Second Chance Adoptions

[popcorn_luv]

56 minutes ago, Toothfairy said:

You can email for more information. They give out reports and everything. Ever said she has RAD. Bullshit. They had her since a week old. Adopted her at 13 months. Her birth name was changed. The only reason why they went through Second chance is because they don't want to be charged with abandonment. Second chance isn't that good either. The woman who runs the program is an adoptive parent. I agree it's much better to give up an adopted child than have them suffer. Still doesn't make it right. There's no excuse 

That doesn't make sense.  If you agree it better to release a child so they should not suffer how does that not make it right?  

And the excuse? The excuse is the alternative is the child continues to suffer and misses out on a lifetime of love and connection.

The very sad truth is once a child is being advertised on the Second Chance FB page, they have already suffered enough from lack of connection and lack of family and home that is able to provide them with what they need.  Who cares if the parents suck at that point because nothing anyone says to them will make a difference and will chance things for the child.

The problem doesn't lie with Second Chance. The problem lies with adoption agencies who do not turn away parents who have 5, 10, 15+ children already in the home and claim they must add another child or two because "God called them" and usually they insist they can manage a child with serious special needs. And if the adoption is international, while they are making the trip, they should make it worth their while and bring home 2.  Until the agencies start much more rigorous vetting and use common sense,  (sorry but no a mom with 10 special needs kids who is home schooling all of them and blogging and instagramming her whole life  doesn't have enough time for a new child who needs compassion and connection to make a bond)

[laPapessaGiovanna]

56 minutes ago, popcorn_luv said:

That doesn't make sense.  If you agree it better to release a child so they should not suffer how does that not make it right?  

And the excuse? The excuse is the alternative is the child continues to suffer and misses out on a lifetime of love and connection.

The very sad truth is once a child is being advertised on the Second Chance FB page, they have already suffered enough from lack of connection and lack of family and home that is able to provide them with what they need.  

Sorry but rehoming a child doesn't solve this. The child will bear the scar of another abandonment, of another rejection and will have to mourn the loss of the family she called hers for 7 years. Even if they were shitty parents, they are the only ones she ever knew. Leaving for another family won't erase the abandonment nor will be as easy as Second Cjance make it look like.

And Second Chance IS part of the problem because everyone who doesn't keep the wellbeing of the child as the top priority is part of the problem. Their description of the child is rosy coloured and unreal (not to mention advertising the pup I mean the child in a public Facebook post). In this way they may attract people who are woefully unprepared to meet the needs of a child that at best is a just child with a child's needs plus whatever issue arising from being abandoned by her family of 7yrs, but at worst is a child with special needs plus the issues arising from the abandonments. How do they make sure that the Christian couples interested aren't psychos? Do they offer courses, counselling, support in any form? And don't tell me this is acting in the best interest of the child! How are they any better of the agencies that supposedly didn't thoroughly vet the first adoptive parents?

Personally I think that managing situations like this shouldn't be left to privates without any form of accountability. Maybe my country exaggerates on the other side as every adoption must be decided by a court and "rehoming" must go through court too. This process is long and expensive but it tends to weed out the wackos and people who aren't really suited. I do think there should be a middle ground between the excessive bureaucracy and the free-for-all quasi-child-trafficking.

[Toothfairy]

@popcorn_luv the child might be abused or killed. That's why. I don't agree with rehoming. It's also bs you're not prepared. I'm a foster and adoptive parent. I took courses and read books to help further my knowledge.These adoptive parents expect perfect kids. Especially infants. A child adopted at birth can't have RAD. RAD is a rare serious attachment disorder. All I see in rehoming cases is blaming the child instead of blaming the adoptive parents poor or lack of parenting

Yes there are kids who need a higher level of care. But that's still no excuse to rehome. You can sigh your child over to the state but adoptive parents would rather go underground because CPS will make them pay child support and charge them with abandonment 

[Jess]

I think all adoptions should have to go through the state system. Including international and infant adoption, but especially those adopted from foster care. There are to many sketchy private agencies. If you want to get rid of a child who you have had since birth you should be charged with abandonment and forced to pay child support.

Most dog rescues require you to return the dog to them before allowing anyone else to adopt but somehow states haven't passed laws to protect former foster youth and it's appalling. 

[Aine]

On 8/25/2017 at 5:28 PM, popcorn_luv said:

That doesn't make sense.  If you agree it better to release a child so they should not suffer how does that not make it right?  

And the excuse? The excuse is the alternative is the child continues to suffer and misses out on a lifetime of love and connection.

The very sad truth is once a child is being advertised on the Second Chance FB page, they have already suffered enough from lack of connection and lack of family and home that is able to provide them with what they need.  Who cares if the parents suck at that point because nothing anyone says to them will make a difference and will chance things for the child.

The problem doesn't lie with Second Chance. The problem lies with adoption agencies who do not turn away parents who have 5, 10, 15+ children already in the home and claim they must add another child or two because "God called them" and usually they insist they can manage a child with serious special needs. And if the adoption is international, while they are making the trip, they should make it worth their while and bring home 2.  Until the agencies start much more rigorous vetting and use common sense,  (sorry but no a mom with 10 special needs kids who is home schooling all of them and blogging and instagramming her whole life  doesn't have enough time for a new child who needs compassion and connection to make a bond)

The problem DOES lie with Second Chance. There are legal ways to give up your child- because your adopted child is YOUR child. You're going to look like an uncommitted person and like a bad person, because honestly you are. In very few circumstances (i.e. *maybe* significant danger to you and/or other children) would abandoning your 7-year-old ever be socially acceptable. However you should go through these official channels if you're going to traumatize your child like that because at least proper checks and balances might be put on you and the adoptive "parents" may be barred from adopting again. It's better than being advertised like a dog on Facebook.

[chaotic life]

Second Chance adoptions IS the legal option.

If you try to surrender a child to the state, then you will face child abandonment charges. Most rehome children through an informal network. Second Chances is a licensed adoption agency that vets adoptive families and facilitates a legal transfer of custody with background investigations done on potential placements and ICPC processed when crossing state lines.

That they advertise on Facebook is distasteful but not illegal. Most agencies these days keep their biographical files under password protections and only allow adoptive couples access after they have confirmed their vetting checks out. But some do still put them out to the public, and one could argue that those who are more likely to adopt from a disruption scenario are not likely to set up with an agency and then identify a child but going to pursue a specific child they feel drawn to outright.

[Toothfairy]

@chaotic life second chance is in Utah. They have lax laws. Anyone can get the child's information if you email them. I know the child's full story. It's sad. Another thing that bothers me is the adoptive parents who don't want the child chooses the next family. In foster care it doesn't work like that. 

[chaotic life]

I totally and completely agree with you on all points. But I have had a kid dumped on my doorstep and while *I* know I was safe, the family who did it definitely did not know that, and it was perfectly legal until the point they threatened to take him back and there were abuse concerns and thus the state intervened. Second Chances is better than the cross state lines trafficking of adoptees that still occurs legally in this country. And actually, birth parents who voluntarily surrender in foster care situations do have some say about the placement of their children, not total but some.

[Kailash]

I think that adoptive parents should absolutely be forced to pay child support if they want to "rehome" a child. I would hope that having to be financially responsible for the child until age 18 no matter what would cause these people to think twice before adopting. 

[chaotic life]

And I really should never look at their listings. I can tell myself they are the safer, legal option compared to what I KNOW happens to rehomed kids but those listing always piss me off. Too many years walking this path and I can read between the lines WAY too well. Lots of misunderstood PTSD, one who completely negates the ESL complication and one with Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome which is also called abdominal migraines and comes both with a high rate of trauma and disbelief towards sufferers of it AND lots of additional neurological symptoms that that poor baby is likely completely incapable of articulating. I used to treat patients with it and grown adults with it had doctors who had to be protective and monitor healthcare because of what an episode would do to them and how hard it was for them to articulate all of the suffering and other symptoms. They always had standing treatment orders they could initiate themselves and more than one coworker was forced into education for how they treated those patients.

[Kailash]

It's so sad that these kids are likely suffering from very treatable issues that are NOT being treated correctly, if at all. My heart breaks for them. Every single one of them need an advocate to help them find homes, and to help them integrate into the new family. And then they need continued advocacy while treating any physical or emotional problems they have. 

[chaotic life]

As much as I am unfond of the foster care system in this nation, it ought to be required that even private and international adoptive families can access post-adoption services and that surrendering a child to the state to find a home would not mean an automatic child abandonment charge. If those things happened, you could stop the underground rehoming, Second Chance AND at least ensure a better chance at safety for these kids.

[nomoxian]

I understand the reasoning behind making parents pay child support if they give up their kids, but I worry that it could result in children being kept in homes that are neglectful or abusive because the parents don't want to pay up, or the parents might make an "accident" happen.

[Kailash]

@nomoxian I thought about that too. I wish there was something severe enough to make these people really think twice and examine themselves before they ever pursue an adoption in the first place.

[Toothfairy]

On 9/4/2017 at 1:03 AM, chaotic life said:

As much as I am unfond of the foster care system in this nation, it ought to be required that even private and international adoptive families can access post-adoption services and that surrendering a child to the state to find a home would not mean an automatic child abandonment charge. If those things happened, you could stop the underground rehoming, Second Chance AND at least ensure a better chance at safety for these kids.

What I don't like is adoptive parents are seen as better. When a birth parent gets rid of a child they are forced to pay child support or are charged with abandonment. Adoptive parents are the legal parents. They're suppose to treat the child as a birth child. Post adoption services are usually for foster care adoptions for older kids and teens. People who adopt internationally or a baby think the child won't have trauma or love is enough. There's many resources out there to help.  I think anyone who wants to adopt a baby or an older kid or teen should be required to take classes on trauma. 

[FundieFarmer]

[mention=13311]nomoxian[/mention] I thought about that too. I wish there was something severe enough to make these people really think twice and examine themselves before they ever pursue an adoption in the first place.

But the problem isn't with the parents, Kailash! It's with the children. *gag*

[Terrie]

My problem with programs like this is that they allow the perpetuation of the "rescue adoption" mentality. That mentality is directly plays into the issue of families who take in too many kids, families who never research thecommon  issues these kids may have (the number of so-called "RAD" kids who shows symptoms of FASDs or PTSD is painful) or ones who ignore best practices for treatment in favor of "biblical" methods. 

[Toothfairy]

Btw if you adopt from fostwe care you get a subsidy subsidy if the child has special needs. Over 90 percent get a subsidy. It can between $200-$2000 depending on the child's issues and age. However when rehoming happens adoptive parents still collect the checks. https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-adoption-systems-lost-children

 

https://m.theepochtimes.com/adopted-children-left-homeless-while-parents-still-get-money-to-care-for-them_1939505.html

 

[Terrie]

On 9/2/2017 at 12:34 PM, Toothfairy said:

@chaotic life second chance is in Utah. They have lax laws. Anyone can get the child's information if you email them. I know the child's full story. It's sad. Another thing that bothers me is the adoptive parents who don't want the child chooses the next family. In foster care it doesn't work like that. 

Do they do any verification on if you have a homestudy, or do they give you all the info and then only worry about the homestudy if you are actually going to adopt? I'm also confused on why state homestudies might not work. Is there something different about private homestudies? Are they looking for something specific that isn't covered in all state homestudies?

[chaotic life]

Do they do any verification on if you have a homestudy, or do they give you all the info and then only worry about the homestudy if you are actually going to adopt? I'm also confused on why state homestudies might not work. Is there something different about private homestudies? Are they looking for something specific that isn't covered in all state homestudies?

I honestly cannot tell you that answer. There are some states which will not allow you to use state homestudies for private adoption. And as far as I know all state homestudies require training hours on the issues related to fostering and adoption. It might be something related to Utah laws or ICPC, though I cannot imagine what that would be. I've done private and state homestudies in the past and there was very little difference in the two.

[Toothfairy]

20 month old rehomed.