, I found myself calling things off with my boyfriend. Putting my foot down and finally saying 'No' to things about him that I was not willing to put up with in a life-long commitment.

But it is okay because God wanted her to walk away from a guy who wanted to marry her. God always seems to want what Raquel wants.

We also learn that she got let go from her job at the newspaper because they needed reporters with 4 year journalism degrees. But that is okay because God wanted her to be a barista. I would have guess God was telling her to go to college so she can get a better job, but what do I know. :?

There was endless conflict, arguments, feelings being hurt, asking for forgiveness...and then it happening all over again.

I'm not surprised at this at all. Raquel has shown over and over how immature and self-absorbed she is. She has completely unrealistic expectations for men while giving herself a pass on everything. She gets to throw tantrums, cry and demand to be left alone, but he can't even enjoy an activity she doesn't also enjoy.

And she wrote a song:

"

Through it all

Faithful You remain

Through the good times and bad

Still I see Your hand

You've brought me this far

I trust in Your plan

Never let me wander

Never let me fear

You will see me through till the end."

I'm glad that she didn't rush into marriage and I hope that this break-up will help her stop and think about her expectations when it comes to a boyfriend/husband. No relationship will work with the expectations she has. She needs to spend some time thinking about how to have a life that doesn't revolve around getting married as soon as she can find the "perfect" guy.

I wonder what will happen to the band. :shifty-kitty:

[ari_belle]

Sry Raquel, but how is posting on your blog not in violation of your "sabbatical"?

Apparently she's already done with 1 month. I guess I noticed she wasn't posting as much on social media, but I didn't realize it's been that long.

Am I the only one who was surprised that Raquel wasn't the one who was dumped? Unless the guy was a controlling dirtbag or something. We've all wondered if she would end up with that type, considering the extreme fantasy land she's constructed in her head, and her general naiveté.

[AmazonGrace]

Good for her, I say... If the relationship already doesn't work, it doesn't seem such a great idea to get married just because you prayed and thought the next guy that comes along would be the one God wants you to marry.

[AmazonGrace]

Oh I love the post about color coding the Bible :)

She says she was asked for advice how to color code the Bible and her advice is to get some colored pens, draw a color coding chart that says what color means what and then highlight passages and make notes.

Anyone out there who couldn't figure that much out from the words, "color coding the Bible"?

[Closed Womb]

Good for her, I say... If the relationship already doesn't work, it doesn't seem such a great idea to get married just because you prayed and thought the next guy that comes along would be the one God wants you to marry.

Oh, our Miss Raquel is not in any danger of getting married just because a guy shows up. She's got a long (and essentially impossible) list of qualities the right man MUST have before she would get married. She's do herself a huge favor if she got rid of the ridiculous checklist and just dated and subsequently judged a man by his character rather his desire to kiss her in the rain.

She's published a list of 57 qualities her future husband must have. Highlights here: viewtopic.php?f=125&t=25884&hilit=Raquel+list+of+man+qualities

[AmazonGrace]

Talk too much about yourself and never ask questions about me.

Because she likes to talk about herself.

9. Have no other hobbies besides video games. (If you even actually consider that a hobby.)

15. Are utterly obsessed with immature things, to a point of I-theme-stuff-after-this. (Pokemon, video & computer games, Star Wars...)

16. All you can talk about are cars.

43. Talk obsessively about your workout schedule and what you did this day and that day and oh feel this muscle cuz I've been focusing on... Just no. If you have a nice body, I will compliment you on it. But you talking about it all the time is prideful.

Doesn't all that conflict a little with number 25?

25. Can't at least TRY to like some of the things I do. (Or at least appreciate and be happy for me when I find joy in things. Because I will do the same for you.)

If he happens to find joy in video games, pokemon, star wards, cars or working out it doesn't seem like she will be trying too hard to like it.

[Curious]

Holy shit, Raquel. I've been with my husband since 1997 and we've been married since 2001 and I would be hard pressed to list 57 things about him right now. Not qualities I like or don't like, just 57 things. Holy obsession, batman!

In fact, a few years ago when that Thursday Thirteen was popular on blogs, I tried that for a few weeks in an effort to force myself into regular blogging and I had a hard time coming up with 13 things people wouldn't know about me and 13 movies I liked.

This girl REALLY needs to get out and use her brain for something besides obsessing over her perfect man.

[Terrie]

Honestly, she just needs to grow up. I expect that kind of talk out of a junior high girl. Not a nominal adult.

[formergothardite]

The problem with Raquel is not that she has high standards, it is that she has impossible standards. Her list of demands reveal a person who is very shallow and self-absorbed. It is all about her and she expects that any man who dates her will tolerate the worst parts of her personality while he is always perfect. I'm not surprised she broke up with this guy because she has built up in her head what a boyfriend will be like and no guy can compare. No matter how nice this guy is, he didn't stand a chance.

ETA: I just noticed that she recently added a message that pops up when you get on her blog that asks you to go like her FB page. :shifty-kitty: How does that fit in with taking a break from social media?

[Terrie]

The problem with Raquel is not that she has high standards, it is that she has impossible standards. Her list of demands reveal a person who is very shallow and self-absorbed. It is all about her and she expects that any man who dates her will tolerate the worst parts of her personality while he is always perfect. I'm not surprised she broke up with this guy because she has built up in her head what a boyfriend will be like and no guy can compare. No matter how nice this guy is, he didn't stand a chance.

ETA: I just noticed that she recently added a message that pops up when you get on her blog that asks you to go like her FB page. :shifty-kitty: How does that fit in with taking a break from social media?

Honestly, the only guy who can fit all her conflicting requirements is Ken, and he's already dating Barbie.

[formergothardite]

She isn't taking a break from her ask.fm(and she is posting her questions and answers on her Twitter.) If I was less lazy I would make an account and ask how this fits into taking a sabbatical from social media.

[Georgiana]

Raquel would do a lot better if instead of focusing on all the things a MAN needs to do to be good enough, she took a look at herself and focused on all the things she could improve on to make herself a better partner.

I pity anyone who gets involved with Raquel. Raquel is silly, self-centered, and terribly immature. At first, she was only a bit behind her peer group, so it could be tolerated. Now, however, she is so emotionally immature for her age, so incredibly delusional, and so focused on herself that she really can't enter into a peer-appropriate emotional relationship.

Raquel is not ready for or able to offer an adult relationship to anyone. She is way behind her age and falling further back every year. If she were in high school, she could learn and grow...but she isn't. She's in her 20's. At this point, I think Raquel needs two things:

First, she needs her parents, pastors, and social group in general to quit enabling her. She needs to be forced to live as an adult with adult responsibilities and adult consequences and adult behavioral standards. Half of the issue is that the people around her don't call her out on her BS.

Second, she needs to talk to someone who can help her emotionally mature into a woman in her 20's (like a therapist). She needs to realize her checklist is idiotic and that she needs to continually work on herself and grow instead of trying to force others to put up with her extended adolescence.

I think Raquel is a good person. She just got lost and got behind somewhere growing up, and instead of having supportive people who could push her back on the right path, found a sea of enablers that let her stay stagnant. And now she just needs a bit of help to get back on track.

[Curious]

I just went an read her whole list. Girlfriend is projecting a bit in some of those, I'd say.

Also, all people come to a relationship with a history and sometimes that history includes people other than you. I'd actually rather that a guy speak well of his ex-girlfriends that trash them constantly (of course in her world you can't mention them at all so why she had another point after that about not talking sweetly about them, I'm not sure).

If you can't talk about your history with the person you plan to spend you life with, that's probably not a great sign.

[AmazonGrace]

Her expectations sound to me like a combination of two things: what she really wants and what she thinks she should want because it'd be good for her or because other people say it's a good thing or it fits some kind of ideal format.

Like the guy's job situation. She won't date you if you

13. Are 'fine with where you're at in life'. (No. Men should have goals and vision.)

44. Don't have a career in mind or that you aren't currently pursuing. (Seriously? You're gonna work at McDonald's your whole life?)

So he should be unhappy with his current job and career situation and look for a promotion or a better offer because if he's happy with whatever he's got he's got no vision.

45. Constantly complain about your job. (If you don't like it, get another one. This ties in to #1)

But if he's unhappy she doesn't want to hear about it.

She thinks she should want some career oriented guy who is constantly striving for a better career because he's got vision and goals and money, but really she just wants somebody who doesn't bother her with his shop talk because it will bore her to tears, and she probably won't understand the complexities, and if the poor bastard expects his girlfriend to be sympathetic when he shares his concerns (because that's what partners generally do, right?) she will brand him a needy, whiny loser.

She thinks she wants a man that can show leadership because it sounds good and she's heard that it's a Biblical ideal and a strong leader can help his wife grow etcetera. But what she really wants is somebody who will let her get her way and not argue and disagree or ask her to do stuff.

She thinks she should want a man who treats all women with respect but what she really is a man who would never make the mistake of talking nicely about anyone that she views as competition.

Then there's a dose of what's good for the goose is not good for the gander.

52. If you act like we're already dating and tell me that I can or can't do this and that.

Note that this is part 52 in her telling of 54 things that her boyfriend that she's not currently dating can or can't do.

Yesterday she posted:

2) Social media causes us to be prideful.

Yes, you love how many likes you get on that Facebook post. And you love the fact that you gained two followers today on Instagram. And it's cool to see that over 50 people have seen your snap story. You feel popular. You feel liked. You feel good.

In that light it's a bit weird that she's added a message asking readers to like her FB page :doh:

[formergothardite]

I don't think Raquel is a bad person either, she has just been emotionally crippled and childish, selfish behavior has been encouraged. Her parents have failed her big time. It sounds like she pretty much got to decide what she wanted and didn't want to study in highschool. She used to brag about how she never had to take a pesky subject like literature because she was homeschooled and reading a book is the same as taking a literature class. :angry-banghead: I honestly think that the reason she is totally against the idea of taking any college classes is because she is afraid of finding out that perhaps her education wasn't as wonderful as she has been claiming.

Raquel needs an intervention and support in learning how to grow up. She also needs to stop spending so much time pinning wedding and baby pictures and planning how she is going to tell her future husband she is pregnant. She needs a sabbatical from Pinterest.