Best Parenting Moments

[Jana814]

The absolute neglect of Jordyn when she was very little. After Josie was born, Jordyn became an afterthought. I remember her roaming around the TTH living room all by herself, climbing the open staircase there and crawling back down and her being in the high chair at the dining room table all alone.

So wrong on so many levels. I remember that too. And I agree after Josie she became an afterthought!

[Jana814]

I can't wait till one or more of the Duggar 19 writes a tell all book. You know it is going to happen. It's just a matter of time.

Same here!!

[RosyDaisy]

What about the time that the Duggars went to Israel and Josie got sick? They downplayed it as a simple cold. It had to be more than that since the doctor insisted he fly back with them. Josie went on that trip against medical advice. She wasn't supposed to be traveling until she was 2 years old.

[eri]

No one "deserves" their children. In almost any faith they are a gift. In reality people have kids because they had sex. That is a brutally hard fact for someone who is desperate to have kids and can't. I feel for them. But every child born should be "wanted" and that certainly doesn't happen. Most happen because the parents were bored and too lazy to use birth control. It's a shame. There are so many folks out there who WANT children.

Is it your belief that no one deserves children?

Side note, with all the people who claim to want kids and can't make them, I'm surprised more people don't open themselves up to fostering or domestic adoption. One of my hot button issues is state wards and why there is a surplus of them despite record birth rates (aka people clearly wanting children more than ever).

[PegBundyOfFundies]

Is it your belief that no one deserves children?

Side note, with all the people who claim to want kids and can't make them, I'm surprised more people don't open themselves up to fostering or domestic adoption. One of my hot button issues is state wards and why there is a surplus of them despite record birth rates (aka people clearly wanting children more than ever).

Fostering/adoption should be a route you open yourself up to because you want to foster or adopt, not because you are having problems conceiving. Its not as easy as going to the store or something and going to the baby aisle and picking one like cabbage or something. There are alot of legalities and hoops to jump through to be able to adopt, not to mention there could be undisclosed medical or genetic issues from the child's biological parenting. Fostering is a whole 'nother can of worms, taking in a child who has had God knows what kind of trauma, you have to be a very strong person for that. Not to mention, finances. A cycle of IUI treatments is about $500. IVF 10-15K. Private adoption is 10-25k. Many insurance policies cover so many cycles of IUI, and even IVF. As far as I know, adoption fees are only eligible for a non-refundable tax credit. Adoption/fostering is not a panacea for people struggling with fertility issues, and should not be presented as such.

[kmary1]

When they first started showing the girls courting, they tried to claim that the rules are set by the couple and that they came to the conclusion themselves that they should follow those rules. That is now pretty obviously BS because the girls who aren't courting will talk about the rules as though they already know they'll have to follow them. I don't believe for a second that they would be allowed to do it any differently. Maybe one of the boys could get away with changing the rules, but definitely not the girls. Also, when Ben and Jessa held hands at the dinner they had with the parents and didn't think twice about it, but Michelle freaked out, that made it pretty obvious they were following the parents' rules.

I find it impossible to relate to their relationship style and I don't see how any non-fundie can think it's a good idea and anyone should strive to be like them. Especially Derick and Jill, who are grown adults in their 20s, yet their entire relationship pre-marriage was based on rules set by her parents (Ben and Jessa seem more like 15 year old teenagers anyway).

I can imagine the same rules may apply to dating in conservative Islamic cultures, and if there was a show about a Muslim family and these rules, America would be outraged and calling for women's rights. But since they're a white Christian family, they have a fan base that think they're the best family ever.

[Four is Enough]

I'll agree that the Duggar parents do a bad job. But I wouldn't lump Jim Bob with Michelle.

Jim Bob is stupid and venal. Sure. He is in competition with his sons. That's ridiculous. But I have said before, and I will say again, that, IMO, Jim Bob is the one who knows each child in some way, interacts with them more, and shows love more. I can cite many times. Let's talk about Josie's and Jubilee's deliveries. He was frantic with fear that his much beloved wife would die; he was also very much afraid that his child would die. HE was the one who comforted the children. HE was the one who hugged them. HE was the one who called for prayer.

He praises them. (When they do a good job but not as good as he does, but still) He comforts them. I can still see him, at Jill's wedding, hunkered down with Jen or Jordyn, talking to her in a way she could understand about Jill's getting married. He was very grateful for Jana's or Jill's input when his father died. Yes, he treated his father shittily (is that a word?) but I do think he loved him in the end.

I can really not remember a single time when Michelle went to one of her kids to give comfort or aid. I have seen her scold them, I've seen her ignore them, and I've seen her do flat out dangerous things to them. (Feed a flat on her back baby with a gigantic spoon?) I swear she struggles to remember their names. I don't see warmth or love in her eyes even in the wedding episodes. When she talks, it's about her. Yes, time flies, and now Jessa is getting married. But "I just blinked! and here we are!" says nothing about how much Michelle loves Jessa, it says Michelle missed out on Jessa's childhood by spawning so many more children.

[VelociRapture]

Fostering/adoption should be a route you open yourself up to because you want to foster or adopt, not because you are having problems conceiving. Its not as easy as going to the store or something and going to the baby aisle and picking one like cabbage or something. There are alot of legalities and hoops to jump through to be able to adopt, not to mention there could be undisclosed medical or genetic issues from the child's biological parenting. Fostering is a whole 'nother can of worms, taking in a child who has had God knows what kind of trauma, you have to be a very strong person for that. Not to mention, finances. A cycle of IUI treatments is about $500. IVF 10-15K. Private adoption is 10-25k. Many insurance policies cover so many cycles of IUI, and even IVF. As far as I know, adoption fees are only eligible for a non-refundable tax credit. Adoption/fostering is not a panacea for people struggling with fertility issues, and should not be presented as such.

Just wanted to say that I agree with you. Adopting or fostering shouldn't be done simply because you aren't able to conceive on your own. It should be done because you want and are able to provide a child with a loving and stable home environment.

To me, the needs of the child always have to come first. There was a case in Oklahoma a few years ago dealing with a young girl named Veronica - her mother put her up for adoption without telling the father. He was a member of the military and was days away from deploying to a war zone when he was approached by a lawyer telling him that his child had been born and he needed to sign some papers to arrange custody. He did and thats when he learned he had actually signed away his rights and the child would be adopted to a couple from out of state. Long story short, he fought and got custody of her when she was about a year old - the adoptive parents refused to give up and were able to maneuver the courts into returning the child to their custody - despite the fact that she was now a toddler and firmly attached to her dad.

There was a lot going on in that case and it wasn't really straight forward - dad was wrong for allowing the mom to cut contact during the pregnancy and for signing the papers the way he did, but the adoptive parents were wrong for using an extremely shady lawyer and adoption agency too. At the end of the day, I think all parties involved in an adoption need to put the child's best interest first, but especially the adoptive parents; if you can't do that then you shouldn't be adopting in the first place.

[VelociRapture]

When they first started showing the girls courting, they tried to claim that the rules are set by the couple and that they came to the conclusion themselves that they should follow those rules. That is now pretty obviously BS because the girls who aren't courting will talk about the rules as though they already know they'll have to follow them. I don't believe for a second that they would be allowed to do it any differently. Maybe one of the boys could get away with changing the rules, but definitely not the girls. Also, when Ben and Jessa held hands at the dinner they had with the parents and didn't think twice about it, but Michelle freaked out, that made it pretty obvious they were following the parents' rules.

I find it impossible to relate to their relationship style and I don't see how any non-fundie can think it's a good idea and anyone should strive to be like them. Especially Derick and Jill, who are grown adults in their 20s, yet their entire relationship pre-marriage was based on rules set by her parents (Ben and Jessa seem more like 15 year old teenagers anyway).

I can imagine the same rules may apply to dating in conservative Islamic cultures, and if there was a show about a Muslim family and these rules, America would be outraged and calling for women's rights. But since they're a white Christian family, they have a fan base that think they're the best family ever.

I agree with you completely. I do think, however, that not everything about their courting is completely terrible - for example, wanting to put an emphasis on talking instead of being physical. You can do both and have a perfectly healthy relationship, but I do think it's a good reminder to be sure to really try to talk about things that are important to you. Other than that, I think it's ridiculous - if I want to have hand sex before an engagement I will (and it will be glorious!)

[SassyPants]

I agree with you completely. I do think, however, that not everything about their courting is completely terrible - for example, wanting to put an emphasis on talking instead of being physical. You can do both and have a perfectly healthy relationship, but I do think it's a good reminder to be sure to really try to talk about things that are important to you. Other than that, I think it's ridiculous - if I want to have hand sex before an engagement I will (and it will be glorious!)

How deep can the conversations be when there are ALWAYS 2 + more ears listening and watching?

Gothardism forces marriages where the 2 parties are essentially strangers.

[Nic]

A couple I can't forget:

When they were little, and one girl being forced to give her treasured jewelry box to one of her sisters. Jana to Jill, I think? Fucked up. It's not like those kids ever had much that was only theirs alone.

I thought that was the weirdest response from a parent. Poor Jana goes to her mom and says her sister Jessa is making her life miserable, and Mom's answer is to have Jana reward Jessa's jerk behavior and basically pay Jessa protection money in form of Jana's prized possession. That was just the wackiest thing. As an adult I don't get it, but can you imagine trying to do the math on it as a kid??

[SnowShine]

Any time their kids have a medical issue and they allow it to be used, ie, Josie and her seizure. Honestly though, I find TLC equally culpable. What sort of idiot sits there and films a kid having a seizure, or a woman who is being told the baby in her womb doesn't have a heartbeat? Turn the camera off, stop thinking about profit or political causes, or whatever else the footage can be used for, and go be there. Be a human being.

[GotCaughtDancing]

I thought that was the weirdest response from a parent. Poor Jana goes to her mom and says her sister Jessa is making her life miserable, and Mom's answer is to have Jana reward Jessa's jerk behavior and basically pay Jessa protection money in form of Jana's prized possession. That was just the wackiest thing. As an adult I don't get it, but can you imagine trying to do the math on it as a kid??

Come to think of it I do believe that whole jewelry fiasco was scrubbed from the netflix episodes as well.

[busdrivingmom]

Any time their kids have a medical issue and they allow it to be used, ie, Josie and her seizure. Honestly though, I find TLC equally culpable. What sort of idiot sits there and films a kid having a seizure, or a woman who is being told the baby in her womb doesn't have a heartbeat? Turn the camera off, stop thinking about profit or political causes, or whatever else the footage can be used for, and go be there. Be a human being.

I would not mind if the duggars talked about it later, but filming it? Not everything needs to be filmed or shown to the world, but that's me.

Any time I feel like I am a bad parent, I'll remember this.

[LittleOleMe]

I would not mind if the duggars talked about it later, but filming it? Not everything needs to be filmed or shown to the world, but that's me.

Any time I feel like I am a bad parent, I'll remember this.

I agree. Anytime I feel like a shit parent or that I've made a terrible decision, I remember how shitty JB and J'chelle are. At least they're good for that. They show us every way to NOT parent a child and everything that parents shouldn't do. It seems today that a lot of people think it's funny to not only take pictures of their children upset or in pain, but also to post them to social media. I personally find this to be horrific, but I hope those who think it's funny or cute can look at how J'chelle does it and be disgusted and then see the error of their ways. Of course that's assuming those types of people are even capable of seeing their own faults in others. Wishful thinking - I know.

[Jana814]

I thought that was the weirdest response from a parent. Poor Jana goes to her mom and says her sister Jessa is making her life miserable, and Mom's answer is to have Jana reward Jessa's jerk behavior and basically pay Jessa protection money in form of Jana's prized possession. That was just the wackiest thing. As an adult I don't get it, but can you imagine trying to do the math on it as a kid??

That is soo wrong that, this happened to her and completely unfair. I wonder if she said anything, and I agree its like rewarding her behavior.

[Jana814]

The best Duggar parenting moments are done by the oldest daughters. Michelle and Jimbob are shit parents. Their relationships with their children come across as awkward, more like someone spending time with a niece or nephew they have only seen a handful of times since they were babies.

I have to agree w/ you about Michelle and Jim-Bob. They are horrible parents.

[Fundie Bunny]

That is soo wrong that, this happened to her and completely unfair. I wonder if she said anything, and I agree its like rewarding her behavior.

Why everybody seems to forget that Jessa was like 3 Or 4 when that happenEd? Little kids are a pain in the ass. And they will be jerks towards the ir siblings. Michelle should have told Jessa to fuck off, yes, but Jessa wasn't doing something strange for a kid. Don't let bitchy asshole ''adult" Jessa to change your perceptor of normal kid behaviour.

[LittleOleMe]

Why everybody seems to forget that Jessa was like 3 Or 4 when that happenEd? Little kids are a pain in the ass. And they will be jerks towards the ir siblings. Michelle should have told Jessa to fuck off, yes, but Jessa wasn't doing something strange for a kid. Don't let bitchy asshole ''adult" Jessa to change your perceptor of normal kid behaviour.

True. She was just a child and still in that selfish "mine" stage, which is completely normal. But - and I realize you agree with this - that doesn't make the situation right. Jana is still hurt by this. It was a year or two ago when she was recalling the story for some conference and she was in tears about it. The woman was in her early twenties and still visibly upset over something that happened to her like 18 years prior. That's what angers me even more about it. All those years later and J'chelle still can't say "hey, I'm sorry. I made a mistake and I was wrong". I always apologize to my children when I screw up. Always. Have we ever seen or heard of a time when JB and/or J'chelle apologized to their kids for a mistake they made??

[whoviana]

True. She was just a child and still in that selfish "mine" stage, which is completely normal. But - and I realize you agree with this - that doesn't make the situation right. Jana is still hurt by this. It was a year or two ago when she was recalling the story for some conference and she was in tears about it. The woman was in her early twenties and still visibly upset over something that happened to her like 18 years prior. That's what angers me even more about it. All those years later and J'chelle still can't say "hey, I'm sorry. I made a mistake and I was wrong". I always apologize to my children when I screw up. Always. Have we ever seen or heard of a time when JB and/or J'chelle apologized to their kids for a mistake they made??

I agree with this to about 90 percent since I don't believe "all kids" go through a "mine!!!" stage that recklessly at their meeker siblings' expense. JB and Bitchelle were total enablers, their allowed blessa to bully her sister and they forced Jana to bribe her and pay protection money. Mafia style parenting at it's finest. They obviously took the side of the bully and their parenting operates like raising animals in the jungle: favoring the fittest ones. They forgot how to human.

[LittleOleMe]

I agree with this to about 90 percent since I don't believe "all kids" go through a "mine!!!" stage that recklessly at their meeker siblings' expense. JB and Bitchelle were total enablers, their allowed blessa to bully her sister and they forced Jana to bribe her and pay protection money. Mafia style parenting at it's finest. They obviously took the side of the bully and their parenting operates like raising animals in the jungle: favoring the fittest ones. They forgot how to human.

All kids go through the mine stage but it doesn't necessarily get to the point of making their older/meeker siblings pay protection money/toys/items/what-have-you. Jessa probably wouldn't have gotten to the bully stage of it if J'chelle and JB had correctly addressed the situation in the beginning. I don't think they took the bully's side so much as they took the easy route. If Jessa had been torturing Jana like that and then Jana turned around and punched her to shut her up and it worked, I doubt J'chelle and JB would have done much of anything about it. But yes, J'chelle and JB enabled Jessa and allowed her to become a bully to Jana. And look how well that turned out! She's a full fledged bitch to everyone who isn't exactly like her. She doesn't care about anyone else's feelings, so she has no empathy at all. She has next to zero interest in wedding planning, which would be fine if she weren't pawning it all off on other people and making everyone else do the work. She clearly loves the attention of the big wedding - and the gifts! - and of TLC and of People and of social media in general. She thrives on the attention and has to do next to nothing to get it. The treasure box incident taught Jessa two things: being a bully gets you want you want and being a bitch gets you attention.

[whoviana]

I think that if we put aside that ten to fifteen percent of what we don't agree upon, we can shake hands and say that we agree that jessa has turned out to be an absolute full blown bitch who went from nursery room bully to a raging people-bashing attention mongering madwoman. I can't wait to see her next outburst, it can't come soon enough.

[LittleOleMe]

I think that if we put aside that ten to fifteen percent of what we don't agree upon, we can shake hands and say that we agree that jessa has turned out to be an absolute full blown bitch who went from nursery room bully to a raging people-bashing attention mongering madwoman. I can't wait to see her next outburst, it can't come soon enough.

Sounds like a plan! :banana-dance:

[whoviana]

Let's dance the celebratory "bitch" dance in Jessa's honor to crown our peace pact, then.

[LittleOleMe]

[bBvideo 560,340:2o7c7vfr]

[/bBvideo]

I reeeeeally hope Jessa and Bin have a little Kyle Benjamin Seewald :lol: