Rules for Dating My Christian Daughter (MERGED)

[LongDogMom]

I'm sorry if this was posted already. I tried searching but couldn't find anything. Does anyone know who this guy is?

Christian Conservative Dad Lists Dating Rules To Stop Your Daughter From Becoming A ‘Slut’

"A video from Christian Nightmares shows a ‘cool’ Christian Dad providing dating rules for his wide-eyed daughter. But under the calm tone of voice, there is a truly horrifying message.

“Going all the way with a guy or girl—what is it? How can you do it? And how can it be fun and enjoyable and not leave you feeling guilty and scarred, reminiscent of a memory you wish you could forget,†says Crazy Christian Dad, helpfully adding (after a really sloppily edited cut) that, “They now endure the taunt of slut.â€

He goes on to give his 7 rules for dating including things like "not defrauding" your date mate and by that he means:

"“I will not try to turn my date on sexuallyâ€, and Christian dad elaborates: “It means inciting sexual lust in your date that cannot be righteously satisfied.â€

And of course...

“5. Both of us will be in agreement and submission to our parents"

If you reject your parents authority, you can inherit every damaging experience possible in your life.â€

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2015/02/25 ... lut-video/

[Four is Enough]

OOOOHHHH... Creepy.

[KittenMitten]

Oh, yes. Daddy is pretty creepy and I HATE his hair and shirt

[eri]

Dads have no place speaking to their daughters about this shit. Always get a trusted female figure to talk to your daughters about sexuality. There is a subtle form of sexual abuse that parents can inflict on their children that has to do with relaying very detailed sexual topics to their children. This is borderline /that./

I love how MRAs are offended by the "Teach men not to rape" phrase, but never ever see the irony of preaching celibate accountability to their daughters.

Teaching men not to rape isn't telling your young son he is a piece of shit predator; it is teaching your young son (AND daughter) to obey the word "no" from ANYONE. Instilling these values in children of any sex is important. But let's not minimize how this kind of upbringing can plant a seed of respect and compassion in our children.

Rapists are raised, not born.

[whoviana]

These daddy dating rules, purity dances with daddy, overly attached daddy to his princess, daddy polishing his shotgun for her daughter's prom comes off as incestuous to me. Not physically, but there is something about it that I cannot express with any other world in the English language but incestuous, since they are faaaar beyond just being overprotective. Icky.

[sockinshoe]

Dads have no place speaking to their daughters about this shit. Always get a trusted female figure to talk to your daughters about sexuality. There is a subtle form of sexual abuse that parents can inflict on their children that has to do with relaying very detailed sexual topics to their children. This is borderline /that./

I love how MRAs are offended by the "Teach men not to rape" phrase, but never ever see the irony of preaching celibate accountability to their daughters.

Teaching men not to rape isn't telling your young son he is a piece of shit predator; it is teaching your young son (AND daughter) to obey the word "no" from ANYONE. Instilling these values in children of any sex is important. But let's not minimize how this kind of upbringing can plant a seed of respect and compassion in our children.

Rapists are raised, not born.

I actually disagree with your first statement (unless I'm missing some context). I think THIS father shouldn't be having this conversation with his daughters (this seems pretty borderline abusive to me, too). And yes, it is usually better/more helpful to get a trusted woman to answer sex-related questions. However, there are many fathers who do a terrific job of educating their daughters about sex. I know both my parents were very frank with me when I was getting educated about sex for the first time (I would have been 9 or 10). There have been countless occasions since then where my father has really come through for me. His relationship/dating advice was: shop around, have fun, be safe. Was he thrilled that his baby girl became a woman, no; but he accepted it and was as helpful as he could be. And I have many friends whose single fathers had to navigate puberty and menstruation and all that fun with their daughters. Unlike sitcom dads, they did a great job and their daughters are just as informed as I was with both parents around.

On the "teach people not to rape" situation: YES. I agree completely. Especially as kids go into sex (statistically, around the age of 16), they're liable to make mistakes to hurt themselves or another. Most 16 y/os know that "no means no", but what they don't know is "sure..whatever" means no, and being wasted means no, and begging/coercing their way into sex is a violation too. I know too many people who were hurt by ignorance or hurt someone else in ignorance. And it doesn't ever fully go away.

[Peas n carrots]

Jesus this is a Christian Nightmare! I'm going to have to go to bed with the lights on tonight.

Lots of slut shaming...I can't say I ever regretted any of my sexual experiences, even with the face palm inducing boyfriends and one night stands. It's a part of life and growth as a human being. I suppose people like this pastor would see me as a slut, but I don't feel the deep shame and regret that he thinks I should be feeling. In fact, he probably would WANT me to feel shame and regret.

As to point of not defrauding...in my experience it doesn't take much to turn on a teenage boy. The girl could be wearing a burqa and the teenage boy hormones would probably go off.

[nelliebelle1197]

How on earth did this dude think this was a good idea? Not just the talk, but taping it so other people could see it?

ETA:

He is a former mega church pastor who led his flock to bankruptcy:

http://www.kctv5.com/story/15396276/ove ... -its-doors

And this video is about 20 years old. I wonder what happened to old Jerry and Danielle.

ETA x2

And here he is today:

jerryjohnston.com/about-me/

[nelliebelle1197]

I actually disagree with your first statement (unless I'm missing some context). I think THIS father shouldn't be having this conversation with his daughters (this seems pretty borderline abusive to me, too). And yes, it is usually better/more helpful to get a trusted woman to answer sex-related questions. However, there are many fathers who do a terrific job of educating their daughters about sex. I know both my parents were very frank with me when I was getting educated about sex for the first time (I would have been 9 or 10). There have been countless occasions since then where my father has really come through for me. His relationship/dating advice was: shop around, have fun, be safe. Was he thrilled that his baby girl became a woman, no; but he accepted it and was as helpful as he could be. And I have many friends whose single fathers had to navigate puberty and menstruation and all that fun with their daughters. Unlike sitcom dads, they did a great job and their daughters are just as informed as I was with both parents around.

On the "teach people not to rape" situation: YES. I agree completely. Especially as kids go into sex (statistically, around the age of 16), they're liable to make mistakes to hurt themselves or another. Most 16 y/os know that "no means no", but what they don't know is "sure..whatever" means no, and being wasted means no, and begging/coercing their way into sex is a violation too. I know too many people who were hurt by ignorance or hurt someone else in ignorance. And it doesn't ever fully go away.

Yes, and it cannot be assumed that every girl has a woman who is the appropriate person. I am helping gay friends navigate this right now. They want to talk to their daughter, not have a woman come in and do it. She is their daughter and this is a milestone.

[thoughtful]

Here's @midnight's take on it, including the quote "He reads like he trained at the Adam West School of Elocution." :lol:

http://www.cc.com/full-episodes/acu3eq/ ... 2-ep-02067

[eri]

I actually disagree with your first statement (unless I'm missing some context). I think THIS father shouldn't be having this conversation with his daughters (this seems pretty borderline abusive to me, too). And yes, it is usually better/more helpful to get a trusted woman to answer sex-related questions. However, there are many fathers who do a terrific job of educating their daughters about sex. I know both my parents were very frank with me when I was getting educated about sex for the first time (I would have been 9 or 10). There have been countless occasions since then where my father has really come through for me. His relationship/dating advice was: shop around, have fun, be safe. Was he thrilled that his baby girl became a woman, no; but he accepted it and was as helpful as he could be. And I have many friends whose single fathers had to navigate puberty and menstruation and all that fun with their daughters. Unlike sitcom dads, they did a great job and their daughters are just as informed as I was with both parents around.

On the "teach people not to rape" situation: YES. I agree completely. Especially as kids go into sex (statistically, around the age of 16), they're liable to make mistakes to hurt themselves or another. Most 16 y/os know that "no means no", but what they don't know is "sure..whatever" means no, and being wasted means no, and begging/coercing their way into sex is a violation too. I know too many people who were hurt by ignorance or hurt someone else in ignorance. And it doesn't ever fully go away.

Single dads often have trouble addressing this issue with their daughters because it does feel awkward and inappropriate for them. Finding a trusted female family member is best, but another trusted woman (for example a longterm babysitter) could do it too.

I am speaking of the intimate details, like heating pads, how to insert a tampon, feelings towards boys, PMS meds, etc. Sure a dad can buy you tampons, but the intimate conversations are not for dads. Dads certainly shouldn't be instructing daughters how to use condoms or take BC.

Would you (if a mother) have a conversation with your son about nocturnal emissions and morning wood? Would that feel appropriate?

[Cats B4 Quivers]

Oh the obsession with a daughter's virginity! My mom super creeped me out growing up when she'd discuss sex with me. Well, discuss isn't the word really, more like natter on awkwardly until she got around to the topic of virginity and how men are disgusting. Then, she was on a roll. Then it went back to awkward. After a while, when she figured out I was tuning her out and mindlessly saying "uh huh", she decided to give me books. Which was interesting because the books never matched her discussion points. I was 10 when I first got my period and she gave a book that taught and celebrated menstruation. My mom's verbal version was "it's hell and a reminder that childbirth is horrible". Although she did want to throw me a party with her friends, with cake. I said no. Then came the a cheerful children's book about where babies come from, that had a lot of drawings of genitalia and celebrating sex as perfectly healthy and wonderful. I already knew about sex because kids talk. My mom's verbal version was "men like this, go figure, but that's how a woman gets pregnant. You just gotta put up with it.". I was totally shocked when my mom gave me a copy of "Our body Ourselves" when I was 15 years old. I'd already read it at the library so it was completely against the grain of my mom's most recent tirade against human sexuality, as in "men are pigs" and "stay clean". It's amazing I'm normal.

[sockinshoe]

Single dads often have trouble addressing this issue with their daughters because it does feel awkward and inappropriate for them. Finding a trusted female family member is best, but another trusted woman (for example a longterm babysitter) could do it too.

I am speaking of the intimate details, like heating pads, how to insert a tampon, feelings towards boys, PMS meds, etc. Sure a dad can buy you tampons, but the intimate conversations are not for dads. Dads certainly shouldn't be instructing daughters how to use condoms or take BC.

Would you (if a mother) have a conversation with your son about nocturnal emissions and morning wood? Would that feel appropriate?

I actually had those conversations with my dad. We did talk about cramps and all that. To be fair, I have PCOS, so my cramps/headaches/backaches were particularly bad and so it was natural that he'd get involved because he was concerned about my health. It was my dad who took me to my first gyno appointment (my mother was out of town) and my father too me to have bloodwork/ultrasounds done when they first suspected PCOS. When they finally did prescribe me birth control pills to control it, my father filled my prescription and was the parent in the doctor's office asking questions. To be honest, I think my dad knows more about my reproductive health than my mom because my mom is the breadwinner and was working a high-stress job when I was going through puberty.

I would have no qualms discussing nocturnal emissions/condoms with a boy (I have no children of my own). I think it's all in how you approach the topic. I think my mother even gave my younger brother the sex talk, and he wasn't warped by it (any more than any other child is warped by the sex talk).

[Trynn]

My mom wanted my dad to give my brother the sex talk. Unfortunately dad didn't really use language my briber could understand.

I found this out the hard way when I found myself trying to explain the way the female reproductive system works* to a child who didn't even know what sex was.

I actually went to my mother and said, you need to tell him, because it's not my job, and dad isn't going to do it. So she did, and I'm told it went much better than when dad tried to.

*I get sick every moth with super bad cramps, and my brother was concerned that I was sick all the time. I think he thought I had cancer or something... I decided I could either tell him the truth or lie and have him find out the truth anyway in a few years. I didn't see a point in option B, so I went for the truth and have never regretted it.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

I actually had those conversations with my dad. We did talk about cramps and all that. To be fair, I have PCOS, so my cramps/headaches/backaches were particularly bad and so it was natural that he'd get involved because he was concerned about my health. It was my dad who took me to my first gyno appointment (my mother was out of town) and my father too me to have bloodwork/ultrasounds done when they first suspected PCOS. When they finally did prescribe me birth control pills to control it, my father filled my prescription and was the parent in the doctor's office asking questions. To be honest, I think my dad knows more about my reproductive health than my mom because my mom is the breadwinner and was working a high-stress job when I was going through puberty.

I would have no qualms discussing nocturnal emissions/condoms with a boy (I have no children of my own). I think it's all in how you approach the topic. I think my mother even gave my younger brother the sex talk, and he wasn't warped by it (any more than any other child is warped by the sex talk).

While I would have died before having those conversations with my dad (I didn't love talking about any of it with my mom either, but I put that on her, since she only gave me a period talk, never a sex talk of any kind), I think it's awesome that you and your dad have such a comfortable relationship. I think it's utter bullshit for anyone to try to state what's right or wrong for others.

It's so normalized for men to find any talk of women's reproductive systems and processes icky and taboo, and that's really sad. No, a dad shouldn't go in the bathroom with his daughter and demonstrate how to insert a tampon or something like that which obviously crosses a line, but talking about it is a far stretch from "wrong." Same for moms and sons re: condoms or whatever.

[salex]

How on earth did this dude think this was a good idea? Not just the talk, but taping it so other people could see it?

ETA:

He is a former mega church pastor who led his flock to bankruptcy:

http://www.kctv5.com/story/15396276/ove ... -its-doors

And this video is about 20 years old. I wonder what happened to old Jerry and Danielle.

ETA x2

And here he is today:

jerryjohnston.com/about-me/

This Guy! OMG... I drive by his former church building (Formerly First Family Church) on the way to work every morning.... it was purchased by the Local school district and the building remodeled last year.

He and his family are/were shysters of the highest order, who a lot of people thought would be major tv stars...and viewed the church as their own piggy bank!

The Rev. Jerry Johnston’s church is a family affair.

Johnston is the senior pastor. His wife, Christie, is “Director of Open Arms & Chesalon Comfort Circles.†Their son, Jeremy, 25, is executive pastor and chief operating officer of media. A son-in-law, Christian Newsome, 29, is associate pastor of family and youth. Their daughter, Danielle Newsome, 27 — Christian’s wife — is contemporary worship leader. Another son-in-law, Luke Cunningham, 21, is pastor of youth ministry for preteen boys, and Luke’s wife, Jenilee Cunningham — the Johnstons’ 21-year-old daughter who married Luke in April — is in charge of youth ministry for girls. Jerry Johnston’s mother, Joyce, is one of the church’s executive secretaries.

As I recall, these were all paid positions. Per Wikipedia

The bank claims the church currently owes $14.4 million on two loans. Part of the bank's filing mentioned the church has a payroll of $915,000 a year, with over $600,000 of that going to the Johnston family.

The Rev. Jerry Johnston refers to himself as “Dr. Jerry,†and the title is prominently displayed on a large sign at First Family Church’s entrance.

But the “degree†that Johnston holds is an honorary Doctor of Divinity degree from the Rev. Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University. He received it May 8, 1998, when he was the speaker for the baccalaureate service, a university spokesman said.

Johnston calls the degree “one of the greatest honors of my life.â€

…

Johnston told The Star he attended Kansas City Christian High School in the 1970s but did not graduate because he spent much of his senior year attending a Bible institute and traveling the country as an evangelist.

He instead earned a general equivalency diploma. Johnston now attends Midwestern Baptist College in Kansas City, where he says he will receive a bachelor’s degree in biblical studies in May.

- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/n ... WrHLe.dpuf

Actually, the story was that he and several family members got their degrees at the same time, taking accelerated classes to finish in record time. (rumor was they just wrote a big check) http://www.bpnews.net/30573

So, he ended up in Tennessee.... good luck to whomever he is scamming now!

[salex]

Where is the daughter now? It appears Jenilee lives in a nearby KS Suburb of KC and her husband (the guy who was the youth minister for a preteen boys at the church of dad) seems to work in marketing for an apparently secular marketing firm.

The Other daughter, Danielle, and her husband Christian Newsome are ministers at a church in a Missouri suburb (of KC) takethejourney.cc/

[constantgardener]

I actually had those conversations with my dad. We did talk about cramps and all that. To be fair, I have PCOS, so my cramps/headaches/backaches were particularly bad and so it was natural that he'd get involved because he was concerned about my health. It was my dad who took me to my first gyno appointment (my mother was out of town) and my father too me to have bloodwork/ultrasounds done when they first suspected PCOS. When they finally did prescribe me birth control pills to control it, my father filled my prescription and was the parent in the doctor's office asking questions. To be honest, I think my dad knows more about my reproductive health than my mom because my mom is the breadwinner and was working a high-stress job when I was going through puberty.

I would have no qualms discussing nocturnal emissions/condoms with a boy (I have no children of my own). I think it's all in how you approach the topic. I think my mother even gave my younger brother the sex talk, and he wasn't warped by it (any more than any other child is warped by the sex talk).

I am the mother of 2 boys (9 and 11) and they have no hesitation asking me about these topics. Their father and I have always been very open with them about sex and their bodies and although I might feel a bit embarrassed sometimes I try not to show it and just be really matter of fact because I don't want them to ever think they need to hide things from me. I would rather talk to them about, say, masturbation than them get the wrong information from friends.

[Arete]

I was raised by a single dad who had daughters only. He made sure we had age appropriate information and that we knew we could ask him things and he would get us answers. He arranged that we could go to my one aunt about issues that he considered out of his depth like the whole tampon vs pad debate and how to decide which to use, but for other questions he was great at being able to relay info with minimum awkward. He took us to our first appointments and made sure we were never without supplies to prevent STDS and pregnancies. Hell, we went to him for guy advice. Fathers can teach their daughters, and mothers can teach their sons.

Me: "Dad, my cramps are getting so bad I can't function 2 days a month"

Dad: "OK, I want you to make an appointment for ASAP with the doctor. Let's go in and get you checked out, and hopefully he will be able to put you on BC that will help."

He did not need to be a woman to get me to the doctor to get me help, and there was nothing I found icky about discussing cramps with him. Why? Because I knew he was not going to get grossed out or have some other childish or prudish reaction to one of his kids mentioning something to do with the reproductive system.

[whoviana]

AreteJo, you have an amazing father.

[Arete]

AreteJo, you have an amazing father.

I had an amazing dad. :( He died a few years ago, and we all still miss him terribly. I can't imagine how we would have turned out had we been raised by a man like the religious crackpots we discuss here.

[Walking Cat Bed]

And then there were my parents...The Talk was a quick "don't have sex until you're married because you'll be a slut and get pregnant and have diseases". And if I needed pads (especially before I had a job), Mom would grab whatever was on sale (regardless of whether it was the right thing -- we ended up with an enormous amount of pantyliners because she assumed that I didn't need regular pads and tampons were off-limits) unless I was with them -- then whichever parent would hand me $10 and tell me to get them myself (and give the change back to them). Of course, this was before *I* knew exactly what I needed, so again...lots of the first thing I could find.

Dating? Ha. Dating wasn't an option because all boys are perverts (Dad's words).

[nokidsmom]

And then there were my parents...The Talk was a quick "don't have sex until you're married because you'll be a slut and get pregnant and have diseases". And if I needed pads (especially before I had a job), Mom would grab whatever was on sale (regardless of whether it was the right thing -- we ended up with an enormous amount of pantyliners because she assumed that I didn't need regular pads and tampons were off-limits) unless I was with them -- then whichever parent would hand me $10 and tell me to get them myself (and give the change back to them). Of course, this was before *I* knew exactly what I needed, so again...lots of the first thing I could find.

Dating? Ha. Dating wasn't an option because all boys are perverts (Dad's words).

The quick talk and whatever pads were available were part of my upbringing. Got a lot of grief for going through pads like crazy due to heavy flow, was glad to get my own when I started working. Mom was iffy on tampons, don't know why.

Dating? Was allowed to date but not until 16 and the guy had to meet Dad; I was not allowed to go out until the guy came up to the door on the date and met Dad. Some guys were ok or put up with it because it was what they had to do with go out with me, but in the case of dates where it was more friends only, it never lasted long because guy would be thinking WTF? This is supposed to be just friends yet this gal's dad is treating me as someone who might be up to something. So the friends only dating never went far.

[Toothfairy]

My husband talks to our girls about these things. He also buys pads and tampons for them. This dad however is just gross.

[Arete]

My dad got some serious stink eye more than once in the feminine supplies aisle of the supermarket for being there and reading boxes of pads/tampons against the list he had from us. We all had different preferences so you would have this gorilla sized man in reading glasses in the trying to make sure he was getting the right stuff, and a woman or two keeping an eye on the perv. :lol: