Rep. Harris & wife rehome adopted children Now with Exorcism

[gilora]

So he cares what his wife and biological kids think, but not about the two little girls? Nice. Shit like this makes me wish hell was real.

[Cleopatra7]

I am not defending these people in any way, shape, or form, but let me tell you a story from my own life.

Mr. Four and I, after two adoptions resulting in infant males, whom we love with all our hearts, agreed that we'd also love a daughter. So the only way to get a daughter for sure is to get one already born. We applied to DSS to take the Foster to Adopt program. After a long time, they found for us a 20 month old girl. The parental rights weren't terminated yet, but they expected it to be fairly easy. We'd asked for a fairly low risk adoption, because our boys were young and we didn't know if they'd understand if she didn't live with us permanently.

At the first phone call, my heart reacted in the same way I think an expectant mother does when she hears the "Congratulations! You're pregnant!" remark the first time. I was excited, I was hopeful, I was in love with this child whom I'd never laid eyes on yet.. and committed to her welfare.

The child was placed with us. She lived with us for two years. During that time, we found out many things about her home situation. Prior to living with us, this 20 month old child had lived in ELEVEN other homes, with her birth mother, who had a habit of charming families, asking if they'd take her in "while she got on her feet" and then doing nothing, until the families tossed her out again. This child had no diagnosed psych problems when she entered our home, but when she left, she was diagnosed as schizophrenic, with PTSD, and PDD-NOS. She could tolerate NO change in her routine. I mean, if I put her left sock on before I put the right sock on, she'd fling herself down and bang her head, so great was her need for routine. We spent hours massaging her thigh and arm muscles, a way of calming her. If I stopped at the grocery store instead of going straight home from the boys' soccer practice, she couldn't cope. EVERY TIME she saw us packing, and we love to go camping, she went into a complete frenzy and did not sleep until we were back home from our trip. Have you ever tried to relax with a child who bangs her head all night in the same room with you on a "vacation"? (IN a padded pack and play, ok? not banging against wood or hard surface)

The stress was great upon me and Mr. Four, but the boys felt it as well. They both tried so hard to soothe her, and take the pressure off of us. Our marriage suffered. Our boys suffered.

One visit with he6r birth mother, supervised, resulted in a six month period where the child uttered not a word. Not. a. Word. after that visit.

We took her to psychiatrists, to child therapists, to physical and play therapists. We spent our own and the social service resources on this child. We loved her. Even though the adoption hadn't gone through, because parental rights weren't terminated, we were committed to her as if she were ours, because it's what one does.

Finally, after several long talks with Mr. Four and our boys and our social workers, we regretfully relinquished our hoped-for daughter to Social Services, who found a childless couple, who had very flexible working hours, who could be home with her at all times. While we knew this placement would be the best possible thing for the child, we both felt so guilty that we had "failed" her.

We grieved for nearly three years, and refused all possible placements for two and a half. It was only by the grace of God that Mr. Four answered the phone the day the social worker called with a possible placement of a boy and his sister.. and said he thought we could.(I probably would have refused.) Thirteen years later, today is my third son's 20th birthday, and my daughter is 18.

I just want to say that re-homing is necessary at times. It should be, and was for us, a horrifying, painful, and tearful, prayerful process, and we worked with authorities and resources throughout the entire process. All I have left of that girl is a scrapbook that still makes me cry.

I will also say this. Your child IS your child. You stand by them. All Four have been in trouble with the law, from minor skirmishes to jail trouble. You love them and support them because they are your children. I certainly agree with that.

The difference between you and the Harris family is that you actually cared about your daughter and wanted the best for her, even if that meant that she needed to live elsewhere. You went through all the right channels and didn't try to foist her off on the first person with a good "testimony. " The Harrises were trying to keep everything on the DL, perhaps because of that verse about Christians not going to court mixed in with some "small government" bs.

[older than allosaurs]

What you've just described is the difference between acting in the best interests of the children--what you did--and in the selfish interests of the parents--what the Harrises did.

Adopting children with difficult histories can be very, very hard. People sometimes called us saints, but the problem is we weren't saints, we were people with flaws, limits to patience, work responsibilities, family pressures. We also adopted a 20 month old, and at 7 she could still throw a head-banging, screaming tantrum when I parked the car on the "wrong" side of the street to pick her up from school. She brought that level of inflexibility to much of her life, and it was exhausting. Plus, a lot of the people who didn't think we were saints thought we were clueless, inept parents raising a spoiled brat.

We had a good deal of flexibility in work hours and only two children, and we made it through, but that was no sure thing.

[Four is Enough]

Older than allosaurs: thanks for the kind words. I know your life has been very difficult most of the time. We would have moments.. just moments.. of searing joy with that child. Those made it even more difficult to give her back.

Other people do have no clue what is going on in the household; and you get tired of trying to laugh it off or make excuses, too. They judge without knowing, and they'd probably still judge, too.

I know if she'd been our first child, we probably wouldn't have tried to adopt another. Your child is very lucky to have you.. as you are lucky to have her. At least we have always considered ourselves lucky with our children, warts and all. I'm sure you do, too.

[Idolatry]

I'm stupid excited about this press conference. This fuck is too dumb to say no comment, I guess, as he showed with his previous non-response.

This press conference is going to be good!!!

[blessalessi]

I kind of wanted to think that this "rehoming" thing didn't happen in the UK, but then I found this family who rehomed the child and then wrote a book about it. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/artic ... apart.html

[mirele]

This has been all over the local news and has spurred the filing of AR bills in regards to rehoming. The people of AR do not appear to be very sympathetic to Harris at this time. Also, Harris is going to have a press conference about the matter at 3:30 today.

http://talkbusiness.net/2015/03/capitol ... in-senate/

Good. I hope he's roasted over the coals until he's a piece of toast cooked on 11.

[older than allosaurs]

Older than allosaurs:

I know if she'd been our first child, we probably wouldn't have tried to adopt another. Your child is very lucky to have you.. as you are lucky to have her. At least we have always considered ourselves lucky with our children, warts and all. I'm sure you do, too.

Absolutely I am lucky to have both the kids, who are now fine adults and very good to me. Maybe the extra work we had to do to create our bonds ended up strengthening them.

thanks...

[2xx1xy1JD]

The difference between you and the Harris family is that you actually cared about your daughter and wanted the best for her, even if that meant that she needed to live elsewhere. You went through all the right channels and didn't try to foist her off on the first person with a good "testimony. " The Harrises were trying to keep everything on the DL, perhaps because of that verse about Christians not going to court mixed in with some "small government" bs.

Yes.

Technically, you were still foster parents, and hadn't taken that step to finalize an adoption. Foster care, by nature, is often temporary. I realize that your foster daughter couldn't really appreciate the difference at a young age, but there wasn't a commitment to be her forever family.

You also had her go back to social services, who placed her properly with a family that had been selected and gone through a homestudy process.

[artdecades]

Why hasn't this made national news? I know he is just a state rep, but he is still a lawmaker engaging in dangerous and likely illegal behavior. The only non Arkansas coverage I have seen are from Wonkette and Raw Story. You would think that it would at least make liberal blogs like ThinkProgress.

[Idolatry]

I can't even find what is happening at the press conference! (Arkansas is EST I think?)

[Idolatry]

Why hasn't this made national news? I know he is just a state rep, but he is still a lawmaker engaging in dangerous and likely illegal behavior. The only non Arkansas coverage I have seen are from Wonkette and Raw Story. You would think that it would at least make liberal blogs like ThinkProgress.

It got picked up by Jezebel. Won't be long now.

[hoipolloi]

Arkansas is on CST.

Daily Kos had something yesterday: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2015/03/0 ... ne-of-them

For timely comments, go to Twitter & search on Harris' now-disappeared Twitter handle, harris4arkansas: https://twitter.com/search?f=realtime&q=harris4arkansas

[Johanna25]

Since he and his wife adopted them through the state system, I don't understand why he didn't go back to them when things weren't working out. The articles make clear that they could have gotten professional help and counseling and they could have ultimately surrendered them back if they couldn't make it work. It's not like they were foreign or private adoptions where you're pretty much on your own. As a state rep I'm sure he'd have been moved to the front of the line for help and assistance. Maybe he was afraid of attention to his problems or bad publicity. And I wonder if they continued to collect state financial aid for the kids.

[salex]

anyone have a link to the press conference, if there is really one going to happen (he's been dodging)

[HereticHick]

This is now a National news item, for example: http://time.com/3735616/arkansas-adopted-daughter-rape/

And the Daily Mail: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... -girl.html

I thought that Josh Duggar also had a pic with Justin Harris on his Instagram, but I can't find it--maybe he already scrubbed it.

THe FRC website still has announcements about the rally they were at together: http://www.frcaction.org/templatewithou ... ille-today

[GeoBQn]

Harris had taken in 3 girls, but one left the home before her adoption was finalized (and before the other 2 girls were re-homed). Her adoption process was disrupted formally through DHS, which raises further questions about why the other two girls were not given the same treatment.

arktimes.com/ArkansasBlog/archives/2015/03/06/harrises-ended-adoption-of-third-girl-via-dhs-prior-to-eventual-rehoming-of-two-younger-sisters

[GeoBQn]

Livestream

katv.com/category/273536/live-stream-newscasts

[Natalie22]

Harris had taken in 3 girls, but one left the home before her adoption was finalized (and before the other 2 girls were re-homed). Her adoption process was disrupted formally through DHS, which raises further questions about why the other two girls were not given the same treatment.

arktimes.com/ArkansasBlog/archives/2015/03/06/harrises-ended-adoption-of-third-girl-via-dhs-prior-to-eventual-rehoming-of-two-younger-sisters

I read in one of the articles on Jezebel that he thought the behaviour of the two girls switched the moment he adopted them. I know that's common, but with this history, no wonder. That must be so traumatic as a child to go through whatever they went through to get placed for adoption, and then have them stop adopting your older sister. I know I would be terrified they'd get rid of me if I was one of the younger two. This guy is despicable.

[LeatherCouch]

http://5newsonline.com/2015/03/06/rep-h ... -rehoming/

[Idolatry]

"We were failed by DHS." Whatever you say buddy.

God, this guy looks and sounds exactly like I would expect.

[Idolatry]

"We were not prepared for children with severe, undiagnosed RAD."

You know who would be? A child molestor! That sounds like a good solution!

[gilora]

Apparently he told the press that he, his wife and sons slept in the same room due to fear of the girls. Who were 3 and 6.

Just ... No words. :cry2: :cry2:

[Cleopatra7]

This reminds me of that Law and Order: SVU that was on last year or the year before that about the rich woman who gives her adopted son away to a "Christian couple" who turn out to be child pornographers. At the time I thought it was a bit over the top, but now I'm wondering if such instances are more common that I'd like to believe. :( :shock: "Rehoming" is the perfect way for pedophiles to obtain victims, or alternately for people looking for unpaid domestic labor, since no one knows the child in question exists and no one is actively looking for him/her. Hopefully, the outrage will be such that rehoming can be made illegal.

[Four is Enough]

"We were failed by DHS." Whatever you say buddy.

God, this guy looks and sounds exactly like I would expect.

All I can say is, this hasn't been my experience, EVER, either as an adoptive parent or a mandated reporter.