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Meredith Hammer


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Meredith is very, very hardworking and an entrepreneur and had considerable freedom to start independent ventures to better the family. I suspect she kept them afloat at times...she and her two oldest brothers. She made pies and sold them to local bakeries and restaurants (many many pies), she got her real estate license, she ran a mowing business with a brother where they travelled and transported the equipment to mow acreages and farms for absentee landlords, she is a professional quality seamstress who does smocking and monograms, she mucks out stalls, kills and dresses chickens, etc. she virtually raised her little sister because her mother was ...distracted? ...depressed?..ineffective? Sheridan was bereft and heartbroken when Meredith married.

She doesn't try to tell others how to live. I would like her, probably IRL, but her parents are crazy, falling down the rabbit hole fundies, endangering the moms life with a pregnancy (see the family blog) and handing their daughter over to a total stranger who trolled the internet for a SAHD who would be hardworking and obedient.

Her wedding was a mix of formal Presbyterian and crazed homeschooled Fundie. The Bell ringers and her little sisters "wedding dress" were epic. In another family, Meredith would be a Proctor and Gamble Brand Manager or a prosecuting attorney or an interior decorator with a prodigious client list. I hate Fundie parents who limit their children's futures and sell their daughters.

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Rent space heaters! Rent a heatable tent for the tables (and the dance if the barn can't be heated)? Skip the dance?

Were they poor or just inconsiderate of their guest's comfort?

I'm just sort of amazed they thought this was a good idea.

I think it was a combination. They seemed to have a tight budget for the wedding (Meredith got married in a thrift store dress she found for like $20, she baked the wedding cheese cakes herself, the family slaughtered one of the cows to serve the guests, the bouquet was a gift from a friend of the family) and I also think that they are not used to throwing parties or even going to parties / big weddings. I have no idea if they thought of renting space heaters or not.

I thought the wedding at the farm looked lovely, but probably would have worked better during the warm season.

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Thanks for the links on the WBM, Clementine. It's nice to know my memory didn't fail me, or I confused fundie brides.

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I agree with everything above, but Meredith actually seemed to be one of the more capable and hard working SAHD. She got up at five to cook breakfast for the family, she milked cows and slaughtered chickens and delivered milk all over the neighbourhood and ran a tractor service company in her own name, if I remember it right, and made money selling thrift store finds on eBay, baking and selling cheese cakes and also made money buying and selling property. She was no shy flower who spent her days praying, dreaming about a husband and polishing her tea set. I really admired her work ethics and stamina and it must have been a blow to the family when she left.

I agree and disagree. She's hard-working, but I don't think that's work ethic. She's been trained since birth to take care of men and boys. Work ethic is what you do voluntarily. She's not working hard because it's what she decided she wanted to do all on her very own. She's just doing what she's been taught and told all her like that she wants to do. Her mind was made up for her and forced on her, and her value in that family was in doing all the work by herself.

What kills me is that, in any normal family, she probably would choose to have a strong work ethic, and would probably end up a CEO somewhere, and being a kick-ass woman shattering glass ceilings. But instead she was limited to being a help-meet and was just doing what she was raised to do. :(

She wrote a lot about having a classy country wedding à la Jackie Kennedy... and ended up in an poofy 80's thrift store dress with 27 bell ringers, her little sister who was the ring bearer also wore an 80's wedding dress and looked like something from Toddlers and Tiaras and the party was held outside in December and the guests looked like they were freezing even in their winter jackets.

That was the most over-the-top wedding party I'd ever seen.

I'm tying to remember THE most over-the-top overall wedding. It had a couple thousand guests. And it had actual food. Jenny Chancey, the woman with the husband who poses like a white plantation owner with a couple African fighters holding guns while he sits there with a cigar like the imperialist racist asshole they all are, was the matron of honor. I watched the entire wedding when the video was online, and was disturbed especially by her being praised for wearing her father's authority like a cloak that she never tried taking off, no matter how heavy it became, and her father's cloak was being placed by her husband's cloak of authority. Who was that?

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I agree and disagree. She's hard-working, but I don't think that's work ethic. She's been trained since birth to take care of men and boys. Work ethic is what you do voluntarily. She's not working hard because it's what she decided she wanted to do all on her very own. She's just doing what she's been taught and told all her like that she wants to do. Her mind was made up for her and forced on her, and her value in that family was in doing all the work by herself.

What kills me is that, in any normal family, she probably would choose to have a strong work ethic, and would probably end up a CEO somewhere, and being a kick-ass woman shattering glass ceilings. But instead she was limited to being a help-meet and was just doing what she was raised to do. :(

That was the most over-the-top wedding party I'd ever seen.

I'm tying to remember THE most over-the-top overall wedding. It had a couple thousand guests. And it had actual food. Jenny Chancey, the woman with the husband who poses like a white plantation owner with a couple African fighters holding guns while he sits there with a cigar like the imperialist racist asshole they all are, was the matron of honor. I watched the entire wedding when the video was online, and was disturbed especially by her being praised for wearing her father's authority like a cloak that she never tried taking off, no matter how heavy it became, and her father's cloak was being placed by her husband's cloak of authority. Who was that?

I think it was Justin and Melissa Turley, in 2008:

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=22970&start=340

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I was. I remembered the first names after posting, but not the last. That wedding was crazy.

Yep, definitely the Justin Turley/Melissa Keen wedding. Melissa was one of the SAHDs featured on the Botkins' "Return of the Daughters" DVD. Jennie Chancey was their hugely pregnant matron of honor, and I'm pretty sure DPIAT/R officiated, or at least participated wide-stanced.

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She looks really pretty in recent pictures, a lot prettier than I remembered (not that I ever thought she was ugly). Better clothes/makeup/photography, I guess?

They have a really beautiful family, but I find myself creeped out by Stephen as well. I find it very odd for such an educated man to seek out a woman with no higher education at all. If they had met normally that would be one thing, since I don't think Meredith's lack of education reflects badly on her or makes her a less fit spouse at all, but it's just odd that Stephen would purposely look for a stay-at-home daughter like Meredith.

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Agreed. Also reeeeealllly odd to me is that Steven was not raised Fundie or even Fundie light. One of his parents is UU for God's sake. He went off the deep end all by himself.

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She looks really pretty in recent pictures, a lot prettier than I remembered (not that I ever thought she was ugly). Better clothes/makeup/photography, I guess?

They have a really beautiful family, but I find myself creeped out by Stephen as well. I find it very odd for such an educated man to seek out a woman with no higher education at all. If they had met normally that would be one thing, since I don't think Meredith's lack of education reflects badly on her or makes her a less fit spouse at all, but it's just odd that Stephen would purposely look for a stay-at-home daughter like Meredith.

Her not going to college is something he praised in his very first email to her!

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Long story short, Meredith is the oldest girl in a fundy family, who had a blog. Little brothers are above her. Cleaning fridges was the allowable fun in her life. Very typical fundy stuff. What sets her apart is a Rhodes Scholar named Stephen literally, and I mean literally, googled around online looking for fundamentalist stay-at-home daughters when he decided he wanted to get married and needed a wife who would look good when he tries to get into politics, which is his end-goal, career-wise. He found Meredith's blog, and made his interest in her known, based entirely, literally entirely, on her blog detailing being a stay-at-home daughter. Her family wet themselves in excitement because, ZOMG, Rhodes Scholar! And he has political ambitions! They had a quickie wedding, because it's a good idea to marry off your daughter to someone who very creepily looked for a naive young woman still living like a child under her father and brothers. So they married and moved away very quickly, and she started pushing out babies.

Luckily for her, Stephen isn't a murderer or anything, though this whole situation sounds like the perfect set-up for a suspense book: The daughter suddenly disappears while the husband is supposedly deployed. Did he arrange her disappearance? Is she alive or dead? Her parents, who have realized they messed up, have to race the clock to try to find her while hoping she's still alive!

Only it's not a book set-up. It's among the creepiest fundy courtship stories, alongside Maranatha Chapman (which is the story that still takes the cake and might be why Texas raised the minimum marriage age).

Actually, I think She was allowed to have way more fun than you describe.

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She looks really pretty in recent pictures, a lot prettier than I remembered (not that I ever thought she was ugly). Better clothes/makeup/photography, I guess?

They have a really beautiful family, but I find myself creeped out by Stephen as well. I find it very odd for such an educated man to seek out a woman with no higher education at all. If they had met normally that would be one thing, since I don't think Meredith's lack of education reflects badly on her or makes her a less fit spouse at all, but it's just odd that Stephen would purposely look for a stay-at-home daughter like Meredith.

I just assumed that his prior sexual experiences made him realize he needed to marry a virgin.

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Her not going to college is something he praised in his very first email to her!

While he attended Princeton. I'm just saying.

He went googling and found himself a homeschooled-until-12th-grade industrious and pretty young woman with a blog called "Striving to Serve at Home," and said bingo. She gushingly blogged about how he was so smart she could barely understand what he was talking about half the time. Remember before they got married, when Meredith and her mom travelled to Chicago for his brother's wedding and it was all very normal and Stephen drank some wine and danced his face off, and Meredith was shocked? She made a post to the effect of, "He was like a stranger!"

This is not a guy with fundie in his soul, is what I'm saying. Princeton, Oxford, the army, and now Harvard are teeming with women who are driven, accomplished, and educated. Girls who could understand what he's talking about in a conversation. Why did he pursue Meredith? I don't mean this question to throw shade on Meredith - she's great - but her husband's motives in pursuing her were totally sketch.

And oh god, remember before they were married he gamely attended the VF baby conference with her family? What on earth must this Rhodes Scholar have thought of the Duck Biologist and the Tool? Whatever it was, I bet he smilingly shook their hands and kept it to himself.

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Stephen Hammer will never go far in politics. He may have made Meredith delete her blog, but Free Jinger lives forever! He can't hide the story of how he creepily hand-picked his bride from a blog.

Regarding Meredeth... I like her. She could have done much better.

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Agreed. Also reeeeealllly odd to me is that Steven was not raised Fundie or even Fundie light. One of his parents is UU for God's sake. He went off the deep end all by himself.

Or, he doesn't believe a bit of it, but believes for his planned political career it is the "best" thing to be conservative christian and play to this particular group.

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Or, he doesn't believe a bit of it, but believes for his planned political career it is the "best" thing to be conservative christian and play to this particular group.

Yeah, I am inclined to believe that he is doing it for his planned political career. Ok, fine, he wouldn't be the only politician to do this but that he specifically sought out an uneducated, sheltered SAHD for his wife just strikes me as a calculating move on an unsuspecting young woman. I actually feel sorry for Meredith on this one, she deserved a better deal than that. I hope for her sake that it has worked out but the whole "wife by Google search" is skeevy.

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Yeah, I am inclined to believe that he is doing it for his planned political career. Ok, fine, he wouldn't be the only politician to do this but that he specifically sought out an uneducated, sheltered SAHD for his wife just strikes me as a calculating move on an unsuspecting young woman. I actually feel sorry for Meredith on this one, she deserved a better deal than that. I hope for her sake that it has worked out but the whole "wife by Google search" is skeevy.

It is, and it seems calculated to backfire. Ted Cruz (the guy whose dad has said God want's him to be president) was heavily groomed since HS to be a politician... and even he met his wife while they were both working in DC / for George Bush. She was a managing director for Goldman Sachs, and yet the fundies love Cruz. Most of the current crop of candidates have spouses who are educated and accomplished.

Perhaps he thinks the nation will take a bigger swing to the right, or maybe he just wanted someone who was trained to kowtow to him. Either way, I can't see how that is attractive to more than a small percentage.

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Or, he doesn't believe a bit of it, but believes for his planned political career it is the "best" thing to be conservative christian and play to this particular group.

This. And when the political pendulum swings back to the left as it has already begun to do, he'll be Episcopalian faster than you can say SAHD.

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God, looking back on her wedding pictures, all I can think is "that poor girl's hair looks TERRIBLE." Get some hairspray, dear.

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Actually, I think She was allowed to have way more fun than you describe.

From looking at the family blog, it seems that the Alexanders have been on a very spendy Disney cruise in the last year, and that they used to live the high life a lot more when Meredith was younger. They look to have had some hard financial times when they first started farming, but now they can again afford to have others look after things back home while they live it up on vacation.

Meredith seems to have a natural work ethic that she wasn't necessarily taught by her parents - if anything her parents seem quite spoilt and pampered, and Meredith was the one who rolled her sleeves up and ran several businesses when times were tough.

I agree with whoever said they would probably like her IRL.

Steven Hammer though.... his sermon was frightening. He seems like a real knob.

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Remember before they got married, when Meredith and her mom travelled to Chicago for his brother's wedding and it was all very normal and Stephen drank some wine and danced his face off, and Meredith was shocked? She made a post to the effect of, "He was like a stranger!"

If something so mild makes your fiance into a stranger (shock! horror!! a drink and dancing!!!), you don't know him well enough to get married. Too bad Fundyland marriages are business arrangements for the lawd.

This is not a guy with fundie in his soul, is what I'm saying. Princeton, Oxford, the army, and now Harvard are teeming with women who are driven, accomplished, and educated.

I agree. Something's very off.

Why did he pursue Meredith? I don't mean this question to throw shade on Meredith - she's great - but her husband's motives in pursuing her were totally sketch.

I honestly think he didn't look for a wife to love. He looked for a wife who's serve his conceited ass and who isn't educated enough to argue with him. I doubt her education is as high as 12th grade when she doesn't understand him a lot. (Not blaming her. It's her parents' fault.) He found a wife who will be arm-candy for conservative political aspirations. Voters are impressed by a group of cute kids and a smiling wife. (Ever notice how a woman politician's family isn't pranced on stage, but a man politician's is?) He has a live-in, well-trained servant who isn't intelligent enough to try to do anything except play her assigned role (again, the blame is on her parents).

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Or, he doesn't believe a bit of it, but believes for his planned political career it is the "best" thing to be conservative christian and play to this particular group.

*ding*ding*ding*ding*ding We have a winner! Steve Hammer's innate opportunism won out over his UU upbringing. His checklist enroute to the White House: military background, wife as "above reproach" as Caesar's, Ivy League education, an "in" with the Dominionists. The guy seems more a machine than a human being.

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Here's what's a bit strange about Stephen. In US society, a Princeton-educated Rhodes Scholar is going to be "above" most women he meets, in terms of education and achievement. It wouldn't have been hard for him to be the "smart one" in any relationship. He just needed to find a woman who was impressed with his credentials (and they are impressive, let's face it). Any college-educated woman with a job would have worked. She'd be smart, but Stephen, by virtue of his achievements, would probably be considered way smarter.

Instead, he chooses a woman who is really undereducated. I remember Meredith writing that her junior and senior year of "high school" consisted of her reading Christian books, then discussing them with her mother. And let's face it, the family moved 16 times in her childhood. She has many younger brothers and a sister. They live on a farm. They had multiple financial problems. I doubt the parents had time to focus on her education, even if they wanted to.

My point is, Stephen could've chosen a much more educated woman and still been the dominant partner in the relationship. Instead, he chose someone on the other end of the academic spectrum. That's weird. Plus, I can't believe its good for Meredith to always be the uneducated one. I'll bet she's glad when Stephen is away half the year.

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From looking at the family blog, it seems that the Alexanders have been on a very spendy Disney cruise in the last year, and that they used to live the high life a lot more when Meredith was younger. They look to have had some hard financial times when they first started farming, but now they can again afford to have others look after things back home while they live it up on vacation.

Meredith seems to have a natural work ethic that she wasn't necessarily taught by her parents - if anything her parents seem quite spoilt and pampered, and Meredith was the one who rolled her sleeves up and ran several businesses when times were tough.

I agree with whoever said they would probably like her IRL.

Steven Hammer though.... his sermon was frightening. He seems like a real knob.

I think the Alexanders are a bit "work hard, play hard." They really cornered the market on direct-from-the-farm dairy in my area, and they sell to a large number of retail outlets around central and northern VA. They also sell meat and I believe that had an arrangement with another farm or farms to transport produce. I live near one of their sale sites, and they seem to have a big operation. I don't know how many employees they have, but I get the sense that the family is hands-on with running things. I don't know if that was always the case, but it seems to be now.

I seem to recall they had an "apprentice" family living on their property at one point. Maybe that didn't work out?

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Here's what's a bit strange about Stephen. In US society, a Princeton-educated Rhodes Scholar is going to be "above" most women he meets, in terms of education and achievement. It wouldn't have been hard for him to be the "smart one" in any relationship. He just needed to find a woman who was impressed with his credentials (and they are impressive, let's face it). Any college-educated woman with a job would have worked. She'd be smart, but Stephen, by virtue of his achievements, would probably be considered way smarter.

Instead, he chooses a woman who is really undereducated. I remember Meredith writing that her junior and senior year of "high school" consisted of her reading Christian books, then discussing them with her mother. And let's face it, the family moved 16 times in her childhood. She has many younger brothers and a sister. They live on a farm. They had multiple financial problems. I doubt the parents had time to focus on her education, even if they wanted to.

My point is, Stephen could've chosen a much more educated woman and still been the dominant partner in the relationship. Instead, he chose someone on the other end of the academic spectrum. That's weird. Plus, I can't believe its good for Meredith to always be the uneducated one. I'll bet she's glad when Stephen is away half the year.

It's the arrogance of the well educated to think that education is a substitute for intelligence, empathy or other such things. We don't rely on our partners for all our life needs - if you need educated conversation there are plenty of opportunities to find it.

There is a similar intellectual/educational difference between my parents. My father was a very, very senior academic at a very prestigious school; my mother left school at 15 to be a nurse aide (she later became a nurse). She was one of 11 children, and much involved in their care. He was 12 years snr to my mother in age when they met, 33 to her 21. They met at church.

Here's the thing: they're ideally suited to each other. I have no problem acknowledging that my father secured himself someone who adored him, who kept the home, raised the babies and put up with his awful mother. however, and the vital part of this story, is that it's just.what.my.mother.wanted. Exactly what she wanted. She had her 7 children; she got to stay home with them (though unlike Mere she did do some casual nursing on the side, initially just to maintain her certificate, but later - when the kids were adult - because she enjoyed it). She was in charge of the house - totally her domain (at least once her MIL passed).

They've raised their seven kids to adulthood. My father has had an absurdly successful career. My mother continues to keep a beautiful home. They find extraordinary joy in each other. Seriously. They make each other deliriously happy.

Even if my father had chosen my mother because her education level and so on, there were others where my mother ran rings around him (emotional intelligence, for example). He never, ever treated her as less than him.

I remember saying to him once that I was struggling to find someone because I wanted someone "intelligent" and he almost flipped his lid - pointing out quite rightly that someone with comparable life objectives and values is a far, far better companion than some "equal" to you, but on a slightly different path. FWIW: I took his advice on board, and married someone with about 15 years less education and significantly less earning capacity than I have. It's worked out wonderfully.

Anyway. None of this may apply to S and M. But it gets on my goat that its "weird" that people marry outside their educational bracket. Is it "weird" that people marry across class, or into different cultures? No. Education level (should be) no damn different. Uneducated =/= ignorant or unintelligent.

And why on earth do you think M would be delighted S is away half the year? My mother hated it when my dad went away. Counted each day till he came back. And she was *always* the uneducated one.

Mind you - she reserves a special place in hell for the spouses of other snr academics who treated her scornfully or disdainfully, especially when she was young and just married.

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