Jessa Duggar Seewald Pt 5 - The Smug is Strong With This One

[iweartanktops]

I continue to vacillate on Jessa. This is an embarrassing mistake, but I also suspect that she won't change without many significant reasons to do so (and then when she does -- I hope -- she'll make a complete and very vocal 180*). I think Jessa is stronger than a lot of the other Duggars; this is unfortunate, but she'll survive. Social media gaffes are the least of the Duggar concerns....

It's the other criticisms of her family that I'm hoping she takes to heart. That's the interesting thing about Jessa; it's possible to imagine her in a different lifestyle (unlike Jill, for example). I've still got a little hope that one day, she'll decide she's had enough (or made enough money elsewhere, or justified it Biblically, or whatever she needs to do to move on) and start making her own statements instead of following the family party line. She has enough spunk in her to do so and loves the spotlight enough to make it worth her time (unlike Jenni, whom I imagine will leave the compound, but perhaps without much fanfare).

Do you remember the episode where she said that her and Bin would be reading the Bible on their own to find out what they believe for themselves now that they're married and will be starting a family of their own? That line always stuck with me and made me wonder if they really meant it and if we would ever see a shift...

[ClaraOswin]

I hate the term "date night." I have never used it. (Then again, my husband and I are homebodies so it wouldn't really be a term needed for us at all.) I see people on Facebook say it all the time though. It definitely bugs me. To each their own, of course. Well...for Jessa and Ben it's extra dumb since they don't work or have kids.

[JHeathen]

I've heard about Pay It Forward before, but there's one detail that's always bugged me...if the person behind you hasn't ordered yet, how do you know how much to leave?? Do you just leave $5 and assume any change will go towards a tip for the barista? What if the person behind you orders something fancy and it's not enough?

The barista knows what that person is getting, because that person has already placed their order.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Salvation through faith and not through works is one of the basics of the reformed faith (e.g.Luther and Calvin). It absolutely is not meant to be a substitue for doing good works. Instead, it was a response to the idea that someone could buy his/her way to salvation.

I wonder if Jessa has any concept of reformed theology? What am I saying, that would presume that she's acutally been allowed to study theology and not just memorized particular Bible passages.

Ben is a hardcore Calvinist.

[zygote373]

The barista knows what that person is getting, because that person has already placed their order.

Oh right, that would make sense at the busier stores where they have additional baristas to take orders/prep the cups before people make it to the register. The Starbucks I usually go to is understaffed, so I forgot it's supposed to be done that way, haha. There's usually only one person at the register and one person making the drinks.

[busdrivingmom]

I hate the term "date night." I have never used it. (Then again, my husband and I are homebodies so it wouldn't really be a term needed for us at all.) I see people on Facebook say it all the time though. It definitely bugs me. To each their own, of course. Well...for Jessa and Ben it's extra dumb since they don't work or have kids.

Ok, I'm not the only one who hates the term. My parent friends are constantly posting on FB about going on dates with their spouses. Yes, DH and I make plans to do stuff, but its not a date. Plus, most of our friends have kids who are older so they don't need to get a sitter or the older one can baby sit the little ones.

And Jessa and Ben probably spend most of every day together so why do they need a "date night?"

[HCB]

Can't stand "date night" either. Thought I was the only one!

[Lovebug]

I never got the opportunity to enjoy being pregnant. I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum with both pregnancies and when I wasn't puking or thinking about puking I was suffering from crushing exhaustion that was made worse by the fact that I was so malnourished.

I'm no fan of Jessa's but if she's feeling good, good on her. Not every mother gets that experience.

I totally get what you're saying, and should clarify. I've had three pregnancies and with the two that were normal, I felt better than ever. One of my pregnancies was a twin partial mole, and I was sick as a dog all day long for nearly 4 months. After it was discovered (this was back in the early 90's, when technology wasn't what it is today) I was in the middle of a whirlwind shit storm that started with doctors taking my baby in a rush to save my life, and ended with a year of weekly blood draws monitoring for Gestational Trophoblastic Neoplasia. I can relate to not enjoying the experience, too. I would never try to be purposely hurtful to those who were sick, or would give anything TO be sick just to be able to have a baby. Sorry if it came off that way!

That said, I totally agree and hope she's enjoying every selfie second.

[karen77]

Ok, I'm not the only one who hates the term. My parent friends are constantly posting on FB about going on dates with their spouses. Yes, DH and I make plans to do stuff, but its not a date. Plus, most of our friends have kids who are older so they don't need to get a sitter or the older one can baby sit the little ones.

And Jessa and Ben probably spend most of every day together so why do they need a "date night?"

I only hate it when they say it when they don't even have kids they are getting away from. So it makes no sense. DH and I will say that when we are going out WITHOUT the children, so a date, since we have to have a babysitter and all that. Before kids, we just went to a movie or ran to get ice cream, not a big deal. Never considered it a "date", since we were married and all.

[MatthewDuggar]

Whenever I see some of the "We're having date night" on my married friend's posts, I get soooooo tempted to comment "when's the wedding?".

[sockinshoe]

If memory serves, this isn't the first time Jessa put up the Biblical passage about being saved through faith and not works. Here's my issue: If you had an opportunity to make someone happier and improve the quality of their life through good works, why wouldn't you? She can have all the faith in God she wants; if she thinks faith alone will get her into heaven, then sure, knock yourself out, sweetheart. But why think that having faith alone should exclude works? It's almost as if she's saying, yay, I've got free coffee, but the person doing the buying won't get to heaven that way.

I have no issue with Jessa not knowing about pay it forward, but I would never be the asshole who tells people that the person who just spotted me a free coffee is going to hell anyway by not having enough faith, despite being kind to strangers. Jessa's post, which involved that particular quote from the Bible, came across as backhanded and pompous.

It's this type of crap which (happily) assures me that she'll never succeed in becoming a televangelist.

So according to Luther (puts on academia hat), being saved by faith alone is fine and dandy, however, you do have to do good works to discipline your sinful flesh.

[RabbitKM]

I don't understand the hate on the word "date night." If two people are going out and doing something that they consider a date, who cares? Just because they don't have kids, getting ice cream, whatever, it can still be a date. I am glad that Jessa and Ben can do those things because I know couples who for whatever reason never get out of the house and then when an anniversary rolls around its their only date all year.

[djmd]

I don't understand the hate on the word "date night." .

I think the hate is from overuse. A couple/few years ago I would only hear the term date night from parents who rarely get to go out and have fun on their own. Now everyone uses it and makes such a big damn deal about it. Married couples without kids, that's one thing... but even people who are JUST DATING. Isn't it a given??

[St.Clara]

Whenever I see some of the "We're having date night" on my married friend's posts, I get soooooo tempted to comment "when's the wedding?".

But maybe that´s exactly the point with Jessa and Ben? I mean,it´s not like they ever had a chance of going on a date before their wedding.

Maybe that´s one example of this weird fundie desire of telling non-fundies: "Hey, even if we do have all these godly rules in place that prevent us from doing a lot of the stuff that you do (and that, though we hate to admit it, sound like real fun), we still get to have the same fun as you (like, totally), just in such a special godly way, so our fun is actually even better than yours!" :nenner:

[usmcmom]

My hisband and I are empty nesters and eat out quite a bit. I rarely use the term "date night," but occaionally say it if we are, say, going wih friends to a really nice restaurant. I have realized, though, that I throw the term around a lot when shopping - "Oh, this would be a good date night outfit." I guess I am using it interchangeably with "special occasion,". I wonder how I fell into that habit. :think:

[keen23]

We use the term "Date Night" when the husband and I are going out just the two of us. We have kids, so it generally involves some wrangling to get a night out alone. If we're going out with other people, it's not Date Night.

[lascuba]

It's not some big important thing, but yeah, "date night" is just asinine for childless couples. I'm not married and I don't even describe nights out with a boyfriend as a date once we're an actual couple and not just dating anymore.

[ClaraOswin]

I don't understand the hate on the word "date night." If two people are going out and doing something that they consider a date, who cares? Just because they don't have kids, getting ice cream, whatever, it can still be a date. I am glad that Jessa and Ben can do those things because I know couples who for whatever reason never get out of the house and then when an anniversary rolls around its their only date all year.

Since my son was born 2 years ago, my husband have been out, just the two of us, a total of 5 times or less. Ha! But that's just our choice. We like doing things as a family of three.

We never called our 'outings' dates though. That's just not our thing.

[sophie10130]

I feel like if Bin or Jessa planned for something in advance, like a special table at a special restaurant or some sort of excursion to a different city, then sure, call it date night.

Better yet, plan a date night for Jill and Derick and watch their kid so they can go out to a nice dinner!

[Rajah061014]

It's not some big important thing, but yeah, "date night" is just asinine for childless couples. I'm not married and I don't even describe nights out with a boyfriend as a date once we're an actual couple and not just dating anymore.

I disagree. There are things other than having kids than can prevent couples from spending time together on a regular basis. I am currently in residency, working upwards of 80 hours a week. Sometimes I get home so late that I don't get to eat dinner with my husband. So yeah, when we have a chance to eat out at a nice restaurant, we'll call it a date night. Usually our date nights are more than just food though; there's typically some sort of activity like bowling or a movie. So yeah, parents don't have the market cornered on little to no together time.

[lascuba]

I disagree. There are things other than having kids than can prevent couples from spending time together on a regular basis. I am currently in residency, working upwards of 80 hours a week. Sometimes I get home so late that I don't get to eat dinner with my husband. So yeah, when we have a chance to eat out at a nice restaurant, we'll call it a date night. Usually our date nights are more than just food though; there's typically some sort of activity like bowling or a movie. So yeah, parents don't have the market cornered on little to no together time.

Point taken. I think it's a cheesy phrase in general, though, so it's a little jarring when people without small children and adults past the infatuation phase use it. Some version of "we're going out tonight" has always been enough for me.

[twinmama]

I love how earlier today, Jessa posted a photo on Instagram and talked about how the guy in front of them in drive-thru paid for their coffee. Well...I don't think they realized that it's common courtesy to then pay for the people behind you. Originally her post mentioned not having to pay a dime!

But then when people on Instagram commented on how the whole "pay it forward" thing works...she deleted the not paying a dime part from her post. Ha!

I've never even heard of this so I probably would be super confused and just thank the barista and leave. Now, however, I'll ask about paying for whoever is behind me because it's a really cool idea. Not that I ever use a Starbucks drive through.

[happy atheist]

Part 6: viewtopic.php?f=87&t=27162