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Dear FJ I need your help with the Duggars Love God


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Dear FJ

 

I am writing you in hopes you can help, yes, yes I know I should be all powerful and all but for the life of me I cannot figure a way out of this.

 

Can you please, please, please help me stop the Duggars from constantly dragging me and my son into their mess?

 

First, they were just the average fundies praising me and my son all the time and blaming us and crediting us for EVERYTHING. Fine, I get that all the time.

 

Then they started hating on some of my children, I made some people LGBT so sue me...it is NOT okay to be mean to them and deny their rights, they are my children too!

 

Then Jessa, good ME, Jessa. STFU on social media about me and my son already Jessa and BIN... NOT okay!

 

As well as JB and Michelle...all of your public statements have to include me, don't they? It's all my fault isn't it....making money off of your kids and me...so not cool!

 

And now Josh....really Josh you molest children including family members and you dare drag me into your statements and claim my son died for you to be able to molest kids? OH HELL NO!

 

So please I am at the end of my rope FJ. How on earth can I get these people to leave me and my son out of it? Please help.

 

Yours truly

God

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blessalessi

Dear God

While we work on this one, could you please pop over to Nepal and see if you and your son could help out with some disaster relief work?

Thanks!

Love FJ xx

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ILoveJellybeans

You should show yourself to them, in public-just appear out of the sky while they are in public. Then you should give a personal "you suck" speech to the family, and to Josh. Tell them that they put the world there and everything in it for them to enjoy so that they could use it, not shelter their kids from everything. Tell them that children are a blessing (and that you did not personally deliver the babies to them, but its a natural consequence of sex), and they do not deserve kids, because they treated them horribly with beatings, isolation and shaming, and failed to protect them, and that they need to change their ways. Tell them that there are many paths to heaven, like being Christian, Muslim or just being a decent person in general, but that Gothard is the path to hell. Tell them you created LGBT people to be perfect the way they are, and that they are sinning by promoting inequality. Tell them youre a feminist too, and you created men and women as equal. Tell them that you did use evolution to create the world and that creationism is bullshit.

Tell Josh what he did was wrong and that his apology was shit, and that he is not yet forgiven. Tell him that he needs to face reality and accept that he has done awful crimes and sorry is not good enough, and realise the effects it has on his victims. Maybe transport him to Hell for a few minutes, then bring him back, tell him that he even thinks of doing anything to a kid again you will make his penis shrivel up and drop off.

Then maybe grant the oldest daughters a wish each, they kinda deserve it.

Then you need to go and pay Doug Phillips and Bill Gothard a visit too. Send them a bit of hellfire too, and them force them to turn themselves in and accept the consequences of their actions.

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latraviata
You should show yourself to them, in public-just appear out of the sky while they are in public. Then you should give a personal "you suck" speech to the family, and to Josh. Tell them that they put the world there and everything in it for them to enjoy so that they could use it, not shelter their kids from everything. Tell them that children are a blessing (and that you did not personally deliver the babies to them, but its a natural consequence of sex), and they do not deserve kids, because they treated them horribly with beatings, isolation and shaming, and failed to protect them, and that they need to change their ways. Tell them that there are many paths to heaven, like being Christian, Muslim or just being a decent person in general, but that Gothard is the path to hell. Tell them you created LGBT people to be perfect the way they are, and that they are sinning by promoting inequality. Tell them youre a feminist too, and you created men and women as equal. Tell them that you did use evolution to create the world and that creationism is bullshit.

Tell Josh what he did was wrong and that his apology was shit, and that he is not yet forgiven. Tell him that he needs to face reality and accept that he has done awful crimes and sorry is not good enough, and realise the effects it has on his victims. Maybe transport him to Hell for a few minutes, then bring him back, tell him that he even thinks of doing anything to a kid again you will make his penis shrivel up and drop off.

Then maybe grant the oldest daughters a wish each, they kinda deserve it.

Then you need to go and pay Doug Phillips and Bill Gothard a visit too. Send them a bit of hellfire too, and them force them to turn themselves in and accept the consequences of their actions.

And when you on the road anyway, pay a visit to your special press agent on earth, PP Anderson.

I leave it to your imagination (you will come up with something painful and creative at the same time) what to do with him.

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SPHASH

And God while you are at could you please call Steve Maxwell and tell him he does not speak for you, he is a shitty husband and father, and he needs to let Sarah, Anna, and Mary court.

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MatthewDuggar
Is this supposed to be funny?

I am wondering the same? I don't find blasphemy funny.

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What the ever loving fuck is this?

It's a parody letter. The OP is pretending to be god writing a letter to FJ asking for help to get the Duggars to stop dragging his name through the mud with their scandal.

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Fascinated

It's a parody letter. The OP is pretending to be god writing a letter to FJ asking for help to get the Duggars to stop dragging his name through the mud with their scandal.

My take is that LainieR's question was somewhat rhetorical and that the sentiment being expressed was along the lines of, 'this is a messed up load of crap". But, perhaps she will correct me if I'm wrong.

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weirdemmaline

I understand this thread is meant in jest, but I'm not even a Christian and it feels quite blasphemous.

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calimojo

This is not blasphemy. Look up the definition of blasphemy.

It would be if the OP had pretended to be God , but they were pretending to write a letter to God, which is not blasphemy.

Be careful, it hurts when you fall off a the high horse

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Fascinated
This is not blasphemy. Look up the definition of blasphemy.

It would be if the OP had pretended to be God , but they were pretending to write a letter to God, which is not blasphemy.

Be careful, it hurts when you fall off a the high horse

Nope. The letter was from god. IMO, the blasphemous nature, or not, of this thread is the least of its problems.

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blessalessi

The OP WAS signing the letter off in God's name, but this is a snark site, that sort of thing happens here. :lol:

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MidknytOwl
This is not blasphemy. Look up the definition of blasphemy.

It would be if the OP had pretended to be God , but they were pretending to write a letter to God, which is not blasphemy.

Be careful, it hurts when you fall off a the high horse

Actually, the OP is pretending to be god writing a letter to us.

Which I think is funny and was meant as such. I guess I can understand possibly why some might take offense, but I also would imagine that a decent part of the FJ contingency are of a blasphemous nature.

Calm down, let jokes be jokes people.

:fsm:

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weirdemmaline
This is not blasphemy. Look up the definition of blasphemy.

It would be if the OP had pretended to be God , but they were pretending to write a letter to God, which is not blasphemy.

Be careful, it hurts when you fall off a the high horse

When was I on a high horse?

I said it felt blasphemous. I didn't say it was high blasphemy and all of us on this board are going to hell because hoshit blasphemy. It's an opinion.

Step off your own high horse.

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blessalessi
I understand this thread is meant in jest, but....

Sounds a bit high-horsey in the context of a snark forum. I own a share of the "blasphemy", if there was any, but that is what I would say to God, if I believed in her, and is what I often say to Christians who believe God is omnipresent in their own universes. :D

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jacduggar

Ben's parents are speaking out in support of Jessa's attacker. In my book, she gets to cope however she wants and, of that means trying to be an evangelical power whatever, she gets a free pass this time. This is beyond snark to me, it's a crass joke done in poor taste.

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gustava
Ben's parents are speaking out in support of Jessa's attacker. In my book, she gets to cope however she wants and, of that means trying to be an evangelical power whatever, she gets a free pass this time. This is beyond snark to me, it's a crass joke done in poor taste.

No, she doesn't get to cope by being a bigot.

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jacduggar

No, she doesn't get to cope by being a bigot.

And you honestly believe she knows ANYTHING different?

She was taught that SHE tempted her brother to molest her by immodest dress and to pray it away. I don't care how "wordly" everyone seems to think those girls are, they are so brainwashed and indoctrinated, it's sickening. Her husband is a tool but, in light of all of the things we found out about this family, Jessa probably has no idea what she's even saying.

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Furbabies

Dear Rainbow Sky Unicorn, please let the Duggar family all have epiphanies about what is right and kind and good. Please let the girls realize that no one is placing judgment on them for what happened and that there are many people out in the world that want only the best for them.

In your name I make this humble request,

Furbabies :gay-rainbow: :gay-rainbow: :gay-rainbow:

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And you honestly believe she knows ANYTHING different?

She was taught that SHE tempted her brother to molest her by immodest dress and to pray it away. I don't care how "wordly" everyone seems to think those girls are, they are so brainwashed and indoctrinated, it's sickening. Her husband is a tool but, in light of all of the things we found out about this family, Jessa probably has no idea what she's even saying.

No, but she is now a grown woman who thanks to TLC has traveled the world, who is married, with a child and can choose to learn more about the world around her if she wants to and make up her own mind.

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