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Second Chance Adoptions


iheartchacos

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35 minutes ago, Toothfairy said:

7 year old adopted at birth now being rehomed because apparently adoptive parents have 2 biological children. 

You may have forgotten to add a link :) 

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So much WTF!

Is this even legal? How on earth is it possible to dump a child that is legally yours since birth as much as a bio child (and apparently for no reason at all)?

Such people should never be permitted to adopt in the first place. And "rehoming" shouldn't be without consequences for them.

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I'm just catching up on this topic from the beginning as I missed it first time round.

This sickens me. I'm an adoptee in the UK and I can't even begin to imagine a situation in which an adopted child could just be 'rehomed' by their parents. My parents became my mother and father the moment I arrived in their house at 8 weeks old - the adoption became official 4 months later. In every conceivable way we were a family along with my adopted brother who arrived 2 years later. I just.... am speechless at the idea that anyone could look at their adopted child (with emphasis on the bolded) and think 'we can't cope now, they'll have to go and live with someone else'.

My heart is breaking for these children. :tw_cry:

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"Needs to be the youngest" is a huge red flag to me.  It tends to mean that the child is an abuser of some sort, whether it is physical or sexual.   I worked with a family who was looking into domestic foster care adoption, and you would be amazed at what some of those phrases cover up.  It's not fair to a child or potential family.

 

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Damn! I could say the same thing if I wanted someone to adopt my lovely cat : "Misfit is 2 years old and she is a lovely girl. She loves eating tuna and drinking milk. She is really athletic and loves to play with other children. She adores cuddles and kisses, she is really affectionate. Her favorite thing in the world is jumping on people. Sadly, we can't keep her because we have our OWN children now so we don't need her anymore"  Like WTF ?

I don't even want to know how they explain to children that their adoptive parents don't want them anymore. Arghh!

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3 minutes ago, LaParisienne said:

Damn! I could say the same thing if I wanted someone to adopt my lovely cat : "Misfit is 2 years old and she is a lovely girl. She loves eating tuna and drinking milk. She is really athletic and loves to play with other children. She adores cuddles and kisses, she is really affectionate. Her favorite thing in the world is jumping on people. Sadly, we can't keep her because we have our OWN children now so we don't need her anymore"  Like WTF ?

I don't even want to know how they explain to children that their adoptive parents don't want them anymore. Arghh!

I agree. It's horrible for the children, and those "parents" should be ashamed of themselves. This is a truly awful situation, if you force the "parents" to keep the child, the kid might suffer from abuse, and would be better off in a new family. But still, those people should be ashamed of themselves.

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I struggle to understand when people give up their pets, let alone their children. I'm and adoptee, and cannot imagine being taken away from my family and all I ever knew at 7 years old. That would've most likely damaged me for the rest of my life. How can you trust adults again after that? My heart breaks for the these kids. How can you raise a child for years and mentally separate them from your bio kids and love them differently? Disgusting 

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I find this really upsetting.

I know full well that sometimes a child can't safely remain in the family home. (I work at a group home that cares for that type of child, with the goal to transition them back home if possible but sometimes the only option is for them to go on to another living situation.) Sometimes there just isn't anything the parent can do to protect their whole family, including that child, other than temporary or permanent out-of-home placement.

This website is still not okay to me, though. There are proper channels, and advertising them on the internet like used appliances is not that channel. These kids are human beings, and this website dehumanizes them by publishing a massive amount of personal information violating their privacy. This information should not be publicly visible. At the same time, this sort of breezy cheerful description downplays their issues of concern to try to get families to feel attached to them without any idea of what issues they'll be taking on if they adopt, and that's not fair to the child either because they deserve a fully prepared caregiver.

I have sympathy for families at the end of their rope, but I don't see this as an appropriate means of seeking help.

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I've been following this page for over a year. But now...I'm adopting an older child from foster care. I look at him and all the trauma and moves he's been through...and I can't imagine abandoning him. It would be horrific for him; he trusts me to be there and keep him safe. If he someday becomes unsafe in my home, I'd hope Id move heaven and earth to do what's best and never abandon him. The scenario plays in my head constantly.

I guess this is better than the families in the Rutgers article who just handed children over to whomever emailed first.

http://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1

The Child Exchange

We desperately need more resources for mentally ill children. That's for sure.

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9 hours ago, Inthemadhouse said:

"Needs to be the youngest" is a huge red flag to me.  It tends to mean that the child is an abuser of some sort, whether it is physical or sexual.   I worked with a family who was looking into domestic foster care adoption, and you would be amazed at what some of those phrases cover up.  It's not fair to a child or potential family.

 

Sometimes it's hard to believe that these kids must be youngest. Yes sometimes it might mean sexually acting out but it might also mean lots of attention. However the reason why I say this is bs is because the woman who places these kids is apparently an adoptive parent herself. Not a licensed professional. She thinks all rehomed kids should be the youngest. The other problem I have is that anyone can get information about these kids. In a regular real legit adoption especially via foster care all families must be home studied and licensed. But on the Facebook page, people can tag their friends or others and get information. 

 

And I recently read this. Poor Anna. That child has only been adopted for a year. I think some of these adoptive families are bullshitting. They want kids to be grateful. They want dream kids. They want babies and unfortunately babies via foster care might come with older siblings. So they adopt the sibling group then get rid of the older ones to keep the younger ones. Sick and sad. Of course she wants to be babied. She's 7. She's probably regressing. 

Screenshot_2016-04-15-23-02-42-1.png

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What the holy fuck is this? Some of these children have been with the parents since birth? I cannot imagine the trauma associated with this experience. I was naive in believing second chance adoptions happened within the first year, and usually with an older or international child. Doesn't seem to be the case at all. 

Oh, and I didn't even see that Anna has two siblings staying with the family! So these people are separating her from her biological family. Which, btw, was probably a condition of them adopting in the first place! Just gross. This people should have their children taken away and their adoption and reproductive rights stripped. 

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This truly sickens me on so many levels. I've been reading the stories for years now. However, I come at this as a woman who loves children. I coached gymnastics up until last year, and I taught for years. I LOVE KIDS.

I can't have my own. I've lost two, one miscarriage and a tubal pregnancy. My ex and I were not actively trying, but we did nothing to prevent pregnancy. I was early more often than I was late in the time that we were together. I doubt that I can have kids.

I have ADHD, mild OCD and a severe Anxiety disorder. After the miscarriage, I suffered from severe depression, and at one point, tried to kill myself. Because of this, I will not be considered as a candidate for adoption, at least not without a partner. I will probably never have kids as a result.

These people make me angry. These children are PRECIOUS. The opportunity to give any child the tools they need to succeed in life is a GIFT, and it hurts my heart and soul to see people throwing it away. 

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I have got to stop coming into this thread. It breaks my heart too much.  These poor babies.

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They basically admitted they don't want "Anna" because she's black and the rest of the family is white. 

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On 4/15/2016 at 1:18 PM, Inthemadhouse said:

"Needs to be the youngest" is a huge red flag to me.  It tends to mean that the child is an abuser of some sort, whether it is physical or sexual.   I worked with a family who was looking into domestic foster care adoption, and you would be amazed at what some of those phrases cover up.  It's not fair to a child or potential family.

 

Eh....I write profiles for kids, and while there is a type of "code" and euphemisms often used, "must be youngest" isn't necessarily because a kid has a history of perpetrating. I have a kid on my caseload right now who has a history of sexual perpetration, and his profile doesn't say anything like that. And I did write that for some other kids that have zero history of perpetration.

And practices vary widely, of course, but IME those early profiles don't necessarily reveal a lot about a child's history or negative behavior. If a family inquires and seems like a decent match, then more background is shared with them/their case manager, and we go from there. I think it's best practice to focus on the child's strengths and positive qualities in recruitment profiles, and, like I said, share more if a family seems like they could be a good fit. It's important to be upfront and honest with a potential adoptive family, but it's not fair to the child to only focus on negatives or make sensitive information public.

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Oh wow, this is one of the saddest things I've heard.  Those poor children who probably already have attachment disorders, being moved around from pillar to post. 

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This "second adoption " thing is BS, and shame on the politicians for not doing more.

i work at job Corp. There was a situation with a student. He wasn't bad, definitely needed some help. Pray for his POS "adopted " mom if I ever cross her path......

my husband and I do foster parenting. Just assume the kid will need help, if not now then later and life and plan accordingly. 

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That is absolutely horrible. When you adopt a child, they become your own child just as much as a child who shares your DNA does. Your child is your child, and always will be. I would judge people who rehome their pet for some of the reasons they are giving.

When you adopt, especially with older kids, you need to expect that they will have some degree of special needs, especially attachment issues. Every child who is available for adoption has been through some difficult times-abused, neglected, losing their parents (and even kids who have been abused by their parents are sad about losing them), passed about to different foster carers, living in a neglectful orphanage in a country with more lax laws on child treatment. Its even more difficult for children who are adopted from a different country, as they have to get used to a new language and culture. Why would anyone go into this expecting their new child to instantly bond with them and fit in straight away, and have no issues at all over losing their parents or the trauma in their past?

I cant understand why anyone would give up their kid that easily. I can see in some circumstances having a child (bio or adopted) live somewhere else be appropriate, such as if the child's behaviour was putting other children in the family at risk-like if there was a child who was molesting their younger siblings, or was violent towards them in a way far beyond normal sibling fighting. Or if a child had mental health issues so severe that their behaviour just cannot be managed by their parents, especially if some of their behaviours are violent, sexual or dangerous. Even then, theyre still your child, whether they are at home, getting residential treatment somewhere (as long as it is somewhere good that isn't abusive), or living with another person who can handle their needs better or doesn't have small children at home. If they had a heart they would still see them as their child, and keep in contact and still be interested in their needs, instead of give them away to someone else and never see them again.

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I've gotten a few of the profiles. It's unimaginable. I've only had my kid 6 months and I can not imagine the trauma he'd experience being placed with a random family. He would be devastated.

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This is terrible. These so called "parents" were never educated on trauma and loss There are other options, odd how none mention the child/children have ongoing medical/therapy needs?!

Maybe they never read their Final Judgment of Adoption from the judge because they were "saving" a child. Here is what my son's adoption from foster care (Age 9), clearly is stating that he is to be treated like he was born to us and we are obligated to raise him as such. No Disruption, dissolution, rehome or second chance. 

Quote

The Final Judgement of Adoption creates a relationship between the child and Petitioners and all relatives of Petitions that would have existed if the child were a blood descendant of the Petitioners, born within wedlock, entitled to all the rights and privileges thereof, and subject to all obligations of a child being born to Petitioners.  

 

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Bonding and attaching doesn't happen instantly. These adoptive parents have unrealistic expectations. I still don't understand how you could adopt a child at birth, have bio kids then rehome them.

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