Kids, conscience and rodless discipline

[2xx1xy1JD]

I liked Sheila's post today: tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2015/03/funny-apologies-from-kids-a-note-flowers-and-a-laugh/

I liked even more what it DIDN'T say. Nobody got out a rod or switch to beat the sin out of these kids. Nobody thought that not spanking meant that the parents were allowing the children to grow up and sin without discipline.

Instead, these parents knew that little kids make mistakes, that it's kinda cute and funny now but it needs to be addressed in a serious way so it doesn't become a problem later. They didn't make it an obedience issue. They focused on the actual wrong action, allowed the child to see what they did wrong, and guided them to take action to make it better. These kids weren't learning to be afraid of their parents. They were learning to develop their own conscience, and actually seek out the parents if they felt that they had done something wrong. Isn't that the ultimate goal of parenting - to raise children who know right from wrong, who will choose to do right, and who will make amends when they do wrong?

[Four is Enough]

There IS hope in the world!

[BrownieMomma]

Teach them to apologize. Teach them to make restitution. And then teach them that there is total forgiveness when they confess and they’re honest.

I agree, such a relief to read this and not have to hear about switches or plumb lines or pvc pipe or kitchen tools.

I really like this because I think we do live in an era of even if that action is wrong, my kid did it and so it's okay. Too many parents would turn a blind eye, or heck, their kid would have not even come to them because kid has no idea it's wrong to take things that aren't yours.

I am a big believer in proactive parenting but you can't proactive everything, like the bouquets in the boots. The child saw an opportunity and seized it, completely unbeknownst to Mom. When the situation did come to light because the child confessed, Mom disciplined her child and the child did not do it again.

No need to beat the crap out of the kid to enforce the lesson. God bless that woman for illustrating effective parenting!

[sparkles]

I don't think people who are quick to dole out physical discipline really care about getting to the root of a child's actions, learning the whys or understanding normal child development. All they want is blind obedience and a quick eradication of a perceived evil. So they fight fire with fire, so to speak. I guess it's all about the end result—godly and immediate obedience—with little concern for how it's achieved.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I also really like Sheila's post on emotional destructive marriages, and the comment today that the people inside the marriage are more important than the "shell" of the marriage itself.

I see this so much at work! There is a claim out there that women are more likely to file for divorce than men, but IME that says nothing about who is responsible for marriage breakdown. Filing for divorce is often just breaking the shell of the marriage, long after it has already died. The real question is whether the spouses were actually committed to the relationship, and doing what it would take to fix it.

[BrownieMomma]

I also really like Sheila's post on emotional destructive marriages, and the comment today that the people inside the marriage are more important than the "shell" of the marriage itself.

I see this so much at work! There is a claim out there that women are more likely to file for divorce than men, but IME that says nothing about who is responsible for marriage breakdown. Filing for divorce is often just breaking the shell of the marriage, long after it has already died. The real question is whether the spouses were actually committed to the relationship, and doing what it would take to fix it.

IMO it means nothing if it is true that women are more likely to file for divorce. I've seen this primarily in MRA context so I tend to discredit that this means something of significance.

[2xx1xy1JD]

IMO it means nothing if it is true that women are more likely to file for divorce. I've seen this primarily in MRA context so I tend to discredit that this means something of significance.

Filing for divorce doesn't mean deciding to end a marriage. Often, it's simply the spouse who wants something from the court who will file. Women are more likely to be asking for child support, child custody, spousal support/alimony, a share in property or a protection order, and they tend to do this once it is clear that the relationship is over.

Nobody feels the need to file for anything in order to have an affair or abandon their family.

[Firiel]

Filing for divorce doesn't mean deciding to end a marriage. Often, it's simply the spouse who wants something from the court who will file. Women are more likely to be asking for child support, child custody, spousal support/alimony, a share in property or a protection order, and they tend to do this once it is clear that the relationship is over.

Nobody feels the need to file for anything in order to have an affair or abandon their family.

Yep, this.

I filed for divorce in my marriage. After he verbally/physically left me, I realized I needed to protect myself from his financial shitstorm while he was out gallivanting with other women. He couldn't be assed to file the papers, so I did. It also allowed me to write the terms for the divorce so I didn't get stuck with half the credit card debt I didn't know about or half his school loans.

Regardless of who filed for divorce, he ended the marriage.