Teri's 30 days of "First Day of School"

[HoneyBunny]

Is Jo an FJ-er? Or simply someone with half a brain not afraid to speak out? I'm surprised this one got by Steve.

From the comments:

"for me, i don’t get overwhelmed easily, so i find those tasks pretty quick and simple. my kids are dressed and ready to go and i get up early and have it all prepared. we also don’t have high academic expectations for the first day of school. sometimes, it’s all in the attitude. :)"

[princessmahina]

Is Jo an FJ-er? Or simply someone with half a brain not afraid to speak out? I'm surprised this one got by Steve.

From the comments:

"for me, i don’t get overwhelmed easily, so i find those tasks pretty quick and simple. my kids are dressed and ready to go and i get up early and have it all prepared. we also don’t have high academic expectations for the first day of school. sometimes, it’s all in the attitude. :)"

WOW. I can't believe Steve let that one through. Perhaps later he'll add in a snippy remark.

[thoughtful]

I guess it's a good idea that Teri hated homeschooling her children. I wonder where they draw the line about enjoying activities. If Sarah were to profess her love for ceiling fan cleaning would she be allowed to continue?

Well, that's the advantage of having many children -- there's usually someone around who can be assigned to a task they dislike, to avoid anyone actually loving what they do.

If and when it comes to the point where only Sarah is still living with Steve and Teri, I suspect it suddenly wouldn't matter whether she loved or detested a chore -- it would be hers to do if Dad didn't feel like doing it.

He would tell her that God had laid it on his heart to allow her to do that beloved chore, and probably find some way to make it sound like a grand compliment, a sign that he now trusts her, in her maturity, not to let it become an idol.

[kpmom]

Is Jo an FJ-er? Or simply someone with half a brain not afraid to speak out? I'm surprised this one got by Steve.

From the comments:

"for me, i don’t get overwhelmed easily, so i find those tasks pretty quick and simple. my kids are dressed and ready to go and i get up early and have it all prepared. we also don’t have high academic expectations for the first day of school. sometimes, it’s all in the attitude. :)"

That is surprising he let that one through.

If she's real though, she doesn't have high academic expectations at all judging by that sentence.

[blessalessi]

If they had no food or access to a bathroom, then yes, that would be abuse/neglect (also, with Teri's alleged teaching philosophy, gee, I wonder why your kids were bouncing off the walls and totally unfocused), but considering how often I locked myself in my room for hours because my parents DIDN'T UNDERSTAAAAAAAAAAAAND, I think a blanket law banning kids being locked in rooms would have Child Protective Services drawing a bead on my parents ten years ago.

They were not locked in their rooms. They were assigned a room each to play in alone during the day, with the plan that Steve would then teach them at night and set work for future days.

There is a massive amount of WTF manipulation of Teri in that, and I don't doubt that the combination of daily isolation, plus the fear of "wait till your father gets home" would have been enough to scare the shit out of the kids.

This is the second time though that that episode has been reported wrongly on FJ as the kids having been locked in their rooms.

There is enough genuine WTF to snark on, without adding extra details that must make us look like alarmist haters to the Maxwell sheeple.

[FundieFarmer]

Do we know anything about Teri's upbringing and parents? It says a lot to me that she was too nervous to call them and tell them a change she and her family were making, and instead chose to write a letter. That's what I would do when I was terrified of what my parents would say or do (it usually made it worse).

[IReallyAmHopewell]

The boys look like they are in a hostage situation in the first pic :?

umm...well..how shall I put this? THEY ARE! :dance:

[princessmahina]

So, Teri went to college and graduated, right? If she can't handle the stress of children in the house, how in the world did she manage a degree? In my experience (limited though it is), the papers, tests, and hundreds of pages of reading are way more stressful than having kids playing in the house.

[ladyaudley]

Hey Teri, tomorrow is the first day of school where I work! 860 kids ready to be taught, 143 of them by me. Sure, I'm having some palpitations, but I signed up for this and so I've got to. Deciding to teach your own children and then chickening out because it's too damn hard. And it is! don't get me wrong. Teaching is hard! That's why it's a certified profession with a degree and all that jazz. You know. Because not everyone can do it.

[socalrules]

So, Teri went to college and graduated, right? If she can't handle the stress of children in the house, how in the world did she manage a degree? In my experience (limited though it is), the papers, tests, and hundreds of pages of reading are way more stressful than having kids playing in the house.

I am guessing that a lot of Terri's issues developed after she married Steve. She was likely a completely different person before marrage. The fact that she went to a real college and received a degree, dated and married the man of her choosing shows that she was raised differently and had a completely different mindset. She seems to now be the complete opposite of that person. Even with other fundies you get some glimpse of who they were before, like with Michelle Duggar and her skating or old high school friend. With Terri, it's as though there never was a previous life.

[FundieFarmer]

I am guessing that a lot of Terri's issues developed after she married Steve. She was likely a completely different person before marrage. The fact that she went to a real college and received a degree, dated and married the man of her choosing shows that she was raised differently and had a completely different mindset. She seems to now be the complete opposite of that person. Even with other fundies you get some glimpse of who they were before, like with Michelle Duggar and her skating or old high school friend. With Terri, it's as though there never was a previous life.

You know, that's almost scarier. I wonder what her friends and family thought as she made this change. I wonder what her children know of her life beforehand. And finally...this smacks to me of what it is like to join a cult. Everything from before is gone.

Wow. That sentence actually hit me harder than I thought, socalrules. I'll be here trying not to let the thoughts drown me. :shock:

[Walking Cat Bed]

So, Teri went to college and graduated, right? If she can't handle the stress of children in the house, how in the world did she manage a degree? In my experience (limited though it is), the papers, tests, and hundreds of pages of reading are way more stressful than having kids playing in the house.

I'm working on my master's degree and I love it -- I live far enough from campus that my living space is quiet, and it's just me, my roommate, and our respective Feline Headships. I do pretty well with academic stress.

Put me in a house with kids, though, and my anxiety starts to pick up. Which is why I don't have kids.

[slickcat79]

So, Teri went to college and graduated, right? If she can't handle the stress of children in the house, how in the world did she manage a degree? In my experience (limited though it is), the papers, tests, and hundreds of pages of reading are way more stressful than having kids playing in the house.

I don't think the two are in any way comparable. I went to college and graduated. While I could have done better in school, I think I was "good" at it. The work was challenging at times but not overwhelming, and I was able to do well organizing myself and balancing my studies with working and free time.

I do not have kids. I do not want kids. I would be a terrible mother. I am introverted and very independent, I'm not a good caregiver and I don't like noise. If I'm in school, I can stay up half the night doing assigned reading. I can't make a small child stay up until 2 AM learning math. I can completely understand how someone might excel in an academic setting and be very ill-suited to parenting (or vice versa). Just different skills and personalities at work.

Of course, I'm also not married to a controlling douchebag. The Stevehovah Problem cannot be overstated.

[Brightonbelle]

So, Teri went to college and graduated, right? If she can't handle the stress of children in the house, how in the world did she manage a degree? In my experience (limited though it is), the papers, tests, and hundreds of pages of reading are way more stressful than having kids playing in the house.

Not defending Teri, but I have to disagree with this. I've been to university, worked in several fields, but nothing comes close to how mentally draining kids can be. It's a totally different type of demand on you, often without let up. And without the break of school... I know I'd struggle with homeschooling and I onlky have two children. We absolutely need time away from each other!

[Maggie Mae]

Not defending Teri, but I have to disagree with this. I've been to university, worked in several fields, but nothing comes close to how mentally draining kids can be. It's a totally different type of demand on you, often without let up. And without the break of school... I know I'd struggle with homeschooling and I onlky have two children. We absolutely need time away from each other!

I think it depends on people's personalities. I'd be way more stressed about the kids than the education. I can't stand not being in control of my environment and kids kind of ruin that.

[bluelady]

Not defending Teri, but I have to disagree with this. I've been to university, worked in several fields, but nothing comes close to how mentally draining kids can be. It's a totally different type of demand on you, often without let up. And without the break of school... I know I'd struggle with homeschooling and I onlky have two children. We absolutely need time away from each other!

I completely agree! I have two degrees (one of which is in education) and I have a 9 month old son. Getting my degrees was hard and incredibly stressful. Raising my son is hard and stressful. They cannot be compared.

Hey Teri, tomorrow is the first day of school where I work! 860 kids ready to be taught, 143 of them by me. Sure, I'm having some palpitations, but I signed up for this and so I've got to. Deciding to teach your own children and then chickening out because it's too damn hard. And it is! don't get me wrong. Teaching is hard! That's why it's a certified profession with a degree and all that jazz. You know. Because not everyone can do it.

I also agree with this! This is what bugs me about the fundie homeschool philosophy. Some homeschooling parents do a fantastic job. They are cut out for teaching and they love it. Others aren't as cut out for it, but they work hard and make it work. But these people who just say "Well, I'm gonna pull my kids out of public school and teach them at home"? Really? They have NO idea how hard teaching can be! And, if you're going to do it well, how much prep work is involved.

What bothers me most is the letter Terri wrote to her parents. Clearly she had vocalized previously her concern at potentially not loving her children only to have her husband force her into more? I've been on mat leave for 9 months and it's taught me that I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom. It's also taught me that I'm not cut out to be the mom of a large family. I'm considering one more but two would be my limit and I'm not completely sold on that. What I do know is that if my SO wanted more and I said that I was at my breaking point with one, he wouldn't force me to have FIVE more.

Steve is an abusive, manipulative asshole.

[Brightonbelle]

I think it depends on people's personalities. I'd be way more stressed about the kids than the education. I can't stand not being in control of my environment and kids kind of ruin that.

Yes that's exactly it. Kids are unpredictable, demanding, and when young often have no concept of mum needing five minutes peace/being on the phone/in the toilet...

[SoybeanQueen]

I have undergrad and graduate degrees. My graduate degree is in education, even. I love kids and willingly set out to have a large family. Homeschool planning still stresses me out.

One of my boys wanted to stay up late to watch the Perseids, so I gave him a math sheet to work on for a bit and explained what to do on each part. Right now, he's yelling down the hall, "Mom, I don't get any of this!"

Stress level - going up.

[princessmahina]

Good points, guys. Thanks for responding :)

I'm curious though- before they went fundie, they had three kids. In her writing, Teri seems like she wasn't coping well with three. Why have three then? Why not stop at one? Or two? Did Steve manipulate her into it?

[nelliebelle1197]

Could not disagree with you more. We have late May-late July 8.5 week summer break with a week-two weeks off every six weeks. It is very difficult on working families, people in hourly-type jobs and lower income people. The camps and childcare that can be offered are limited, expensive and fill up. School has been in session two weeks and the 35 spaces for the 200 preK students are filled - they filled in three days. No other camp takes 4 year old around here.

The summer means high school and college kids to help staff camps. We do no have the safety net and social structure in the US or the paid time off work to make these types of calendars work without hardship for many families. If someone is a stay at home parent, they are golden. The rest of us, not so much.

Do not even get me started on how stupidly long the summer break here is. Twelve fucking weeks. TWELVE! Six would be perfectly long enough to laze around, fully recharge and still leave six weeks to be redistributed along the year when you really need it.

We all know the omnipotent opthamologist is largely undiverted by the starving masses.

[slickcat79]

Good points, guys. Thanks for responding :)

I'm curious though- before they went fundie, they had three kids. In her writing, Teri seems like she wasn't coping well with three. Why have three then? Why not stop at one? Or two? Did Steve manipulate her into it?

It may have been Steve's manipulation, but probably was the more usual societal pressure or even just Teri not being totally sure what she wanted. They had 2 boys, maybe they really did want to try for a girl. Or maybe Nathan was a super easy baby, and Teri didn't realize how hard it would be to have a new baby plus another toddler or 2.

I have a family member who has 3 kids. She always talked about having 3-4 kids, it was something she wanted. But it took having 3 to realize that she really would have been more comfortable with 2, as they get older and more and more mobile and more involved in activities and whatnot. Of course she loves her kids and cares for them all equally, but sometimes you don't know until you know.