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So, if you were invited to a Duggar wedding


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MoonFace

what would you give as a wedding gift?

 

I mean as a real guest/friend of the family.

 

In some areas it is customary to give a gift that would cover the cost of the guests' food at the reception, plus more so that the couple 'makes a bit of profit'. (Or is this just a New York area thing?)

 

Anyway, what would you give as a gift?

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For any wedding I give cash/check. I was always "taught" that you give presents at the shower, cash/check at the wedding. My go-to amount is $100- if it's just me, or me and my husband attending. I'd bump it up to $200 if my family of 5 was going.

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Never heard of the makung a profit thing. I can't stand church weddings I would hope they dont require church attendance xD. I usually base presents on what the newly weds like, or often it is money decorated in a way that they can relate to. Traditionally weddings here are paid for by the father of the bride, but that doesnt mean it is always like that anymore. (My brother got a record sleeve of dark side of the moon, inside with a record that had money stuck to it, as "money" is a popular track of Pink Floyd, and we both like them)

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ILoveJellybeans

I would get them something on their registry, but not something stupid. No guns or weapons, I would feel weird giving them soda or something cheap, Just something average that they registered for, that they would need in their new house.

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A copy of "taking charge of your fertility" and a basal thermometer.

Thats a great choice, although ir might be a bit embarassing in public xD

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In some areas it is customary to give a gift that would cover the cost of the guests' food at the reception, plus more so that the couple 'makes a bit of profit'. (Or is this just a New York area thing?)

So for Duggar weddings, $5 should cover it.

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For me, I base how much to spend pretty much exclusively on how well I know (and like) them. I don't really care if they spend $50,000 or $1,000 on their wedding...I give them what I want to give and can afford. I try to be generous with gifts but I really can't bring myself to feel obligated to make some kind of estimate for how much they're paying per head and make sure my gift lines up with that. That seems kind of over the top.

If it's a close friend, I'd probably spend $150-200 for a gift from me and my SO. If both of us are close to the couple, maybe $250 together. I would probably go as low as $30ish for a wedding of someone I don't know that well, like an old family friend I haven't talked to in years, or a third cousin's sixth wedding...

I don't know what I'd give the Duggars. One-way Greyhound ticket for their escape?

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19 cats and counting

I'm from NY and I've heard the cover your plate thing before. It seems to be an Italian thing (I grew up in a heavily Italian community) and it makes me thank my lucky stars that I'm not Italian.

If I give $$$, I give based on how close I am to the couple (or one of them). I'd give a close friend more than a co-worker, etc regardless of what the wedding costs. For my sister's wedding (the last I went to), I gave a scrapbooking kit for the shower and a colander for the wedding. I already spent enough on the dress, shoes, hair, makeup, etc and the last thing I was going to do was shell out more $$ (although the colander was $50).

As for a Duggar wedding, something off the registry and a few healthy recipes using produce that is not canned (some personal favorites and ethnic dishes I like--- I doubt they make Thai fried rice at the TTH). And the registry item would be a traditional household good, not an iPad, gun, Dr. Pepper, etc.

ETA I would throw in a box of Trojans.

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19 cats and counting

Ok the truly evil side of me would give them condoms, a stripper session for him/Chippendales session for her, sex toys (to stimulate non missionary sex), and some erotic books and movies.

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catlady

my go-to gift is a cut-crystal vase or dish, filled with Hershey Kisses. if i'm very close to the couple, I will do a few matching pieces. if I were invited to a Duggar wedding, i'd still give that.

I have always had issues with registries ("come to my wedding, and buy me one of these things," cereal/soda/glue on the Duggar ones), and crystal blends in with a lot of decorating styles.

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Something modest that wouldn't break my finances is what I get people. What that is depends on if the couple's combining households, has already been living together with an established household, or are moving out of their families' homes and into their own for the first time. People moving out of their parents' place won't have much to start with, and established couples probably don't need much, and I'm not about to find skydiving lessons and XBoxes. And I also consider if the couple's known each other a while, or met last month and are having a wedding next month. You may think it's not my business, but if you're wanting money or gifts from me, then the circumstances become my financial business. Too many times I've bought gifts for quick marriages where divorces were filed before the first anniversary.

And I never buy anything fancier than I'd get myself. I'm not going to buy some extra special Egyptian cotton sheets with a 1200TC for $150 if I wouldn't spend more than a third of that on my own sheets, and I do also consider if I have to travel. If me traveling to your wedding when I can't afford to travel for pleasure isn't enough, then you don't deserve anything, even me bring there.

I don't buy into the bullshit about making sure a couple profits off a wedding. If I'm expected to cover the cost of my attendance and a bit on top for profit, then just sell tickets to get in and call it a day. If you don't sell tickets, then it's your party, you pay for it.

I'm on the militant end that if you're getting married and are relying on gifts to get you by, you need to rethink the wedding you're having and if that's a good use of funds, or if you should make things simpler, and if you're wanting to profit off your friends, rethink your friendships. I abided by this for my own wedding. My husband and I are adults and didn't expect our family and friends to support us, and scaled back our wedding to make sure we could afford all we needed on our own, then had a no-gifts policy we were serious about, and made sure to verbally enforce to everyone. We believed, and still do, that guests are doing the couple a favor just by being there, and shouldn't feel obligated to take on a big expense, especially when the economy still sucks.

I detest how much weddings have become as much or more about the gifts, and how it's become so clear that if you can't afford a gift, either go hungry to save the money, or don't go at all.

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SportsgalAnnie

A gift basket based on the couples needs/interests. Or a theme like date night in (Brownie/cookie mix, Popcorn, playing cards ect)

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RosyDaisy

I would put the invitation in the shredder and put the pieces in the feline headships litter box. No way in hell would I attend a Duggar wedding or send a wedding present

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BrownieMomma

Every time I see the title of this thread, I think the same thing so I'm going to say it.

If I was invited to a Duggar wedding, I would receive that as a thinly veiled request for me to volunteer to work, to not even have a seat to sit on during the reception, and to be sure to bring substantial snacks.

Also, I would need to be mentally prepared, for some Duggar brides, to ooh and aah over her dress, how beautiful she looks, then be completely grossed out at the sight of dirty feet as opposed to a really beautiful pair of shoes.

I know I would be expected to pony up a lot of money for a gift then cash to throw at the bridal couple, even though the bride's family makes more in one year than I will make in.. a lifetime?

They will cheap out on me but they will expect me to spend handsomely on them.

Therefore, I would avoid the whole circus and that grab-disguised-as-an-invitation would go straight to the trash. Or probably, deleted. Or declined to join an event on FB.

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I'd go out of curiosity and give them my standard gift of a $30 WalMart gift certificate.

This family makes millions of dollars, they promote items they want to own (IE iPhones, the harps, pianos, interior decorating services, etc), TLC built the TTH, and they support how many people who don't have regular job?

When I got married, we were combining 2 households. We didn't need anything and actually had to get rid of quite a bit. Together we made a nice income. Then, we had a destination wedding. I certainly didn't expect nor want any gifts.

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I've been to lots of "cake and punch" type church weddings over the years, often for very young couples who haven't known each other long. These often strike me as "gift grabs" - they want to have legally sanctioned s3x, they don't have a pot to pi$$ in, and they invite everyone they or their parents have ever met, ever, in order to maximize the haul.

For that, I get sensibly priced practical gifts. Basic walmart towels, a blender, etc. Functional things that don't cost a lot. I'm not usually a fan of the "cover your plate" approach, but if you're going to ask me to bring a gift and stand around a parking lot with only melted root beer floats for refreshment, then that tells me what you

really think of me.

For a couple I know well, who seem to be approaching marriage in a more mature manner, I get something nicer - something nice from their registry or a check. If I feel like they included me for the pleasure of my company I tend to be a little more generous.

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SassyPants

Something off their registry- something, practical, [not a gun or Kayak]. Bathroom towels probably. You can never have enough towels.

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Tradition in my family and ethnic background (and where we live), is that you give money. If I go to a shower I will give a gift off of the registry, but, for the wedding, it's a check inside a card and the amount is based on how well we know the couple or if they are family, etc..

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KittenMitten

Ok, I'll bite. First off, I agree with RosyDaisy using invitation for litter box or perhaps firestater.

I was given a Dobson book on raising boys. It horrified me. Anyway, I would give them two books. One for raising girls and how to enable them to be confident and strong. I have a wonderful book called The Wonder of Boys, by Michael Gurian, which helped me understand boys better. I would like that they could think there are other ways to raise children. I think I would also give them a good bottle of wine. Perhaps it would be wasted on them. I see them drinking wine coolers.

If I were heavily medicated I would go to the church wedding. I mean very heavily medicated. I think otherwise I would have a panic attack. If I had some friends or other people from FJ, I would enjoy the reception. I love weddings.

I have to say that I was barefoot at my wedding :embarrassed: Our wedding was on 4th of July outside, on the grass, next to a lake. We had a picnic of chicken and sandwiches and other stuff I don't remember. We had wine and a keg of local beer. Then we had strawberry shortcake for dessert. We camped and swam and instead of our first dance we had our first canoe ride as a married couple. Sorry for wandering off. I loved my wedding. Anyway, that's why I was barefoot, but did have flats if necessary. I hope the brides wore shoes in church. Did they?

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SassyPants
Ok, I'll bite. First off, I agree with RosyDaisy using invitation for litter box or perhaps firestater.

I was given a Dobson book on raising boys. It horrified me. Anyway, I would give them two books. One for raising girls and how to enable them to be confident and strong. I have a wonderful book called The Wonder of Boys, by Michael Gurian, which helped me understand boys better. I would like that they could think there are other ways to raise children. I think I would also give them a good bottle of wine. Perhaps it would be wasted on them. I see them drinking wine coolers.

If I were heavily medicated I would go to the church wedding. I mean very heavily medicated. I think otherwise I would have a panic attack. If I had some friends or other people from FJ, I would enjoy the reception. I love weddings.

I have to say that I was barefoot at my wedding :embarrassed: Our wedding was on 4th of July outside, on the grass, next to a lake. We had a picnic of chicken and sandwiches and other stuff I don't remember. We had wine and a keg of local beer. Then we had strawberry shortcake for dessert. We camped and swam and instead of our first dance we had our first canoe ride as a married couple. Sorry for wandering off. I loved my wedding. Anyway, that's why I was barefoot, but did have flats if necessary. I hope the brides wore shoes in church. Did they?

Jill did not wear shoes in the church.

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Jill did not wear shoes in the church.

and to my knowledge she didn't dance - just imagine if they did and he stepped on her toes

:D

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KittenMitten

Is that normal, to not wear shoes in church? Is it perhaps a southern thing? To me, it seems so disrespectful and I'm an ebil atheist.

Yeah, well. I have danced at many a reception barefoot, although wearing shoes in the church of course. I've had my share of bruised toes. That's why one hopes for a full bar and a DD.

I guess there was no lake to canoe on after they were declared husband and wife. They did say that, right? Not man and wife.

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