Harry Potter Convo From the Josh Thread

[quiversR4hunting]

Finally managed to update this. I present to you all, Version III of the unofficial, "VelociRapture Approved Fundie Potter List" (see bolded entries): :)

Lord Voldemort - Gothard

Professor Dumbledore - Curious (our fearless leader with a talent for extremely long posts :lol:)

Professor McGonagall - HappyAtheist (our other fearless leader who is much more blunt and doesn't care for bullshit :lol:)

Dumbledore's Army - FreeJinger

Ludo Bagman - Josh Duggar (Has horrible gambling/sexually based problems, blames everyone else for his issues, and runs away rather then deal with the fallout)

Narcissa Malfoy - Anna Duggar (Holds disgusting beliefs, but genuinely loves her children)

Andromeda Tonks - The escaped Keller children (Love their family desperately, but disagrees with their way of life. Left to pursue a life that better fits their ideals and is shunned for it.)

That Bitch Umbridge - Michelle Duggar (Speaks in a ridiculous baby-voice. Demands immediate obedience from her students/children. Seems to take sick joy in harming others. Has a bone to pick with Muggles/anyone Transgender or LGBTQ)

Barty Crouch Sr. - JimBob Duggar (Stickler for Rules. Sent his own child to Azkaban without a trial. Helped him escape as a last wish for his dying wife and then kept him imprisoned for over a decade. Must be in control at all times.)

Peeves the Poltergeist - JD Duggar (Thanks to the time he helped trash a car at a wedding. . .)

Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange - The Pearls (Do I really need to explain this one :lol:)

Professor Quirinus Quirrell - David Waller (Devoted to the cause and without mercy.)

Marvolo Gaunt - Gil Bates (Prejudiced against muggles and muggle-borns/Transgenders and LGBTQ people. Forces his children to live in squallor due to his poor choices. Rules over his children with an iron fist.)

Alecto Carrow- Kelly Bates (A Death Eater in favor enough to be named Professor of Muggle Studies and Deputy Headmistress in Book 7)

Cormac McLaggen - Lawson Bates (Seems nice enough, but he is WAY too into himself sometimes)

Fenrir Greyback - Steve Gothard (Both go around physically assaulting unwilling victims; doesn't care who he hurts so long as he gets what he wants. . . plus they're both just creepy)

Professor Cuthbert Binns - Ben Seewald (Professor of History of Magic. Well-known for his extremely boring lectures that no one actually listens to)

Helena Ravenclaw/The Grey lady - Jessa Seewald (Both are beautiful, proud, and kind of bitchy. Also they have really long hair and each took something that wasn't their's to take - Rowena Ravenclaw's diadem and Jana Duggar's jewelry box)

Sir Cadogan - Derick Dillard (Partly because he's a relatively harmless oaf whose just kind of there. . . also because Sir Cadogan is a mad Knight and you'd have to be insane to join the Duggar family willingly)

Marietta Edgecombe - Jill Dillard (Both have a talent for snitching on others apparently)

Bertha Jorkins - Priscilla Waller (A bit forgetful and a bit of a gossip. Relatively harmless, but easily gets herself into trouble.)

Gilderoy Lockhart - Jill Rodrigues (The hair! The manic grin! The insistence that all attention be on them at all times!)

Romilda Vane - Amy Duggar (Uses love potions to try and entrap Harry in a relationship; see Amy's quick engagement :lol: ; I kid, I kid)

Winky the House-Elf - Any female child born into a Fundie family (Desperate to please and serve, devastated when they mess up)

Sybill Trelawney - Megyn Kelly (Occasional bursts of genius sandwiched between long bouts of bullshit)

Pansy Parkinson - Beall Phillips (No real reason; I just don't like either of them)

Nagini - Doug Phillips is a Tool (Anaconda hunting anyone? :lol:)

Neville Longbottom - Lourdes (Slayer of Nagini. :lol:)

Crookshanks - The orange cat from Derick's Catgate scandal; one of the few smart and heroic characters at the TTH

Mary Riddle - Grandma Mary (The well from which the evil sprang. . . also, they have the same first name - its obviously fate!)

Fluffy the Three-Headed Dog - Bubba, the Duggar's Dog (Free Bubba!)

Beedle the Bard - FJ's very own Buzzard! (Thank you for doing the recaps for us; the sacrifice of your brain cells shall not be forgotten!)

Norbert the Dragon - VelociRapture (its the closest to a Dinosaur this book series has!)

Order of the Phoenix - Recovering Grace (If you need an explanation to understand this then you need to google their website)

Rita Skeeter - Pickles (no explanation necessary)

Cho Chang - Marjorie Jackson (Had a famous boy for a hot sec and lost heart pieces because of it; also, they both have fabulous hair)

Dennis and Colin Creevey - Howlers, now with cameras! (:lol:)

Morfin Gaunt - Pissing Preacher (Both are insane, attack muggles, and talk to snakes for fun. . . Or something.)

The Portrait of Mrs. Black - Zsu Zsu (someone mentioned this a while ago and I almost died laughing)

Luna Lovegood - Alecia Pennington and Cynthia Jeub (now have their own awesome style and were smart enough to get out - worthy of Ravenclaw)

To please QueenofHeats -

The Invisibility Cloak - The Lost Girls (Neither are really seen or heard; excellent comparison! :cry:)

And to please WalkingCatBed -

Slytherins and Future Slytherins - Any Fundie blessing under the age of 18 (Have the potential to be Death Eaters, but could also turn out to be half-way decent people; cannot be held responsible because they don't know any better yet)

*Cynthia Jeub was added to Luna Lovegood to please many posters, including SamuraiKatz (whose username makes me giggle). :D

For all the non HP readers/movie watchers- I found this helpful: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_H ... characters

I have watched most of the movies, I have missed the last couple because of kids too scared to watch them (before that they were too young to know what was on tv). After reading all you HP-evangelists, I should try the books. I enjoy the movies. I also know from the likes of Sparks and Grisham the books are always better than the movie.

[Four is Enough]

Horcruxes: (horcruxi?)

Something they'd sacrifice a piece of their SOUL for:

A used positive pregnancy test.

A "modest" wedding dress.

Flip Flops.

Denim frumper skirt.

Patronuses:

Something that makes them HAPPY:

Anna and Michelle: Babeez.

Jana: Privacy.

Jill: (insert intelligent thought here)

Jessa: the world's best selfie taker. OR: for Jill to disappear.

Jinger: bronzer.

Joy: ticket out of town.

Josh: we already know.

John David: the plane! the plane!

JB: Michelle.

Joseph: a schoolbook. A real schoolbook.

Josiah: permission to be a cut-up.

[Fundie Bunny]

Horcruxes: (horcruxi?)

Something they'd sacrifice a piece of their SOUL for:

A used positive pregnancy test.

A "modest" wedding dress.

Flip Flops.

Denim frumper skirt.

Patronuses:

Something that makes them HAPPY:

Anna and Michelle: Babeez.

Jana: Privacy.

Jill: (insert intelligent thought here)

Jessa: the world's best selfie taker. OR: for Jill to disappear.

Jinger: bronzer.

Joy: ticket out of town.

Josh: we already know.

John David: the plane! the plane!

JB: Michelle.

Joseph: a schoolbook. A real schoolbook.

Josiah: permission to be a cut-up.

you are mistaking the patronuses for the thoughts they would use to create the patronuses.

Here is my list:

Anna: A cihuahua

Mechelle: A rabbit (for obvious reasons)

Jana: A german sepherd

Jill: A cat

Josiah: A sparrow

I can't think of anymore. I am not good with this. SOmeone wants to take over?

[Ali]

The books are great, but they aren't for everyone. My basic rule for books is the same as my rule for food - if you try it and don't enjoy it then that's fine and you don't have to try again if you don't want to. You gave them a shot (via CD) and didn't enjoy it - that's all that counts. :D

Fundies, on the other hand, piss me off because they don't even bother giving them a chance before labeling them evil and Satanic. :roll:

I did not read the books or see the movies until I was an adult because they were "evil." I was shocked when I found nothing evil about the books and actually enjoyed them. I have determined that if my children ever want to read a controversial book, I will read it myself and form my own opinion about whether or not it is age appropriate instead of believing what other people say about the book.

The good part about waiting was all the books were in print, so I got to read them one right after another.

[VelociRapture]

Horcruxes: (horcruxi?)

Something they'd sacrifice a piece of their SOUL for:

A used positive pregnancy test.

A "modest" wedding dress.

Flip Flops.

Denim frumper skirt.

Patronuses:

Something that makes them HAPPY:

Anna and Michelle: Babeez.

Jana: Privacy.

Jill: (insert intelligent thought here)

Jessa: the world's best selfie taker. OR: for Jill to disappear.

Jinger: bronzer.

Joy: ticket out of town.

Josh: we already know.

John David: the plane! the plane!

JB: Michelle.

Joseph: a schoolbook. A real schoolbook.

Josiah: permission to be a cut-up.

Happy Thoughts for a Patronus (at the moment):

Grandma Mary - Hanging out with the Jordan Family. . . who would have thought they'd have less scandals than the Duggars?!

JimBob- Teh Sexy time!

Michelle - Babies!

Josh - Anything that isn't his life right now!

Anna - Babies!

Jana - Ear plugs, bonbons, and blissful silence!

JD - Not being at TTH right now!

Derick - Being Pistol Pete!

Jill - Like, totally marrying Pistol Pete!

Ben - Majestic Pearls!

Jessa - Duck Face!

Jinger - A one-way ticket to New York!

Joseph - Crown College; a few states between him and his family? Sign him up!

Josiah - Marjorie. . . oh wait. . .

Joy - Jill!

Howlers (excluding James) - Cameras!

James - Jill!

Hannie - Horses!

Jenny - Jill!

Jordyn - Mack!

Josie - Licking stuff!

Mackenzie - Jordyn!

Michael - ?

Marcus - ?

Meredith - Feeding time courtesy of Mom!

Izzy - Feeding time courtesy of Mom!

Fetus Seewald - The Umbilical Cord!

I don't know enough about Michael and Marcus to say what their's would be. I think I did a halfway decent job though. :lol:

[Rachel333]

Up until now I am one of the less than 10,000 people in the world who has not read a HP book or seen the movies. This thread has made me make plans to change that. I Googled a bit when I started reading the character comparisons. I also did one those "Which House Are You" Quizzes. Apparently I'm a Gryffindoor.

I am so jealous of you right now! I wish I could read Harry Potter again for the first time. I love rereading it, but there's something special about that first time.

[fundiemental]

Could a spin-off Harry Potter thread be created, maybe to include the HP character/fundie parallels? I understand that HP is very popular but I wouldn't call it thread drift at this point. I feel like I'm reading two separate threads in one.

[JenniferJuniper]

Could a spin-off Harry Potter thread be created, maybe to include the HP character/fundie parallels? I understand that HP is very popular but I wouldn't call it thread drift at this point. I feel like I'm reading two separate threads in one.

I'll second that request.

I have no issue with thread drift, but the actual topic is a live one and it's like being in a parallel universe half the time here. Quite literally!

[HarryPotterFan]

Happy Thoughts for a Patronus (at the moment):

Grandma Mary - Hanging out with the Jordan Family. . . who would have thought they'd have less scandals than the Duggars?!

JimBob- Teh Sexy time!

Michelle - Babies!

Josh - Anything that isn't his life right now!

Anna - Babies!

Jana - Ear plugs, bonbons, and blissful silence!

JD - Not being at TTH right now!

Derick - Being Pistol Pete!

Jill - Like, totally marrying Pistol Pete!

Ben - Majestic Pearls!

Jessa - Duck Face!

Jinger - A one-way ticket to New York!

Joseph - Crown College; a few states between him and his family? Sign him up!

Josiah - Marjorie. . . oh wait. . .

Joy - Jill!

Howlers (excluding James) - Cameras!

James - Jill!

Hannie - Horses!

Jenny - Jill!

Jordyn - Mack!

Josie - Licking stuff!

Mackenzie - Jordyn!

Michael - ?

Marcus - ?

Meredith - Feeding time courtesy of Mom!

Izzy - Feeding time courtesy of Mom!

Fetus Seewald - The Umbilical Cord!

I don't know enough about Michael and Marcus to say what their's would be. I think I did a halfway decent job though. :lol:

I cracked up at Josie. As for their patronus:

Grandma Mary - Praying mantis? They eat their mate...I don't know enough about her

Jim Bob - Dog

Michelle - Rabbit (I forget who suggested this)

Josh - Pig (see what I did there?)

Anna -

Ma and Pa Keller - Praire dog or bear sloth, both are known to eat their young. You wouldn't know it by looking at them.

Jana - Elephant (Apparently they use a "it takes a village to raise a child" approach and help with each other's young)

JD - A monkey (because he used to monkey around with pranks? I don't know)

Jill - dodo bird (it was the first thing that popped into my head)

Jessa - Sand tiger shark (they eat their siblings in the

womb)

Jinger - A pigeon (they're really common in NYC)

Josie - A kitten. Or a puppy (yay licking things)

Meredith - Pygmy marmoset (cute and tiny)

I'll think of more...

[lizbeth]

I never finished the last 4 HP books. I've been meaning to for years, but I never find the time between work, volunteering, and school. I've spent at least 5 hours a night on homework every single day since the current semester began. I hardly have time to eat and sleep lately. :/ Somedayyyyy.

[DaisyD]

One of the most thoughtful gifts my headship ever gave me was Deathly Hallows, and took care of the kids while I read it cover to cover in 24 hours.

That being said, I have no idea who some of those characters are... :shifty:

Edited for spelling.

[Fundie Bunny]

I never finished the last 4 HP books. I've been meaning to for years, but I never find the time between work, volunteering, and school. I've spent at least 5 hours a night on homework every single day since the current semester began. I hardly have time to eat and sleep lately. :/ Somedayyyyy.

When you find your time, you'll never regret it. My personal favourite is HP6, and i think those are the best books from the series. Don't give up, you'll be free someday ;)

[JenniferJuniper]

Can we please stop talking about Harry Potter in this thread? I've also had no interest in reading the books and it's like navigating a foreign language I haven't learned on this thread.

I've read the books and just rewatched Deathly Hallows 1 with my son last night and I still ask that a thread be started elsewhere for those who wish to discuss a completely unrelated topic. This thread is about the pig who cheated on his wife and molested his sisters and the story is still very much an active one. Please stop derailing it with Harry Potter.

[Maggie Mae]

When you find your time, you'll never regret it. My personal favourite is HP6, and i think those are the best books from the series. Don't give up, you'll be free someday ;)

I really liked Half-Blood Prince as well, even though I know a lot of people were disappointed.

I guess my personal favorite order would be PoA, HBP, DH, OOP, GoF, CoS, PS/SS. Although for a long time I really liked CoS, it was kind of a mystery and I love mystery. I think the first two have been reread more than the others which is why they are at the bottom of the list. (rereads as each book came out and all)

[JenniferJuniper]

I really liked Half-Blood Prince as well, even though I know a lot of people were disappointed.

I guess my personal favorite order would be PoA, HBP, DH, OOP, GoF, CoS, PS/SS. Although for a long time I really liked CoS, it was kind of a mystery and I love mystery. I think the first two have been reread more than the others which is why they are at the bottom of the list. (rereads as each book came out and all)

The Harry Potter thread is here:

viewtopic.php?f=14&t=26580

Please stop deliberately derailing this Pig thread.

[Fundie Bunny]

This isn't a Harry Potter thread.

I am in favor of moving to another thread, but neither was the great dilly watch about cat poop and we talked about it anyway :wink-penguin:

[Maggie Mae]

The Harry Potter thread is here:

viewtopic.php?f=14&t=26580

Please stop deliberately derailing this Pig thread.

Please stop acting like you are a moderator when you aren't. Thread drift happens. I was responding to a comment on THIS thread about a conversation on THIS thread. I'm sorry if you don't like thread drift. Maybe GOMI is a better forum for you.

[Maggie Mae]

This isn't a Harry Potter thread. We shouldn't have to wade through numerous HP book discussions. I clicked on this thread to read about Joshley Madison.

Then talk about what you want to talk about. The conversation drifted to Harry Potter. If you ignore it and post about whatever it is this thread is about, it will eventually get back to it. Acting hand-slappy about "staying on topic" is more annoying that the conversation that multiple people were participating in.

[happy atheist]

I'm going to move the Harry Potter conversation here.

[Seven Severn]

I'm sure you don't mean this as condescending, but the idea of not reading a book because it's not "adult" enough has never sat well with me. Some people like to just escape and read something light, fun, and fairly quick. Not everything has to be War and Peace. Just like you can watch scripted dramas that win Emmy's, you can also watch Jersey Shore. People have different things they like, and thinking that a well regarded piece of literature isn't "adult" enough just bothers me. If you don't like it, ifne. But looking down on adults who read HP is just mean. (Not that you, specifically, are doing that. But it's a well known thing that SOME super snobby "critics" look down on adults who read HP.)

/soapbox

Nope, don't mean it as condescending at all. I apologize if it came off that way; it wasn't my intention in the least. I don't give a rats ass what people read/watch/listen to/etc. Everyone gets enjoyment out of different things. Anyone who's concerned about adults reading Harry Potter has too much damn time on their hands, you know? It's just for me HP just isn't a priority. I can't say if I like it or don't like it because I've never read it. Zillions of people young and old adore Harry Potter and maybe one day I'll join them and you in your love for it. :shrug: There's just so much other great stuff that's been around for so long that I feel I want to get to some of that first. For example, I've never read any Mark Twain. He wasn't required in school and I've just never gotten around to him, but I think I should. I tend to gravitate towards cozy mysteries and non-fiction as a general rule, although I'm currently reading Three Men on a Boat Not to Mention the Dog. Make of that what you will. :) Are we okay?

[Maggie Mae]

Nope, don't mean it as condescending at all. I apologize if it came off that way; it wasn't my intention in the least. I don't give a rats ass what people read/watch/listen to/etc. Everyone gets enjoyment out of different things. Anyone who's concerned about adults reading Harry Potter has too much damn time on their hands, you know? It's just for me HP just isn't a priority. I can't say if I like it or don't like it because I've never read it. Zillions of people young and old adore Harry Potter and maybe one day I'll join them and you in your love for it. :shrug: There's just so much other great stuff that's been around for so long that I feel I want to get to some of that first. For example, I've never read any Mark Twain. He wasn't required in school and I've just never gotten around to him, but I think I should. I tend to gravitate towards cozy mysteries and non-fiction as a general rule, although I'm currently reading Three Men on a Boat Not to Mention the Dog. Make of that what you will. :) Are we okay?

Of course we are OK. I have no problem with what other people read, I'm just sensitive to the idea that somehow HP isn't adult, so it's not worth the time. As I said, there have been a few articles "calling out" adults who read HP and other YA stuff. There was something similar in the language you used. :)

[ShadowyOne]

Brown coat, you have no idea how many times I've wondered about your user name. Is it Brown Coats Ly Therin? Is it Brown Coat Sly Therin? What does it mmmeeeaaaannn? And now I know, thank you. :)

Obviously, I have never read Harry Potter - I should maybe get on that so I can join the fun here.

You guys can't keep doing this when I have a life! Stayed up half the night going through all three (and then four!) speculanium (or whatever they're called) threads... which I only discovered that I needed to read when I tried to figure out why MB flounced!

Anyway, have been hopelessly behind on everything with my daughter's birthday (and my own) this week, de-fucking the habitat (as old bacon bra used to say), in-laws in town, and birthday party. Most everything that I had to add was posted way before I got there, so just piping up to say....

I always assumed you were a HP fan, browncoat, but I also always assumed you were a Firefly fan, too. Was I right?

That is all. Please resume the lovely derails: I'm not tired of them! And I will slip back into the shadows.

*edited to beg forgiveness for all of the parentheses, ellipses, and exclamation marks, but I am bone tired after a hectic week and can't be bothered to clean it up in a way that would make any sense.

[browncoatslytherin]

You guys can't keep doing this when I have a life! Stayed up half the night going through all three (and then four!) speculanium (or whatever they're called) threads... which I only discovered that I needed to read when I tried to figure out why MB flounced!

Anyway, have been hopelessly behind on everything with my daughter's birthday (and my own) this week, de-fucking the habitat (as old bacon bra used to say), in-laws in town, and birthday party. Most everything that I had to add was posted way before I got there, so just piping up to say....

I always assumed you were a HP fan, browncoat, but I also always assumed you were a Firefly fan, too. Was I right?

That is all. Please resume the lovely derails: I'm not tired of them! And I will slip back into the shadows.

*edited to beg forgiveness for all of the parentheses, ellipses, and exclamation marks, but I am bone tired after a hectic week and can't be bothered to clean it up in a way that would make any sense.

i'm sorry, it seems like i missed a couple of replies!

yes, i'm a huge geek, and my name itself just reflects firefly/serenity (browncoat) and hp (slytherin). additionally, my avatar is a steampunk version of harley quinn, my favourite dc villainess. :D

additionally, my tapatalk username is machomachoman and the icon i use for it is, of course, macho man randy savage. :lol:

[ShadowyOne]

i'm sorry, it seems like i missed a couple of replies!

yes, i'm a huge geek, and my name itself just reflects firefly/serenity (browncoat) and hp (slytherin). additionally, my avatar is a steampunk version of harley quinn, my favourite dc villainess. :D

additionally, my tapatalk username is machomachoman and the icon i use for it is, of course, macho man randy savage. :lol:

Well, I might try to one-up you, geek-wise... my username is a nickname version of a name that an old cat of mine had (RIP Mr Evans). The full name was "The Shadowy Mr Evans." If anyone knows the source for that (without Google), you win... well, not the internets (b/c that implies sheer cleverness, not insanely obscure geek knowledge), but my eternal regard, and a drink or meal on me if you're ever around my area.

*After a brief google of the term myself, to see what came up, better drop author Grant Morrison's name in there.

** edited to clarify something stupid, so I must put myself to bed.

[Kate11]

I'm so glad so many other people share my love of Harry Potter! I showed up at my Baptist college with my Harry Potter boxed set in hand. My freshman year roommate absolutely hated that I kept those "evil" books in our room. I just laughed. I also managed to convert quite a few people over to Harry Potter by the time I graduated college.

I've been thinking about who Priscilla would be in Harry Potter. For Priscilla I was thinking either Crabbe or Gogyle, (not the most intelligent people in the series). "Reading? I didn't know you could read!"