Jump to content
IGNORED

Degrees of SAHD-dom


GenerationCedarchip

Recommended Posts

In the discussion of the Boyer sisters, I got to thinking about SAHD life. I think, on this board, there is a tendency to view it as one, monolitic belief system. And it really isn't. From what I've observed among family, friends and in the church where I grew up, there really are different degrees of the lifestyle. Every family is different, but these are the main divisions I've seen:

Level I SAHDs - These are probably the most restricted. They do not go on to college and they not only live at home, but one gets the sense that they are very much under their parents' thumbs (esp. Daddy). To the degree that they are allowed to work, their "work" generally consists of very restricted enterprises such as assisting in a family business but with no defined title or role, running a small-scale Etsy shop or SAHD blog, and volunteering in a church or ministry. There were one or two of these young women in my old church but most SAHDs had a little more contact with the world on their own terms than this. When I think of this level online, I think of folks like Sarah Maxwell or maybe the Seven Sisters. The Boyer sisters are a little harder to peg. This may be because they're so young and therefore it's hard to see how their early adulthood is going to look. At this point, I'd say they fall between Level I and...

Level II SAHDS - A little more freedom here. Some of these young women might do some online college but they wouldn't go away to school. They probably have the chance to run a home business that is more than just a hobby and to do things most of us would consider basic, such as getting out of the house on occasion without a parent tagging along or having friends they're not related to by blood. I'd consider folks like the Brookshire sisters, Meredith Hammer, possibly Darby Sproul, and a few of the other SAHDs we mention to fall into this mold.Offline, I'd say about a third of the SAHD families I know fall into this mold.

Level III SAHDs - Still not at the level of freedom as a mainstream American in her early 20s, but definitely fewer restrictions in this SAHD lifestyle. Amongst this group, I would see women working in businesses owned by family or close family friends but actually having some kind of clearly defined job and often being paid some kind of wage. Many of these folks may also live at home but commute to college or community college, or do some form of online college. This would describe the vast majority of the SAHDs I've actually known. For example, I knew one SAHD who worked in a medical practice owned by members of the family. She got her LPN at the community college while living at home and once she obtained it, she used it while working in this practice until she married a med student. Another lived at home and worked as the bookkeeper at a family manufacturing business.

Level IV(??) SAHDs - I'm not sure I'd call these folks SAHD since they do leave home a bit more than others, but that's how they refer to themselves sometimes. These are the young women who went off to school, usually to a place like Liberty, Patrick Henry, Grove City, etc... However, they were pretty much deferring to parents for all big decisions while in school, going home all the time, and upon graduation, they return home. Most of them do some form of work, but it's usually teaching in a church school, working in a family business, etc... and they live with their parents until married. This is also a fairly sizable group, though not quite as big as Level III.

-----------------

I don't read a lot of SAHD blogs, but the ones I've read seem to skew more toward Level I and II while my real-life experience looks much more like Level III.

For those of you who've known SAHDs in real life, what is your experience of it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think a 5th level could be added, young ladies who Just. Can't. Move. Out. An acquaintance of mine is 26, was homeschooled, and attended community college to get a business degree. She now lives at home waiting for Prince Charming and Working in the family business. Sounds fundie so far, the weird thing is, the family are not religious at all! (Even weirder, they are incredibly socially liberal, yet their 3 daughters all live at home).

Does anyone know of other families like this? Why would they be this way if they aren't religious?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think a 5th level could be added, young ladies who Just. Can't. Move. Out. An acquaintance of mine is 26, was homeschooled, and attended community college to get a business degree. She now lives at home waiting for Prince Charming and Working in the family business. Sounds fundie so far, the weird thing is, the family are not religious at all! (Even weirder, they are incredibly socially liberal, yet their 3 daughters all live at home).

Does anyone know of other families like this? Why would they be this way if they aren't religious?

I can't answer for your acquaintance, but I can describe two cases for you. I had a friend from high school, her father was 2nd generation Greek-American and had an arranged marriage with her mother who came over from Greece to marry him. They were very traditional, her brothers were allowed to go away to school but the girls were expected to stay at home until they got married (they were allowed to attend the local college and get jobs). In this case it was mostly cultural with a good dose of over-protectiveness.

I'm in my late 20s and live with my parents. I wasn't home schooled, went away for both college and grad school and have lived in two major cites on my own. I moved home during a period of unemployment. Once I found a job I chose to stay at home- the rent is cheaper so I'm able to put more towards my savings and retirement accounts and it has allowed me to help my parents with some medical issues. We've even started talking about my purchasing the house from them. Overall, I get along with my parents and I'd rather be living with them than some random roommates.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know Level IV well...lived with them for two years at the conservative Christian college I went to (wound up being to restrictive so then I went to a huge party school. It evened out.). I was raised in a very fashion-forward, free will, everything goes type of metro area so I was floored beyond belief the first week I was there. The first hall meeting I almost had to use my hand to close my jaw and I remember leaving thinking, "WHAT have I gotten myself into?" The normal kids were awesome but the SAHDs were a bit much.

Also for some reason even though meals were included in the meal plan they always made their own food and almost never left the dorm except for class (music or education...). They went to the Orthodox church across the street (as did I) but managed to find families that practically parented them...like the father of that family became their "headship" in place of their own father. They were a few years older than I, too. It was very, very strange.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I was a SAHD while in college. I couldn't afford tuition and housing (secular college). However, I had a lot of freedom and my family isn't fundie. I moved out when I was 22.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I was a SAHD while in college. I couldn't afford tuition and housing (secular college). However, I had a lot of freedom and my family isn't fundie. I moved out when I was 22.

Same here. I was fortunate that my parents lived in a city with a large university, so I lived with them for most of the time, and was able to graduate without any student debt. Living with your parents while in college doesn't mean that a person is a fundie SAHD - many times the reasons are mainly economic.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think a 5th level could be added, young ladies who Just. Can't. Move. Out. An acquaintance of mine is 26, was homeschooled, and attended community college to get a business degree. She now lives at home waiting for Prince Charming and Working in the family business. Sounds fundie so far, the weird thing is, the family are not religious at all! (Even weirder, they are incredibly socially liberal, yet their 3 daughters all live at home).

Does anyone know of other families like this? Why would they be this way if they aren't religious?

I think that may be the norm among people I know. For both young men and young women, at least until mid-/ late twenties. Generally they do some sort of work, at least part- time, and/ or college. But live at home until moving in with a spouse or partner or if they have a child( I guess that partner - child option is the give away that they aren't fundies :lol) Around 25 ish some start moving out even if single. Many of the guys are self- employed in Duggar type businesses. A flip on the fundies, but more common in general, is far more women than men have a college degree.

Some do it for cultural reasons, some for economic, some it's a mix.

But the general idea that people go away to college and after graduation move into an apartment for a few years, with roommates or independently , is fairly unusual among the people I've known. But it's a super expensive area.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I may be misunderstanding, but I thought the SAHD movement was specifically analogous to the SAHM movement (probably less of a movement, more of consistent defenses of staying home to raise children.) That is, SAHDs are at home to learn the domestic arts, such as cooking and diapering so they are good wives and mothers when God drops Christian Prince Charming from the sky.

Are there working SAHDs that self- identify as SAHDs?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I may be misunderstanding, but I thought the SAHD movement was specifically analogous to the SAHM movement (probably less of a movement, more of consistent defenses of staying home to raise children.) That is, SAHDs are at home to learn the domestic arts, such as cooking and diapering so they are good wives and mothers when God drops Christian Prince Charming from the sky.

Are there working SAHDs that self- identify as SAHDs?

I've known some, but as I mentioned in my original post, the working SAHDs I know who self-identify as SAHDs usually work in a family business, work from home, or in some other fairly sheltered/controlled environment. The distinctive as I see it with the working SAHDs is that they are very quick to point out how they defer to their parents in decisionmaking. And their work is generally seen as preparation for marriage - building up a dowry of sorts, if you will. It was not uncommon in my old church to see a SAHD working as a bookkeeper for a business owned by her father or some other close relative, saving her money to contribute toward buying a house upon marriage, and then often working as a bookkeeper/office manager for her husband's business until children came along.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My family is first-generation evangelical. Not fundy at all, although our family's best friends could maybe be considered fundy-lite. During my foray into fundy-lite-land (shudder), I wanted to to be a SAHD level 5. I had just graduated from Secular State University, School of Partying (which is where I fell into fundy-lite--go figure), moved home and got a job. I did not want to move out, and I had these bizarre romanticised visions of being SAHD level 5 (YLCF, I am looking glaring at you...).

I literally thank God that my dad had the good sense to make me find an apartment and move out. I'm even more thankful, because only a few years after I moved out, they got sucked into some weird cultish stuff. They got away and now we're all working on picking up the pieces of the havoc that wraught on our family.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My parents wanted me to be a SAHD. They refused to let me go away to college (in their defense, I was 17 when I graduated from high school). They were afraid I'd "get in trouble"...guess what...I did anyway. Got pregnant with my daughter halfway through my freshman year of college. Also, the commuter college did not have the major I wanted...again, control on their part. I ended up getting married just to get away from them but the marriage quickly fell apart...and I moved back home. I ended up having to pretty much lie to them to be able to move out on my own with my then 2 children.

I didn't want to live at home...I wanted to get as far away from my parents as possible...yet...they had some weird-ass control over me. I didn't get completely free from that until I was 25. Even then it was a strange situation. I moved 800 miles away and my mother still demanded to know where I was. She'd call my house and if I wasn't home would leave a voicemail DEMANDING to know where I was. It pretty much sucked.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.



×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.