Grandma Mary

[MyMilkshake]

On 7/7/2016 at 3:19 PM, CoveredInBees said:

Indeed. We have very little contact with an older family member, it is not a situation that we have arrived at without serious thought nor is it something we would wish on anyone else.

 

This, so much.
I wish more people would realize that the decision to cut contact is rarely something done flippantly. It's often done after much thought, many second chances, and a lot of heartache and agonizing over it.

[MyMilkshake]

15 hours ago, RosyDaisy said:

My post has hit a nerve, and I'm sorry. I really need to think before I post. Anybody have a tool I borrow to remove my head from my ass?

 You're speaking of your own experience, and your own opinion and thoughts. Nothing wrong with that.

[SilverBeach]

A post I made in a different thread that is relevant to the elder care discussion here. I hope some of you find it useful.

[EmCatlyn]

On July 6, 2016 at 10:49 AM, RosyDaisy said:

I was raised to believe that family comes first. I will never, ever disown my family or a family member. Same goes for my husband's family.

 

15 hours ago, RosyDaisy said:

My post has hit a nerve, and I'm sorry. I really need to think before I post. Anybody have a tool I borrow to remove my head from my ass?

I agree with those who say that you spoke from your own experience and feelings and have nothing to feel bad about. And I agree also that you have been very gracious in apologizing for "hitting a nerve."  Bravo!

The "nerve" that you hit is that some people have families or family members that not only don't deserve that kind of loyalty but who sometimes abuse that kind of loyalty.  

The Duggar daughters who have been manipulated into pretending they were not really victimized are among those who have been taught to "put family first" against the world.

 

There are many situations where "family first" makes sense and is a healthy attitude, suggestive of close personal bonds and a sense of kinship.  There are less healthy manifestations of "family first" such as a mother who is so determined her son should never leave her that she has an anxiety attack that mimics a heart attack every time he indicates he is getting close to a girl, and/or who is cruel and unkind to her daughter in law to the point that the son is forced to choose.  The son should not be expected to put his mother first in a case like that.

Most of the cases of "justified breaks with family" that we have been sharing here are cases where family isn't behaving like family but demanding to be treated like family.  Clearly you were not thinking of "family first" in this context.

 

[EmainMacha]

On Wednesday, July 06, 2016 at 0:58 AM, albanuadh_1 said:

Physio  team was in today and had Mum sitting up and standing for a little bit.

Great to hear it's going well with your mum's recovery @albanuadh_1. She should be seen by Occupational therapy too before there's any discharge duscussions to assess in case she needs any aids or adaptations.

[ksgranola1]

About Grandma Mary...we were talking about her at some point, weren't we? I thinkit was the 1st ep of Counting on...there was a cluster  of Duggars at the TTh talking and Mary stuck her head out from behind and when she saw the camera, she ducked back behind the group. I wonder if she has washed her hands of the filming b/c of the Josh fuckery & chose to move out so she would not be involved. Altho deep in my heart I feel she just wanted to keep Dianna company. I went to stay w/my daughter after her divorce so she wouldn't be alone.

[theinvisiblegirl]

I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind words they shared upthread with me when I posted about my grandmother. She had an operation on Saturday and, unfortunately, died on Tuesday due to complications that happened after the operation, not from the operation itself (it was only elbow surgery). So the caregiving part has come to an unexpected end, and now we're just trying to figure out where we go from here.

[SilverBeach]

@theinvisiblegirl, please accept my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your grandmother. Take good care of yourself as you figure out a new normal. It will take time, as the void is real. Sending a virtual hug if you will accept it.

[Bad Wolf]

@theinvisiblegirl. sending you hugs. 

[EmCatlyn]

12 minutes ago, theinvisiblegirl said:

I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind words they shared upthread with me when I posted about my grandmother. She had an operation on Saturday and, unfortunately, died on Tuesday due to complications that happened after the operation, not from the operation itself (it was only elbow surgery). So the caregiving part has come to an unexpected end, and now we're just trying to figure out where we go from here.

So sorry about your loss!  My husband's mother passed away in the same way, from complications from a surgery that in itself wasn't a big deal.  Older people can be vary fragile.

It will feel strange not to have her in your lives, but she will always be in your memories.

[Percy]

I am sorry for your loss.  

[bashfulpixie]

@theinvisiblegirl  It's never easy.  I'm so sorry for your loss, for what it's worth

[mango_fandango]

My condolences @theinvisiblegirl. 

[2manyKidzzz]

@theinvisiblegirl So sorry for your loss.

[JesSky03]

10 hours ago, theinvisiblegirl said:

I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind words they shared upthread with me when I posted about my grandmother. She had an operation on Saturday and, unfortunately, died on Tuesday due to complications that happened after the operation, not from the operation itself (it was only elbow surgery). So the caregiving part has come to an unexpected end, and now we're just trying to figure out where we go from here.

My sympathies to you and your family @theinvisiblegirl

[DutchGirl]

@theinvisiblegirl So sorry for your loss.

[MarblesMom]

@theinvisiblegirl sorry to hear about your loss.  Hugs to you.  May she be at peace.

[pamplemousse]

11 hours ago, theinvisiblegirl said:

I just wanted to thank everyone for the kind words they shared upthread with me when I posted about my grandmother. She had an operation on Saturday and, unfortunately, died on Tuesday due to complications that happened after the operation, not from the operation itself (it was only elbow surgery). So the caregiving part has come to an unexpected end, and now we're just trying to figure out where we go from here.

I'm so sorry about your grandmother. Unexpected loss does seem to hit harder. Hugs to you and your family.

[CorruptionInc.]

Sorry to hear of this @theinvisiblegirl - many hugs and love to your family at this time. 

[xlurker]

Just catching up on this thread, and getting back to what we want for our remains.  I choose to be diamonds   Yes, it's a real thing...I want to be one for each of my kids.