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Jana's future


MoonFace

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If she was one of Josh's victims, she may have felt culpable and not marriage material. Or the abuse could have been more than the other girls. Either way, it's a crying shame how her parents have wasted her life for her.

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If she was one of Josh's victims, she may have felt culpable and not marriage material. Or the abuse could have been more than the other girls. Either way, it's a crying shame how her parents have wasted her life for her.

Wow, I've never thought of that... but that is probably the best explanation I have heard

depressing as it is.

:text-imnewhere:

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JB and Michelle don't really count. They weren't FUNDIES at that point. They were bible thumping and what not, but they got married so that Michelle wouldn't move away. They then went on to use birth control for the first 4 years of their marriage.

I think it was also said they were on birth control because they couldn't afford Children.

They still can't (well not 19 of them anyway)...

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God forbid! She should be having grandkids at 30 and not just starting her own family. So much shame here...

Well yes there is a lot of shame in telling women they must be married before a certain age -- and it happens in every corner of the country and no matter your religious background. For example, I lived in Minneapolis as a 23 year old and everyone was aghast that I wasn't married (this was ~10 years ago for context). It's a real issue and I do feel really bad for Jana that she gets the 'old maid' attention.

That said, in Jana's case there is a much more real supply issue than for us regular folks (though the flip side is in religious circles there is a real concerted effort to help people of marrying age with matchmaking). For those of us who are introverts, that can be really helpful. So, I do think she will find someone if she wants to.

As for the whole Joshy thing I thought she wasn't one of the victims (Sorry, I know we're trying not to name them). If she was left out by Josh, it's natural for us to think 'oh she's fine!', but I could imagine feelings of guilt and shame in that situation as well.

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Realistically, she'll probably marry some guy in the ATI circuit. I have a gut feeling she's all Kool-aid out, even though she hasn't married yet. Jana probably naturally doesn't want a bus load of kids since she already raised a herd of them but other than that, she probably is still Quiverfull as ever. Hope it isn't a David Waller type because she deserves so much more than that! :(

The best scenario would be to marry into a fundie-lite family but even that is slim. She is giving her future daughter a break though by delaying how many kids she pops out(Jana is already a better mom than MEchelle...shocking). I know everyone wants to believe she'll leave and do a tell-all, but she seems very loyal towards her parents. Sadly, it's just our wishful thinking.

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Going out on a limb. Now that the cameras are gone (for now?) If Jana (and JD) were waiting for the spotlight to go away before courtship/marriage now would be a good time.

I don't think so. I think the Duggar parents would try to use that to get back in good graces with the media. Especially if Jana is the one courting.

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If she was one of Josh's victims, she may have felt culpable and not marriage material. Or the abuse could have been more than the other girls. Either way, it's a crying shame how her parents have wasted her life for her.

Unless she lied in the police report (which is possible, but I'm going to go with the assumption that she didn't until proven otherwise), Jana's been outed as the one who wasn't. There was one girl interviewed who was working towards her GED at the time of the interview and said she wasnt touched. Speculations originally flew as to whether that was Jill or Jana. When Jill came out as a victim, that left Jana as not being one.

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Could the Josh scandal put the brakes on the Duggar baby race?

With the gravy train gone. these girls are looking at abject poverty if have several children. The competition is over. Anna is done after this baby too, no doubt.

Good for Jana to resist blindly marrying some low-income guy.

Anyway, her anti-vainness, anti-selfie-ness makes her the smart one in my book.

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I was reading a local newspaper a few weeks ago, & I saw a picture of a woman who could be Jana's twin; she was holding a microphone in front of a NYS Assembly speaker. I took a pic of it & would love to post it (if that's allowed). What say you, Helpmeets?

I could see Jana do quiet, non-invasive interviews. She might be good @ that. I'm curious to see what she does after all the show shenanigans die down, though; hopefully something she truly enjoys.

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My wish is for Jana to be happy even if it's in a life with completely different values than mine. I may be projecting but she seems so unhappy, especially now that her younger sisters have gotten married and moved out and she's still stuck at home.

Ita that despite our fantasies none of the Duggar kids have made a dramatic break at age 18. It's hard to breakaway from years of conditioning on top of getting a subpar education that discourages critical thinking.

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I was reading a local newspaper a few weeks ago, & I saw a picture of a woman who could be Jana's twin; she was holding a microphone in front of a NYS Assembly speaker. I took a pic of it & would love to post it (if that's allowed). What say you, Helpmeets?

I could see Jana do quiet, non-invasive interviews. She might be good @ that. I'm curious to see what she does after all the show shenanigans die down, though; hopefully something she truly enjoys.

As it was printed in a public source (newspaper) I can't see a reason why not?

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I remember years ago on the Duggar website they made a point of saying Jana would go to college because she had some specific career ambitions. In fact they seemed to say Jana was the only one who would go to college because she was the one who wanted to.

Of course that was years ago. It's very easy to say your kids will go to college when college and a career are a long way off. It seems the closer the kids were to college age, the more their ambitions seemed to conveniently change. When the kids were still young the parents said, "Sure our kids will go to college if they want to," in order to silence their critics. As the kids grew older, their "Hell no!" stance reared its ugly head and soon the parents were speaking for the kids by saying that they are perfectly happy not going to college. "She doesn't want to be a nurse. She wants to be a midwife." Just like saying, "She doesn't want to live in a big city. She wants to live closer to Walmart."

I worry that the kids will NOT be better off with the show ending. The show opened up the family to critics and the Duggars were forced to respond to that criticism. They had to stop endorsing the Pearls. They modernized their wardrobe. They traveled. Without the show, they will have no exposure and the family will no longer have to answer to people like us. I think they run the risk of going back to the super-repressive mindset. They will also have less money, so it will be back to meager portions of TTC for the younger kids to feed their growing bodies. They will return to their homemade frumpers and secondhand shoes instead of their "modern modest" wear. I don't see the end of this show as being good for Jana at all. She'll be the next Sarah Maxwell.

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I remember years ago on the Duggar website they made a point of saying Jana would go to college because she had some specific career ambitions. In fact they seemed to say Jana was the only one who would go to college because she was the one who wanted to.

Of course that was years ago. It's very easy to say your kids will go to college when college and a career are a long way off. It seems the closer the kids were to college age, the more their ambitions seemed to conveniently change. When the kids were still young the parents said, "Sure our kids will go to college if they want to," in order to silence their critics. As the kids grew older, their "Hell no!" stance reared its ugly head and soon the parents were speaking for the kids by saying that they are perfectly happy not going to college. "She doesn't want to be a nurse. She wants to be a midwife." Just like saying, "She doesn't want to live in a big city. She wants to live closer to Walmart."

I worry that the kids will NOT be better off with the show ending. The show opened up the family to critics and the Duggars were forced to respond to that criticism. They had to stop endorsing the Pearls. They modernized their wardrobe. They traveled. Without the show, they will have no exposure and the family will no longer have to answer to people like us. I think they run the risk of going back to the super-repressive mindset. They will also have less money, so it will be back to meager portions of TTC for the younger kids to feed their growing bodies. They will return to their homemade frumpers and secondhand shoes instead of their "modern modest" wear. I don't see the end of this show as being good for Jana at all. She'll be the next Sarah Maxwell.

Same deal with when they were all teens they were asked would you want a buttload of kids, and they all maybe... very undecided.

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This is where I see Jana headed, too. In the normal world, 25 and unmarried is no big deal, but in the fundie world, she's probably pretty close to aging out of the first round of marriable men. These people get married in their teens, for crying out loud. Maybe she'll get married to a widower or something later. But, since she does seem to be the primary "caregiver", she's probably the one that everyone expects to stay with her parents as they age and help the others out as needed. She's already serving as a pinch-hitter babysitter for her siblings' kids, so that should keep her busy until JB and Michelle need actual care beyond maid service. And, once JB and Michelle are gone, Jana can just move in with one of her siblings and be live-in help, a la Grandma Mary.

Maybe she's really following the gothard teachings. These men are supposed to be self employed, and able to support a family, but an 19 year old boy doesn't really have the means to do that.

Maybe Jana gets that rushing into marriage for freedom from the Duggar home isn't the best idea, and she'd rather bide her time (and fertility).

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  • 4 weeks later...

Maybe she's really following the gothard teachings. These men are supposed to be self employed, and able to support a family, but an 19 year old boy doesn't really have the means to do that.

Maybe Jana gets that rushing into marriage for freedom from the Duggar home isn't the best idea, and she'd rather bide her time (and fertility).

People love speculating about why Jana is unmarried, but the Duggars rarely show their feelings or individualism in any way, so generally the speculation ends up being nothing more than our own fantasies put to paper (or screen, if you will).

Look at all the speculation before Jill and Derick were courting. Tons of people posted, "She's a midwife! Jill secretly wants to have a career and will go more mainstream Christian!" There was similar speculation with Jessa, pre-Bin... but so far, both women have seemed to follow the Gothard path pretty closely.

The odds are is that Jana hasn't found anyone well-suited yet, and in the next couple of years, she'll pair off with some dim young man with the yen to become a missionary, and produce a bumper crop of children. I really hope not, though...

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I remember years ago on the Duggar website they made a point of saying Jana would go to college because she had some specific career ambitions. In fact they seemed to say Jana was the only one who would go to college because she was the one who wanted to.

Of course that was years ago. It's very easy to say your kids will go to college when college and a career are a long way off. It seems the closer the kids were to college age, the more their ambitions seemed to conveniently change. When the kids were still young the parents said, "Sure our kids will go to college if they want to," in order to silence their critics. As the kids grew older, their "Hell no!" stance reared its ugly head and soon the parents were speaking for the kids by saying that they are perfectly happy not going to college. "She doesn't want to be a nurse. She wants to be a midwife." Just like saying, "She doesn't want to live in a big city. She wants to live closer to Walmart."

I worry that the kids will NOT be better off with the show ending. The show opened up the family to critics and the Duggars were forced to respond to that criticism. They had to stop endorsing the Pearls. They modernized their wardrobe. They traveled. Without the show, they will have no exposure and the family will no longer have to answer to people like us. I think they run the risk of going back to the super-repressive mindset. They will also have less money, so it will be back to meager portions of TTC for the younger kids to feed their growing bodies. They will return to their homemade frumpers and secondhand shoes instead of their "modern modest" wear. I don't see the end of this show as being good for Jana at all. She'll be the next Sarah Maxwell.

Oh, the critics aren't going anywhere, in fact there are more of them. People who were very much Leghumpers have crossed the line into critics because of the whole Josh thing. And since the Duggars INSIST on being in the media, despite being despised by the media right now, they're going to continue to face that criticism on a very regular basis. Especially in regards to how the girls are treated.

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Unless she lied in the police report (which is possible, but I'm going to go with the assumption that she didn't until proven otherwise), Jana's been outed as the one who wasn't. There was one girl interviewed who was working towards her GED at the time of the interview and said she wasnt touched. Speculations originally flew as to whether that was Jill or Jana. When Jill came out as a victim, that left Jana as not being one.

Funny--when I first came here, everyone was mourning that they hadn't believed Alice in 2007, since she turned out to be right on. . . .

Here's what Alice sez:

Alice Says:

May 24th, 2007 at 3:05 pm

People, trust me or not. I know this for a fact. God’s honest truth that the molestation happened. It happened to four of his 5 sisters. The oldest daughter was not touched.

ibiblio.org/bascha/blog/2006/03/21/gigantic-family-day-on-tlc/

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AND. . . .

As the eldest daughter (and child) in an LDS family who left, completely, at 21, it's hard to tell. My road out started at 11, and was never discussed by me with anyone in the family until I'd made the decision at 20. Mormons are not remotely as isolating as Gothardites, but they do a very good job of entertaining their kids within the church. Young Women's and Young Men's Mutual Improvement Associations in every ward keep the kids as busy as can be. Dances, drama, church work, classes. You have virtually NO friends who are not LDS. Leaving the church means you are starting from scratch. Had I not met in high school (seminary class. no less) another girl, who became my best friend and who was also on her way out, I don't know that I would have made it.

I'd worked since 12--babysitting, and working at my Dad's business, then, at 16, the kitchen at the LDS Hospital. At least I had no doubt I could support myself.

AND. . . .

Not every sister mother in that kind of situation thinks its an icky job. I loved it! The rewards are tremendous, and it's a helluva lot more fun than making 8 loaves of bread twice a week, or ironing all five brothers' shirts and pants and sunsuits, and two sisters' dresses. I was relieved of the bread and ironing when I headed off for college (lived at home). I will say that my upbringing left me feeling like a fully functioning and competent adult at the age of twenty-one.

That said, my mother never turned over her babies to me or anyone else. Both parents were activists in the community outside of church involvement. All of us were expected to go to college, and did. My Dad got his degree my freshman year, and his Masters my sophomore year. When he died at 55, my mother started college the next year, and got her degree four years later. For two people who were very badly parented, I never saw anyone work harder at learning to be good parents than my mother and father.

Jana's going to do what she will, and may yet surprise us all, lol! We'll just have to wait and see.

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Funny--when I first came here, everyone was mourning that they hadn't believed Alice in 2007, since she turned out to be right on. . . .

Here's what Alice sez:

http://www.ibiblio.org/bascha/blog/2006 ... ay-on-tlc/

It's true that she said that, but people were still having arguments (and you can go back and see ALL OF THEM on here if you want) based on the report up until it was absolutely confirmed with the announcement of Jill as a victim.

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It's true that she said that, but people were still having arguments (and you can go back and see ALL OF THEM on here if you want) based on the report up until it was absolutely confirmed with the announcement of Jill as a victim.

Oh, yes, I do know, and have read most of 'em. This is the fourth or fifth time I've quoted Alice, on that, or another subject.

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AND. . . .

As the eldest daughter (and child) in an LDS family who left, completely, at 21, it's hard to tell. My road out started at 11, and was never discussed by me with anyone in the family until I'd made the decision at 20. Mormons are not remotely as isolating as Gothardites, but they do a very good job of entertaining their kids within the church. Young Women's and Young Men's Mutual Improvement Associations in every ward keep the kids as busy as can be. Dances, drama, church work, classes. You have virtually NO friends who are not LDS. Leaving the church means you are starting from scratch. Had I not met in high school (seminary class. no less) another girl, who became my best friend and who was also on her way out, I don't know that I would have made it.

I'd worked since 12--babysitting, and working at my Dad's business, then, at 16, the kitchen at the LDS Hospital. At least I had no doubt I could support myself.

AND. . . .

Not every sister mother in that kind of situation thinks its an icky job. I loved it! The rewards are tremendous, and it's a helluva lot more fun than making 8 loaves of bread twice a week, or ironing all five brothers' shirts and pants and sunsuits, and two sisters' dresses. I was relieved of the bread and ironing when I headed off for college (lived at home). I will say that my upbringing left me feeling like a fully functioning and competent adult at the age of twenty-one.

That said, my mother never turned over her babies to me or anyone else. Both parents were activists in the community outside of church involvement. All of us were expected to go to college, and did. My Dad got his degree my freshman year, and his Masters my sophomore year. When he died at 55, my mother started college the next year, and got her degree four years later. For two people who were very badly parented, I never saw anyone work harder at learning to be good parents than my mother and father.

Jana's going to do what she will, and may yet surprise us all, lol! We'll just have to wait and see.

That's beautiful :) I'm sorry about the loss of your dad. Your parents sound like intelligent, well-meaning people. Sometimes it's the sincere, tenderhearted people who get pulled into fundamentalism's clutches.

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I think she's got it easier now than she would be if she got married. Between marrying and leaving, or not marrying and staying home, this might be her preference simply because it means no more babies to raise for a while.

Who knows what opportunities she has to leave. If there's no money in her name, her choices could be leave and be homeless (and cut off from the family), or stay. For an uneducated woman, there aren't as many opportunities.

I think all the feasible choices she has are probably pretty crappy, and so it's picking the least crappy of them.

And lets not forget she has lived in daily contact with her family. I can imagine Jana's probably disillusioned about romance from her day-to-day life around her own male relatives.

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I think the people who are all doom-and-gloom-Jana-is-too-old-to-marry-as-a-fundie are just kidding themselves. While there is a chance she won't get married, as some others I think chances of her being married before she turns 30 (or actually 28) are significantly greater. You have to keep in mind many fundies do in fact get married in their mid-20's, and that these people genuinely believe they are waiting for THE ONE god intends for them. While a lot of them do get married in their early 20's (or teens) others don't believe they find the one god intends for them then and do in fact wait till their mid-20's.

If she does in fact make it to 29 or 30 with no courtship, I will eat my words and agree that marriage is not super likely (though even then there are always widowers as others have pointed out, and widowers and widows in the fundie world do VERY often marry again, so that possibility in fact would always theoretically be open to her). But until then I will persist in thinking she is going to be paired off just like everyone else, and most likely in the next year or so.

In the meantime, for every year she's managed to delay marriage, she's managed to avoid popping out an additional kid, and this is the closest she'll probably ever get to controlling her family size. I think good for her (though admittedly this might be very far from her intention).

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I don't think anything much will change for any of the kids at home. The boys will still manage rental properties and tow cars. The girls will homeschool the others and do the housework. Jim-Bob has enough money to keep going and then some. Josh will likely have a hard time, but the rest? They will get on with life. Many of the kids may be glad to be off screen. I've no doubt there will be "specials" on tv somewhere.

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