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If You Could Say Anything to Anna, What Would it be?


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  • blessalessi

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From me: "One person cannot save a marriage."

In terms she might understand? "When God closes one door, he opens another, and there are a lot of waiting to be opened doors out there, even if you cannot see them yet."

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Please go get a STD check. Now.

Take the kids and go on vacation. Time alone will do you good. Let the older ones play on the beach, hold your baby, and think. Space from Josh and his lies will do you a world of clairity.

You don't have to take him back. None of this is your fault.

It is absolutely ok to leave him. People will help you.

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I am sorry this happened to you. You deserve better.

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ari_belle

You deserve better, but now it's your responsibility to make a good decision for you and your children. Run...and don't look back.

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Forgiving Josh for the past is one thing/choice. But to "overlook an offense" which not only destroyed any trust and respect between you but LITERALLY put your life at risk (ie. STDs, Pelvic inflammatory disease that could lead to cancer, etc.)...to overlook THAT is to potentially leave 4 children without a mother. Yes, Anna, it's THAT bad, what he did.

You are young and wise. Your divorce terms could include alimony, childcare, and college expenses. You CAN support your children and God won't abandon you, nor would you be abandoning THEM if you were to be a working mother, at least for a time. Josh sold a life he wasn't willing to provide for you. Get out, and GO out and find the life you deserve.

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Sundaymorning

I think what would be helpful to her (and all the other Duggar kids too), is if she had someone to talk to in real confidence. Who could maybe help her re-evaluating her life and her future.

I know that around here, we have some charities and private organisations which offer anonymous online counseling, different organisations to different people, from LGBTI issues to those who want to leave a cult or a violent spouse. People can just write them, they don't even have to tell who they are. That way, they have a safe space. If they want they can also call or meet in person, but the online counseling is really something that lowers the boundaries for people who are otherwise afraid of getting help.

I know talking to someone online I didn't even know, and who didn't know who I was, helped me a lot with coming to terms that I was a lesbian. I felt safe in the anonymous atmosphere, and I guess many fundies who have some problems or questions would feel safer too if they could be sure that, no matter what they ask or say, no one of their circle would find out or judge them.

If I could, I would just give her the online address of such an organisation and give her my best wishes, nothing else. If she would contact them would be her decision, but at least, she would have that option.

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I would say to Anna - Josh has been the absolute worst husband and NOT a good father. We've seen how you've been treated. He fell asleep on you while giving birth to Mikey. We just saw him pictured at a game on the same day you gave birth to Meredith. I truly believe he and his family made you make that statement when his first scandal hit the news. Now he has cheated on you, all along. Actions speak louder than words. Please just don't try to be a martyr and stay with a man who absolutely does not love you. Please kick him out of the house and get a lawyer. It will be hard but you can do it. Maybe take your poor sisters in (as their husbands are sketchy too) to help each other. Honestly, you can do it and you can be a very good role model for your children. God wants the best for you and Josh Duggar has admitted he has Satan in him.

**please note FJ's, my account name is luvchild because my parents said I was a love child and I don't know, it was kind of a nickname my mom would call me and laugh but now with Josh's first scandal, I wish I didn't have this account name but I can't change it. I know I mostly lurk here but hey, this is a big deal and I feel bad for Anna and I'd really like to somehow say this to her face. Poor thing.

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Exposedknees

It's not your fault.

Help is out there for you and your kids.

Put your kids in the car and drive away, go to one of your sisters'. Don't look back.

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homeslice

By their works, ye shall know them.

Christ gave that instruction to help us make good decisions. What Josh has done is who he is. He works are ugly, dark and hurtful.

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What do you need? Someone to hold the baby while you cry... a divorce lawyer... a liberal lynch mob to terrorize your inlaws... some chocolate and wine..

It's gonna be ok. You're not the first woman to experience this heartbreak and there are so many people who can help you if you reach out for it.

You and your children deserve to be happy and safe.

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Mela99

Your value as a wife, mother, woman, and human being is not measured by the actions of another.

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YoshiCat

See a qualified, secular mental health professional. You need to explore and sort out your feelings---your real feelings, not the ones your religion/cult tells you you must have. It's okay to be hurt and angry and unhappy. You're not required to forgive him and you don't have to try to force yourself to be happy and "keep sweet."

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Dear Anna,

While you and I are two women have very different beliefs and lifestyles, from one young woman to another, I sincerely want the best for you right now. From what I have seen on the shows, you seem like a genuinely nice, compassionate and kind woman who is a caring mother and loving to her family. You deserve better.

Here are some things I think you should know but might be finding hard to see right now since you are understandably on a full speed emotional rollercoaster:

1. You are not the first woman to discover that the man you married is not the person you thought he was. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It is not your fault that you were lied to and deceived. He is the one who chose to hide things from you and live a double life. This was HIS decision and he did it knowing it was unfair to you and would hurt you. He CHOSE to break your trust.

2. Your children deserve better than to continue growing up in this environment, especially Mackynzie and Meredith. As a mother, i'm sure you want your daughters to know they deserve respect above all else, and Josh has not shown you any respect. If you continue to act like nothing has happened, they'll think being disrespected by men is OK and this will damage their future relationships. I think you owe it to your daughters as well as yourself to refuse not to tolerate Josh's disrespect and lies any future. (And Michael and Marcus also deserve a happy upbringing).

3. I understand your religion is very big on forgiveness. But forgiveness doesn't have to mean 'toleration' or being OK with it. You can forgive Josh while also refusing to tolerate his lies and disrespect any further.

4. Please understand that JOSH BROKE HIS MARRIAGE VOWS TO YOU. He sung a song to you about being faithful and loyal and he did not do any of these things. You do not have to continue living in a marriage where your husband has broken his word over and over.

5. There IS Help and support out there for you. You do not have to do this alone. You will not be homeless, the children will be provided for. I promise that if you do decide to leave, you will be taken care of by plenty of people.

Good Luck.

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Cleopatra7

You have probably been told that Josh's cheating was caused by you not being submissive enough or failing to meet some demand he had in the bedroom. This is nonsense. At some point, you have to realize that all being submissive is going to get you is more of the same disrespectful treatment. Josh probably did what he did knowing that he could expect you to forgive no matter what. This is a terrible example for your children. Your girls don't need to see their mother being disrespected. Your boys don't need to think that this is how a man should treat a woman. Staying with Josh may seem safe, but it's not in the best interests of you or the children. Maybe you even think that having another baby will help convince Josh to change. It won't. If he wouldn't stay with four children, five isn't going to be any better. It's just one more innocent victim to bring into this terrible situation.

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You're a strong, independent woman and you don't need a man to complete you. You do not need Josh. Focus on yourself and you're children. You deserve so much better. You need to realize that. You are so much better without Josh.

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Anna's head must be spinning, but her first concern right now is getting tested for stds. Don't let him touch you. Make plans to leave. You have the right to expect the help of others and don't be afraid to ask. Move quickly. None of this is your fault and he is not going to change. There is a new life ahead of you that is a fulfilling one.

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Beermeet

I would give a hug and a big warm smile.

Tell her she has value and self worth. That family is everything, take some time to feel the range of emotions that will happen. Its like a death. There are stages. Take your time to go through those feelings. You do not have to be perfect right now. You are a human. I would insert some God and Jesus stuff so she would listen, hopefully . I would tell her to wrap her head around both scenarios. Staying or leaving. Retain a good lawyer. Josh or his parents need to help financially. Reignite a good friendship with your sister that fled. She is safe and will talk to you straight up.

You don't have to listen to the JB and Mullet. They are out for themselves.

Have a glass of wine when kids are tucked in ( I feel like she does that)

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Beermeet

Tucking the kids in, not the booze!

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nastyhobbitses

This is not your fault.

I'll say it again: This is NOT your fault.

You did nothing wrong. You loved him, you love your beautiful children, you made a lot of people happy by sharing your life with them on TV. You are a good, kind woman and nobody has any right to treat you like Josh did. Least of all Josh. HE is at fault in this, not you.

What Josh did to his sisters was not love, and what he did to you is not love. Maybe he has to learn to love himself, maybe he has some deep-seated inner demons, and that's something he has to learn and sort out on his own. You are not responsible for that; you never were. Your responsibility right now is to yourself - let me put it this way: you've been on airplanes, right? Well, they always tell you to put your own mask on first when the oxygen masks come down, and that's because if you're trying to help other people and you don't have your own mask on, you're just going to run out of air and become another victim. Put on your oxygen mask first; Josh can put his own on for now. He's a big boy.

So what now? If you feel comfortable telling Josh the pain he has caused you, do so. Normally I tell women in cheating situations to just kick their cheating SOs to the curb, but I know you still love and deeply care for Josh, so here's my advice: I had a very different experience from you, but a boyfriend of mine a while back cheated on me while very, very drunk (he had a drinking problem, and I tried to leave him when it got really bad, but he threatened to commit suicide if I left so I stayed), and him knowing how much he hurt me was actually an impetus for him to seek real help for his problems. I did not lead him to therapy, I did not stay with him (in fact I refused to even associate with him for nearly a year after I found out about his infidelity), I simply told him that I was through with him because I couldn't be with someone who would betray my trust and exploit my love and care for him. I told him that he didn't deserve my love, trust and respect if he wouldn't give me the same. Maybe Josh needs that now -- he needs to know that not only did he violate God's law, he violated your trust in him and your devotion to him. He needs to know that he doesn't deserve your love, trust, and respect if he throws all of that back in your face. And then he needs to step away, take a long, hard look at the man he's become, and try to figure out how to become a better man. But again, that process is not your responsibility -- it's his. Only his. Always remember that; you are not his mommy, you are not his life coach, you are not his doctor. You are not responsible for him figuring out his problems. He has to do that on his own, and that might mean you stepping away from him, for a while or forever. That's incredibly difficult, but it might be best for both of you.

You deserve love. You deserve respect. You deserve a partner who values you above all else. You deserve an honest father to your children, who will model to them the values of integrity, accountability, loyalty, responsibility, and respect. You deserve better than this.

Know your worth, Anna.

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