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Mary Maxwell graduates (aka 30 years of homeschooling)


HoneyBunny

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Yea f-ing rah on your Graduation Scary Eyes Mary. Sorry, not a Mary Maxwell fan. She has that scary eye look & that shit eating grin like "I'm so much better than you sinners!" If she wasn't on the compound she would be a Mean Girl like Regina George.

Also, someone must have given Reversal Anna a Christian Thesaurus because she used the word tutelage. Way to homeschool them, Teri! Oh, I mean way to edit Stevehovah.

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No refunds available.

Some restrictions apply. Not available in all states.

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Some restrictions apply. Not available in all states.

Yes, it's Happy Hubby Application! The sensation that's sweeping the nation! Only $99.99 at participating websites! Get one today!

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Hubby Application.

Caution: Happy Hubby Application may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.

Happy Hubby Application contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

Do not use Happy Hubby Application on concrete.

Discontinue use of Happy Hubby Application if any of the following occurs:

itching

vertigo

dizziness

tingling in extremities

loss of balance or coordination

slurred speech

temporary blindness

profuse sweating

or heart palpitations.

If Happy Hubby Application begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

Happy Hubby Application may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Happy Hubby Application should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Hubby Application, OnRamp Products Incorporated, and its parent company, Steve-o Control Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Happy Hubby Application include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Happy Hubby Application has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Happy Hubby Application.

Happy Hubby Application comes with a lifetime warranty.

Announcer: Happy Hubby Application! Accept no substitutes!

SNL - Phil Hartman - Happy Fun Ball vplay.ro/watch/4bsgkgvq/

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Yes, it's Happy Hubby Application! The sensation that's sweeping the nation! Only $99.99 at participating websites! Get one today!

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Hubby Application.

Caution: Happy Hubby Application may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.

Happy Hubby Application contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

Do not use Happy Hubby Application on concrete.

Discontinue use of Happy Hubby Application if any of the following occurs:

itching

vertigo

dizziness

tingling in extremities

loss of balance or coordination

slurred speech

temporary blindness

profuse sweating

or heart palpitations.

If Happy Hubby Application begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

Happy Hubby Application may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Happy Hubby Application should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Hubby Application, OnRamp Products Incorporated, and its parent company, Steve-o Control Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Happy Hubby Application include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Happy Hubby Application has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Happy Hubby Application.

Happy Hubby Application comes with a lifetime warranty.

Announcer: Happy Hubby Application! Accept no substitutes!

SNL - Phil Hartman - Happy Fun Ball vplay.ro/watch/4bsgkgvq/

haha -- I am known to interject "Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball" into some entirely irrelevant situations IRL... :dance:

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It's been too long since I tried parody, but I cannot get Gilbert & Sullivan's "3 Little Maids from School" out of my head at the thought of this topic.

thoughtful? Other talented parodists? Can anything be made of this?

Here's so far:

Three little maids who all unwary

had the bad luck to be born to Teri

Taught in her home-based seminary

that's all they had for school

due to their dad the fool

None of them ever a bride will be

they'll be the stubs on the family tree

but it is not all tragedy

For three little maids home-schooled

(Three little maids home-schooled!)

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9. Do any members of your immediate family have the names: Steve, Teri, Nathan, Christopher, Sarah, Joesph, John, Anna, Jesse or Mary. If yes, please provide middle names for those family members.

:lol:

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"Do you vote pro-life?" The females are expected to defer their vote to their man (father currently, and husband in the future) Their womanly body is a holder for their male umbrella, so I ask of you, do YOU vote pro-life?

"How many blessings do you desire?" I believe the more important question is - How many blessings does The Lord desire me to have?

If I didn't have a vagina, I could totally infiltrate the Maxwell household, swoop in and save one of "the girls"

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Some restrictions apply. Not available in all states.

More like "Only available in the (north east corner of the) state of Kansas"

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It's been too long since I tried parody, but I cannot get Gilbert & Sullivan's "3 Little Maids from School" out of my head at the thought of this topic.

thoughtful? Other talented parodists? Can anything be made of this?

Here's so far:

Three little maids who all unwary

had the bad luck to be born to Teri

Taught in her home-based seminary

that's all they had for school

due to their dad the fool

None of them ever a bride will be

they'll be the stubs on the family tree

but it is not all tragedy

For three little maids home-schooled

(Three little maids home-schooled!)

I heart you. That is all.

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I heart you. That is all.

I agree, as does my Poise pad -- you did a fine job, MJB!

:worship:

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With mad props to Mama Junebug, may I be allowed to add on?

Three little maids from Steve are we

Glum as three home-schooled girls can be

Each living life as a worker bee

Three little maids from Steve

Nothing is a source of fun

But the world is safe, for we live like nuns

Life is a joke that's just begun

Three little maids from Steve

Three little maids who all unwary

had the bad luck to be born to Teri

Taught in her home-based seminary

that's all they had for school

due to their dad the fool

None of them ever a bride will be

they'll be the stubs on the family tree

but it is not all tragedy

For three little maids home-schooled

(Three little maids home-schooled!)

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I wonder what Steve would do if a woman called Sarah Mary wanted to court one of his sons. She had brothers called Christopher John and Nathan Steven, and her parents were Steven Jesse and Mary Anna. Would they be disqualified, or would Steve give them new unrelated names?

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I wonder what Steve would do if a woman called Sarah Mary wanted to court one of his sons. She had brothers called Christopher John and Nathan Steven, and her parents were Steven Jesse and Mary Anna. Would they be disqualified, or would Steve give them new unrelated names?

Unquestionably, they would all get new names. Or maybe Steve would start giving them version numbers. Either way, they'd get renamed/reordered.

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Unquestionably, they would all get new names. Or maybe Steve would start giving them version numbers. Either way, they'd get renamed/reordered.

Yep. They completely renamed non-reversal Anna's sister Sarah, Garcie.

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It's hopeless. I see that Mary has a smug "I'm young and good-looking, so unlike my sisters, I'll be getting a husband" look. Reminds me of Joseph's shit-eating "Look at the woman I own now" grin.

However, she only looks/acts that way because she's too naive to know that she's not any different from Anna and Sarah in her father's eyes. When the eventual realization sets in, she'll look as worn down as every other female in that house. I really wish those girls had some opportunities, but they likely never will. Not even a fundie marriage.

I am convinced Mary will be the only Maxwell daughter to be married simply because Steve must marry off one in order to continue selling his brand. I do think they tried to "sell" Anna as marriage material for a short time after her graduation but there weren't any takers, or at least one that would pass Steve's standards. At this point, there's probably not a lot of guys Anna or Sarah's age that would be willing to put up with Steve's crazy and need to control. With Mary, though, there should be at least one guy around her age who might be gullible enough to think it's an awesome idea. I can see Steve picking out a Ben Seewald type for her.

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I am convinced Mary will be the only Maxwell daughter to be married simply because Steve must marry off one in order to continue selling his brand. I do think they tried to "sell" Anna as marriage material for a short time after her graduation but there weren't any takers, or at least one that would pass Steve's standards. At this point, there's probably not a lot of guys Anna or Sarah's age that would be willing to put up with Steve's crazy and need to control. With Mary, though, there should be at least one guy around her age who might be gullible enough to think it's an awesome idea. I can see Steve picking out a Ben Seewald type for her.

I don't know. I'm not sure at this point any of the daughters are capable of leaving, particularly the reversal girls, even if Steve found a worthy enough suitor. They were born after Steve went down the rabbit hole. Each and every day of their life has been spent with their family and only their family. Each and every day with Steve preaching about the evils of the world, and how he needs to protect them. I think they are completely dependent on each other and suspect they are terrified of leaving. I mean the cried and cried when Nathan moved ACROSS THE YARD. Hell, none of the Maxwell men have even been able to move more than a mile from their daddy, I just can't see one of the daughters moving away and leaving everything behind.

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I agree, the girl are stuck. It's so sad. It will be interesting to see how they are doing in 10 years, what they will be like as Poor Sarah enters middle age and the reversal girls enter the spinster age.

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Yep. They completely renamed non-reversal Anna's sister Sarah, Garcie.

Wow, that is weird. Did they ever explain why they decided she would be called Gracie? I always assumed that her name was Sarah Grace, so he just decided to use her middle name because he thinks his followers are too stupid to tell who is who.

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I don't know. I'm not sure at this point any of the daughters are capable of leaving, particularly the reversal girls, even if Steve found a worthy enough suitor. They were born after Steve went down the rabbit hole. Each and every day of their life has been spent with their family and only their family. Each and every day with Steve preaching about the evils of the world, and how he needs to protect them. I think they are completely dependent on each other and suspect they are terrified of leaving. I mean the cried and cried when Nathan moved ACROSS THE YARD. Hell, none of the Maxwell men have even been able to move more than a mile from their daddy, I just can't see one of the daughters moving away and leaving everything behind.

Oh I don't see her moving far if she marries. I am pretty sure the lucky guy will be expected to move to the neighborhood and under Steve's thumb, hence why I can see someone like Ben Seewald and not John Webster. Steve needs to show he can marry off a daughter or more people are going to start questioning the validity of their system. Their tour dates have already significantly dwindled over the past few years.

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With mad props to Mama Junebug, may I be allowed to add on?

Three little maids from Steve are we

Glum as three home-schooled girls can be

Each living life as a worker bee

Three little maids from Steve

Nothing is a source of fun

But the world is safe, for we live like nuns

Life is a joke that's just begun

Three little maids from Steve

Three little maids who all unwary

had the bad luck to be born to Teri

Taught in her home-based seminary

that's all they had for school

due to their dad the fool

None of them ever a bride will be

they'll be the stubs on the family tree

but it is not all tragedy

For three little maids home-schooled

(Three little maids home-schooled!)

Marian, you've inspired me w your brilliance!! Going to get the rest soon, I know it!!

Saddest if all: I doubt any of them have heard OF The Mikado, much less heard it's fabulous classic lines and tunes.

Steve & Terror, you are jerks.

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I'm not a mary fan lately. Alto she seemed to go thru a pretty phase that has been surpassed by the crazy eyes and smug ugly grin Sorry not sorry. I think

Anna might be more like John in personality and maybe Jesse. Just a thought! Also re comments. I can see mary illustrating moody books!! Lol lol lol. Johnna ....is that you John hugh?!!

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I agree, the girl are stuck. It's so sad. It will be interesting to see how they are doing in 10 years, what they will be like as Poor Sarah enters middle age and the reversal girls enter the spinster age.

Agree!

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I think even they realize it's a foregone conclusion that the girls will remain single. They've all agreed that there is no place they'd rather live than at their parent's home sleeping in bunk beds and following mom's schedule. I mean, who has those kinds of discussions if they believe there's any hope for marriage and family? It's almost like they know that, someday, after S&T are gone, they will be all they have and don't want to abandon each other. It's a nice sentiment for all the wrong reasons.

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