Best Parenting Moments

[Walking Cat Bed]

True. She was just a child and still in that selfish "mine" stage, which is completely normal. But - and I realize you agree with this - that doesn't make the situation right. Jana is still hurt by this. It was a year or two ago when she was recalling the story for some conference and she was in tears about it. The woman was in her early twenties and still visibly upset over something that happened to her like 18 years prior. That's what angers me even more about it. All those years later and J'chelle still can't say "hey, I'm sorry. I made a mistake and I was wrong". I always apologize to my children when I screw up. Always. Have we ever seen or heard of a time when JB and/or J'chelle apologized to their kids for a mistake they made??

That's the worst part of the entire situation to me. Jana was told to win her younger sister over with bribery instead of having a parent intervene and advocate for her -- if Jessa was 3 or 4, Jana would have been 6 or 7. Jana was still a child and didn't have the capacity to advocate for herself, and instead of actually PARENTING both children, J'Chelle blew Jana off and taught Jessa that bullying results in rewards.

[whoviana]

instead of actually PARENTING both children, J'Chelle blew Jana off and taught Jessa that bullying results in rewards.

The suspicion that she didn't only do that out of sheer and naked laziness but to teach her meek daughter that no one likes victims of bullying asking for help from authorities, outrages me to no end. They rewarded the kid that kept tormenting the other and pulled the rug from under the feet of the other child completely. I cannot imagine how helpless she might have felt.

[SassyPants]

The suspicion that she didn't only do that out of sheer and naked laziness but to teach her meek daughter that no one likes victims of bullying asking for help from authorities, outrages me to no end. They rewarded the kid that kept tormenting the other and pulled the rug from under the feet of the other child completely. I cannot imagine how helpless she might have felt.

Jana learned early on that she was persona non grata.

[ILoveJellybeans]

They claim to have been fostering good sibling relationships by making them stay together 24 hours a day, but actually they were making competition between the siblings. From the stories of their childhood that betray the true colours-Jill's comment that she used to have to eat in the bathroom to make sure she got some, and the jewellery box story, show that the kids were pretty much feral, and their life was a battle to get anything. Some put their heads down and tried their best to survive and not draw too much attention to themselves, some were completely crushed to bits, some learned that the only way to get anything is to be the loudest and most dominant.

[LittleOleMe]

They claim to have been fostering good sibling relationships by making them stay together 24 hours a day, but actually they were making competition between the siblings. From the stories of their childhood that betray the true colours-Jill's comment that she used to have to eat in the bathroom to make sure she got some, and the jewellery box story, show that the kids were pretty much feral, and their life was a battle to get anything. Some put their heads down and tried their best to survive and not draw too much attention to themselves, some were completely crushed to bits, some learned that the only way to get anything is to be the loudest and most dominant.

None of these good things either. And since leaving, we've seen what has happened. Josh eats and eats to feel better about himself. Jessa posts on social media to get as much attention as she can possible can. It's really setting up some of these kids to be abusers (learning that bullying is the way to get what you want) and some of these kids to easily be bullied and manipulated (learning that going to someone higher for help gets you absolutely nowhere and actually makes things worse). How do these two not see this?! They've even been taught that spying and tattling is a good thing!

I was looking for the episode where Jana talks about this incident. (Was it a jewelry box or a little treasure box or just a cute little keepsake box?) I ended up finding an episode where the older kids went elsewhere for Spanish class. (Funny how that's never been brought up again bc I didn't know they ever took a Spanish class, let alone went outside the home for it.) Jill was taking Jeremiah Jedediah and Jason to class. Jackson came running up asking if he could go and she said no. Why would you stifle a child like that? He's showing an interest in learning, don't deny him that! If I were taking one child to a foreign language class and my other wanted to go, especially if it's just at someone's house who is teaching, I wouldn't say no. Even if they can't understand it, just being immersed in it is such an amazing and beneficial experience for them.

Also in that episode, J'chelle mentioned that the kids can talk to each other in Spanish (which I doubt. Some of the younger boys did whatever they could to blow off learning the words) and she couldn't understand them. If that's true, then all the kids have to do is find someone else who speaks spanish and court them so they can truly have private conversations.

[ColeMarie86]

None of these good things either. And since leaving, we've seen what has happened. Josh eats and eats to feel better about himself. Jessa posts on social media to get as much attention as she can possible can. It's really setting up some of these kids to be abusers (learning that bullying is the way to get what you want) and some of these kids to easily be bullied and manipulated (learning that going to someone higher for help gets you absolutely nowhere and actually makes things worse). How do these two not see this?! They've even been taught that spying and tattling is a good thing!

I was looking for the episode where Jana talks about this incident. (Was it a jewelry box or a little treasure box or just a cute little keepsake box?) I ended up finding an episode where the older kids went elsewhere for Spanish class. (Funny how that's never been brought up again bc I didn't know they ever took a Spanish class, let alone went outside the home for it.) Jill was taking Jeremiah Jedediah and Jason to class. Jackson came running up asking if he could go and she said no. Why would you stifle a child like that? He's showing an interest in learning, don't deny him that! If I were taking one child to a foreign language class and my other wanted to go, especially if it's just at someone's house who is teaching, I wouldn't say no. Even if they can't understand it, just being immersed in it is such an amazing and beneficial experience for them.

Also in that episode, J'chelle mentioned that the kids can talk to each other in Spanish (which I doubt. Some of the younger boys did whatever they could to blow off learning the words) and she couldn't understand them. If that's true, then all the kids have to do is find someone else who speaks spanish and court them so they can truly have private conversations.

17 Kids and Counting: Season 10, Episode 10

Grand Ole Duggars (2 Oct. 2012)

Think it might have been this one, but I'm not 100% sure. I remember the girls were going to give a speech and the picture for this on IMDB looks the same.

[SnowShine]

Given that everyone else feels so strongly about the issue, I almost feel like a jerk for saying that I somewhat understand where the parental units were coming from regarding what turned out to be the jewelry box issue.

Jessa was being a bratty four or five year old kid. She had a big sister that she probably looked up to and wanted attention from (or maybe she just wanted attention in general. Let's not forget, four/five year old Jessa probably had seven siblings to compete with for attention and that was likely before the buddy system). I'll go out on a limb and say it was good parenting for Michelle to recognize that it would be good for Jana and Jessa for Jana to give Jessa some positive attention. I also don't think Michelle specifically told Jana to give Jessa her jewelry box, but I could be wrong.

Where I err in that belief is that I don't truly believe Jessa forever gave up on pestering Jana upon receiving the jewelry box. I would be more likely to believe it if she had eventually returned the box to Jana. The reason I don't believe Jessa really changed upon receiving the jewelry box is that even winning the lottery doesn't make people happier in the long term. Within a year of winning the lottery, most winners are just as happy or unhappy as they were before winning, because they adjust to having a lot of money. I'm guessing Jessa adjusted to that jewelry box being hers within a few weeks, and if she didn't take up where she left off with Jana, she probably started up on another big sib.

In the long term, I think it would have been better for Michelle/JB to encourage Jana to do things with Jessa (play games, take walks, do crafts, etc) that would build their relationship over time.

[MatthewDuggar]

Jill was taking Jeremiah Jedediah and Jason to class. Jackson came running up asking if he could go and she said no. Why would you stifle a child like that? He's showing an interest in learning, don't deny him that! If I were taking one child to a foreign language class and my other wanted to go, especially if it's just at someone's house who is teaching, I wouldn't say no. Even if they can't understand it, just being immersed in it is such an amazing and beneficial experience for them.

Jackson is quite a bit younger than those boys, the class was probably not age appropriate. They don't have the best educational foundations, but I seriously doubt she was just being a vindictive bitch and not allowing him to come. That and Jackson is often high on the brattiness scale along with Josie, so there may have been more to it.

[LittleOleMe]

Jackson is quite a bit younger than those boys, the class was probably not age appropriate. They don't have the best educational foundations, but I seriously doubt she was just being a vindictive bitch and not allowing him to come. That and Jackson is often high on the brattiness scale along with Josie, so there may have been more to it.

I realize Jackson is younger, and I wasn't trying to imply that Jill - and I guess by extension J'chelle - was being a vindictive bitch. I just thought it was kind of shitty that a young child expressed interest in going to a class and learning but what shut down. That's all. I think his desire to go along also shows how badly the kids want to get out of the house and learn with other people and from other people. Even if they don't fully understand the desire.

[Miggy]

Little Josie is precious and is going to have to live in a bubble for the first two years of her life ... but we are going to take her to the UK and Israel at eighteen months. Great parenting that.

Including cleaning the parents bedroom and bathroom as one of the kids jurisdictions. I've got not problem with kids doings chores but what does Michelle actually do? She doesn't even have to maintain her own space in the house.

[YourGodIsNotMine]

Including cleaning the parents bedroom and bathroom as one of the kids jurisdictions. I've got not problem with kids doings chores but what does Michelle actually do? She doesn't even have to maintain her own space in the house.

I agree with you! My kids never have to clean their parents' personal space. That is ridiculous. And now that they're teenagers, they are responsible for their own bathroom, laundry and rooms.

[whoviana]

I agree with you! My kids never have to clean their parents' personal space. That is ridiculous. And now that they're teenagers, they are responsible for their own bathroom, laundry and rooms.

I wonder, does cleaning their parents' porn room include having to change the sheets, too? Because with JimBob's sex drive, I imagine iit's all sorts of awkward and physically disgusting. :disgust: I wouldn't want to touch the sheets with my bare hands where my parents humped and the linen is still lukewarm. (I serve brain bleech on the rocks for those who need it...)

[HarleyQuinn]

Ohh, the cleaning of the parent's bedroom! That drove me batty when I saw it on someone's jurisdiction list. (I think it was Jana's job?)

Another one I thought of, when Jill was leaving for Nepal, Jenni ran up to her and hugged her goodbye and all J'Chelle could say was "aww Jenni-buddy." Your kid is upset, idiot. Comfort her.

[gilora]

My personal favorite is when Josie got sick in Israel. Michelle needed Jill's help with the situation, then on the plane ride home, Jill played with Josie while Michelle slept.

[Bugaboo]

Jim Bob is stupid and venal. Sure. He is in competition with his sons. That's ridiculous. But I have said before, and I will say again, that, IMO, Jim Bob is the one who knows each child in some way, interacts with them more, and shows love more. I can cite many times. Let's talk about Josie's and Jubilee's deliveries. He was frantic with fear that his much beloved wife would die; he was also very much afraid that his child would die. HE was the one who comforted the children. HE was the one who hugged them. HE was the one who called for prayer.

He praises them. (When they do a good job but not as good as he does, but still) He comforts them. I can still see him, at Jill's wedding, hunkered down with Jen or Jordyn, talking to her in a way she could understand about Jill's getting married. He was very grateful for Jana's or Jill's input when his father died. Yes, he treated his father shittily (is that a word?) but I do think he loved him in the end.

This. I totally agree with you 100%. Dim Bulb is definitely cringeworthy and trying so hard to be "macho" around the boys, but he means well as a parent. He is comforting and genuinely cares about his children. Also, he knows their names.

[Daisy0322]

My personal favorite is when Josie got sick in Israel. Michelle needed Jill's help with the situation, then on the plane ride home, Jill played with Josie while Michelle slept.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who saw that and thought it was crazy.

[JaCrispy]

J'chelle having Miracle and picking her up constantly and feeding her like she's an infant, those girls Jordyn and Jennifer are completely neglected and filthy, thanks to her "precious" Josie, those girls will end up hating their Mom and Dad, as well as Josie, AND PUT HER DOWN ALREADY! She has legs! :angry-banghead:

[JaCrispy]

How about the famous clip of JB humping his wife at mini golf.

Hey kids! Look what we can do that you can't!!! :mullet:

I havn't seen this one but have been looking for it on youtube,but I can't find it. :cry:

[Nellie]

okay, I may be wrong but arent all American kids supposed to learn Spanish at school or is it not compulsory for homeschoolers? Those kids never truly propery learned at least one foreign language or played any sport.

whats the point of having a weight loss marathon with Josh and JB when as they were kids you couldnt just enroll them in any regular sport activity to teach them how to stay fit? oh no thats because you are afraid if they start running around in shorts on the soccer field, the boys will start having "desires that cannot be righteosly fulffiled". And dont even mention girls never having a gymnastics or a ballet class in their lives! JB would probably never let his boys watch the olympics, since they all would probably get horny at the sight of the immodest Gabbi Douglas. Forcing those modesty issues on teh boys only supresses their desires and makes it worce. They probably suffer a lot more than average teenage guys who also never had some in their lives but are at least allowed to watch girls danec without feeling guilty or tempted and dont make a big deal out of it. Jessa has concerns of her body image but sh cant even attend an all girls fitness or aewrobic session, instead she has to jog with Ben (perhaps in a skirt) and starve herself in order to be the perfect slim fundie wife.

The contradicting modesty issues forced on the kids are the worst. And the most hypocritical. The kids cant see mom and dad waltz on their wedding anniversary which would have been perfectly normal, but instead they are forced to watch dad dry humping mom on the golf course. Talk about modesty JB.

[apandaaries]

okay, I may be wrong but arent all American kids supposed to learn Spanish at school or is it not compulsory for homeschoolers? Those kids never truly propery learned at least one foreign language or played any sport.

Sorry, but completely wrong. We Americans have strange political issues with non-English languages and most districts don't start offering foreign languages until high school. This can vary, though. Some charter schools offer dual immersion (where kids learn in both languages, often English and Spanish) and private schools have their own curricula.

Now, for the vast majority of universities, there is some kind of foreign language requirement. But we know how the Duggars feel about "useless degrees."

As far as non-English languages in public schools, some states outlaw using anything but English after a very short period of time, despite the fact that it takes quite awhile to become fluent in a language (even for children with their remarkable brains). It's one of the reasons the children of our newer immigrants have a hard time adjusting -- they have to learn the subject itself, AND English simultaneously. Too often, they wind up failing in school because the burden is too much and there is too little support staff and too few special classes to help them. Also, our educational laws are often written by politicians with axes to grind, rather than paying any attention to research.

I can understand having issues with public education and wanting better for your children. I have a friend whose college educated parents took her and her siblings out of elementary school/junior high for six months while they drove around Europe, learning about art,history, geography, languages, etc. What an amazing opportunity! An opportunity not available to most of us due to financial and other obligations.

By comparison, J'Boob, with all his wealth, takes his kids volun-touring, where they seem to learn nothing ABOUT the people but find plenty of time to preach at them. Then there were those trips to China and Japan, where that idiot said "gracias" to everyone. I can't decide which is worse: gracias-ing his way through Asia, or just adding "o" to English words when in El Salvador. Either way, a wonderful opportunity for the kids to really learn slips right on by while they revel in their righteousness and glory in their godliness. :angry-banghead:

[Nellie]

well in Germany every kid learns at least 1 foreign language thats why I find it so sad that most Duggar kids never will. what outrages me more is that their kids are not involved in any structured activity outside of their home, never get to have any competitions, win prizes, have sleepovers with team buddies etc. Im pretty sure a child like Jackson would be delighted to join a soccer team or smth like that but no it wont happen and all those so called "friends" they`ve made in El Salvador, they most likely will never see them again.

In one of the early episodes I remember Mr Jim bringing his two daughters at the Duggar house for a playdate and the 12-13 y.o. Joy having so much fun with them. Growing up, my parents often kept me isolated from other kids and I recognized that hungry look in Joy`s eyes - the look of someone who rarely gets to spend time with other kids her age. Over the years she morphed into a clone of her older sisters and is now forced to accept the fact that her sisters will always be her best friends.

[Fundie Bunny]

I think not learning a foreING language is the worst an educational system can do. Is a way of isolating.

In spain now it's compulsory to study english since 1st grade up until the end of high school. Usually, in high school, a third language is also learnt, french or german (i went with french). To obtain a college degree, it is necesary to have at least a B1 leve in any european language.

And we are extremly behind in language learning.

[apandaaries]

I think not learning a foreING language is the worst an educational system can do. Is a way of isolating.

In spain now it's compulsory to study english since 1st grade up until the end of high school. Usually, in high school, a third language is also learnt, french or german (i went with french). To obtain a college degree, it is necesary to have at least a B1 leve in any european language.

And we are extremly behind in language learning.

American policies on this are just absurd. But our educational systems also cancelled music and art classes under the guise of saving money. Again, educational policy decisions determined by politicians (and remember, J'Boob was a politician, but he's not going to understand the benefits of multilingualism) result in really hideous policies. Many people we elect fail at long-term thinking and planning.

Personally, I spent thousands sending my daughter to a private school where art, music, and other languages were part of the curriculum. Sadly, poor management issues with the school last year have led us to the public school system. It's been an interesting switch, but my daughter often complains of being bored. She has much less homework than before. The only other private options in our area are Catholic schools, which I can't support.

Homeschooling can at times be a better option, but it really depends on the parents and home structure. The Duggars have no education and no home structure, so the children suffer. The parents are too deluded and brainwashed to notice that they've done terrible things to their children's future. We now can see the issues with Jill and James and very basic math. Jessa ("I just call 'em flowers") was in charge of lessons as she got older. What negative effects have trickled down as a result of that poor decision?

American schools are far from perfect, but they usually try their very best for their students. The Duggars (and other homeschoolers I've read about) just seem to decide that "living Bibilically" (ie, adopting Gothard's policies and focusing on "character qualities") surpasses the need for true education. I mean, that trip to the Creation Museum...I wish those kids had had a chance, instead of hyper-controlling, domineering monster parents who robbed them of their education early on, then expected the kids to praise them for their "wise" decisions. :angry-banghead:

[SassyPants]

My kids have strong foreign language backgrounds.

They went to private (Catholic) schools K-12 and then to CA public universities that required foreign language competency. My daughter also attended a Master's program that required foreign language competency. She lives in a foreign country as well. She speaks 2 languages and has a background in 2 more.

My son can fake his way, but is not fluent.

The Duggar's approach to education is just criminal. James is 13 (14 in July) and he is working on 3rd grade Math facts. Jill was struggling with making Minute Rice for 3...there are recipes on the box.

They do not foster critical thinking skills or logic at all.

[FJismyheadship]

I know Jill knows how to speak Spanish. I think she is the one who is more interested in other cultures. She is usually the respectable one in the group. Remember when they went to Nepal and she followed a few of the customs, and learned some Nepalese?