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VodouDoll

Steve Maxwell's Ideal Husband

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VodouDoll

From the latest Seriously Dad post:

 

 

Quote
Are you:

 

neat,

loving,

gentle,

kind,

polite,

considerate,

patient,

responsible,

hardworking?

Are you your wife’s dreams come true? Okay, well, if not now, were you earlier in your marriage?

 

What about a critical self-assessment of the above? Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being awful and 10, wonderful. Then prayerfully begin to work on all areas and purpose to move the numbers up. If you are really serious, ask your wife to rate you. May we make it easy for our wives to love us.

 

Yeah...that is not even my list of things I value most in my husband. I mean, yeah, I like that he's responsible and polite and hardworking. But I don't love that stuff. What I love, what's most important of all, is that he's my best friend, my truest confidant, he's funny and fun and smart and a feminist, he's curious and interesting and adventurous.

 

Steve's list sounds like what you look for in a well-mannered roommate, not a life partner.

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FundieFarmer

Roommate, employee...heavens.

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Marian the Librarian

Hmmm...nothing about passion, and nothing about a sense of humor. Thanks but no thanks, Steve.

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Dizzy
nelliebelle1197

Is he advertising for the girls... Inquiring Minds Want to Know!

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uber frau

I wonder how Steve rates? (And I wonder how he's raised his children). They might be hard working (in a rodent in a wheel kind of a way), but I think Steve is seriously lacking when it comes to kindness and consideration for others.

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Milly-Molly-Mandy
Is he advertising for the girls... Inquiring Minds Want to Know!

Sarah Maxwell, always ready.

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FundieFarmer

I agree about wanting to know how he'd rate his own kids. Maybe he thinks Sarah doesn't meet a lot of these standards, so she's not ready to be married? Heavens he's nuts.

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Enraged
Maggie Mae
neat,

loving,

gentle,

kind,

polite,

considerate,

patient,

responsible,

hardworking?

I'm going to swim upstream here, and say that my boyfriend is all of those things! And I consider myself VERY lucky, because I dated lots (and I mean LOTS) of guys who weren't any of those things.

I actually get kind of annoyed that my boyfriend IS so neat, kind, polite, and considerate. It's to the point where I'm just like "really?" you don't have ANYTHING snarky to say about that asshole that just cut in line? And he's like, well, maybe his grandma died and he's in a hurry. Or .. you know.. just once, I'd like to see him leave a dish in the sink. Or even complain about me leaving dirty dishes strewn about the house. He's NICE to my parents and doesn't say anything mean about them when they aren't around! I never had that before! He goes to work and doesn't call in, ever. ANd when he's sick, he says "i'm sick" and then doesn't mention it again.

Damn it Steve, you made me love my SO even more than I already did. I feel like I need to kind of like you now, but you really, really, really suck. Let your kids be people. Independent, free thinking people.

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Full enough quiver

This actually might be one of the better things he's written. It's nice to see a fundie mention some things men should do for a change(besides die for her, obviously) Almost like the wife's feelings matter. It's a nice change of pace, putting some responsibility for the marital relationship on the husband. Steve is still totally a creepy asshole, though.

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Burris

My husband is most of those things, and I'm...not.

Neat? Me? The only reason I clean this place is because my husband and the cats cannot, and it wouldn't be fair to leave them waist-deep in filth. If I lived alone, I'd be one of those people who throw a blanket over a bunch of pizza boxes and slept on that. So, on a scale of one to ten, I'd score a good, solid zero. I care about the cleanliness of my environment as much as consideration for my family, for neighbours who don't want weird bugs living with them, and for the apartment manager, demands. If I had my own place, I could sleep in a converted garbage bin and, even as is the case with my looks, not one fuck would be given as to what else was in there with me unless rodents tried to eat my toes.

I would be a terrible Maxwell.

I actually do try to be kind and gentle: My husband claims I've never raised my voice to him and we've been together a long time - so...but there are a bunch of people who have good reason to dispute his view of me. I've told him as much and he believes I'm a different person than the one they once knew so he flatly disputes it - which I genuinely appreciate, but...

We both give away money...because he and I are alike in that we both want food and lodging and savings in case something else happens, but other than that...we don't care. We have no idea whatsoever what we give to other people every month, but it's substantial enough we have to budget for the rent and utilities and food or else we'd be ridiculously broke because, as I've repeated, we don't care. (He was happy to find someone who cares even less about where most money goes than he does - and that is why he handles the bills and I do not.) In his case, for kindness and gentleness, he'd be a ten on both counts.

My husband is polite.

I give precisely what I get. No, it's not a good policy and I do try to keep a tight reign on my tongue, but if someone says something I find stupid or offensive, I pretty much tell them I think that was stupid and offensive. And then they tell me my odour is offensive and I tell them...I...don't care.

My husband is patient. I am also patient. We don't care enough not to be, generally, unless we're in a real hurry and someone is being deliberately a pain in the ass.

My husband and I are both responsible, although usually in different and complementary ways - which is something the Maxwells might actually appreciate.

My husband is hard working. I work as hard as I have to to ensure our collective obligations are met and then after that I...don't care.

I have an extremely limited circle of things about which I do care - and I care enough about the persons in that circle to do whatever I can for them. I'll also do things for pretty much anyone else, including buying the guy who bums cigarettes off people in our neighbourhood packs of smokes once every week or so. My husband knows about those expenses because he handles the account and he doesn't care. At all. Not even a little.

Now that I think about it, he and I would both suck as Maxwells - but considering the stunted lives they lead, I actually consider that a good thing.

And the idea of rating one's own self positively on traits best judged by other people has to be the top of pride. A lot of people probably think they are everything on that list, and maybe to one extend or another they are, but they can't accurately rate themselves.

The fact Steve placed a list of good husband traits up there, and writes a lot about how he matches just those exact traits (none of which include good humour - because he doesn't seem to have any) is ridiculous: He is basically using himself and his perceived strengths to encourage other men to measure themselves by his shining example - that of a man who left his wife depressed for years and did nothing but make her burden heavier; that of a man who claims the courtship model is best but has a perpetual stay-at-home-daughter who is the human equivalent of a bonsai tree when it comes to the opportunities for intellectual growth she has; the man who claims everything is an idol but - and it has to be at least almost a conscious decision - makes one of himself; the man who censors every person and thing that comes anywhere near him and his family that might in any way cause him to expand on his list; the man whose "compassion" extends about as far as irritating "the elderly" (none of whom have any names, as far as I've ever seen) once a week.

A wife who wasn't happy and kids who never got the chance to grow up.

Yeah - that guy.

Oh, Steve - you are much man!

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16strong

It's sad to me that if any of the Maxwell girls ever get married, they'll basically have no say in who their spouse is. It will basically amount to Steve saying "Here's this guy I like. He's bought a house less than a mile down the road from us debt-free, now marry him."

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Toothfairy

Steve ideal husband would be Jesus himself.

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16strong
Steve ideal husband would be Jesus Steveus himself.

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Coco

As if Steve's world wasn't already a recipe for mental illness, he throws in Master asking the Slave for a performance rating.

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ILoveJellybeans

Its never going to happen Steve. You've scared off so many guys with your weirdness, and any who are crazy enough to attempt to court a Maxwell daughter wouldn't meet Steve's standards. Jesus himself probably couldn't pass the tests required to court the Maxwell daughters.

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Jana814
It's sad to me that if any of the Maxwell girls ever get married, they'll basically have no say in who their spouse is. It will basically amount to Steve saying "Here's this guy I like. He's bought a house less than a mile down the road from us debt-free, now marry him."

Agree!!

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sparkles

Romantic nonsense like love and compatibility and shared interests have no place in a marriage according to Steve. He "loves" his wife because that's what a godly Christian man is supposed to do. If you read his Corner series "Bitter or Sweet" starting in April 2012, he'll 'splain it all for you. Basically, the rest of us are doing it wrong because a healthy marriage begins and ends with Jebus.

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PrairieGirl
I wonder how Steve rates? (And I wonder how he's raised his children). They might be hard working (in a rodent in a wheel kind of a way), but I think Steve is seriously lacking when it comes to kindness and consideration for others.

It would be interesting to see how he would rate himself. Not that he would do it honestly.

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salex
Romantic nonsense like love and compatibility and shared interests have no place in a marriage according to Steve. He "loves" his wife because that's what a godly Christian man is supposed to do. If you read his Corner series "Bitter or Sweet" starting in April 2012, he'll 'splain it all for you. Basically, the rest of us are doing it wrong because a healthy marriage begins and ends with Jebus.

The first time I heard this line of thinking I was stunned. The idea that any ™ could marry any ™ and if they followed their God given roles would have a ™ where it is better to be holy than happy was amazing to me.

I think, sometimes, that line of thinking is a refuge for miserable people too afraid to divorce, but unwilling to crawl outside their God Ordained role to talk to their spouse and together craft a satisfying life.

The list Steve offers is very generic... and when he says "

Are you your wife’s dreams come true? Okay, well, if not now, were you earlier in your marriage?

I thought, "Wait, shouldn't my husband be more my dream come true now that we've been growing in the same direction for a while? And I more his?"

The thing Steve's list ignores and the 'anyone can have a godly marriage if" group ignore is "Do the two people 'click'" for lack of a better term. We read these women sounding reluctant to marry the men their dads pick for them and crying out to the lord over it, and i can only imagine it is because they didn't "click" with one another. Without that attraction and fit with one another, marriage had better be holy as in many other areas it may well suck.

(Yes, Click is a technical term..... work with me here) 8-)

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Handmaiden of Dog

I can honestly see a psychopath running his eyes down that list and nodding to himself, "Yes, I'm all those things. I'm very gentle when I tell her all the things she has done wrong and how she has disappointed me. I'm kind when I point out that she is ungodly and she needs to get right with the Lord. I'm patient when I correct her day after day for the same failings. I am loving when I use the rod on her to remind her to be a better wife so she will be pleasing to the Lord....(etc.)"

I don't know there is something about this list that chills me a bit.

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FundieFarmer
I can honestly see a psychopath running his eyes down that list and nodding to himself, "Yes, I'm all those things. I'm very gentle when I tell her all the things she has done wrong and how she has disappointed me. I'm kind when I point out that she is ungodly and she needs to get right with the Lord. I'm patient when I correct her day after day for the same failings. I am loving when I use the rod on her to remind her to be a better wife so she will be pleasing to the Lord....(etc.)"

I don't know there is something about this list that chills me a bit.

What chills me is that I think Steve wrote it with himself in mind, and I think the last thing we want is for any of the fundie women to wind up with another Stevehovah.

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Puzzled
Fascinated

When I saw the title of this thread I thought I'd missed something. I thought he was shopping for himself!!1!

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16strong
When I saw the title of this thread I thought I'd missed something. I thought he was shopping for himself!!1!

Essentially he is. He's shopping for a himself to give to his daughters make them marry.

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Foudeb

It does come across as psychopathic, like people can and should be reduced to a list of characteristics. No chemistry, no charm, no love, no empathy, no humour, in short nothing of what makes us properly human.

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nokidsmom

Reading the list, I am convinced that yes, Steveovah absolutely thinks he has all these qualities. Because he's right and everyone else is doing it wrong.

He probably wants these same qualities for his daughters, what dad who thinks he's the greatest dad evah would not want to see his daughter with someone just like him? However even if a "clone of dad" were to present himself as a suitor for a daughter, the guy will be sent packing because someone who thinks this highly of himself is not going to let anyone, even someone who is just like him, take his place in the daughter's life.

This is why I think all the daughters in particular are doomed to a life in Maxhell. Steveovah will never cede his place as the man in his daughter's lives. Even for a clone of Steve.

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