Grandma Mary

[Mama Mia]

My grandma was the same way, but it didn't stop us from requiring her to use the wheelchair unless she was going to stay seated at the table or she was moving to her lift chair. Safety comes above all else, especially when you're dealing with someone who is already sick or injured.

Wow. You " required" her? How caring and insightful.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

Wow. You " required" her? How caring and insightful.

Yes. We made a LOT of concessions during that time period, but you don't make concessions about safety. When she was starting to stand again, and had better control when she was sitting, we let her do things her own way because safety wasn't as much of a concern at that point. But when she was so limited in her ability to move on her own that it was required she be sitting at all points of the day, you bet your ass we required her to be SAFE. And don't you dare go acting like you're somehow better than me because you "care about people's feelings." I cared about my grandmother's feelings. It deeply hurt me to watch her ALL DAY, EVERY DAY as she struggled with the healing process, as she broke down emotionally and mentally because of the medications she was on, etc. But, her safety, making sure that she was properly healing and didn't further hurt herself, etc was VASTLY more important than an issue of pride.

[LynnGrey]

Does anyone know why or when Mary moved out of the house? I only just learned this when I was visiting in-laws in Springdale, AR, who said they live next door to her, and that the house she's living in is owned by Jim Bob's sister.

Apparently some of my in-laws are on good terms with the Duggars, even related to them and invited to their events.

[Coconut Flan]

I think it was around the time his sister and her husband decided to divorce.  Grandma's name is on that house too unless it was changed in the last few months. 

[theinvisiblegirl]

22 minutes ago, LynnGrey said:

Does anyone know why or when Mary moved out of the house? I only just learned this when I was visiting in-laws in Springdale, AR, who said they live next door to her, and that the house she's living in is owned by Jim Bob's sister.

Apparently some of my in-laws are on good terms with the Duggars, even related to them and invited to their events.

Just for funsies - if you were visiting with the in-laws that are on good terms with them, and there was a big TTH event planned that said in-laws were invited to that very day, and the Duggars had no problems with a complete stranger coming to their house* and thought it would be nice to fellowship with even more people, would you go just for the potential snark purposes?

*I feel like, with all the people that are in and out of that house, stranger danger may not be very high on their list of concerns. I think, if they trust the certain in-laws, they might be cool with getting a chance to know/indoctrinate a complete stranger within the confines of their own home.

[LynnGrey]

7 minutes ago, theinvisiblegirl said:

Just for funsies - if you were visiting with the in-laws that are on good terms with them, and there was a big TTH event planned that said in-laws were invited to that very day, and the Duggars had no problems with a complete stranger coming to their house* and thought it would be nice to fellowship with even more people, would you go just for the potential snark purposes?

*I feel like, with all the people that are in and out of that house, stranger danger may not be very high on their list of concerns. I think, if they trust the certain in-laws, they might be cool with getting a chance to know/indoctrinate a complete stranger within the confines of their own home.

I asked myself that same question while I was there, because I drove by the TTH for fun and saw that they were setting up big tents with tables for some kind of event. I think I would go out of curiosity if the occasion arose, but I doubt it would, with how infrequently we will probably be able to visit out there. My husband's cousin (the one who's related to them) gets invited to most of their events but only attends the ones where they are not filming because she doesn't want to be on TV. I was told you can see them in the crowd at Jill's wedding, though.

[ksgranola1]

I'll bet they're filming for a wedding shower or some such for Jinger. If they didn't invite so many damn people, they could have a nice home wedding.

[Ungodly Grandma]

On 6/13/2015 at 11:53 AM, littlesparklingflame said:

There were piles of dirty clothes in the girls' room, some random stuff here and there...Which by the way made me think: why do these people not collect dirty clothes somewhere instead of leaving them messily around waiting for a kid to collect them?

Can you imagine, it seems that makes for a storyline!

[Grimalkin]

On July 18, 2015 at 9:03 AM, DuggarsTheEndIsNear said:

Yes. We made a LOT of concessions during that time period, but you don't make concessions about safety. When she was starting to stand again, and had better control when she was sitting, we let her do things her own way because safety wasn't as much of a concern at that point. But when she was so limited in her ability to move on her own that it was required she be sitting at all points of the day, you bet your ass we required her to be SAFE. And don't you dare go acting like you're somehow better than me because you "care about people's feelings." I cared about my grandmother's feelings. It deeply hurt me to watch her ALL DAY, EVERY DAY as she struggled with the healing process, as she broke down emotionally and mentally because of the medications she was on, etc. But, her safety, making sure that she was properly healing and didn't further hurt herself, etc was VASTLY more important than an issue of pride.

        I require my mom to use her cane her doctor says she needs. She hates it and makes passive aggressive comments whenever I take her out. I finally made a stand after seeing her stumble a few times. Without her cane she shuffles her feet. When she hits a crack or uneven surface she stumbles and cannot study herself. She also broke her nose last year falling. Her next fall could change her life forever.

[theinvisiblegirl]

22 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

        I require my mom to use her cane her doctor says she needs. She hates it and makes passive aggressive comments whenever I take her out. I finally made a stand after seeing her stumble a few times. Without her cane she shuffles her feet. When she hits a crack or uneven surface she stumbles and cannot study herself. She also broke her nose last year falling. Her next fall could change her life forever.

I'm surprised you were successful in getting your mother to use the cane, especially if she hates it so much. My grandmother is supposed to use at least a cane but preferably a walker, and she refuses. She's fallen so many times in her own home, yet she refuses to use the cane or the walker at home OR when she's out... She's a very stubborn woman.

[Slt]

On July 18, 2015 at 10:03 AM, DuggarsTheEndIsNear said:

Yes. We made a LOT of concessions during that time period, but you don't make concessions about safety. When she was starting to stand again, and had better control when she was sitting, we let her do things her own way because safety wasn't as much of a concern at that point. But when she was so limited in her ability to move on her own that it was required she be sitting at all points of the day, you bet your ass we required her to be SAFE. And don't you dare go acting like you're somehow better than me because you "care about people's feelings." I cared about my grandmother's feelings. It deeply hurt me to watch her ALL DAY, EVERY DAY as she struggled with the healing process, as she broke down emotionally and mentally because of the medications she was on, etc. But, her safety, making sure that she was properly healing and didn't further hurt herself, etc was VASTLY more important than an issue of pride.

As a nurse, I find it disgusting that you have to defend yourself for all of this! You absolutely did the right thing. Safety is ALWAYS first. A broken hip for the very elderly often means death within a year. To protect an elderly friend or family member by being their "cheerleader" (which includes being sure that they use proper safety) is SO difficult and so very important. <3

[imokit]

I've had this with a lot of patients and their families.  They live alone, have money but are clinging to their independence and falling, then refuse to move in with family/to a home/accept carers coming to help them.  The family because they aren't safe at home.  The patient continues to refuse and knows the risks.  Legally we can't force care onto people, no can we move them against their will or force people into their house - provided they have the capacity to make that decision - in the UK you can make unwise decisions which will kill you as long as you understand the consequences.   Thus you have to have a big conversation with the patient and family, assess capacity, push them as hard as you can can to accept care and then tell the family that there's nothing more you can do.

[Percy]

We aren't struggling with this in our family as well.  Mum has had a number of falls but hates to use her stick. She generally just carries it, and tells me off for making her feel old.  I am also aware of the high death rate post fractured hip, this does not wash with Mum.

We have an alarm around her neck for use if she falls.  We have made sure that she has no loose rugs or runners as floor covering that may cause trips.  We are also planning bathroom renovations to make a giant wet room so she can manage a shower with a walking aid and carer if need be.

Mum refuses to consider moving at this stage.

I have also experienced families insisting that Mum or a Dad get placed into a home after a hospital admission.  It is difficult for families to accept that just because the family and the Doctor feel that placement is necessary, if Mum or a Dad are mentally with it, they can refuse.

[albanuadh_1]

My 94 ( almost 95) year old mother fell the other night and broke her hip. The doctors are going to operate and I am TERRIFIED of the outcome. The other alternative is bed care for the rest of her days. She too is a very stubborn woman.

I know some feel that her time has come but somehow, even knowing her advanced age, it doesn't give me any comfort. I feel we are in a Catch-22 situation.

I recall when my 99 yr old. g'mother died feeling so surprised by it. I know that sounds odd but when someone manages to get beyond  a certain age, it rather like they are going to live forever.

 

[Gobsmacked]

On 1 July 2016 at 1:45 PM, Grimalkin said:

        I require my mom to use her cane her doctor says she needs. She hates it and makes passive aggressive comments whenever I take her out. I finally made a stand after seeing her stumble a few times. Without her cane she shuffles her feet. When she hits a crack or uneven surface she stumbles and cannot study herself. She also broke her nose last year falling. Her next fall could change her life forever.

That is exactly what happened to my mum. The occupational health people gave her a tripod to walk with. She insisted on carrying it instead of pushing it to help with her balance.

The upshot of her stubbornness was a fractured pelvis. 18 months later she was back on her feet. Insisted she was more mobile than she actually was, fell gain and broke her hip.

She is now pinned and bolted. 

We insist she uses a wheel chair outside the house now. It would be completed daft on our part not too. Mum argues all the way but tough.

[MarblesMom]

Mr MM and I have a LOT of 85+ year old relatives, most of whom insist on "furniture walking" instead of using their canes/walkers. We harp on them a LOT about using their equipment... these folks are the same as the rest of us.... in our minds, we are still "much younger."  Sad reality is, we are (and they are) not.

 Their stubbornness has left one with knee replacements, one with a shattered pelvis and one with a broken femur.  Two are now in wheelchairs, one is now gone.

Mr MM and I have made a pact to not be as stubborn and take the dr's advice seriously when we are advised to use said equipment.  Watching our loved ones in pain and suffering, that most likely could have been avoided..... if not for "pride" .... taught us a valuable lesson.

Hugs for everyone who is handling the care of an elderly person.... it is quite the ride.

[albanuadh_1]

Some good news. My mother had her operation today and so far, so good!

[Gossamer1]

My grandmother went through the same stubbornness about using a cane. She insisted she didn't need it when she was in her room. One broken hip later and she realized she was wrong. She never walked much at all after that. She was 93 when she broke her hip. She lived until she was 97. It was so hard to watch her fade away when she lost her mobility. 

[Gobsmacked]

1 hour ago, Gossamer1 said:

My grandmother went through the same stubbornness about using a cane. She insisted she didn't need it when she was in her room. One broken hip later and she realized she was wrong. She never walked much at all after that. She was 93 when she broke her hip. She lived until she was 97. It was so hard to watch her fade away when she lost her mobility. 

My mum is fading too. I know exactly what you mean.

[cloudycat]

On 7/4/2016 at 1:41 AM, MarblesMom said:

Mr MM and I have a LOT of 85+ year old relatives, most of whom insist on "furniture walking" instead of using their canes/walkers. We harp on them a LOT about using their equipment... these folks are the same as the rest of us.... in our minds, we are still "much younger."  Sad reality is, we are (and they are) not.

 Their stubbornness has left one with knee replacements, one with a shattered pelvis and one with a broken femur.  Two are now in wheelchairs, one is now gone.

Mr MM and I have made a pact to not be as stubborn and take the dr's advice seriously when we are advised to use said equipment.  Watching our loved ones in pain and suffering, that most likely could have been avoided..... if not for "pride" .... taught us a valuable lesson.

Hugs for everyone who is handling the care of an elderly person.... it is quite the ride.

I am currently caring for my 89 year old mother, while she seems to understand she needs to use the equipment that we have provided (walker and cane).  The problem was when I took away her car, it's been a year now and she still talks about missing the car and how Cloudycat took her car.  She can't drive, she can't remember where she has been and she can barely walk.  Her health is more important to me than having a car in the garage.  Besides, my niece kept borrowing the car, because Grandma isn't using it.  Teenage girl in an car, there is a lawsuit waiting to happen.  

Just want Mom to be comfortable and happy for as long as she has.

 

[albanuadh_1]

Physio  team was in today and had Mum sitting up and standing for a little bit.

[Shadoewolf]

My mom is in her early 60s and never fully recovered from brain aneurysms 30 years ago. Shes too stubborn to do physical therapy even though she walks (limps) pretty much on her ankle bone with her foot twisted sideways. She refuses to wear the brace that keep her foot and leg aligned. She's fallen 3 times, broke ribs on one side the first time, broken ribs on the other side the second, seperated shoulder and compound fracture of her collarbone the 3rd time. She mowed down 2 people in seprate incidents due to cataracts, corrected with surgery but not enough for her to ever drive again. She still does, with a revoked license.  My brother and I have begged her to move to a senior community, where theres help if she falls and people to drive her places. She won't. Won't even get one of those alert necklaces. Its terrifying to know this stuff happens and my brother and I are both 800 miles away, pretty much helpless.

[mango_fandango]

My grandma had her second hip replacement last Thursday. (First was done a few years ago). I visited her in hospital with my mother on Saturday- it had been my birthday on the Friday. She seemed cheery enough, although of course she did need help getting off the bed to get to the toilet. She's home now. She'll be 80 soon.

Hope your grandma continues to recover well, @albanuadh_1!! Hip operations sound like they suck ass. 

[MarblesMom]

I have to say, I am so amazed at the community of folks here caring for their elderly family members!  

When Mr MM and I were doing it, I felt like we were the only two on the planet in the situation, and like we were drowning at times.

There is a great support network here

[RosyDaisy]

I was raised to believe that family comes first. I will never, ever disown my family or a family member. Same goes for my husband's family.